


Corruption and Redemption

by Skavvie



Series: Corruption and Redemption [1]
Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Human, Blood and Injury, Character Death, Dream Sequence Gore, Family Feels, Fluff, Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Major Character Injury, Original Character(s), POV First Person, Past Child Abuse, Rape/Non-con Elements, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-15
Updated: 2017-06-24
Packaged: 2018-10-05 17:01:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 37
Words: 176,037
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10312946
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skavvie/pseuds/Skavvie
Summary: (I really suck at summaries I'm sorry)Rose Quartz-Universe and her husband Greg believe there is good to be found in everyone and are raising their son Steven to have that same view. When they were approached by a representative from Delmarva Youth Corrections, a juvenile detention center that Rose volunteers at, and asked to be part of an experimental rehabilitation program they jump on the chance. A few signatures later and they find themselves responsible for the well being of six female troubled youths.Cross posted from my Fanfiction.net account with a few edits and tweaks





	1. Troubled Night

Corrupted gems, that's what they liked to call us. Kids with great potential who "just made bad choices." I call bullshit on that. Potential we may have had but choice, not likely. Of course thinking that sort of thing or, heaven forbid, saying it out loud is just me trying to shift the blame onto someone else. The shrink in group would just tell me that I need to take responsibility for the poor choices I made. No one forced me to run away from home with a backpack full of my dad's best coke. There wasn't some guy with a gun pressed to my head making me beat up that lady and steal her purse so I could have something to eat on that second night. I wasn't forced to become a thief and a dealer under threat of death, at least not verbally. Nope, I chose to do all of those things because at the time I thought anything was better than being home watching dad get drunk and use mom as a punching bag again.

I was 11 when I stopped going to school, 12 when I ran away from the tiny apartment that I lived in but was never a home. Before that happened everyone thought that I was just a normal kid who was a bit shy. I went to school, did well in my classes, and even won a few scholastic awards for English and reading comprehension. If anyone noticed the bruises they never commented beyond saying shit like "you should be more careful". I was never questioned about my black eyes even though it was obvious they weren't from playing. The guidance counselor didn't pull me in for a "special meeting" when I missed three days of school only to return with my arm in a cast. Everyone just kept their heads down and ignored it because they weren't paid enough to give a fuck.

The rusting of cloth pulls me out of my bitter trip down memory lane and back to the twin bed I was lying in. In the hazy moonlight filtering in through the barn window I see a figure hovering nervously near the edge of my bed. Though the light is uncertain I catch a glimpse of blue hair and my posture eases, it's just Lapis. "Hey", I whisper not wanting to disturb the others who were still sound asleep, "Are you okay?" She freezes like a deer caught in headlights I guess she wasn't expecting me to be awake or some shit. As if anyone could sleep with Jasper snoring like a bear on the other side of the room. Seriously that meathead could cure the deaf.

"Not really", Lapis answers in her soft voice, "I'm pretty far from being okay." Even though I can't see any of the details of her face I can tell she's been crying. Her tone has that weird raspy edge to it that only seems to happen when your throat is trying to close. Hesitantly she drew closer until her palm was resting flat on the mattress, "Is it okay if I lay here for a bit? I just", She trails off with a choked sob. Like an idiot I nod before promptly realizing she probably can't see it. Instead I pat the space next to me and shift over a bit so there's more room. Lapis climbs in hesitantly like she's expecting me to change my mind at any second. I wouldn't do that though, that would be a seriously dick move. I do roll over so I can watch her settle in to the grey sheets. Twin beds aren't exactly made for multiple sleepers but we make due. This wasn't the first time we've shared my bunk and probably wouldn't be the last given how prone we both are to nightmares. 

Slowly I reached out and put my hand on her shoulder squeezing lightly to let her know I was listening. Lapis is a lot like me, I don't know the particulars of her story but I know enough to recognize quick movements as a bad thing. Despite my sedate pace she still flinches and for a moment I fear she'll pull away or slug me. Instead she surges forward, wrapping her arms around my waist and tucking her head under my chin. The closeness makes me uncomfortable in the beginning but I keep still and let her do it. She needs someone right now and who am I to let a little bit of anxiety deny her? For a while neither of us talks, her because she's fighting sobs and me because I don't really know what to say. The folks who run this thing are better at this kind of stuff. They're the ones always talking about not bottling up your feelings and how it's okay to need comfort. It's really weird how understanding they are.

Rose and Greg Quartz-Universe own and run the farm where myself, Lapis, and four other "corrupted gems" live and work. It's a new program set up by the state to "rehabilitate troubled youths through hard work and positive reinforcement." Personally I think the big wigs in charge of the juvenile detention system are hoping we run away or get killed so they don't have to deal with us anymore. To their credit the Universes seem to actually care about us unlike the asshole assigned to our case. The lady, Rose, is always making sure we're staying hydrated and eating regularly. She greets us every morning with a huge smile on her face that could easily replace the sun. Greg, her husband, is some kind of retired musician who was so into his career that he actually changed his last name for it. On days when he's not in town working at his car wash he hangs out with us and busts out some killer albums on his record player. They have a kid too, around ten or eleven I think, named Steven. I've only seen him a few times since he was going to school when we first got here but he seems really cool. He has his mom's giant smile and his dad's overenthusiastic approach to everything. I truly hope life doesn't smack this joy right out of him like it does to everyone else.

My calloused fingers run through Lapis' fluffy blue hair in an attempt to comfort her. Like I said earlier I'm really bad at that sort of stuff. Spending a quarter of your life in the hell that is the juvenile detention system kind of kills your ability to empathize with people. Behind those bars showing any kind of weakness immediately shoves you to the bottom of the food chain. Scared kids are dehumanized and made into mindless meat bags in a way that even the glorious American educational system can't hope to duplicate. Still my efforts seem to be doing something because Lapis' ragged breathing evens out and she releases her death grip on my back. "Better now?" I ask with a smile even though I don't think she can see it. My fingers never stop moving through her hair rubbing slowly along the back of her ears with every stroke. Every time we come in contact with each other I'm always amazed at how warm Lapis is. Her skin radiates heat like one of those plug in therapy pads doctors give you when you pull a muscle. Compared to her I tend to fall on the colder side of the temperature spectrum. For all I know it's a result of my body adapting to four years in a concrete building without heat or air conditioning. 

"Yeah", She sighs softly and I can feel her breath tickling the side of my neck, "better. Thanks, I'm sorry for all this, I don't really know what was up just then. One minute everything's cool and I'm about to doze off and the next I'm freaking out and can't get enough air. Fuck I probably woke you up", She starts to pull away but I don't let her. My arm shifts from her shoulders to her middle and I hold on tight enough to keep her mostly still. Whether she wants to admit it or not she needs the closeness she wouldn't have climbed into bed with me if she didn't. Words don't really work for Lapis, at least not the version of her that I've come to know. Action was her style whether that meant a pat on the back for doing a good job or a fist just depended on her mood. She's not a bad person, not really, but she feels everything in a way that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. Feelings are heightened for her so she tends to go off the deep end a bit when things get too intense. Like when one of the cows gave birth she sobbed for like an hour because she was so happy. I'm pretty much the complete opposite 90% of the time I'm numb, the other 10% I'm angry it's just how I am. Emotions are hard so my brain just channels everything into rage by default.

"You didn't wake me up", I mumble into the top of her head, "I was already awake so don't even worry about it. Now c'mon it's like midnight and we gotta be up in a few hours to meet some state douche. Greg mentioned something about getting the roof fixed up so we don't get a shower every time it rains. I think he's bringing Steven along", Any mention of Steven is usually enough to get Lapis to smile. That kid just has this way about him that makes it impossible to not like him. Even I'm charmed by his horrible puns and the silly songs he plays on his ukulele. Kid is like some kind of mood altering alien or super adorable internet kitten that you can't help but be enamored by.

My grip on Lapis eases after a few seconds of her struggling but she doesn't pull away. We just lay there for a while enjoying the closeness letting our breathing fall into sync. Crickets chirp happily outside our window and a few frogs croak in the distance. Things are peaceful out here in the country unlike the city I grew up in. All good things must come to an end however. In this case the end is Jasper doing her best grizzly bear impersonation in her sleep. Lapis just chuckles and the two of us settle into a companionable silence until we drifted off.


	2. The Visit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which we get to meet our cast of corrupted gems and learn a bit more about them from the narrator's perspective

The next morning found the six of us lined up outside of the barn for inspection. Every few weeks some pencil pusher from the state comes out to check on our well being at the barn. So instead of enjoying a good, albeit slightly burnt, breakfast we gotta stand around like idiots while someone goes through our stuff looking for contraband. Next to me Lapis was staring straight ahead like she was trying to pretend she wasn't there. A lot of us hated disruptions in our routines but Lapis usually took it the hardest. Suppose it has something to do with how intensely she feels everything, of course she might just be tired, what do I know I'm not a shrink.

On Lapis' other side Jasper shuffled her feet nervously in the slightly sun scorched grass. Now I'm not exactly short, at 5'7 one could even consider me somewhat tall, but compared to Jasper or her cousin Malachite I look like a grade schooler. Both of them easily top the six foot mark and keep going it was kind of unreal. Jasper is tan with a wild mane of blonde hair that goes nearly to her waist. Weird white stripes randomly crisscross her skin most on the left side but also across her nose and right bicep. They make her look like some kind of feral animal or primitive tribal warrior. The fact that her mouth always seems to be set in a snarl only adds to that comparison. My best educated guess is that she got mocked a lot for her messed up skin. It explains why she spends so much time working out and why she seems permanently pissed off. Her shitty attitude towards everything rubs me the wrong way more often than not. Not going to lie we've had our fair share of fist fights and petty squabbles. Most of them were over the fact that she liked making nasty comments towards Lapis. Bitch hits like a fucking hammer but she's slow until she warms up. After I broke her nose and shoved her in cow shit she stopped messing with me for a few days. Once and a while I would still catch her and Lapis in the middle of a heated whisper conversation. Whatever their history was it didn't seem to be a happy one given how pissed Lapis looked after their little talks. 

Of course thinking about Jasper makes my eyes drift to the end of the row where Malachite stood. In a lot of ways the manner in which she carried herself was her cousin's opposite. Where Jasper was loud and cocky to the point of being fucking annoying Malachite was mostly quite and seemed to hunch in on herself when eyes were on her. Her bottle dyed blonde hair was damn near white at the tips though it was getting dark at the roots showing its natural brown. Unlike Jasper, who was pretty much all muscle, Mal was bordering on painfully skinny. Her arms and legs are covered in scars that I would bet my last dime were self inflicted. I've seen her eyeing Greg's power tools with an almost reverent look in her acid colored eyes. On the few occasions that I've gotten a good look at her I made note of the circular scars around her wrists that looked like cuff marks. She was a serious fucking asshole although I'm probably more than a bit biased. I caught her trying to shove her hand down Lapis' pants once and tried to break her fucking arm. As far as I'm concerned Lapis is mine and no one fucks with my stuff without my permission.

Bet you think that sentiment makes me sound like a real dick doesn't it? That's fine, I never claimed to be anything close to a good person let alone a perfect one. Just because I'm not a rapist like Malachite or a bully like Jasper doesn't mean I'm a saint. I learned how to portion out baggies of cocaine before I could write a full paragraph. By the time I was in middle school I was bringing home close to a grand a week from deals. Never got to keep any of that thanks to dad and his friends that he made me call uncle. My teachers never said anything, hell half of them were regular buyers so ratting me out would take them down with me. Once I ran away from home I tried dealing on my own with the goods I had stolen,bad call. Blood shared between you doesn't mean shit when you're cutting into a drug dealer's business. I was on my own an impressive four days before dad showed up to beat the ever loving fuck out of me. He fled when the sirens started but not before planting a gun on me to guarantee I'd end up in lock up. When all was said and done they not only booked me for having drugs but also for intended violence against the police.

On Malachite's left side was a tiny firecracker of a girl who introduced herself as Ruby. Tiny isn't even a fucking understatement, there's no way she's taller than five foot. Hell a good six inches of that is her hair which she keeps in a perfectly sculpted afro. What she lacked in size she more than made up for with her gunpowder temperament. For Ruby the slightest disruption was all the justification she needed to fly into an all out rage. The reddish brown hue of her skin was practically crimson on her face at all times. Her brown eyes were the color of rich hot coco and they were large and expressive. Despite barely being chest high Ruby had a good amount of muscle on her, a fact she loved to show off by wearing sleeveless shirts. 

Slouching between Jasper and Ruby was another shorty, Amethyst, who was the picture of nonchalance. White hair, streaked liberally with bands of purple, fell down damn near touching the ground. Her shoulders were wide as were her hips, lips, and thighs; if forced to describe her in one word I'd be torn between strong and thick. Granted she had a bit of a pronounced stomach but there's no way all of that was fat. Our first night with the Universes she and Ruby got into a tussle and she put the raging girl in a twenty minute headlock. A button nose and round cheeks, all covered in brown skin, gave her a look much younger than her 16 years. 

A familiar blob of pink in the distance forced my thoughts back into the present. Rose Quartz-Universe was a woman pushing 40 with a body that made other women her age green with envy. She wasn't exactly skinny but anyone who says you need to be a twig to be pretty has never seen this woman's curves. Her large dark brown eyes always shined with joy at all hours of the day or night. Today her curly pink hair was piled on top of her head and secured with a few pins to keep her bangs out of her face. "Good morning everyone", She practically sang in greeting, "I hoped you slept well." She was in her usual flowing ankle length white dress adored with a yellow star on the stomach. "I have someone who wants to see you," Rose's bulk pretty much hid the tiny man in his business suit that trailed behind her.

He stopped in front of us and pushed his wire framed glasses further up his beak like nose. A brown comb over did nothing to hide the giant bald spot on the top of his head. Nervous little hands smoothed down the front of his grey suit as he watched us. "Hello again everyone, for those of you who do not remember me from our initial introductions my name is Mr. Higgins. I was just speaking to your charming caretaker about how the Change Through Growth program is working but I'd like to speak to each of you to get your thoughts. How about we start with", He consulted the small notepad I hadn't noticed him pulling from his jacket's inside pocket, "Miss Barrows?" Jasper and Malachite both raised an eyebrow at him neither of them moving. Awkward silence filled the air before Mr. Higgins looked back at his notepad and blushed. "Ah, my mistake, I see that there are two of you hmm let's start with Jasper", and so it began.

One by one everyone was led into the barn by Mr. Higgins and grilled about life out on the Universe farm. From where I was standing, out near the gravel driveway, I couldn't really hear what questions were being asked. Must have been pretty rough though because Lapis looked like she was going to be sick when she came to get me. "You're up Wulfie", She called pointing to the barn with the hand that wasn't tangled in her black crop top. I put on my trademark scowl and slouched off towards the slightly opened door. "Be sure to stay on your toes", Lapis whispered, "This guy is seriously fucking creepy. Like I don't know what his deal is but he looks like he wants to eat your soul".

"Good thing I don't have one then", I chuckled at my own twisted bit of humor, "Sold it off for my killer good looks." The bad joke was accompanied by dual finger guns and a horrible attempt at an eyebrow wiggle. Lapis responded with a watery chuckle and a light shove in the direction of the barn. "Alright alright don't get your panties in a twist", I walked away taking my time to enjoy the feeling of warm grass on my feet. Any chance I could get away with it I'd happily forego shoes in exchange for going barefoot. Taking a deep breath I pulled open the heavy wooden doors, ready to see what this pencil pusher wanted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 125 hits in just one day by the gods! Thanks to everyone for the comments, kudos, and bookmarks. I know these first couple of chapters are a bit slow but I want you to get a feel for the characters before we dive into the story.


	3. Real Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mr. Higgins discusses new plans for the future of the gems

Fixing my scowl firmly back in place I make my way over to the barn door and pulled it open. Inside was Mr. Higgins sitting on a folding chair in the center of the room. Greg or Rose must've brought it in for him because the chair definitely didn't belong. All the real furniture in the barn was bolted down so we couldn't use it to hurt each other. This was definitely a good idea given both Jasper and Ruby's hair trigger tempers. Three sets of bunk beds were secured to the wall to the right of the door. Between each bed were two three shelf organizer things where we kept our clothes. In true Universe fashion, probably at Steven's suggestion, each shelf was painted a different color to represent its owner. Lapis' shelf was blue, Jasper's was yellow, Malachite's was green, Ruby's was red, Amethyst's was purple, and mine was orange. I've said it before and I'll say it again, the folks who own this place are good people. Even though we're all just a bunch of delinquents they try really hard to make us feel welcome. Even though they didn't have to they still treated all of us like we were members of their family.

Higgins' presence ruined that air of homeyness the Universes had worked so hard to set up. He was completely out of place in his uptight grey suit, sitting ramrod straight, and holding his clipboard like he was Heimdall himself ready to judge anyone attempting to pass. The close lipped smile he gave me as I sat in the beanbag chair across from him was nothing short of predatory, think Scar convincing Simba to check out the elephant graveyard. Yeah I just used a Disney movie as an analogy and no I'm not sorry about it Disney is awesome. "Ah, and last but not least we have Miss Everburn", He made a little tick on his clipboard. "Before we start I want to assure you that none of you have done anything wrong. In fact we are all very pleased with the progress all of you have made in such a short amount of time." He gave me what I think was supposed to be a friendly smile, "So tell me Wulfenite how are you?" I decided right away that I neither like nor trusted his tone. It was that fake smooth one that adults use when they're trying to convince you that they're your friend and on your side. I've heard that tone more in the last four years than I ever did outside of lock up. Like a stupid kid I fell for it a lot at first but caught on pretty quick that in the end folks in a suit were just out to sell you something or screw you over.

Now one thing I need to make clear right off the bat, I can't fucking stand liars. I've spent a majority of my life on the receiving end of lies and false hope and I won't cotton to that shit anymore. I have absolutely zero respect for fake people. Lawyers are the scum of the Earth, preachers are nothing but fucking hypocrites, and social workers; well I'm sure you get the gist of what I'm saying here. 

Unlike Higgins I didn't bother faking a smile when I answered his question. My raspy voice was full of its usual blend of bitterness and contempt and I make sure to drive those sentiments home by deepening my scowl. "With all due respect I was fine until you showed up and started wasting my time. I thought you bureaucratic suits were all about making sure we all stayed on routine. Something about order being the miracle cure to all of our poor life choices or some shit." Maybe I was laying on the angst a bit thick but I didn't want this guy laboring under any delusions that I was falling for his bullshit. I felt a little surge of triumph when he dispensed with his smile. Important life lesson number one; any victory, no matter how small, is still a victory. Take pride in everything you manage to accomplish even if it's just throwing off some smug bastard's day.

"Now now Miss Everburn there's no need for you be so hostile. I only want to ask you a few things then you can go back to what you were doing", Higgins spoke like he was addressing a two year old having a tantrum. Yeah I was really not liking this guy's superiority complex; if he was hoping to build a connection with me he was failing miserably. My tanned hands dug into the yielding fabric of the overstuffed black beanbag I was sitting in. Normally I kept my hands in my pockets but state officials always seemed to think it was because I was hiding a weapon. I can only stand being strip searched so many times before the novelty wears off. Glowering like a champ I incline my head in a way that I hope conveys the message of get on with it then. He lowers his eyes back to his clipboard and clears his throat. "You were incarcerated four years ago, just after your twelfth birthday, correct?" I nod an affirmative and he continued his questioning. "My records indicate that you were initially detained for possession of a controlled substance with intention to distribute and possession of a firearm; Is that also correct?" Again I confirmed with a nod still wondering what the point of all this was. If he wanted my rap sheet all he needed to do was look at my file. Hell he already had my fucking file given what he was asking. Abruptly the line of his questioning changed, "How do you feel your time with the Universes has treated you?"

Motherfucker I actually had to answer him; secretly I had been hoping all of this bullshit could be resolved with me nodding and him looking at his stupid paper. "Things are pretty good here", I answered pausing for a second to make up for my unsightly voice crack. "I like working outside with Greg fixing up the barn and taking care of the animals and stuff. He's a good guy", Even to me the words sounded awkward and stilted like English wasn't my first language. Communication is a funny thing. even though I knew what all the words meat it was hard for me to put them together right if I didn't talk for a while. What am I supposed to say though, that I'm happy? Can you really be considered happy if you still look at every object within reach and calculate how to use it as a weapon if necessary? Is happiness protecting someone because you think of them as belonging to you and it's your responsibility to take care of your things? See, times like this are why I like to stay numb. Numbness eliminates the need for awareness and self reflection. Realizing Higgins was still looking at me expectantly I continued. "Rose is a nice lady. She's been showing me how to tend a garden and helping me get along with the others. Their kid is great too, his name is Steven, he wants to be a rock star when he grows up."

"So it seems to me that controlled interaction with others is having a positive effect on your behavior." Higgins' smug expression was back in place as he consulted his notes. "Since coming to the farm the frequency of your violent outbursts has decreased dramatically. Our reports also show that you are doing well with your correspondence studies. In fact it says here that you've finally caught up to the appropriate academic level for your age. That combined with your improved behavior is a very good indication that this program is a success. In fact", The look on his face shifted into unrestrained excitement that I didn't like at all, "We've decided to take thins one step further. Starting in September you and your fellows will be enrolling in Beach City High; Isn't that exciting?"

Exciting! Exciting? There was no way he was being fucking serious right now? This stupid fucker was seriously proposing throwing a bunch of violent, troubled, youths into the general population. Hell last Thursday a butterfly landed on Ruby's face and she flipped out and chased the fucking thing for a half hour. There is no way this is even remotely safe. Teachers don't know how to deal with students who will literally stab someone for giving them the wrong answer. All of these thoughts swirl in my head but what comes out of my mouth is, "Are you fucking retarded? Seriously I've heard burn outs with ideas better than that. Scratch that, I've heard semi coherent ramblings from opium addicts that make more sense than what you just said. Fucking seriously?"

Higgins just smiled that same fake smile and goes back to his stupid little clipboard. "I've already consulted with the Universes, the state department, and the school's board of directors. Most agree that it is a wonderful way to rehabilitate you all back into society. You'll get to interact with children your own age and plan for your futures. Most importantly, upon successfully graduating you will be released into the world with your sentences served and your records sealed. Doesn't that sound wonderful?" Released? They were going to cut our sentences short for going to school? What the fuck are these people thinking? I don't know about everyone else but I'm not supposed to get out of lock up until I'm 22. They were willing to ignore felony level shit just to prove their idea works? Not only that but they were going to seal up our records so if anyone did background checks they'd never see what we did.

"You people are all fucking insane", I yelled jumping to my feet, "There is no way this is a good idea." My left knee gave an unhappy pop at the sudden motion and I welcomed the pain. Pain was an excellent trigger for that wonderful blinding rage lurking just behind my "I don't give a flying fuck" attitude. When I was little mom would tell me about how we were descended from vikings. That we were proud warriors defying laws because we were never meant to be slaves to governments. She taught me that the world was meant for the strong and that you were only allowed to have what you were strong enough to keep. People got hurt because they were too weak to stop their attackers and protect themselves. It was okay to kill because killing stopped the weak from wasting space. Yeah, I know, total cuddly loving home environment. Taking a few deep breaths I locked eyes with Higgins, "Last year they needed to isolate me because I tried to smash a girl's face in while we were waiting for lunch. Not even a week ago Ruby, the short girl with the afro, swore she was gonna murder every butterfly ever because one landed on her. Puttin us in a high stress environment with people who ain't prepared for how fucked up we are is gonna get them hurt." 

Higgins held up his hand to silence my protests, "Miss Everburn there have been numerous studies done on the subject of criminal rehabilitation. Time and time again the research has shown that the best way to rehabilitate offenders is to not isolate them." He pushed his wire framed glasses further up his nose with the hand that wasn't holding his papers. "You, like many others, like to act like you are some sort of unreachable monster when in fact you are nothing but a scared child. A child that was found with a gun but a child nonetheless, and like any other child your type craves discipline. No amount of bravado and showboating on your part will stop this from happening unless", He paused for emphasis, "You'd like to rescind on our deal." 

I shook my head incredulously, this mother fucker was seriously trying to psychoanalyze us. He really thought that a set wake up time sprinkled with a bit of homework would be enough to fix us. Furthermore he was strong arming my consent by threatening to put me back in a cell. As per the terms of the thirty page contract the state made us all sign failure to follow instructions would result in immediate loss of freedom. "I'll go along with it", I finally assented after a brief internal debate, "But if people get hurt that's on your head. Hope you're ready to deal with all the calls from parents if we so much as look at anyone funny. Glad it's not my problem", With that final jab I took my leave of the barn hoping to find Lapis

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys thanks as always for the comments, kudos, and bookmarks y'all have left it's really awesome. I know this story is starting off kind of slow but I mean you gotta build a foundation before you can set up a high rise.


	4. Renovations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wulfenite and Lapis have a chat, Steven is adorable, Repairs are made

"It's completely ridiculous", Lapis agreed staring out across the smaller than average lake that the cows liked to drink from. "They can't just throw us into regular society and expect everything to go smoothly, Are they fucking insane? Did you tell that obnoxious prick about Ruby swearing blood revenge against the butterflies? I mean come on", She flung herself onto her back with a huff. The two of us had been sitting by the lake for pretty close to an hour by that point. Greg still hadn't showed up with the supplies to fix the roof and all the other chores were pretty much done. Breakfast had been consumed, the dishes had been washed, laundry was drying on the line, and so it was just a matter of waiting.

"Yeah I tried to tell him about everything", I replied shifting a bit closer to where Lapis was reclining on the grass. "Dude is fucking nuts; he's completely convinced that everything is gonna be great. The whole time he was talking he had this look in his eyes, like he was in his own little world or something." A bitter laugh clawed its way out of my throat, "Wouldn't be surprised if he was gettin a kickback from this thing workin. Probably lookin forward to a nice fat bonus check that he can blow on miracle hair cures. Meanwhile psychos like Malachite and me are one slip of paper away from freedom. Shit dude they're even talkin about sealin our records so that no one can prove we were ever locked up. This is some sketchy ass shit dude", I shook my head at how absurd this whole thing was. Charmed by the delightfully warm spot we were sitting in I also leaned back so I was resting on my elbows. Lazily basking in the sun was a habit I picked up on early in my time at the barn. There was something amazingly enjoyable about the simple act of relaxing on the lawn while the sun swathed me in her blanket. As a kid I don't think I ever took the time to really appreciate how soft grass is or how nice it is to breathe fresh air. 

"Totes", Lapis muttered her deep blue eyes still fixed on the clouds overhead. In the early afternoon sunlight I could see flecks of green and yellow along the edge of her irises. "Of course, Rose thinks it's a brilliant idea because why wouldn't she? When I told her she got this giant smile on her face and she gave me this huge hug." She turned then fixing me with a weighted stare, "You aren't a psycho though Wulfie. Psychopaths are usually super charismatic, I saw it on an episode of True Crimes. Be real with me, when was the last time you had a conversation that was more than grunts and one word answers? Besides Mal is just a violent bitch; She doesn't seem to have any sort of rhyme or reason to the shit she does. Honestly she isn't even that bad until Jasper starts egging her on", A small shudder moved through my fri9end at the mention of the brute.

"I'll have you know Lazuli that I'm fully capable of havin very deep and interesting conversations. The reason I don't bother is that everything I say will just go over the heads of you uncultured swines." Everything about those sentences was all pointless bravado of course and Lapis knew it; I hated talking. Confession time, I've had a fucking awful stutter ever since I was old enough to start talking. Unless I carefully plan out what I'm going to say I trip on my words and just end up sounding like a moron. Any of you guys ever heard of a little something called the Cassandra Effect? Long story short, for folks who don't want to sit down and read The Iliad or The Odyssey, it means a self fulfilling prophecy. In my case it boils down to me being so scared of stuttering that I end up overthinking shit and stuttering. 

What, do you think just because I did some not nice shit and got locked up means I'm an uneducated knuckle-dragger? Reading has always been a passion of mine; a way out of the bleak state of my reality and into the extraordinary. Instead of being Wulfenite, only child to a pair of assholes, I could read Dante's Inferno and be on an epic quest through hell to save my true love. In the days following my completion of "Dead Witch Walking" by Kim Harrison I found myself lost in fantasies of living in that world. Books and I have a long standing friendship so deep your narrow little mind can't begin to understand it. 

As a kid I did a bunch of speech therapy stuff at school instead of going to recess. It helped some, until my parents found out about it and stopped me from going, but the problem never really went away. Part of the reason I constantly sound like a 90 year old chain smoker is that my voice just doesn't get much use. When I do talk my cadence is on the slower side leaning away from the letter g because I get stuck on it a lot. "Anyways there's Greg, I gotta help him unload", My revere was broken by the rumbling of an engine. I got to my feet, with a few crackling pops, brushing grass and dirt off my faded blue jeans. Stupid knee hadn't been right since I took a nasty fall on it a couple years before running off. 

Greg Universe's van was probably the ugliest vehicle I had every seen and probably ever will see. It was basically a huge white box on wheels with the words "Mr. Universe" painted across the side in cheap gold reflective. The front and rear bumpers were peppered with scuffs and there was a fist sized dent in the back hatch that I didn't really have the balls to ask about. Back in the day when he was still touring Greg used to live out of that rust bucket with his greasy manager Marty. These days though it didn't look much like a rockmobile save for the mural of space on the outside. Wood was strapped to the top rather haphazardly along with a shiny metal ladder. Side by side Lapis and I walked across the grassy lawn to the driveway occasionally bumping shoulders. She still seemed kind of shell shocked by whatever Higgins had talked to her about. The engine was still ticking when the passenger door flew open and I was tackled by a streak of pink and black.

"Wulfie, Lapis, it's so great to see you guys", Steven cheered wrapping his chubby arms around my middle. In spite of myself I couldn't help but grinning in response to his antics. Steven was damn near a spitting image of his father from a facial perspective. His chubby, round, head was covered in a mass of curly black hair that seemed to resist every effort to comb it. He had large dark eyes that always seemed to shine with happiness like his mom's. I swear I've never not seen this kid smiling, okay that's not true he did frown when the store ran out of Cookie Cats. He was a bit pudgy for a ten year old, a fact that I couldn't wrap my head around considering how hyper he always seems to be. I'd be willing to bet that as soon as the kid hits puberty he's going to grow like three feet and all of his extra weight will even out. Hell his mom was like six feet tall and Greg isn't exactly tiny, it was a pretty safe bet to assume Steven was going to cut one hell of an imposing figure when he grew up. Not like he'd do anything to scare people, the kid was way too gentle for that. Nah I couldn't picture Steven turning into a bully; the odds of that happening were about as likely as hand shaped spaceships falling from the sky. 

"Yo Ste-man", My bear paw like hands gripped Steven by the hips and lifted him onto my shoulders. He giggled and squired before eventually settling, "Hold on tight little buddy, we gotta help your dad unload the van. Don't want the old man breaking a hip or, Odin forbid, his flabby backside." Lapis decided to help with my hypothetical situation by mimicking a high pitched scream followed by a drawn out fart. That earned another round of riotous laughter from my new fashion accessory. I dared a glance over at Lapis and found the blue haired girl with her hand over her mouth trying to repress giggles. Somehow I knew they weren't at my terrible joke but acknowledging that meant acknowledging that I wasn't a complete stoic badass and I couldn't very well do that could I? Instead I gave a cocky grin and declared that I was, "Wulfenite master of comedy." Lapis could no longer stifle her laughter at that point but I just did my best to shrug and started undoing the bungee chords.

"Thanks Wulfie", Greg called from where he was working on the opposite side of the box on wheels. "I appreciate you giving me a hand up there today considering how sunny it is. Gotta get everything sealed up before the snow comes", He brushed sweat off his forehead with the back of his permanently sunburned hand. I nodded in response o his thanks and went back to what I was doing my fingers making short work of the chords. From his vantage point on my shoulders Steven was providing running commentary about the goings on around us like he was the narrator on some kind of nature show. Kid did a mean Australian accent, I'll give him that, even if it was a bit hokey. "Ha ha very funny Stu-ball but you gotta get down now", Greg's voice cut through Steven's fascinating description of Amethyst and Ruby play wrestling on the side lawn.

Wrestling around had become the default thing to do when two or more of us were bored. It let us act out any pent up aggression we might have without the risk of seriously hurting each other, usually. Amethyst was the one who came up with the idea, explaining that she and her sisters used to play Extreme Tag-Team. Steven, being the limitless ball of energy that he is, leapt on the idea as soon as he overheard. His inclusion insured that we didn't get too out of control since I don't think even Jasper wanted to face Rose's wrath. Sweet as she was that woman could get damn scary when she needed to. 

"Aww okay dad", I knelt down so Steven could climb safely off of my shoulders. His adorable pout only lasted like 20 seconds before he exclaimed "I'm gonna go play with Amethyst. Hey Purple Puma wait up", With that he was chasing after Amethyst's wild lavender streaked hair and it was just the three of us. "C'mon Lapis, we need the Water Witch to combat the Eternal Flame", The little boy called over his shoulder. My bunk mate followed after him giggling in that quiet way she had leaving just Greg and I. Steven had silly wrestling nicknames for all of us even though Lapis, Ruby, and Amethyst were the only ones who played along. Playing wasn't really my thing, if I was forced to be active I preferred actually doing something. Tools just felt right in my hands, always have, and I loved the sense of pride that came with making something out of nothing. Granted the first time I ever used a hammer was to drive a nail through a mouse's head but that's beside the point.

A killer guitar rift jolted me out of my own head space and back into the present. Apparently while I was off in fantasy land Greg had decided to put on some tunes. Disassociation the therapists called it; going off into my own head and completely losing track of the world around me. It's a pretty common coping device for people who've seen the same fucked up shit I have. According to the shrinks I've seen over the years it wasn't healthy but what the fuck do they know? Shaking my head I set up the ladder along the side of the barn so we could get to work. Four hours, and several dozen trips up and down the ladder later, I was pounding in the last nail. Between the two of us Greg and I managed to: tear off all the rotten or damaged shingles, remove any under beams that were messed up, replace said beams, put on new shingles, and water seal everything. We were both sweaty and exhausted but I didn't need a mirror to know there was a dopey grin on my face. 

Not like I had a mirror anyway, Lapis had trashed them all when we first got here. She said it felt like her reflection was always judging her and she was sick of it. Our second week in I found Jasper chasing her around with, what I think was, Rose's makeup mirror. The bitch had Lapis cowering in the corner and was telling her to look at how fucking pathetic she was. I tried telling her off, earning myself a picture perfect black eye for my trouble. While Jasper was distracted with me Lapis shattered the mirror in a glorious display of rage. That night was the first time the bluenett and I shared a bed; it was worth getting punched. 

The day passed pretty quickly when you've got something to keep yourself nice and busy. Jasper and Ruby helped Greg and I clean up the mess we left around the barn. Steven played his ukulele and Amethyst sang a song while we worked on loading the cloth dumpster Greg bought. Once everything was cleaned up and safely loaded back into Greg's van we all took the short walk over to the main house for dinner. Rose, Greg, and Steven lived in the house while the rest of us stayed in the converted barn. It was kind of a weird arrangement but the house only had two bedrooms so there was nowhere else for us to stay. I didn't mind much, it was way better than risking overhearing Greg and Rose fucking. Stomach full and body throbbing I fell into my bed and into a blissfully dreamless sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Glad to see that folks are enjoying this so far


	5. Actions and Reactions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Renovations continue at the barn and things escalate between Wulfenite, Jasper, and Malachite.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay guys so just a heads up this chapter is NOT NICE. There are major triggers here for: abuse, rape, violence, animal cruelty, and claustrophobia. To be clear I do not condone any of the shit depicted here AT ALL, just don't fucking do it man. If you guys want to skip the triggering parts I totally don't blame you. I'll put a warning in for when they're going to start.

The next few weeks were a flurry of activity; between getting the barn fixed up for the cold weather and prepping to start school we were all on edge. Lapis' anxiety was in full on overdrive causing panic attacks with the slightest provocation. Jasper was a sulky mess who spent her time either brooding by the lake or wandering around the pastures. Ruby snapped at anyone or anything that came within five feet of her up to and including blades of grass. Amethyst was disappearing for hours at a time doing fuck only knows what in the middle of the night. Malachite just stared weirdly into space a lot with this creepy grin on her face. I did what I always do when I was stressed, I threw myself face first into projects. Every day I got up at sunrise and wandered the farm looking for something to do. Thanks to Greg leaving me some scrap wood and a hammer I was able to build a pretty good sized pen to keep the cows safely contained. That little affair took a couple days, mostly because I'd get distracted partway through building something and come back to everything being wrecked. After that I helped Greg put in a few electrical outlets around the barn so we could actually see after the sun went down. I don't know how he did it but he managed to get a set of solar panels on the cheap so, after a fair bit of googling to figure out what we were doing, we put those on the southern side of the barn's slanting roof. Next was setting the old building up with a fresh coat of paint on the inside and out. Steven came by to help with that one and insisted that we all add a personal touch to the walls to, in Steven's words, "make the place feel more like home."

Sometimes I swear that kid is to touchy feely for his own good, like I guess it's sweet and all to be in touch with your emotions but that isn't how the real world works. In the real world you can't just "hug it out" with someone you don't like not without getting your ass kicked. Talking about your feelings is just a great way to give someone an excuse to beat the shit out of you. Crying in public is completely unacceptable, hell crying in private isn't fucking okay but at least no one is there to mock you. There's an old saying I heard once that I couldn't agree more with, "if you love your children prepare them for war". You gotta prepare people to deal with the worst form of hell they will ever know. If they can handle their buddy exploding all over them in a shower of guts and organ bits then they can totally deal with getting picked last in gym or getting dumped. Then again maybe I'm just a cynical asshole without a clue how people work, yeah that's probably it.

Cynical or not I had to admit that getting a chance to personalize my living space for the first time in years was nice. Lapis hoarded all the shades of blue she could get her hands on and painted an awesome ocean scene on the roof above her bed. My contribution to the barn's interior was decidedly more modest; with a shaking hand I did my best to paint a yellow and orange wolf. It came out as a vaguely dog shaped blob of color that I might have felt bad about if I hadn't noticed Ruby was making stick figures. Amethyst and Steven had sectioned off some of the wall opposite our beds to do a mural of our wrestling personas. Silly as they all looked I couldn't help but smile, yeah maybe I was a bit harsh earlier. Leaving the others to the creative stuff I wandered back out to help Greg do up the exterior. When I got out there the paint covered sap was stealing a kiss from a giddy Rose. 

The day after the barn was painted we all had to pile into Greg's van to meet with the school counselor and set up our schedules. Greg's old square beater only sat five since he took the second set of back seats out when he first got the thing. With there being eight of us myself, Lapis, and Malachite were crammed in the cargo area for the short trip. I didn't like the way Mal's acid green eyes kept roaming up and down Lapis's slim figure. Instead of her usual blue skirt and black crop top Lapis was in a pair of dark jeans and a faded Nirvana shirt. There wasn't anything really provocative about the outfit but from the way Malachite was staring you'd think she was in nothing but a bed sheet. "Fuck off bitch", I snapped shifting to put myself between the two of them. I ran my calloused fingers roughly through my shaggy bangs to push them out of my eyes. A few red strands came loose from my scalp and remained caught between my fingers. Thanks to a weird combination of genetics I ended up with some seriously strange hair. My roots were bright carrot orange and got progressively darker as they went along so the tips were almost auburn. Growing up everyone assumed that I dyed in but I don't have the patience for that shit.

"What're you going to do if I don't huh? Gonna sick the cows on me?" Malachite's deep voice was thick with mocking laughter. "Wait wait don't tell me, you're gonna pull Rose in so we can have a family meeting to talk about boundaries, is that it Wulfie? Do you wanna have a nice sing along by the campfire and hug out all of our problems?" She drew closer with every word so we were nose to nose by the time she was done. Her rank breath drifted across the minute space and I had to clench my jaw so I wouldn't gag. I'll be the first to admit that my track record with personal hygiene is shit but next to Mal I look like a fucking neat freak. Her mismatched hair was a matted mess and dark streaks were smudged across her face like war paint. The black tank top she wore was equally filthy as were her black skinny jeans and boots. A paint splattered hand reached towards Lapis while its owner leered, "C'mon, we could always share her. Sharing IS caring right?"

Red danced on the edges of my vision and I launched myself forward with a snarl. "Keep your filthy fucking hands off her you piece of shit", My roar echoed in the confined space. My forehead connected with Mal's over sized nose with a satisfying crunch filling the air with a sweet copper tang. We hit the wall of the van in a tangle of flailing limbs and snapping teeth. There wasn't nearly enough space for a proper punch so we made due with what we could. The fight was nasty, dirty, and ended way to quick when a set of thick arms ripped me away from where I was slamming Malachite's head into the floor. Blood was dripping into my right eye from a cut that I didn't remember getting and I could taste more of it in my mouth. A fine red mist peppered my favorite blue tank top like a Jackson Polluck painting. Despite the aches I couldn't help but grin maniacally at the chaos I had created. Mal's nose was a crimson fountain and her eyes were already rimmed with dark bruising. My joyous reverie was pulled up short when I caught sight of Lapis cowering in the corner with her hands over her head. I didn't have too long to dwell on that sight since Rose was pulling me out the back her face absolutely thunderous.

"Wulfenite Everburn, what on Earth do you think you're doing?" Uh oh, she used my full name, she was pissed. "You could have seriously hurt Malachite, not to mention the rest of us, Greg could barely keep us on the road thanks to the commotion you were causing back here. Of everyone I did not expect this from you", Rose's round face was devoid of its usual welcoming smile. One of her large hands gripped my shoulder hard enough that I knew I would end up with a bruise later. Her other hand was fishing around in the front pocket of her swinging purse. She pulled out a travel sized pack of baby wipes and handed me a few so I could clean myself up. Malachite was sulking in the back of the van, sitting with her legs dangling out the open hatch. Wordlessly Rose handed her the package of wipes, her piercing dark eyes were fixed on me. "Greg, call Ms. Diamond and tell her that we're going to have to reschedule this or do it over the phone. We need to get Malachite to the clinic to make sure her nose isn't broken", She fi9nally let me go.

Malachite was told to take Rose's place in the front passenger seat leaving Lapis and I squeezed in the back with the still furious older woman. As soon as she let go of my arm I touched my friend's leg hoping to convey an apology without having to say anything. Gentle as I could I wiped away the few tears that were still sitting on the bluenett's cheek. She flinched when I raised my hand toward her, "Didn't mean to scare you Lapis", I apologized softly. Rose didn't know anything about Malachite's creepy obsession with Lapis and it wasn't up to me to tell her. I figured if Lapis wanted to get the matron of the house involved she'd say something. One thing you learn going through any kind of welfare program was that you can't fucking trust anyone. Reporting problems or pieces of shit like Mal doesn't do shit and it just makes you look weak. Violence was the ultimate bargaining chip when dealing with institutionalized dogs like us. Threats keep us in line and actions teach us our place; fuck man we really are all animals in the end. Stupid me thought my reputation was enough to keep Lapis safe by association. Today proved that wasn't the case, I had to put my money where my mouth was and break a bitch's nose. Not going to lie it was a fucking rush to be able to lash out on another human being. I felt like a dog being allowed off her leash for the first time in months free to roam the yard and do whatever the fuck I wanted. Freedom was fleeting though and, as we pulled into the Beach City walk in clinic, I knew there would be consequences.

(WARNING SHIT IS ABOUT TO GET NASTY. Feel free to skip)

Newton's third law states that, "For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction". So logically for my action, breaking Malachite's nose, I should have been expecting some form of retaliation; key words there being should have. Perhaps it was arrogance, an assurance in my position at the top of the farm food chain, or sheer stupidity that caused me to lower my guard. It happened the day after the van incident while Rose was away with Lapis, Ruby, and Amethyst. Rose had decided that piling us all in the van at once was a bad idea so we were going to the school in shifts to fill out schedules and do placement exams. On paper it made total sense but in practice it left three teens who hate each other without adult supervision for a few hours. I suppose hate isn't exactly fair here it's more like violent dislike and the need to force the others into submission, at least for me. "We're fucking vikings, ain't no gods nor masters can tame us", As my mother would say. Granted she would be saying it while cashing her welfare check but to an impressionable kid that wasn't an important detail.

One of my flaws, and believe me there are a fucking lot of them, is that I assume everyone thinks and feels the same way I do unless proven otherwise. Working with other people to get stuff done is something I avoid like the plague. Ingrained paranoia convinces me that people I let close will just end up using me. Lapis and I initially united over a common threat, Jasper, and it turned out we were compatible enough to be friends. Behind her doleful blue eyes and hesitant disposition Lapis had a core of fucking ice. If she was angry there was no stopping her from neutralizing whatever pissed her off. So with that kind of distrusting mindset it's easy to see why I never expected Jasper and Malachite to team up against me. It was a stupid mistake and believe me I paid for it dearly.

As I said it was the day after my little scuffle in the van and I was relaxing in the barn with my beaten old copy of Lord of the Flies. I'm not the best when it comes to stuff like symbolism but the idea of struggling for dominance without adult supervision, yeah I could get behind that. Anyways I had just gotten to the part where Ralph and friends rip Simon apart like a pack of wild dogs when I hear the door open. "Hey", Jasper's deep voice called out to me from the door frame, "You uh should probably come here. I think something is up with one of the cows and I can't get Greg to answer his fucking phone. It keeps running around and like falling over, I think it's gone crazy or somethin". Looking back it was such a transparent excuse but at the time, staring into her wide brown eyes and dirt smeared face, I believed her. Important Life Lesson number two: if someone who has previously never given a fuck about anything but themselves suddenly needs you to come with them because an animal is suffering don't go. It's a trap and you're an idiot if you fall for it!

"Which one is it?" I asked as I untangled myself from the bean bag chair I was sitting on. My knee gave its usual unhappy crack when I stood but that wasn't anything new so I ignored it. In the three months that I lived on the Universe farm I had gotten rather attached to their small herd of cows. People suck but cows man, they aren't smart enough to lie to you they have no reason to. If a cow wants something it goes for it: no whining, no political correctness, if you have something and a cow wants it that damn cow will find a way to get it. I know there's some cliche about teenagers identifying themselves with animals like tigers, pumas, snakes, and stuff like that but I could totally see myself as one of the cows. I'm not complicated; I like eating, sleeping, and being left the fuck alone. Even though my name sounds like wolf and I've got zero desire to roam in a pack. That whole thing about lone wolves is complete horse shit made up by some idiot who had probably never seen a wolf in his life. The only time a wolf is alone is when it's an exile and about to die from starvation.

"Hell if I know man", Jasper grumbled running her hand through her mane of pale blonde hair, "They all look the fuckin same to me. I think it's the really fat one with the fucked up eye that it can't see out of. Just come on man we gotta help it", She grabbed my arm and started dragging me towards the door. Her whole hand wrapped completely around my bicep like it was nothing more than a twig. Everything about Jasper was big. She was 6'6 of pure muscle with shoulders like a bull and hands as big as dinner plates. Because of her size a lot of people, myself included, assume she's stupid and she uses that to her advantage. When you're her size you don't really need to worry about subtlety but having a concept of it helps.

"Jesus fuck Jasper at least let me put on some fucking shoes", I jerked out of her grip and made my way towards my bed. My trusty black boots were sitting just under the frame where they always were. Heavy, dusty, and leather those boots saw me through some of the shittiest times of my life. I actually cried when they were confiscated by the police as evidence and cried again when I got them back before moving out to the farm. Their well worn soles contoured to my feet just right and a small sign of contentment slid past my lips when I tightened the laces. My boots were like my battle armor and I was incomplete without them. Finally dressed I followed an impatient Jasper out the door towards the back pasture. She was jogging and I pretty much had to run to keep up with her long strides. After about ten minutes I spotted a lumpy black shape on the ground in the distance right before my nose caught the pungent stench of shit and blood.

To say the cow was dying a horribly death would be an understatement, I don't think I've ever seen anything so bad. She was on her side in a pile of her own organs with a giant hole where her stomach should have been. Feeble moos were clawing their way out of her mangled throat gurgling sickly at the end. Before my mind could fully register what I was seeing something hit me hard in the back of the head and I fell over seeing stars. "You like my new art project bitch? I call it steal tartar", A boot hit me in the side of the face grinding my cheek into the blood soaked grass. Malachite loomed over me looking like one of the demons people claim to see when they're tripping balls. Her arms, from the tips of her fingers to tops of her shoulders, were slick with crimson. It soaked into the front of her shirt and spilled down her jeans like a waterfall from hell. Black bruises trickled down her face starting with her eyes and peppering down the side of her cheek. The foot not currently grinding my face down lifted to deliver a solid kick to my ribs knocking the wind out of me. "Here we'll help you get a closer look", next thing I know I'm being hauled up with Jasper grabbing my arms and Malachite grabbing my legs. They carried my struggling self closer to the dying cow and bent me over it still warm body. Jasper put her knees over my forearms and gripped me in a headlock while Mal undoes the top button of my jeans. "You ain't nearly as pretty as your blue haired friend bitch but you'll do fer now."

I don't think I need to go into too much detail about what they did to me on top of that poor cow. For those of you who are a touch dense I'll say that it involved a busted broom handle and a homemade harness. Still not getting it? The bitch fucking raped me okay! She took that broom handle, lubed it up with a generous amount of still warm cow's blood, and rammed it into me while I screamed. I don't know if the thing was double ended or not but from the way she was moaning and gripping my hips I knew she was getting off on what she was doing. Jasper's huge hands held me still and forced me to keep eye contact the entire time. In reality it probably didn't last very long, maybe a solid twenty minutes of action, but time was acting all weird and slow. Malachite's moans grew more frequent, her bony hands went under my shirt gripping my chest. Even after she pulled out and the two walked away I just stayed there shaking trying my best not to cry because crying is a sign of weakness.

I forced myself to go numb, to disassociate from the situation, to protect my own sanity. From then on it was kind of like watching my life from above, like it was happening on TV or something. Through that hazy TV filter I saw myself walk to the main house and knock on the door. Heard myself explain to a distraught Steven that one of the cows got messed up by a wild animal and that he needed to wake his dad up. In a voice that I could barely recognize as my own I repeated my story to Greg and asked to use the shower. The water as hot as it would go and scrubbing hard enough that I was bleeding in some spots I could still feel her on me, in me, everywhere. I felt disgusting, slimy, like slugs were crawling all over me and no amount of cleaning would get them off. Long after the water went cold I still sat in the bottom of the shower crying silently until Greg knocked on the door to say Rose was back. Clean clothes were passed to me through the curtain because I was too ashamed to leave the shower. 

Things are still hazy but I'm pretty sure Steven was the one who coaxed me out of the bathroom. Fat tears were rolling down his bright red face, "Dad and mom are on the phone with the sheriff. I don't want to be by myself", He sounded so lost and unsure of himself, "Will you watch Crying Breakfast Friends with me? Lapis said she'd watch too", Numbly I gathered the little boy into my arms and carried him to the living room. Lapis was indeed sitting on the couch, a bored expression on her face as ahe stared at the DVD opening menu. Soreness attacked my lower body; in the shower I couldn't tell if the blood coming from down there was mine or not. Placing Steven next to his Summer Fun Buddy I sunk to the floor allowing my mind to shut off.


	6. The Morning After

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the aftermath of the attack Wulfenite struggles to pretend that everything is normal because time waits for no one.

Saying I felt sick after what happened would be like saying a broken leg was just a scratch. My stomach heaved, my body shook, and no matter how much I fought them the tears wouldn't stop flowing. Lapis noticed something was up with me almost as soon as Steven started the first episode. "Hey", Her voice was barely above a whisper so as to not alert Steven that anything was wrong, "You okay? I know the writing is bad but it's his favorite show", I made no attempt to smile at her weak humor. Frowning she slid off the couch to join me on the floor, "Seriously what's wrong?" I opened my mouth to speak but only a quiet whimper came out so I closed it and shook my head. Half of me wanted to cling to her and sob while the other half never wanted to be touched again. Invisible eyes were staring at me, judging me for what had happened and finding me pathetic. 

"I-I-I don't know how t-to talk about it", I forced out through gritted teeth; fuck my stutter was kicking in. "Bad fig-g-ght earlier then the blood", I was clenching my jaw so hard it hurt. Suddenly I felt too raw, too exposed in the bright afternoon sun of the living room. Jasper and Malachite were somewhere on the property still, they may have even returned to the barn for all I knew. Nowhere was safe; my breath came out in harsh pants, I couldn't get enough air. The sound of blood pumping through me was too loud, "L-Lapis", I choked out. No matter how hard I tried it felt like I wasn't getting enough air; the pounding of my heart intensified. Pins and needles invaded my lungs causing every inhale to burn and every exhale to stall on the way out. 

"Hey hey it's alright", Lapis spoke slowly and softly and pulled me against her shoulder to block out the light. "I want you to breathe with me nice and slow", I tried to match her sedate pace but my lungs were on fire. Lapis was patient, her voice a lulling murmur that I could feel vibrating in her chest. Blunt nails rubbed little circles along the back of my ears, "You're safe here Wulfie." Second by second my breathing slowed to a rate that could be considered normal. It took me a while afterwards to willingly pull my head off my friend's shoulder. Not that I went far, I stayed pretty much pressed against her side with my knees drawn up. If Steven noticed what was happening on the floor he didn't say anything he just kept watching his show. Anxiety attacks aren't something I'm particularly proud of and I hated it when people made a big deal out of them. 

I kept close to Lapis for the rest of the day fighting to keep my breathing normal and ignore the pain in my lower body. Movement made the throbbing pain in my groin flare into full on burning agony. Small rivulets of blood cut vermilion tracks along the pale skin of my inner thighs. At dinner I could feel Malachite's eyes burning into me from across the table. Unable to stand it I fled back to the imaginary safety of my bed, not like I was hungry anyway. Under my fluffy gray blanket I allowed my repressed tears to flow freely for the first time since the shower. I felt disgusting, broken, used, and weak; I hadn't been strong enough to fight them off. By my parent's logic I deserved everything that happened to me, "Those who cannot fight deserve no quarter". 

In an ideal world I would have been able to just rest in quiet isolation until I was ready to deal with what had happened but the world rarely works the way you want it to. The state still expected me to go to school which meant that I had to get up when Rose came knocking the next morning. Waking wasn't the hard part, I hadn't fucking slept thanks to all the fucking nightmares. No the hard part was changing out of my clothes knowing Jasper and Malachite were watching. I could hear them snickering quietly when I got undressed and I felt like I was going to puke. Finger shaped bruises covered my hips and arms from where I was held down. I did my best to dress quickly but I knew Rose saw, there was something in her large eyes that told me she would be questioning me later.

Rose's look of pitying inquiry was nothing compared to the fury that blazed in Lapis' blue eyes. Her gaze slid from my discolored flesh to Jasper's smug face and her hands balled into fists. Words weren't spoken but something was exchanged in that look that made the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. It was like I could feel the animosity flowing between them suffocating the air and turning the barn into a tomb. Shivering I forced myself to look away from their standoff and forced myself to walk to where my clothes were stored. I was still extremely sore but thankfully the bleeding had stopped at some point during the night. 

In spite of the summer heat I threw on my well worn red and black checkered flannel shirt. Normally I would leave the sleeves unbuttoned and rolled up to my elbows but today I wanted to be covered up. A pair of brand new black jeans were next complete with a thick leather belt. Don't know if any of you have ever been hit with a belt buckle but that shit fucking hurts. Belts are an excellent covert weapon in a pinch and are quite a versatile tool. Rose went to get the van while I was putting my boots on and I took that opportunity to glare at the two giants standing a few yards away. "This ain't fucking over not be a long shot", I hissed trying to keep my tone hard. Even to me the words sounded like nothing more than empty posturing; Malachite just laughed and made a few thrusting motions with her hips. Nausea tore through me and I had to clench my fists together to keep from retching. My blunt nails dug into my palms hard enough to leave little bleeding crescent moons. Fear like I hadn't felt in a long time, not since the first night dad decided he'd had enough of my shit and needed to teach me a lesson, made my chest tight. Taking a breath felt like a herculean effort and the air burned on its way down. Blackness was closing in on the edge of my vision, I couldn't get enough air no matter how hard I tried. I had to flee, had to escape, by my legs felt like they weighed a thousand pounds.

Then Amethyst was there putting her arm around my shoulder and guiding me out of the barn. She didn't say anything at first, just walked me to the open rear of Greg's van and sat me on the edge. We passed Rose on the way there but her questions were waved off with a few short answers from my escort. "Slow deep breaths Wulfie", She rasped out in her slightly accented voice. Warm brown hands moved in slow circles on my back right between my shoulder blades. I did my best to follow her advice but just like the previous evening I failed to calm. My breath was still hitching and the black splotches were getting bigger. "Nice and easy", Amethyst continued to murmur in my ear, "Just take it slow. That's it", She placed my cheek against her shoulder while she counted between my inhales. After what felt like forever, but was probably only a few minutes, the world stopped spinning and I was able to get my breathing back to almost normal. Talking was still too much but I did have the strength to shift away and scoot further into the van. There was no way in hell I was going to allow myself to be trapped in the back seat with Mal and Jasper. 

Amethyst's eyes met mine searchingly and I looked away pretending to be interested in the rust spots near my feet. Shame made my cheeks hot; I hated being this fucking weak, hated it like nothing else. It was like grade school all over again when the teacher had to escort me from class because I freaked out over a spelling test. Gods fucking damn it I'm not a little fucking kid anymore I should be able to settle myself the fuck down without someone holding me! Hell it's not like I even really knew Amethyst aside from seeing her at dinner or the occasional game f Call of Duty. The fiery Latina and I had barely spoken a dozen words to each other in the months that we had been barn mates. Unlike my reserved self Amethyst was loud and boisterous, bordering on the edge of flat out annoying. She ate like a pig, wallowed in her own filth, and refused to listen to anyone. I really didn't know why Steven liked her so much, then again that kid likes everybody even assholes like myself. Still there was something in her body language as we sat together in Greg's shit box that told me there was more to her than what she showed everyone. All I could manage for a thanks was a nod and a small smile but she seemed to get it and gave me a thumbs up.

"I'm comin with you guys back to the school", Amethyst explained, "I took too long on the stupid test thing and didn't get to pick my classes. Totally lame I know, time limits are bullshit, hey is it cool if I sit back here with you? Those two", She pointed to Jasper and Mal who were approaching the van with Rose, "Give me the fucking creeps. Jas is pretty fun to wrestle with but her cousin is one sick puppy you know? Girl needs to take a serious chill pill man", A shrug was all I could manage for a response to her question but that seemed to be good enough. "Don't talk much do ya?" She chuckled and moved to playfully punched me in the arm stopping when I flinched, "That's cool. My dad never talked much either, not that mama would ever let the guy get a word in edgewise." She laughed again, a loud belly laugh that seemed to reverberated off the walls. I decided that I liked her laugh even if it was ungodly loud at this time of morning. 

Conversation died as Rose, Greg, Malachite, and Jasper buckled in to their respective seats. A primal part of me felt extremely satisfied to see Jasper moving with a slight limp. Malachite had a red mark on the side of her jaw that looked suspiciously like a fist. Not sure if I said this before or not but Lapis can be damn feisty if she gets riled up. Dollars to doughnuts she was the one who left her mark on the two assholes in front of me. Greg was getting dropped off at the car wash since it was on the way to the school. My panic attack in the making combined with a lack of descent sleep left me feeling weak and drained. I couldn't even keep my eyes open as we set out along the gravel driveway to the main road. 

Beach City High was a three story brick affair that looked pretty much like every other high school in the country. It had a semi-circular parking area out front, presumably for buses, with a paved walkway leading to two large glass main doors. Rose parked the van in one of the spaces that said "Reserved for Staff" and we all climbed out. Since Rose wanted us all to make a good impression our usual attire was traded for cleaner things. Jasper was in a crisp white button front shirt and dark blue jeans rolled neatly over her shoes. At Rose's urging she had her pale blonde hair done up behind her in a nice braid. Malachite's black tank top was swapped for a loose fitting short sleeved black blouse but she insisted on her torn jeans. She hadn't done much to her hair so it looked as wild and bushy as ever, mine was also pretty bad. Truth be told I could have attempted taming it since I was awake anyway but I hadn't bothered. Looking like a complete fucking mess just felt appropriate given how fucked up I was feeling. Amethyst seemed to be the only one of us who liked dressing up she was in a loose black tank top with a purple over shirt and a baggy pair of black and purple shorts. Her flowing purple streaked hair was tied back in a low ponytail leaving her round face open. Of all of us she was the one most likely to pass for a well adjusted human being. Rose held open one of the glass doors and we all walked into the sterile white tiled halls where kid's dreams go to die.

In case you haven't been paying attention I'll say it out loud, I hate the American education system. True I haven't experienced how it goes in other countries so I'm sure there's something worse out there but I haven't found it. Within those hallowed brick walls creative minds are told to shut the fuck up and get in line. Kids are taught that their entire sense of worth is based on how smart they are by industrial government standards. "Oh you can play piano like fucking Mozart but your reading comprehension is sub par? Well congrats you're an idiot, now stop wasting your time with music and catch the fuck up." Every student is taught the same lesson in the exact same way even if it isn't the way they learn best. Yeah I fucking hate school, I'm not happy that I was being forced to go back. Correspondence lessons were great, I could do them at my own pace and get credit as long as they were done.

Amethyst gave my shoulder a tap and I realized that I'd been zoning out again. The five of us were standing in front of a large glass walled office being addressed by perhaps the most bitchy looking woman I had ever seen. She was tall, towering over Jasper in her black heels, and thin with a square jaw and powerful shoulders. Her hair was the color of fresh cut hay and styled in a bob that could have been pretty on anyone else. A cold sneer seemed to be a permanent feature on her lips and her hazel eyes were sharp as daggers. Resting in the tasteful neckline of her black blouse was a string of pale yellow stones that I'd bet were diamonds and easily worth more than Greg's car. Her outfit was completed by a thin black pencil skirt and a pair of wired framed glasses. By the way she was staring at me I guessed she was expecting me to say something but I had no clue what it was. I glanced at Amethyst for help but the shorter girl was too busy staring at the woman. "Clearly someone was not paying attention", The woman's voice was cold and even. "I asked you what your name was and you had better answer because I will not repeat myself again."

Oh shit I had spaced out so hard that I completely missed someone asking me a direct question. My face flushed slightly and I forced myself to stand up a bit straighter to better look her in the eye. "Uh it's Wulfenite m'am, Wulfenite Everburn", I gave what I hoped was a disarming smile. "Sorry about that I uh", The dismissive look in her eyes made me trail off with a deeper blush. She was glaring at me, like not resting bitch face shit but full on fucking glaring like I had just spat on her shoe. What the actual fuck was this lady's problem? To my left Jasper was trying not to laugh at my obvious social ineptitude. Her whole body was shaking with repressed noise and her face was turning as red as mine. Rose offered me a reassuring smile that I could have almost believed except it didn't reach her eyes. Malachite was studying her scuffed up combat boots like they were the most interesting things in the world.

"As I was saying Miss Everburn before you so rudely interrupted", The mystery hard ass adjusted her glasses and resumed reading from her clipboard. "My name is Giallo Diamond, I am head of the school board here at Beach City High. I am well aware of your records and history and I will not tolerate any behavioral issues while you are here. If I catch so much as a whiff of delinquency from any of you I will bring the hammer down so fast it will make your head spin, Am I clear?" There was a chorus of surprisingly demure yes m'ams and Miss Diamond smiled. "Excellent, now that we have that cleared up I will take you to the classroom where we will be administering your assessment. This test will tell the staff where you stand academically and determine your placement for your core classes. As you are all roughly 16 years of age I expect you to perform at least as well as the average sophomore. Failure to meet those standards will delay your graduation and will be reported to Mr. Higgins. Miss Torres", She addressed Amethyst, "Since you have already completed the exam you and I will be setting up your academic schedule for the year." Her speech finished Miss Diamond led us down the tiled halls towards what felt like certain doom.


	7. Testing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The dreaded placement exam followed by a peaceful store trip....maybe

Certain doom, as it turns out, was an empty classroom just down the hall from the office. Miss Diamond unlocked the door with a thick ring of keys that she had collected from her office before ushering us all inside. Rose had been instructed to wait in the office with Amethyst until our tests were done. The classroom was itself pretty standard; by the gods it felt weird being back in a school. Desks were lined up neatly with barely enough space between them for a student to squeeze by. A whiteboard dominated the space at the front of the room and the teacher's desk was off to the side. No decorations lined the walls, not even those cheesy motivational posters schools seem to like sticking everywhere. The whole place just felt sterile and empty then again it was Summer so maybe the teacher hadn't had a chance to personalize the place yet. Did teachers still try to put their own spin on classroom atmosphere or was it all about assimilation now? Mr. Phelps, my favorite teacher before I stopped going, used to always have really cool nature displays in his room. The first day of Fall he'd have us go out and hold a contest to see who could find the most yellow leaf; I guess he was a fan of Robert Frost. 

Calculators and pencils had been placed on three desks in the front row along with a face down packet that I assumed was the test. "Take your seats", Diamond practically barked as she moved to the cheap wooden desk near the white board. Jasper, Malachite, and I each took a desk, obeying adults had been drilled into us so hard it was practically automatic. Jasper in particular thrived when she was carrying out orders from an authority figure. Everything had been arranged in such a way that there was an empty desk between each of us, probably as some kind of anti-cheating set up. "When I say begin you will tear open your packets and start the exam, there will be no talking. If you are caught attempting to copy another's answers you will be docked 20% of your grade. You are to only use the pencils and calculators provided to you; Am I clear?" There was a general murmur of assent and Diamond nodded, "Good now begin." Legit with the way she talked I half expected her to smack a riding crop on the desk for emphasis. Her attitude was more that of a drill instructor than an educator, why the fuck wasn't she out leading troops somewhere? It wasn't a stretch to imagine Giallo Diamond as a ruthless tyrant leading her troops out to conquer. 

"Fuck I hate tests, just fuck", The words seemed to float through my brain on repeat like a marquee. Trembling fingers tore through the paper edge that sealed the packet and I started to read. I skipped the first page since it was the standard bullshit instructions that came with every fucking government test. You know the ones I'm talking about, the old song and dance about filling bubbles in completely and only using a number 2 pencil. Same stupid bullshit, I skipped it and went to work on the stuff that mattered. A clock I couldn't see ticked softly somewhere in the room making me feel like I was already behind. How far along were Jasper and Malachite? Were they almost done? Was I holding up the group by being a moron? Fuck I hate tests; panic thrummed in my chest like a swarm of angry bees ready to go on the offensive. Sweat was dripping from my forehead as I tried to figure out another math problem. Math and I never got along, sure I could do the basic stuff like addition, subtraction, stuff like that, but once you start throwing letters in there I just get fucking lost. Frustrated at myself I skipped the last few math questions and moved on to science. Still not my best subject but I was descent enough at it and a lot of it was really cool. And so it went until at last I filled in the last stupid little bubble on the answer sheet and looked up. Malachite was still somewhere in the middle of the test but Jasper was done and leaning on her hand with a bored look on her face.

Once Malachite was finished Diamond collected all of our tests and left us alone with a little book that explained all the school's classes. Rose and Amethyst were allowed to return to the group; I plopped next to the purple haired one. Like a lot of schools Beach City High was on a 6 hour system, 6 classes each an hour long and two half hour lunches. Thanks to the standards set by our all knowing leaders in Washington every year was required to take a Math, English, and Science course without exception. Gym, Health, Government, and Geography classes were also required at different grade levels. Part of that test thing was to see if we actually needed the Health, Government, or Geography course. In front of us were printed schedules with little blanks for us to fill in our elective courses. There was a little bit of flexibility with the required classes, like I could take animal sciences, chemistry, or biology for my science class. Creative writing or Journalism could count as an English class and there were even a couple of different gym options. One of the options included swimming and I said fuck that and picked cardio instead. Lapis may glide through the water like a fucking dolphin but me, I sink like a rock. My eyes lit up when I saw that the school offered automotive classes and signed up for like all of them. If I had to suffer through government mandated bullshit the least they could do was teach me something useful. I dared a glance over at Amethyst's sheet and saw she was taking a dance course and painting. 

Weird, I didn't know she liked that stuff; call me a dork if you want but I always thought art stuff was nice. Never had the talent for it myself, I mean I could throw paint on a canvas and pretend it was a metaphor but that isn't the same. Real art requires one thing above all else, including talent, it required passion. Emotion is to art what atoms are to physicists, they're the fucking building block of everything. If you don't believe me then do me a favor, think about why our ancestors started painting before they ever invented language. Think about famous songs, stories, drawings and paintings, and ask yourself why these mediums have endured for as long as they have. Human beings, by our very nature, are social creatures full of empathy and built with a massive frontal lobe. 

Diamond returned twenty minutes into our scheduling and we all looked up with nervous expectation. She had that same unhappy look on her face that she was wearing when she left. Biggest case of resting bitch face I had ever seen. "Well it seems that you are all at least competent enough for your grade level albeit barely. Miss Everburn, Miss Barrows make sure you include room on your schedules for Freshman level algebra. Neither of you are near the level that you need to be to start the regular course. This should go without saying but there is no way I am letting any of you near chemistry so don't even bother picking it. Other than that you may choose what you like", Could've been my imagination but it sounded like she wasn't happy about that. Was this bitch such a fucking control freak that she wanted to decide our entire lives for us? "Bring your completed timetables to me then you may leave", She returned to the teacher's desk. None of us took very long to fill out the time thing and by Odin's grace we were able to escape that den of monotony before noon. Just like before Amethyst and I lounged in the van's cargo area while Jasper and Malachite sat in the back seats. I was still sleepy so I rolled on to my side and shut my eyes. My long sleeve shirt was way to hot for the full July sun making the ride miserable.

Amethyst slid closer, close enough that I could feel her body heat radiating into my back, and spoke. "Yo I'm no weather lady but it's like a million degrees outside aren't you hot? I'm in fucking shorts and I'm sweating my testículos off how the fuck are you wearing jeans?" I attempted to shift away from her but was cock blocked by an inconveniently placed wheel well. Undaunted by my continued silence Amethyst pressed on being her exuberant self. "Swiped some candy off a desk while you guys were doin your test thingy, you want some? Don't take this the wrong way or nothin but this morning you looked like hell. Chocolate'll do you good", When I didn't answer she started stacking pieces of candy on my head.

"Ugh dude I just wanna take a nap", I reached up awkwardly and took a piece of the candy. Since my dominant arm was currently acting as my pillow I had to fumble around with my right one. This made the entire tower fall over and Amethyst to guffaw loudly, "Fuckin hell." Groaning I forced myself to sit back up so I could collect the wayward treats that had fell. "Mmmm thanks this's pretty good", I hummed when I finally unwrapped the little square. Amethyst ripped the foil off her own piece, there was a huge smile on her face that I had to assume was from me. Giving her one of my own, smaller though so it didn't feel so forced, I leaned back again. 

As much as I wanted to go straight home Rose insisted that we head out to the store to do our school shopping. Guess doing that with the others was why she had been so late getting back yesterday. I really wasn't in the mood to deal with the crowds at Wal-Mart and I especially wasn't in any fit state to deal with Malachite. I wanted to kill her for what she did to me or at least make her hurt as much as I did. She needed to learn what it was like to be afraid to turn around, afraid to sleep, afraid to show anything resembling skin. Something warm touched my shoulder and I flinched away succeeding only in banging my bad knee against the raised spot where the wheel well was. "Easy there tiger", Amethyst's laughter made me turn to face her. "You doze off or somethin sleepyhead? Rose has been callin your name for like forever now."

Great just fucking great I had made an ass of myself for the second time today and it was barely after noon. I opened my mouth to answer but Rose beat me to the punch, "I was just asking if you were feeling alright. You're awfully quiet back there. You didn't even speak up when I asked who wanted to stop for breakfast." Damn this woman for giving a fuck, why couldn't she just let me wallow in my own misery? I mumbled out some bullshit line about being tired before rolling back over. She didn't buy it, I could tell by the way she watched me in the rear view mirror. My body was wire tight when we got out of the car a few minutes later; I didn't like this, didn't like the way everyone's eyes seemed to follow me like they knew what had happened. We got sandwiches at the little sub shop attached to the front of the store. Rose's steady gaze kept me eating the tasteless meal even though I just wanted to puke.

Malachite brushed my arm as we moved down the aisle and that was the straw that broke me. I lashed out striking the back of her head hard enough that I felt the shock all the way up my arm. Chaos erupted in the form of shouted insults, mild shoving, and flying fists. Before either of us could do any real damage to the other we were pulled apart. Jasper had me in a full nelson while Amethyst held Mal tight around the middle to keep her still. No one else in the crowded store seemed to notice our little scene not even Rose who had wandered ahead. Still growling to myself I lurched away from Jasper to find the familiar pile of pink hair. Eventually I calmed down enough to pick out some clothes: socks, undies, bras, shirts, a couple pairs of jeans, you know normal stuff. Jasper kept close to me the entire time like she was waiting for me to snap again. I wanted to hurt her just as bad. In a fucked up way I think I blamed her more than Malachite; without her help that shit probably wouldn't have happened. Later though, I'd get her later, there were too many witnesses at the store.

I was beyond pissed when Jasper climbed into the back of the van with me instead of Amethyst. What the fuck man? The hulking brute didn't say anything just stared straight ahead at the paint peeling off the door. Being within arms reach of those freakishly large hands brought back memories of being pinned. I pressed my back against the wall trying to stay as far away from her as I could. Not really possible in a confined space full of plastic bags but I'm sure I got my point across. The faint stench of blood and death tingled in my nose, a vivid memory brought to life by Jasper's presence. Bile climbed steadily up my throat; I couldn't keep it in once we got back home. As soon as I was able to scramble free of the van I was on my knees purging myself of everything I had eaten. Thoroughly humiliated by my inability to pretend everything was fine I grabbed the bags of my stuff and went to the barn. 

My self imposed isolation didn't last very long however, I'd barely gotten my boots off when Rose walked through the wooden double doors. She stood by my bed expressive dark eyes filled with concern and when she spoke it sounded like she was on the edge of tears. "Wulfie, can we talk? You've been acting strange and I'm worried about you, we're all worried." Fuck, man she was really upset and it was my fault. I may be little more than an animal some days but even I know not to bite the hand that feeds me. Without Rose and Greg I'd still be rotting in a cold cell, living off cheap Ramen, and going nowhere. They wanted to give me, and the others, a chance at a real life with a real family. Did I want it? Did I want to be more than the bitter teen with the bad knee and worse reputation? Rose believed in me but did I believe in myself?

"Y-you c-c-can sit down", Mentally I cursed myself and my bullshit speech issues. I shifted over on the bed so there was enough space for Rose to sit comfortably while still keeping my distance. She wasn't a violent person, it just wasn't her nature, but I knew first hand that those thick arms were hiding a surprising amount of strength. At the moment one of those arms was lifted like she wanted to put it around my shoulders and pull me into a hug. "N-no hugs Rose, not right now, s-sorry n-not really feeling up to being touched", A fine trembling made its way down my arms. Feeling restless I let my hands fidget in my lap before lifting them to wipe my mouth again. I couldn't quite bring myself to meet her eyes so I focused on a crack on the floor that kind of looked like a dog. She was too kind, too pure, telling her about what happened felt like I was tainting her somehow.

Rose withdrew her arm without complaint still keeping close to me in case I changed my mind. That's one thing that I really liked about her if you weren't up for something she just accepted it. She didn't try to talk you into anything you weren't comfortable with and she always respected boundaries. "You know you can talk to me about anything, right Wulfenite? No matter what you say you're safe here, Greg and I aren't giving up on you." I nodded still not trusting myself to speak until I got the stutter back under control. "Now please honey tell me what's going on with you so I can help", I dared to look away from the floor to find her eyes shining.

"Yeah", It came out as more of a long sigh than a word, "Some fucked up stuff went down." I still didn't have the courage to admit what happened, "I know you like trust all of us and want us all to do well but Mal it bad. S-she's bad and she's hurting me and", A sob broke through cutting off my sentence. When Rose reached for a hug this time I all but fell into her arms burying my face against her soft shoulder. She smelled nice, like green growing things, and her arms were unbelievably comforting. Those arms were everything a mother's touch should be and more and fuck I was tired of hiding how shitty I felt. So I let myself cry, cry until there were no tears left and all I could do was lean against her side spent. "It's okay, I can handle her shit, I'll be okay just promise me you won't let her hurt anybody else."

"No one is going to hurt anyone Wulfie", Rose's voice had an edge like sharpened steel when she responded. "There will be no more violence on this farm one death was more than enough. You girls aren't enemies so stop acting like it", She pulled back so she could look me in the eyes. Damn it she didn't get it, she was still going to insist that we all hug this out and start acting like a family. Fuck, fuck, fuck what was I going to do? I couldn't let Malachite hurt Lapis or Steven, or Amethyst a small voice in the back of my mind added. Somehow the overly outgoing girl went and got herself on the list of people I was willing to protect. Thinking more I decided Rose and Greg should be on that list too even if they were both fully able to defending themselves. Well Rose was at least, I don't know about Greg the guy was a marshmallow but he swung a mean waffle iron. 

"Alright Rose, I'll try to play nice", The words felt like acid on my tongue. It was a lie, I was lying to the only adult who ever gave a fuck about me. Although it didn't HAVE to be a lie, I'd still defend myself and those I cared about I just wouldn't pick fights anymore. Yeah that could work, just leave the bitch the fuck alone until she needed to be put down. My words seemed to satisfy Rose for now because she stopped talking and just let me hug her for a while. I meant it when I said she gave the best hugs. After a while Rose was replaced by Lapis clinging to me like I was the last thing left on Earth. I had no idea when the blue haired girl had come into the barn or even if she'd been there the whole time just staying quiet so Rose and I wouldn't notice her. "Hey Lazuli, miss me much?" The chuckle hurt my still raw throat but it was worth it for the giant smile I got.

"You've been sad lately", Lapis stated as if it was the most simple thing in the world. "No one likes a sad sack Wulfie", She giggled and I ruffled her fluffy blue hair. I had no idea why she was suddenly in such a good mood but I sure as hell wasn't complaining. Brooding Lapis was just about the most miserable thing I've ever had to experience. All she would do is lay on her back by the lake muttering to herself and staring at the sky like those teens in angsty drama shows. It was no good man. "Steven and his friend Connie are hanging out at the house today so we should probably stay away. Don't want to scare her off because we're dangerous criminals and all that", Even through her laughter I could hear the slight bitterness laced in her voice. Lapis told me once that she didn't like having to hide who she was. She said her mom used to keep her in front of a mirror for hours practicing her best smiles before she was allowed to go outside. No wonder she hated mirrors, I wouldn't want to be treated like some kind of fancy showpiece either.

In the end the two of us decided to just hang out at the edge of the smaller than average lake. Lapis was swimming happily while I sat by the shore splashing her whenever she got close enough. Swimming was not my friend, we weren't even close enough to be on a first name basis. In the water I'm about as coordinated as a newborn and I sink like a fucking rock. Kind of funny that I ended up being so close to a girl who practically lived in the water. The way she moved it was like the liquid responded to her very thoughts. The hot sun beat down on my flannel shirt making me sweaty and unhappy but I couldn't bring myself to loosen the buttons. Crying had helped take some of the tension out of me but I still felt ashamed at being exposed. "They won't be hurting you again", Lapis said from her seat on the shore next to me. "Jasper's hands are the only ones big enough to make those bruises", She spat a bitter laugh into the air, "I would know." 

Lapis drew her knees up to her chest, "We were together for a while back when I first got locked up. She came to me looking for a partner to help take down a gang called The Rebelles; she wasn't strong enough to beat them alone. The other girls there they were bad, they only cared about having power over everyone. At that point in my life I was sick of feeling trapped and scared everywhere I went. I wanted them to know what it was like to be everyone's prisoner so I took Jasper's hand. Shortly after that we found Malachite and got her in on it; the three of us were ruling that place in a month." She hugged her knees tighter shoulders shaking, "Jasper and I both wanted control. We fought brutally, then we'd fuck, we'd promise each other things would get better but they never did. In the end I couldn't take it anymore, I tried to kill myself so they transferred me to a different facility. I hadn't seen her again until we all ended up here", Tears ran soundless races down her dimpled cheeks. "If she tries hurting you again call me, I can take her shit", It was said in a whisper. 

"Fuck that", I barked startling myself with how loud I was, "Fuck that I ain't lettin you sacrifice yourself for me. Rose says we all gotta play nice so I'm planin on layin low for a while unless one of them starts shit. What they did is gonna leave me fucked up for a long time and damn if I'm lettin them get away with it." Waiting for a nod of consent I leaned my head on Lapis' shoulder letting my eyes drift across the water. "They won't break us Lapis, not if we don't let them", I rubbed my cheek against her damp skin.


	8. School is in Session

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And so begins Wulfenite's sophomore year at Beach City High School

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long chapter is long I know but I couldn't find a good place to break it up

You know what they say about paranoia right? That just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they aren't out to get you. Well ever since that day at the store and my talk with Rose it seemed like I wasn't allowed to be by myself anymore. Between Amethyst, Lapis, and Jasper the only way I could get any real alone time was when I was in the bathroom. Whether Rose or Amethyst was behind the whole thing didn't really matter, at least not to me, it was still fucking annoying. I was suddenly expected to join in when Lapis spent time at the lake or when Amethyst made the short walk into Beach City proper. At least Jasper didn't try to make me do anything when she was on shadow duty. She mostly just followed behind me scowling; more than once I told her to leave me the fuck alone but she'd just play deaf until I was done yelling then go back to whatever she was doing. Suppose I should be grateful that none of them tried climbing into my bed at night so I still had that time to myself. None of them needed to know that I still wasn't sleeping well and when I did manage to doze off my dreams were filled with gurgling moos and being trapped underneath a thrusting body.

July faded into August with very little changing in the social dynamic around the barn. Rose's garden was ready to yield its first crop of veggies for the season so helping her out kept me pretty busy. Steven's visits to the farm became more frequent as summer drew to a close. Somehow I ended up integrated into their little wrestling game as Amethyst's rival Howling Fury. Don't ask me where the nickname came from, probably some kind of play off the fact that my name sounds like wolf. Childish as it all was I still found myself having fun with the silly kid. It probably should have scared me how easy it was becoming to pretend that everything was okay. The nightmares were still there as was the complete disgust I had with showing any part of skin. At night I rarely slept in my bed choosing instead to wander the farmstead until I was too exhausted to move then sleeping where I fell. Nights seemed to be the only time I could escape my constant supervision, at least until Lapis started insisting on crashing in my bed with me. Around the middle of August a man came by and loaded what was left of the cows into a trailer. Couldn't blame the Universes for not wanting to be reminded of what happened even if it did suck losing the animals. 

Malachite was still constantly on my mind but for some reason the taller girl didn't see fit to keep provoking me. Wonder if it had something to do with Jasper's sudden status as my impromptu shadow. I really was not looking forward to school starting again come the beginning of September. Being the new kid was always awkward as fuck especially coming into a small town environment where friend groups have been established for years. At least the getting up early thing wasn't so bad, I didn't bother sleeping so I wasn't even pissed off when the alarm went off. I didn't bother changing out of the red and black flannel I wore to bed, it was still mostly clean just a little blood stained, but I did swap out my sweatpants for a pair of new black jeans. My favorite boots went on and, backpack in hand, I was as ready to go as I'd ever be.

Since we were technically outside of the city limits, albeit barely, we had to walk about 15 minutes to the nearest bus stop. "Your hair looks like you lost a fight with a lightning bolt", Lapis giggled from my right. Looking at her appearance I decided that maybe crippling anxiety had its uses. She was spotlessly clean in a brand new blue dress that hung just past her knees. Her fluffy hair was perfectly groomed in its usual cute that framed her oval face perfectly. If it wasn't for her trembling hands you'd almost think she was a well adjusted member of society. I never did ask what she did to earn herself a place in the unfeeling world of the justice system. The Lapis I knew was always so careful about everything she did that it bordered on paranoia. 

Amethyst was giving Ruby a piggyback ride while the shorter girl hollered something about Nords and Skyrim. I was a rumpled, limping mess, with my weird hair sticking up at pretty much every angle known to man. Malachite wasn't much better in her torn up jeans and forest green tank top. Like me she hadn't bothered trying to groom herself so her bushy hair was a frizzed out mess that kind of looked like something a mad scientist in a cartoon would have. Jasper was in a tight white muscle shirt and jeans wearing her best "don't fuck with me expression". Our rag tag bunch made its way to the bus stop where a few other people were already milling around. One girl, a super short blonde with green eyes and a Zelda shirt, glanced up at Amethyst when she shouted about dragons but overall no one said anything. Most people in town knew about the delinquents that were being looked after by the Universes. I wouldn't be surprised if there was some kind of meeting about it where parents told their kids that if they kept leaving their beds messy they'd end up like us, fucking dicks.

My sour mood didn't improve on the bus when I was forced to sit with a stranger and not Lapis. It was the same tiny blonde that had been starring at us when we walked up. Aside from the Zelda shirt she was in a pair of dark colored skinny jeans and green Converses. Her hair was a bright yellow and seemed to stick up all over the place despite her obvious efforts to tame it. If you squinted her hair sort of looked like it formed a triangle with the way the tufts were sticking out. She had bright green eyes that were tucked behind a pair of wired framed glasses, yeah definitely a nerd. I let my cheek rest against the window and closed my eyes letting my mind wander in the early morning haze. The girl next to me was playing some weird dubstep shit on her phone way to fucking loud. Resisting the urge to smack the phone out of her hand I instead threw my own headphones in. Nightwish wasn't the most punk thing in the world but I liked their sound and it drowned out the nerd's computer made bullshit.

Gym first thing in the morning, just fucking great, paint me mother fucking enthused. That acidic thought dragged through my mind as I slipped into my gray workout clothes. Staying active wasn't really an issue for me but I hated being judged on my performance. Like if I ran a mile in fifteen minutes it still looked like I was lazy as fuck even though fifteen was a lot faster than the twenty minutes it had been the month before. Running was very much not my thing even before my knee decided it was going to be an asshole and hurt all the time. The gym teacher was a giant of a woman with a long blonde ponytail who called herself Miss Opal. She wasn't as muscular as Jasper but there was definitely an athletic grace about her as she strode around the gym checking names off her clipboard. Her pale blue eyes reminded me of ice chips when she saw my name, "You are one of the Quartz children yes?" There was a strangeness to her cadence, an accent that I couldn't quite place. When I nodded her icy gaze intensified, "I will tolerate no trouble in my class. Should you make an issue of yourself I will not hesitate to go to Miss Diamond, understood?" I just nodded again and went back to the long list of stretches I was supposed to be doing. Something told me I would be hearing that exact speech quite a bit today. Fucking assholes, they all just assume that because I have a criminal record that I delight in making things difficult for myself. All I wanted was to get this bullshit over with so I could go back home and help Greg tune up the van.

The shrill screech of a whistle signaled the end of athletic hell and as a group all of us students flocked towards the locker room. While I changed I pretended not to hear the whispers of the room's other occupants. "I heard she shot a guy", One girl breathed from the locker off to my right. She was a tiny thing, maybe standing as high as my chest, with curly brown hair and matching eyes. "Oh yeah?," Her neighbor retorted, "Well I heard that they all live in an abandoned barn cooking drugs and fucking each other." The one who responded was just slightly taller than her friend but a bit wider around the hip area. She had hair the color of fresh cut hay done up in a long braid down her back nearly to her waist.

The two of them kept stealing glances at me between sentences, refusing to meet my eyes when I looked over at them. It didn't take a genius to figure out the topic of their gossip, hell I'm sure even an idiot could put two and two together. An idiot I may be but a pushover I am not. There was no way I was going to sit there and let a couple of twats talk shit about me and do nothing about it. My fists connected with the cold metal of the locker door before I rounded on the two of them. "You two probably don't have more than a couple brain cells to rub together between you so I'll make myself nice and clear. Shut your fucking mouths or I will not hesitate to shut them for you", I punctuated my threat with another swing at my locker before turning on my heel and walking away.

It seemed like everywhere I went there were curious eyes and whispers following close behind. How much of that was real and how much was just my paranoia was up for debate. Second hour was science class and my eyes lit up when I saw I shared it with Lapis and Amethyst. The teacher was a wizened old man with a high droning voice that looked like he would drop dead at any moment. Judging by the way some of my classmates were glancing longingly at the clock I'd be willing to bet they were hoping for just that. Despite the seating being alphabetical Amethyst, Lapis, and I were placed in the front row because yeah the implication there was subtle. Instead of desks like a normal classroom there were two-seater tables done up in 5 by 3 rows. I was sat next to a painfully skinny sour faced boy with a red mowhawk and gauged ears. He took one look at me, glared, and slipped his ear buds in before I could try to talk to him. Not that I minded really, being ignored was a hell of a lot better than being judged. From the corner of my eye I noticed the nerdy blonde girl from the bus whispering to a tall pale girl who was seated directly behind me. When the teacher was distracted going over projector slides about class expectations the nerdy girl's friend tapped my shoulder to get me to turn around. "Hey", Blonde nerd stage whispered once I was looking at her, "What's with your weird eyes?"

Mother fucking son of a bitch, not even 10am and I was dealing with personal fucking questions. Much like my hair my eyes looked weird thanks to an oddball combination of genetics. Technically they were green but most of the irises looked super yellow with just a bit of green towards the edge. Kids used to pick on me for it back in elementary school and I was still pretty defensive about the whole thing. Rather than answer I flipped the girl and her friend the double bird before turning back around. Oblivious of everything the teacher just kept droning on about his bullshit slideshow. To my left Lapis was laying face down across her desk, Amethyst was doing the same to my right with the addition of snores. Shrugging I decided to follow suit figuring I deserved a nap since sleeping back at the barn wasn't exactly the most restful. A prod on my shoulder from Amethyst woke me just as the bell started ringing. "Holy fuck man that old bastard could cure insomnia", I groaned on my way to the door.

Lapis giggled quietly beside me nodding her agreement, "I'm surprised he didn't comment on your snoring Wulfie. Between you and Amethyst I thought for sure he'd say something", The three of us shared a laugh before heading off to our other classes. Lapis and Amethyst had English next on the top floor, I was headed to the ground level for my first automotive class; Basic Auto. Basic auto wasn't so much a classroom as it was a giant garage complete with old cars, hydraulic lift, and enough tools to stock a small hardware store. Most of the class was already there when I walked in, including skinny pale girl from science class. With her perfectly groomed strawberry blonde hair, pressed khakis, and wrinkle free blue blouse she didn't look like the grease monkey type but whatever. If she was anything like her shorter friend she was nothing but a little shit. Miss Shit opened her mouth like she was going to say something to me but was cut off when the teacher strode into the room.

"Goooood morning everybody, how're y'all doin today?" Big brown eyes looked out from a massive pair of glasses. "I am the lovely and talented Sardonyx", She spread her long coco colored arms wide. Clearly this woman had a flare for the dramatics and enjoyed the sound of her own voice. Every word was enunciated perfectly like she was giving some kind of award speech. Blonde hair was perfectly styled on top her head in a way that vaguely reminded me of a triangle. It contrasted nicely with her light brown skin and wide gap toothed smile. Her top was a navy blue button down that was sort of tuxedo like complete with cheesy red bow tie. Yeah she was definitely some kind of eccentric but for some reason I couldn't keep myself from mirroring her friendly smile. "I know y'all are probably eager to dive right in but for today we're going to be focusing on classroom safety". Yep that was my cue to zone out again, I knew how to safely work tools I mean Greg and I just put a new roof on the barn without getting a scrape between us. Looking around it was easy to tell that I wasn't the only one zoning out. Of the twenty or so students in the class only pale skinny girl was actually paying attention.

Miss Sardonyx's rules and safety presentation took up most of the hour, by the gods that woman could talk, and it was clear that most of the class had completely zoned out by the end. By the time she was done there was only 10 minutes left and we were told that we could just go to lunch early. Since I had been standing near the door I didn't need to be told twice I just slouched my way out. Just as I reached the end of the hall I hear a voice calling for me to stop. "Hey, wait up", When I turn around I see pale skinny girl fighting her way through the student throng towards me. Shrugging, and admittedly curious, I leaned against the wall and waited for her to catch up. I didn't think I had gotten that much of a head start on her or anything but she was a good ways back. Probably stayed after class to thoroughly kiss the teacher's ass, she definitely seemed like the type to do that. Eventually she did catch up and stood in front of me smiling in a way that managed to be both awkward and slightly salty. From that angle she kind of looked like a bird with her long, hooked, nose, big blue eyes, and spiky hair. "Thanks, I wasn't sure if you would wait or not, I'm Pearl Collins", She held out her hand for me to shake like this was some kind of fucking business meeting.

"Wulfenite, friends call me Wulfie", Reluctantly I extended my left hand and gave her's a rather awkward shake. Her skin was rather cool to the touch, it felt rather nice considering I was overheating in my long sleeve shirt. After I pulled away my palm was left with this weird tingling sensation that made me really wish I'd wore gloves. Hoping to dissipate the feeling I ran my hand through my shaggy hair making an admittedly futile attempt at taming it. This chick's prim and proper get up and prissy attitude was really starting to put me on edge. We both stood there weirdly for a second before I asked, "So what is it that you wanted anyway? I know my company is pretty fucking awesome and all but you could've admired that without making me stop." Yeah I fell back on the old trick of acting cocky when I was uncomfortable, so what? It's not like I'm the only person who ever did it and there's no fucking way I'd end up being the last. Arrogance is a nice thing to hide behind when you're an antisocial piece of shit like me.

A faint blush appeared on the girl's cheeks and she looked down obviously flustered at my response. "Well we could, that is to say if you like, we can have this discussion while we're walking." Her long fingers fidgeted in front front of her while she spoke and she wouldn't quite meet my eyes. How was it even possible to carry yourself like you're better than everyone and still be so fucking awkward? I shrugged and detached myself from the wall so I could walk next to her. We were about the same height but Pearl seemed to be like 90% leg and easily kept pace with me. "I wanted to apologize for Peridot", She shifted a nervous glance towards my eyes before quickly looking away. "Honestly I doubt she meant any offense she just lacks tact", Pearl was fidgeting again. "When she first got here she would hiss at people she didn't wish to speak to." Picking up on context clues I figured Peridot was the nerdy blonde girl from science class. Great so the two of them were friends and rather than saying sorry herself the bitch just asked someone else to do it for her. "If you like you're welcome to sit with us at lunch", Pearl continued seemingly oblivious to my anger. "Being the new kid is never easy, I know that from experience", She tacked on a shy smile at the end.

"Uhh yeah I'm gonna go with no on that", I cut her off before she could start to ramble. "So we're clear here you're friend is a fuckin asshole, I don't care what kind of bullshit excuse you give for her. You tell he,r from me, that she better learn some fuckin respect before I fuckin teach her myself. As for your lunch offer I don't need your fucking pity", We were at the stairs now and ascending along with what looked like the art and music students. Typical man shove all the interesting classes down in the basement to keep the free thinkers away from the normal kids. Catching sight of Amethyst I grabbed the back of her shirt and gave it a playful tug to get her attention. She whirled, fist raised and brown eyes narrowed, ready to defend herself. Her demeanor changed once her eyes caught up with her instincts and she grinned.

"Yo Wulfie don't do that shit man I almost beat you into a green pancake", Amethyst's grin grew when her eyes slid over to Pearl. "What's with bird nerd over here, you gettin yourself a fan club or somethin? Not even halfway through the day and you're already wooing innocent girls into our hooligan lifestyle, for shame my dear Wulfie for shame." Her signature deep belly laugh filled the stairwell intensifying when the blush reappeared on Pearl's pale cheeks. Unable to resist for long I joined in with Amethyst's riotous laughter nearly doubling over with the force of it. Something about Amethyst was just infectious like that, she had this huge personality that just drew you in no matter how hard you tried to fight it. It really made me wonder what she did to end up in lock up long enough to be drafted into a rehabilitation program. I mean she kind of had a temper, her anger was downright impressive once it got going, but it never seemed to last long.

"Bird Nerd s-seriously dude", I gasped out between laughs, "You've been spendin way too much time with Steven." I didn't manage to get myself back under control until we were at the top of the stairs. My sides ached from the prolonged laughter and tears were rolling down my cheeks. "Suppose it kind of fits though", I conceded casting another critical eye towards the still blushing Pearl. The beanpole of a girl seemed quite perplexed by the nicknames and I could almost see the question hanging from her lips. Not wanting to lose a familiar face in the sea of merging bodies I linked my arm with the short purple haired girl's. Close contact wasn't my thing even before the Malachite bullshit but at least my sleeve prevented any unwanted skin on skin. "Her name's Pearl, she's in our science and my auto class, not that you stayed up long enough to notice. Bird Nerd meet Purple Puma aka Amethyst", I pointed between them so they'd get the gist of the intro. Truth be told I don't know why I even bothered considering I didn't plan on Pearl being a regular in my life. The three of us got in the ever growing line for the cafeteria and I finally released the arm I had captured.

"Heck yeah it fits, it's perfeitamente", Amethyst yelled clapping me on the back hard enough that I stumbled into the person in front of me. "If you're gonna be hanging around Bird Nerd you better be careful or else you're gonna face the wrath of the Howling Fury. I can tell you from experience that Wulfie here has a killer left hook, like legit I watched her punch a hole through a wall." The kid I ran into promptly shut his mouth at that declaration and turned back around without saying a word. She wasn't lying though, my first week at the barn I got pissed at Ruby and threw a punch. I missed my target and I ended up smashing through a termite infested board in the wall. That had led to my first lecture on "mindful thinking" and "taking a moment to find myself". Hippie bullshit if you ask me but for Rose's sake I did my best to not destroy any more of my new home. "Anyways P", Amethyst's raspy voice pulled me out of the memory and back into the present, "You wanna sit with us? I promise me and Wuflie won't bite, unless you're into that sort of thing bonita", She wiggled her eyebrows suggestively making Pearl blush again.

Before I could voice my protest Ruby shoved herself into line in front of me panting like she had just run a mile. Her reddish brown skin was slick with sweat and the red headband that held her impressive afro in check was askew. "Guys", She wheezed clutching her sides, "Guys we gotta play a game of baseball when we get back home. We're starting it in gym class and there's this really pretty girl and", She cut herself off finally noticing Pearl. Ruby, if I had to use a metaphor to describe her, was a lot like a pile of gunpowder. Full of an immense amount of energy that seemed disproportional to her size and set off by the tiniest spark. Excitable isn't even close to describing the eternal flame that is Ruby Gomez. Interested brown eyes roved up and down Pearl's lithe frame taking in the wrinkle free clothes and perfectly groomed hair. "What's with her? You kidnapping natives again there Amethyst, seu cachorro tesão" Pearl let out a noise that I swear sounded like a bird squawking and her eyes went as wide as plates.

Amethyst just laughed and grabbed Ruby into a headlock, "Naw you tool she's here for Wulfie. You know that whole thing about birds following wolves around because they're awesome. It was on that nature thing Ste-Man was watchin with us the other night", The two of them playfully wrestled in line. Friendship between people like Ruby and Amethyst seemed like the most natural thing in the world. Their personalities were like reflections of each other, not to mention the fact that they shared some cultural backgrounds. One time I overheard them having a serious conversation in what I thought was Spanish. Turns out it was Portuguese and I had majorly insulted them by confusing it, oops. There was one hell of a shouting match after that which ended with me getting piled on and thrown in the mud. No hard feelings in the end though, at least not after they calmed down enough to explain why they were pissed. I'd be angry too if people were constantly assuming I was Mexican just because I had brown skin. 

You'd think I'd learn to keep my fucking mouth shut by now but no, I don't learn lessons. Stubborn they called it, I preferred describing myself as "steadfastly committed." So being committed on not being friends with Pearl I interjected myself into the conversation before it could go much further. "I already told her that I ain't sitting with her or her nerd friends, if you guys want to then go ahead but leave me out of it." Ruby and Amethyst broke apart the former shooting me a glare while the latter pouted. I just turned to face forward in line while the three of them continued to converse behind me. Food for the day turned out to be pizza and I grabbed my slice without a word. Tray in hand I made my way to an empty table at the back of the lunch room keeping my eyes out for Lapis along the way. When no shock of blue hair caught my attention I swore under my breath, she was stuck having the same lunch as Malachite. Not fucking cool man, how was I supposed to keep that fucking bitch away from her if we didn't have the same lunch? "Son of a fucking whore", My anxiety screamed, this was a god damned fucking issue.

After a few minutes of eating alone a red faced Ruby joined me looking like she was going to be sick. At my inquisitive eyebrow raise she groaned putting her head in her hands. "The pretty girl was there, the one from my gym class, and I couldn't do it. She just kept looking at me and she's super pretty and", She cut herself off with another dramatic groan. Crushes were very much not my area of expertise so I had no idea what I was supposed to do. Pretty sure I'm broken in that regard, since I can't find anyone that I'm attracted to. Sure I can appreciate pretty people but not in a, "fuck yeah baby I gotta get me some of that" kind of way. It's kind of like looking at a painting, I can recognize it as pretty but it doesn't do anything for me. Naked humans just aren't my thing, like I don't even want to see myself naked so why the fuck would I want to look at someone else you know? Course you guy probably think I'm nuts and hell I'm not disputing that but there isn't much I can do about it.

Lunch ended way too soon for my liking and with a heavy heart I trudged into math class. Lapis passed me in the hall and we exchanged smiles but there were too many moving bodies so we couldn't stop to talk. She seemed to be doing okay when we met up again after fourth hour so I took that as a victory. By then my good mood was pretty much trashed but you try sitting through an hour of, what amounted to, math for dummies and still be happy. Fifth hour was another government required course, English this time, so I felt no joy towards it. During scheduling I had managed to substitute regular English class with creative writing. I figured I'd get a bit more freedom there since artsy type teachers tend to not be as bitchy. Just my luck that fucking Rose Quartz turned out to be the creative writing teacher along with her role as the school nurse. Weird fucking set up if you ask me but I suppose the district could only do what the budget allowed. Pearl was also in that class and, much to my dismay, after seeing the other girl wave at me Rose decided to have us sit together. Wasting no time the class was given the assignment of describing themselves via haiku and reading our poems out loud to the class. Pearl's composition was of course as prissy and perfect as the girl herself. I, however, decided to have a bit of fun with mine. Standing in front of the whiteboard I looked out across the classroom and read.

"I fucking hate poems,  
Why are you making us write?  
This is really dumb."

It earned me a stern talking to about school appropriate language but it was worth it to see Pearl's indigent face. Creative Writing was one of the few classes I had that actually gave my homework on the first day. Rose wanted all of us to write a shorty story based on the phrase, "It was after midnight when it happened". Seemed pretty ambiguous to me but I suppose that was the point you could take that phrase in a million directions. I got a few paragraphs written in class and figured I'd work on the rest during the bus ride since it was better than having to talk to Peridot. My last class of the day was Engine Repair with Miss Sardonyx and it was basically a repeat of her speech from this morning. Once again I happily tuned out choosing instead to ponder over my short story. The harsh screech of the bell brought me back into reality and I fled the room with the rest of the class. 

Thankfully Peridot made no attempt to converse on the ride back leaving me free to work on my assignment from Rose. I caught the green eyed girl glancing down at my notebook a few times, her face scrunched as she tried to decipher my scribbles. Praise Odin for the invention of typing because there's no way in hell my shitty handwriting would be accepted. Writing left handed meant that the side of my hand dragged over everything I had just written, if I wasn't careful, smudging the ink together. When I get excited about what I'm working on it gets worse because I'm too in the zone to care about where my hand ends up. There was a newish desktop computer back at the house that I'd use to type everything out on later. Rose and Greg were talking about getting us our own set up in the barn eventually. 

Back at the barn I let myself get roped into helping Ruby practice baseball along with Amethyst and Lapis. Amethyst tried to get Jasper and Malachite to join in but they just glared and went off together bitching about math. Malachite and I had the same math class so I knew it wasn't a lie when she said she had homework. Doubt she'd end up actually doing in though since she spent the majority of class with her head on the desk. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't tempted to say fuck it right along with her. For fuck's sake the dude who taught the class spent the first half hour reminding us how to divide. The worksheet he gave us for homework looked like something you'd give to a fucking elementary kid. Still the ball game was fun and overall I was feeling pretty damn good about the day. 

"Today was weird", Lapis murmured in my ear while we lounged on the couch eating dinner. Nine people normally made for a crowded as fuck table so it wasn't uncommon for people to just eat wherever. I looked up from my growing short story to meet her eyes silently urging her to continue. "That little blonde girl you sit next to is in my art class, she kept trying to talk to me. She's like one of those little yapping dogs that wants you to pet it", A warm cheek rested against my shoulder. I hated how I flinched at the skin on skin contact; my long sleeve shirt had been too hot during the game so I stripped down to my under shirt. Lapis frowned at my reaction even after I assured her that she was okay, "You need to talk about this." 

"Not happenin Laz, not until I can think about it without wantin to puke", I rubbed my cheek over the top of her head. "C'mon let's watch somethin on TV", I sat my notebook down on the coffee table. Careful not to move too fast I snatch up the remote and flipped through channels looking for something to numb my thoughts. A few clicks later and we were happily watching reruns of nature documentaries. Once Lapis was settled comfortably I resumed work on the werewolf story I was writing. She was right, I couldn't keep what happened bottled up forever but damn it I could try.


	9. Bargains

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The crew gets adjusted to their new schedule and Wulfie finds a way to pass math

My first week at Beach City High proved to be an interesting one full of surprises both pleasant and not so much. For one thing I found the routine of the whole thing strangely comforting even if I did hate getting up stupid early to catch the bus. The more I thought about it the more I figured those white collar office jockeys might have been on to something. As much as I tried to resist it I was in fact responding to structure and discipline. There was something amazingly right about knowing exactly what was going to happen throughout the day. Ruby, Lapis, and Jasper seemed pretty happy about the whole thing too even if they didn't say it out loud. Even Amethyst appeared to enjoy the social aspects of school though I could tell the predictability of it all was grating on her. Really the only one who bitched about everything was Mal but since she was a miserable cunt anyway I just ignored her.

Gym class first thing in the morning pretty much forced me to wake the fuck up or face the wrath of Opal's whistle. Legit I have no god damn clue how one little piece of metal can make that much fucking noise. At least the giant of a coach was easing off me a bit and not glaring at me for the entire period. I even caught her smiling at me a few times when it was clear that my fitness was improving. Is it weird for me to admit that I was actually really enjoying gym class? Being up and active was keeping me tired enough that getting super pissed off at everything was becoming way too much effort. My knee was even starting to hurt less, I still had a limp but I no longer felt like my leg was going to fall off after class. Gym was a way for me to burn off huge chunks of the baseless aggression I had, it let me act out my alpha tendencies without actually hurting people. 

One thing that I was not enjoying about school was having to deal with Peridot. After our disaster of an introduction in science class the weird nerd just wouldn't leave me be. No matter how many times I told her to fuck off she just kept trying to talk to me. You'd think she'd have gotten the hint when I pretended not to hear her but no she just started talking louder. Lapis getting assigned as her partner for some kind of face portrait assignment in art wasn't helping. 

Of course Amethyst found the whole thing to be a fucking laugh riot even going so far as to invite her and her friends to sit with us at lunch since I refused to go to them. Don't get me wrong I really do like Amethyst but her natural ability to be a fucking troll was a damn hassle. By some gods damn miracle she didn't end up taking Amethyst up on the offer, probably one of her other friends talked her out of it. They did however relocate so they were sitting at a table next to my usual one. This led to many an afternoon of the chatty blonde doing her best to to get me to like her while I pretended she wasn't there. 

The only one who seemed more upset than me about the move was Ruby since it put her next to her crush. I had to admit the object of Ruby's affection was rather cute. She was a little thing, maybe a hair taller than Ruby herself, with pale skin. Her eyes were always covered by a large poof of white blonde hair so I could never really tell where she was looking. Girl seemed like a real space case always talking about stuff like it was beneath her. The few times I heard her speak it was in a cold tone completely void of any kind of feeling. Truth be told I got this weird vibe from her like she was distancing herself from everyone. Not being a shrink and all I couldn't tell if she was just trying to seem aloof or if she was legit some kind of ultra detached psycho. Either way she put me on edge and I avoided talking to her if at all possible.

Other than Pearl, and the nameless ice queen, there was one other girl who Peridot had somehow convinced to associate with her. Like Pearl she was tall but where Pearl was a stick this girl was thick. Sorry I couldn't help but throw the rhyme in there, you know you loved it you sick son of a bitch. Her skin was a deep mocha color, like coffee with just a splash of milk in it. Toned arms and a trim waist segued into voluptuous hips and thighs that could probably crush any skull placed between them. Dark shades hid half of her face from prying eyes leaving the world to wonder what she was thinking. A purring British accent and massive black afro completed the anomaly that was Garnet. Maybe I did go a bit poetic there for a minute,but I swear there was no way I couldn't. She was like some kind of living statue, always composed and assured of herself. I kind of got the impression that she was the leader of their little group even though Peridot was the most vocal. She had that, "I'm in charge and a badass", type vibe going for her.

Garnet was a girl of few words but when she did speak to you it felt really special. On the day their group took over the table next to mine she and I had a nice conversation about video games. You wouldn't know it by looking at her but Garnet had a love of old school arcade games. Mr. Smiley, the guy who runs the arcade in Beach City, actually banned her for a while because of the impossibly high scores she got on Meat Beat Mania. Hitting the Punch Buddy machine so hard that it broke the little dummy guy on it probably didn't help. 

Aside from gym the other class that I hadn't been expecting to enjoy was creative writing. My first homework assignment came back with a solid B+ and a note saying I'd get better grades if I cut down on the swears. It's not my fucking fault that you can put the word fuck anywhere in a sentence and have it make perfect fucking sense. I'm not too proud to deny the fact that I geeked out super hard when Rose announced that we would be studying Beowulf. Being as I'm a mother fucking viking I live for any chance to explore my blood right. Too bad the version the school had us reading was the Christianized version instead of the glorious heathen original but beggars can't be choosers I suppose. I hadn't expected Pearl to be as excited about the story as I was, it definitely earned her major brownie points with me.

Annoyingly prissy as she was Pearl was surprisingly knowledgeable about a wide variety of things. Much as I tried to resist it I found myself really liking hanging around with the girl. I wouldn't go so far as to call us friends but when it came time to partner up in auto class I was glad she picked me. Maybe Amethyst was right and I was going soft. Had to admit though when the bolt slipped off the oil pan and Pearl got covered in goop her rage was rather endearing. Lucky for her it happened on a half day so she didn't have to spend the whole school day smelling like burnt oil. Before I could stop it the offer to loan her my gym clothes to change in spilled out of my traitorous mouth. Couldn't really blame her for not taking me up on the offer though, I think my clothes actually smelled worse than the oil.

Three weeks into the year and I was firmly set in my established pattern wake up, class, help Greg, do homework, try to go to sleep. A solid night's sleep was still a rarity; normally I'd doze for a few hours then wake up restless. Anxiety took every chance it could to remind me that Malachite and Jasper were just a few feet away. Paranoia turned every slight rustling of cloth or creaking board into attackers who would get me if I didn't stay on guard. One Friday in particular it was so bad that I couldn't force myself to stay inside the barn. Parting with an affectionate cheek rub to Lapis' shoulder I threw on my hoodie and slept outside. 

"You look terrible", Peridot stated as she began rummaging through her cluttered bag. "Here, it's the special edition sour apple flavor", She drew a neon green can from a side pocket and handed it to me. The label read Crimson Eagle complete with a picture of a bright red bird, "Take it clod I haven't tampered with it." Grunting I took the offered beverage just as the bus pulled in to shuttle us off to assimilation camp. Loath as I am to admit it the drink was actually pretty good; Peridot's eyes lit up when I nodded my thanks. 

At the final bell I made my way up the stairs towards my locker trying not to think about the math homework that was due on Monday. Beach City's so called "remedial math program" was still over my head now that we were getting into actual Algebra. No matter how hard I tried to understand them the formulas never made sense and the useless old hag of a teacher wasn't any help. Any time I asked her to explain anything she just told me to read the chapter again, it was fucking bullshit. Grumbling to myself I continued down the hall freezing when a familiar nasally voice sounded from one of the lockers. "Log date 9-23-16, it seems that once again the cool kids have seen fit to imprison me in my assigned storage cubical. As I am currently without any of my usual tools and it is after hours it appears I have no choice but to wait until the janitors come to do their nightly cleaning. Note to self retrieve equipment bag from electronics classroom as soon as possible to avoid being stranded in the future, Peridot out."

I stopped in front of the locker where the sound was coming from and peered curiously into the little metal slits at the top. Two bright green eyes stared back at me, yep there was definitely a person in there. Stuffing someone in a locker was pretty cliche but I had to admire the dedication to the classics. For several heartbeats I considered pretending that I hadn't heard anything and leaving Peridot to rot. The girl was annoying as fuck, she probably did this to herself by making one of her smart ass comments. There'd be no way of knowing I was ever there, I could walk away and get on the bus and no one would be the wiser. I glanced through the slits again and stared into pleading emerald orbs; shit man I was going soft. Sighing I rapped my knuckles lightly on the thin metal of the locker door and spoke. "You've got about thirty seconds to give me your combination before I change my mind and leave you here."

"Oh thank the stars! Yes my combination is 7-14-2", Peridot's voice was full of relieved excitement. A distant rumbling of engines informed me that the buses were leaving for the day, fuck. After wiping my greasy hands on my jeans, I HAD just come from engine repair after all, I grasped the circular tumbler and entered the combination. The lock gave a click of confirmation and I pulled the door open causing Peridot to fall flat on her face. She hastily got to her feet, running nervous fingers through her unkempt mass of blonde hair, before looking up at me with a giant grin. "I would like to offer you my sincerest thanks for rescuing me from that aluminium prison. The clods who locked me in there surely did not count on my superior friend making abilities. Peridot Diamond by the way, I do not believe we have been formally introduced", She offered me her hand. For real what was with this school and fucking handshakes do they not know we're fucking teenagers?

"Wulfenite and I ain't your friend nerd", I cut her off before she could get going on one of her tangents, "and you made me miss my fuckin bus. You're lucky Rose had to stay after for some kind of meetin", I beckoned her forward with a wave of my hand. "C'mon, I gotta grab my shit", Not bothering to see if she was following I continued to the end of the hall where my locker was. The soft thump of shoes on thin carpet told me Peridot was following. Quick as I could I threw my books into my beat up backpack and made my way to the stairs. "If we hurry we can catch Rose before she leaves, I doubt she'll mind giving you a lift home she's a bleeding heart like that." Then it clicked, Diamond, this little shit was related to the cunt on the school board; fucking great.

Peridot nodded and we walked in silence up the stairs to the creative writing classroom. Rose was still in there talking with a student and, what I assumed were, his parents. "Excellent we're not too late", Peridot grinned triumphantly up at me like Rose's being there was something she arranged. "By the way I couldn't help but notice your math textbook while you were collecting your things. Judging by the fact that you are in a remedial course I feel I am safe in assuming the subject is not your strongest." I gave her a curt nod which only served to make her smile wider in response. "If that is the case allow me to offer you my services as a tutor, mathematics is a passion of mine. Yes, there is definitely a deal to be made here, I have a business proposal for you. I will assist you in completing your required math credits and in exchange you act as my escort so the others will stop picking on me, deal?"

"Escort, I ain't a call girl", I spoke with something resembling humor while mulling the offer over. Tutoring would improve my grade, in theory at least, but it would mean spending more time with someone I found insufferable. Still the snarky blonde was far from the worse option I had considering my grade was sitting at a low C. Better her than some old fucker assigned by the school who didn't know their head from their asshole. "Alright I suppose we can give it a shot for a bit", I said slowly extending my stained hand. "Got a test coming up on Wednesday and I have no fuckin clue what that dried up old crone is on about." Peridot extended her small hand and I grasped it with my own calloused one squeezing a bit harder than I maybe needed too. She winced but squeezed back briefly before letting go and leaning against the wall next to me.

Rose's door opened then chasing away the awkward silence that was starting to grow between us. The giant pink haired woman let out a little noise of surprise but recovered quickly and offered a warm smile. "Hello you two", She greeted looking between myself and Peridot, "Wulfie you didn't tell me you made a friend." She practically squealed that last part and I already started regretting this, "Was there something you needed?" She shifted to the side to allow the rather abashed student and his parents to exit. Soft and sweet as she was Rose had a bite to her that could come out at a moment's notice. Judging by the look at the kid's face as he walked by me I was willing to bet she gave him a verbal lashing he wouldn't soon forget. I could sympathize with him having been on the receiving end of Rose's ire more than once.

"We missed the bus", I explained to the quizzical teacher turned guardian in front of me. I didn't bother trying to argue that Peridot and I weren't friends, it was irrelevant to the current conversation and would only raise more questions. "Don't suppose there's any chance of us gettin a ride home with you is there? S'not like the barn is out of your way or anythin", I shrugged trying to seem as nonchalant as I could. The odds of Rose refusing to give me a ride back were admittedly pretty low but did exist. She could easily say something along the lines of it being my fault for being slow or that she was too busy. It's not like she really owed me anything, I wasn't her kid, I was just some punk she and Greg let live on their property. Legally I'm pretty sure I was considered property of the state since the court was never able to get in contact with my parents after I was locked up.

Rose smiled kindly down at Peridot and asked,"Do you need a ride home too dear?" The nerd had been rather quiet since the teacher appeared, it was probably the longest I'd ever seen her with her mouth shut. She nodded the affirmative and Rose's smile widened to the point where it could have been blinding. "Of course I can give you a lift", She placed a motherly hand on Peridot's jacket covered shoulder. "Go ahead and call your parents to let them know you're going to be a bit late, we wouldn't want them to worry." While Peridot texted furiously on her phone Rose turned that thousand watt smile on me. "I'm so glad to see you making friends dear and Peri is a very nice girl", We were out the front door now and heading to the parking lot. Not bothering with ceremony I flopped into my usual spot in the cargo area of Greg's van while Rose sured things up with Peridot's parents. To her credit the short girl looked rather uncomfortable being the center of attention. "It's all settled dear", Rose hopped into the front seat and started the engine, "I'll bring you home after dinner", Well fuck!

Riding home with Rose and Peridot was probably the most cringe worthy thing I had to do in quite a while. The annoying little blonde insisted on sitting in the back with me so I had to deal with their bellowed conversation the whole way. It's not like it was even about anything super interesting they just talked about school shit. Apparently Peridot was in the school's honors program and was hoping to get into the robotics field after graduation. I did my best to ignore them by curling up into my usual napping spot in the corner. That worked for all of twenty seconds before a bony finger jabbed into my shoulder to get my attention. "So Wulfenite", Peridot started softly, "I don't mean to pry but why exactly do you live with Miss Quartz?"

You don't mean to pry, really bitch, because that totally excuses asking someone an insanely personal question. I mean what am I even supposed to say to something like that? "I live with your teacher because four years in a cell has done nothing to improve my behavior." Even in my own head that answer sounds stupid fucked up regardless of the fact that it was the truth. Part of me wanted to say it just so I could see the smug expression on Peridot's face morph into shock and disbelief. Important Life Lesson #3: No matter if you're telling the truth or not if what you say doesn't fit with people's ideas of how the world works then they're going to call you a liar. Cognitive biases are a very real thing that everyone has no matter how smart they think they are.

"I'm not fuckin answering that", I practically hissed my response into Peri's face. "My personal life is none of your fucking business", Her green eyes were wide and I could almost smell the fear coming off her. "Just because you got invited to eat with me doesn't mean I have to fuckin like you." I would have rolled back over and returned to ignoring her but the lurching stop of the van was a clear indication that we were at the barn. Not waiting to hear whatever bullshit excuse Peridot had to justify her questions I pushed the hatch open and stepped outside onto the dusty driveway. Amethyst and Lapis were standing under one of the trees near where the van was parked. They both grinned when they saw me and hurried over no doubt wanting to ask what happened. Both of them froze in their tracks when Peridot's small frame trotted up behind me. Rose chose that moment to drive off, shouting something about being nice, saying she was going to grab Greg.

"Wait a second", Peridot spluttered looking between the three of us, "Do all of you seriously live here? You have to be joking me", She ran her fingers through her hair in what I assumed was agitation. Frankly I didn't get what she was so freaked out about, I mean plenty of people seemed aware of our living situation. Doubtless the universe was determined to turn poor little Peridot's world on end because before she could open her mouth to complain further Ruby burst from the barn with Jasper and Malachite hot on her heels. "Six", The little nerd all but screeched in my ears, "All six of you delinquents occupy the same dwelling. What in the stars was Miss Quartz thinking letting this happen?"

Okay she went from being entertaining when she was surprised to being flat out offensive. "Chill out Peri", Amethyst interjected before I could tell the stupid nerd to go fuck herself. "You're on our turf now so you better check yourself home girl before Wulfie here turns you into a green pancake compreendo?" I raised an eyebrow at the threat before turning my attention away from their argument and over to Lapis. My blue haired companion was being oddly quiet, her hands nervously fiddling with the top of her blue knee length skirt. She was barefoot, as per the usual, and using her big toe to roll a few rocks around in the dirt. I caught her eye and gave her a small smile before stepping away from the shouting match. Let the two shrimps yell back and forth about what is and isn't okay to say to people, I don't care.

Lapis and I made our way down the familiar path to the lake and sat in our spots by the shore. A tanned hand fiddled absently with the water while its owner stared out into the distance. Her posture was strangely rigid like she was worried about being caught relaxing. "Sorry about the dork", I muttered bumping my cloth covered shoulder with Lapis' bare one. "I didn't expect Rose to drag her over for dinner when I asked for a ride home. If I knew she was goin to do that I would've just left that bitch in her fuckin locker until Monday." That earned me one of Lapis's patented snorting giggles and just like that the tension in the air was broken. Wanting to keep the good humor going I recounted the tale of my epic rescue of Peridot the Pitiful from the foul metal beast of blue hallway. By the end of my epic yarn Lapis was practically rolling around in howling fits of laughter.

My good mood faded pretty quick once Amethyst hollered that Rose said we needed to come to dinner. Only Lapis' grip on my arm kept me from sulking back into the barn, "If I have to do it so do you." Her voice was soft, I wondered if Peridot's presence was making her anxiety worse. "The sooner we get there the sooner it'll be over, hell if we're lucky Jasper'll scare her off." I linked our arms together for the short walk from the barn to the main house. Lapis was always really warm to the touch, or maybe I'm just a cold blooded bitch, and casual contact felt nice. It'd been a while since the two of us were able to just hang out by ourselves. School related bullshit seemed to constantly get in the way of our happy social time. I wondered if Lapis was making any new friends thanks to being forced to interact with her peers for hours at a time. She hadn't mentioned anything to me about it, then again I hadn't really asked. Part of me was kind of hoping she hadn't; I know it's selfish but damn it Lapis is mine.

All hope of Jasper scaring Peridot off was instantly dashed the moment Lapis and I entered the house and saw them sitting next to each other roaring with laughter. "And I said, that's no gravity connector that's my wife", Peridot was telling some lame joke whose punchline made no god damn sense to me. Ignoring their commotion Lapis and I claimed our seats at the end of the table next to a clearly sulking Amethyst. "Wulfenite you didn't tell me your housemates were so amusing", Peridot's nasally voice cut clear across the dining area. Usually we all would eat in the living room either watching TV or playing some video game but I guess Rose wanted to impress our company. With there being eight of us, Greg and Steven weren't there, it was a tight fit at the square wood table. Photographs of the Universes, mostly Steven, were hung all around the soft pink walls painting a picture of a normal happy family. Here and there were candid shots of the rest of us, captured when we were too preoccupied to resist. My eyes went right to the one of Lapis and I sitting by the ocean munching ice cream cones. It was taken right after we moved in to the barn; Greg and Rose had been busy doing paperwork so Steven was giving us a tour of Beach City.

"There you two are", Rose called carrying in a large pot of something that smelled like pasta. "I was wondering if you were going to eat; Lapis dear have you met Wulfie's new friend Peridot?" The large pot was placed on a towel in the middle of the table and Rose started ladling spaghetti onto plates. General rule for dinner time was grab it and pass it so that's what we did, at least until Peridot killed our flow by just taking a plate. A few glares and a muttered curse word were enough to get the bitch to pay attention to the system. Saying that Rose can't cook wouldn't be fair, she understands the basic concept and can normally avoid starting a fire. A more accurate statement would be that Rose couldn't use seasonings correctly if her life depended on it. How she managed to fuck up something as simple as tomato sauce I couldn't even fathom a guess.

"Ruby, pass the hot sauce", I said through a mouth of the sticky red paste I was trying to work through. Growing up with a parent who makes questionable shopping choices you learn a few very important things. First and foremost you learn not to question where the meat came from or why it had a funny color. Second, and perhaps most importantly, you figure out that things like hot sauce and barbecue sauce make everything taste awesome. Ketchup probably had a similar effect but I never liked the stuff even if food places seemed to insist on covering their wares in it. Fluorescent glass bottle in hand I proceeded to shake vigorously until every bit of noodle was orange. Others at the table appeared to be having the same thoughts as I was judging by how quickly the sauce was making it around. Of course there are some drawbacks to making everything taste like a volcano's insides. "Shit man", I groaned trying my hardest not to drool, "Mal dude you gonna drink that whole pitcher?"

Malachite's grip tightened on the bright orange pitcher of Kool-Aid and she gave me an evil grin. With exaggerated slowness she let the neon blue contents flow into her cup taking as much time as she could. "Bitch you've got thirty seconds", Ruby snapped shooting the taller girl one of the fiercest glares I've ever seen. Muttering under her breath Malachite handed the plastic vessel over to Ruby who topped off her own glass before mercifully passing it to me. I filled my cup, drained half of it in a few hasty gulps, then refilled it before sending the drink down the line. "So Peridork", Ruby adjusted her headband thoughtfully, "I gotta know man, why do you keep stalking Wulfie? You got a crush on her or something?" Peridot spluttered, all but choking on her food as she hurried to offer her explanations but she was cut off. "Oh man you should see the look on your faces right now, Wulfie looks like she's going to explodir."

"Speaking of crushes my dear Flame", Amethyst drawled, "How are your attempts at wooing that ice queen of yours going? You manage to impress her yet with your amazing inability to pay attention to anything for more than ten seconds? I wonder, should we call you The Eternal Flame or are you just eternally flaming?" Now it was Ruby's face's turn to change into a shade of crimson that I'm pretty sure skin isn't supposed to come in. "Purple Puma goin for the throat", Amethyst cackled before striking at heroic pose in her chair. During the posing process she managed to get part of her waist length hair covered in blue drink when it landed in her cup. Laughter erupted across the table; even Malachite and Rose, who had been trying to settle us down, joined in. By the confused look on Peridot's face I'd hazard a guess that meal times at her house were significantly calmer. This was actually pretty tame for us though, normally the trash talking would've dissolved into full on wrestling by then.

After everyone finished eating, only Amethyst with her iron stomach wanted seconds, Ruby and I gathered up the dishes to wash them. Rose, again at the behest of Steven, had a cute little chore wheel thing stuck to the fridge. I scrapped any leftover food into the compost bin before filling the sink with scalding soapy water. Ruby always refused to wash, much like her burning namesake she despised touching liquids. I didn't mind much since washing got me out of drying and putting everything away. At some point while I was doing my chore Rose must've left to take Peridot home because neither of them were around when I came out of the kitchen. Wandering into the living room I was greeted by the sight of Amethyst and Jasper sitting on the floor playing Call of Duty while Lapis lounged on the couch reading. 

"I'm in on next match", I declared as I lifted Lapis' legs up so I had a place to sit down. The enigmatic blue haired girl barely batted an eye, she just slid her legs across my lap and went back to her book. Casual contact was a regular thing for us and we both gained immense comfort from it. Any time Jasper wasn't hogging my seat on the floor I'd be leaning back using Lapis' legs as back support. A black Playstation controller was tossed my way and the slaughter fest began. Jasper's close proximity sent every alarm bell my brain possessed into overdrive. Lapis also seemed to be displeased by our current company but none of us said anything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow guys thank you all so much for the hits and kudos it really means a lot


	10. Lessons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wulfenite and Peridot sit down for their first tutoring session

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a heads up guys there are some things in this chapter that can be triggering. Warning for: gore, body horror, angst, suicidal thoughts

I don't remember falling asleep in the middle of a match but when I woke up to pounding at the door, Amethyst cuddled on my side, and my head in Jasper's lap I knew something weird must've happened. Blearily I looked back at the couch but it was empty and looked like it had been for a while. Lapis was either already awake or she went back to the barn at some point after we crashed. Amethyst's hand clung to a wadded up section of my shirt and I could feel little puffs of air hitting the back of my neck when she exhaled. I froze flashing back to rancid breath and unwanted contact; my mind screamed, everything was too close. Panic constricted my lungs, it was too much like Malachite, too close to being intimate. 

Swearing under my breath I untangled myself from Amethyst's grip as fast as I could and padded barefoot to the door. From the amount of sunlight streaming in from the large bay windows in the living room I figured it was still early morning, way too early for me to be awake on a Saturday. "You've got to be fucking kidding me", I growled looking at the distorted outline that was visible through the frosted glass door. Blonde hair, short, obnoxious green hoodie; yeah the universe is kind of an asshole. A small fist was elevated, ready to knock again, but I opened the door before it had a chance to connect. "Peridot you better have a really fucking good reason for waking me up this fucking early or I swear there will be hell to pay." My mouth felt like it was stuffed with cotton balls and the words kept trying to stick in my throat. Looking my uninvited guest over I noticed that she had her school bag with her; double fuck. "Get your short ass in here before I change my mind", I growled before stepping aside so she could pass. Turning on my heel I strode into the kitchen to grab something to fix my cotton mouth.

"Well it appears that someone woke up on the wrong side of the cage this morning", Peridot said from a few paces behind me. "It's already after nine so I assumed you would be awake for our first tutoring session. Miss Quartz said I was welcome to come over at any time of my choosing", Triple fuck. Pretending not to hear her I shoved my face under the running tap and took a few hasty gulps of water. Yes I'm aware that there were cups easily within arms reach and that they were a far more efficient way to drink but I always preferred the sink. Something about the running water just felt more satisfying than drinking from a vessel. I think it had something to do with the fact that it was flowing so there seemed like there was more of it. Satisfied I lifted my face from the spray and gave my head a few shakes to clear the excess water from around my mouth. Several drops launched themselves in Peridot's direction much to her obvious displeasure. "Do all of your companions exhibit such primitive behavior or are you the only one?"

"Pro tip Peridork", I muttered through gritted teeth while my hands fumbled through the cabinets, "Don't fuckin give me attitude before I've had my coffee. Just because you're like queen nerd or whatever doesn't give you the right to treat me like I'm stupid. Keep that shit up and you can forget about our little deal", I finally found the container of grounds. The stuff Rose and Greg bought was hardly top shelf but compared to the instant stuff they had in juvie this shit was heaven. Six large scoops and a button press later found me enjoying the delicious aroma of brewing coffee. For once in her life Peridot seemed to be completely speechless and I gotta say it suited her. Behind the lenses of her thick glasses her green eyes were scrunched like she was deep in thought about something important. It was kind of cute the way her hands fidgeted inside the front pocket of her hoodie, it made her look younger and less self assured. "Might as well throw your stuff on the table for now", I said, "We can get started after I get somethin to eat; You want some cereal?"

"Coffee will be adequate as I have already consumed my morning meal before coming here." By the gods man this girl spoke like she was some kind of fucking alien or getting her English from Google translator. "Err no dairy please," I nodded at the request and set about gathering what I needed. Two mugs, sugar, a bowl, and the store generic version of frosted square wheats. Steaming caffeinated heaven filled the mugs along with a couple spoons of sugar, at least in my cup. Evidently Peridot's preference was black since she took a massive gulp of her drink as soon as it was put in front of her. Noms in one hand, drink in the other, and house guest in tow I limped over to the table and flopped into a chair. There were several long moments of silence, save for the sloshing of my spoon, before Peridot spoke again. "Wulfenite, I would like to say something", She pulled her hands from her hoodie pocket and made a steeple with her fingers. "I am sorry perhaps I have been a bit hasty in my dismissal of your abilities. As Pearl loves reminding me, I am still learning how best to socially interact with others."

The apology stunned me, absolutely floored me if I'm being totally honest, I didn't think the annoying geek even knew what sorry meant. Groans and heavy shuffling coming from the living room saved me from having to comment. Bleary eyed and hair in utter disarray Amethyst staggered into the dining room with an equally zombie like Jasper in tow. Their clothes from last night were a rumpled mess providing clear evidence of late night irresponsibility. Jasper's ponytail must've come loose at some point because her hair was a wild mass of blonde that looked strikingly like a bird's nest. "Fresh pot of coffee", I croaked using my cup to gesture vaguely in the direction of the kitchen. All I got in response was a few exaggerated groans but if I pretended really hard I could convince myself that they were grateful. Equipped with liquefied life force, aka coffee, zombie Amethyst and zombie Jasper took their seats at the table and stared at Peridot in confusion.

"Did you even leave last night runt?", Jasper asked before taking a giant mouthful of her light tan colored beverage. For someone who worked so hard on cultivating an image of the ultimate badass she sure liked her coffee sissyfied. I swear if my mom ever caught me putting that much milk in my morning brew she'd make me wear a name tag declaring myself a little bitch. Not even exaggerating there, she had a bunch of stick on tags she got from Office World. Then again Jasper drinking anything but juice in the morning was kind of an anomaly really. Next to me Amethyst was diving into her bowl of cereal with a fervor normally reserved for someone who hasn't eaten in a month. Peridot was watching her in rapt fascination like she had never seen anything like it. Given how stupid quiet the house had been before Peridot showed up I wondered where everyone else was. Greg and Rose may enjoy sleeping in on the weekend but Steven would normally be up by now eating frozen waffles and watching some weird show about emotionally disturbed food.

"I'll have you know that my height is perfectly adequate given my genetic make up. My body is the precise size it needs to be in order to function correctly so your designation of runt is entirely inaccurate." Peridot responded in a way that she probably thought was witty, "If you must know, yes your guardian drove me to my home the previous evening I have returned to assist Wulfenite in her studies as per our agreement. My superior academic skills make me the ideal candidate for the position of tutor." Her prideful smile shrunk when she realized that Jasper and Amethyst were too busy laughing at me to praise her. I hadn't mentioned my shit math scores to anyone else for this exact fucking reason. I could feel a blush burning its way across my cheeks and I hastened to hide it by rising from the table to take care of my dishes.

Standing over the sink with my hands on either side of it I tried to take deep calming breaths like Rose taught me. It was way too early to deal with this kind of bullshit from Peridot's uppity ass or anyone else. While pouring myself another cup of coffee I strongly considered telling my would be tutor to just fuck off on home. Doing so wouldn't help me pass the upcoming test but it would make me feel a whole lot better. I think it was Steven who once told me something along the lines of, "working hard is important but so is feeling good." Pretty sure he meant it as some kind of justification for slacking off with his ukulele instead of helping his dad and I work on the barn but it was good advice. Sending the uber dork away would feel fucking great in the short term but was it worth it if I failed my test? Damn it I hate having to make responsible choices, they never made us do that shit in juvie. Some days I longed for the simplicity of life on the inside where all the decisions were made for me. Shaking my head I went back into the dining room and addressed Peridot, "I gotta get my stuff from the barn. You can either come with me or stay here with these two assholes, it's up to you." I didn't bother waiting for her answer, coffee in hand I limped out the door and down the well worn path.

"Wait", Peridot shouted her nasally voice reaching a pitch that I'm pretty sure only dogs could hear. Glancing back towards the front door I saw that she was scrambling towards me. The heel of her green Converse caught on some loose gravel and she fell onto all fours. Apparently undaunted she quickly got back to her feet and continued after me like it was nothing. Once again I was treated to the thought of Peridot as a golden retriever trying to be the best doggo ever. Chuckling quietly to myself I waited for her to catch up and we walked side by side down the path to the barn. Foregoing any pretense of mystery I threw open one of the double doors and stepped into my home. The place was a complete fucking mess, clothes were scattered across the floor mingling with school stuff and shoes. A half dressed Malachite froze in the middle of putting her bra on to stare open mouthed at us. Ruby was also in the process of dressing but she lacked any sense of embarrassment about it. Nude from the waist down she gave Peridot and I a jaunty wave and went back to collecting her clothes from her shelf.

"Mother fucker", Red as a fucking tomato I grabbed my backpack from in front of my bed and bolted back out the door. Peridot, her cheeks flaming an equal shade of crimson, followed suit without delay. On the walk back to the house I couldn't get the image of Malachite's bare chest out of my head. Her gaunt frame and small chest were nothing terribly impressive to look at but I couldn't help noticing the crisscrossing scars across her torso. Whole chunks of flesh looked like they were gouged out of her ribs and there was a weird X pattern on her chest that kind of looked like someone had chained her down. What the fuck had caused that kind of fucking damage? On second thought I really didn't want to know, whatever it was had left an impression both figuratively and literally given Mal's behavior.

Lapis was back when Peridot and I burst through the door to the main house a moment later. Still in the same blue skirt and black shirt from last night she was sprawled across the couch watching a show on jellyfish. Predictably her eyebrows shot up when she caught sight of Peridot but I just shook my head. "Trust me Lazuli it's a long fucking story, do us both a favor and just accept that we're stuck with her for a bit. Come on nerd let's get this over with", With that enthusiastic statement I slouched into the dining room. Amethyst and Jasper were gone off to do Odin knows what; they hadn't even bothered picking up their dishes. Peridot sat her stuff on the table and I did the same, "I'm gonna grab a soda you want one?" She nodded so I gathered up all the dirty dishes, put them in the sink, then returned with two Mountain Dews each. 

"You're doing that wrong", Peridot drawled barely glancing up from the heavy duty sketchpad she was hunched over. She was drawing something that looked like a marble with weird spider like legs. off to the side of the main drawing certain parts were drawn in greater detail with numbers next to them. "Parenthesis and multiplication come before addition and subtraction on the order of operations. Didn't you ever learn the mnemonic phrase please excuse my dear aunt Sally or P.E.M.D.A.S?" I titled my head in confusion, she responded by throwing up her hands and shrieking, "Whaaat? It's child's play Wulfenite, literally learned in seventh grade when algebra is introduced, how did you miss it?" 

Doing a quick bit of addition in my head I figured out that kids normally start 7th grade at about 13. "I stopped goin to school in like 6th grade and got locked up before I could start again. Hate to burst your bubble but the juvenile system ain't exactly a bastion of learnin. Reckon it's kinda hard to teach when you gotta worry about your students tryin to shank each other. A lot of the time those folks weren't even gettin paid, there was this church place that would send in volunteers." I took a few long gulps from my soda can trying not to shrink under the look Peridot was giving me. She was looking at me like I was some new type of animal she was getting ready to dissect. 

Bright green eyes narrowed slightly in concentration, "Before we continue this discussion any further I think it would be helpful for us to clear the air so to speak. I am sure you are quite aware of the rumors surrounding yourself and the others, they're hard to miss. Some of them are obviously childish exaggerations, for example I highly doubt you are the leader of an underground koala smuggling ring. So tell me Wulfenite", Peridot steepled her fingers on the top of the table, "What exactly have you done?"

I nodded setting down my empty can, "Never thought I'd be sayin this but I think you've stumbled on a good idea. Let's make it a but more interestin though", Peridot tilted her chin making herself look like a curious dog. Taking this to mean she was listening I continued, "How's about we play a shorter version of the ole classic Twenty Questions? You get to ask me five questions that've been stewin up in that brain of yours and I do the same." One of her thin eyebrows arched in the universal gesture of "are you serious"; I was. "Look I admit I ain't the most friendly sort and we got off to a shitty start. From what Pearl's been tellin me you're actually a cool person so", I trailed off unsure how to articulate what I was trying to say.

"Very well I agree to your terms", Peridot nodded her hand still tucked under her chin like that one famous statue. I had to appreciate that she was willing to play along with my admittedly stupid attempt at getting to know her. It's not like some manual exists for how to get along with someone who pisses you off without trying. Honestly working one on one the way we had been wasn't that bad; she was right about math being her calling. "My five questions are as follows: why were you arrested, how long were you incarcerated, why are you staying with Miss Quartz, where are your parents, and why don't you like me?" 

She spoke so fast that it took almost a minute for my brain to decipher what she actually said. When my ears caught up with her mouth I couldn't hold back a sigh, "Man you don't go easy do you? Was kinda hopin you'd mix a few softball ones in there but nope, went right for the throat. Fair's fair though", I took a deep breath to steady myself before lifting my chin to meet her eyes. Looking away would mean I was ashamed of what happened, the only thing I was ashamed of was getting caught. "Got arrested when I was 12 for havin hard drugs and a gun on me, I was sentenced to six years but got another four tacked on for actin out. Haven't seen my mom since I ran away from home, dad's the reason I got caught with the drugs. Was supposed to stay locked up until I was 22 but the state's doin some rehab thing so I'm out on sorta probation. I live here because Rose agreed to take us in, I don't know any of the specifics on that one." Cracking the tab on my second can of Dew I took a sip while I mulled over her last question. "You come on too strong man; here I am still gettin used to not bein in a cell and you're in my face demandin we be friends." 

Peridot's face, which had been open and eager when I was answering her questions, fell. "Yeah I may have overdone it a little", She rubbed the back of her neck sheepishly. "After our miserable failure of an introduction Pearl informed me that what I thought had been an innocent question was rude. At first I scoffed at the idea but in speaking with Garnet she confirmed Pearl's suspicions and suggested I try another approach. She is very wise even if boxing makes her look like nothing but a filthy war machine. I would like for us to be friends Wulfenite, sitting next to someone who wants nothing to do with you is unpleasant at best." It wasn't much of a stretch to think she was speaking from personal experience. 

"You can call me Wulfie if you want dork", When I smiled at her this time it wasn't forced. The grin I got in return was completely honest and I swear it was like she had stars in her eyes. "Just ease off on the yellin first thing in the mornin and we can give this whole friendship thing a shot. Now tell me about that order of operations thingy we were talkin about before we got distracted." I pushed the scrap paper of math problems so it was between us, "Why does it matter what order I do this in?" Our budding friendship was almost dead when Peridot went on a half hour long rant about why order mattered. 

By two o'clock Peridot announced she was all studied out and Greg offered to give her a ride home. I walked her out to the van and stood awkwardly by the door while its owner got the passenger seat cleaned off. "Hey", I murmured keeping my voice low, "I umm thanks for your help and stuff today. Just next time gimme a call first or something", I was not prepared for the squeal of delight that followed. Nor was I ready for the extreme level of awkward that was Peridot wrapping her arms around my waist and hugging. "Dude get off me man", She only clung harder as I attempted to pry her away until I gave up and accepted the contact. We exchanged phone numbers and she left; there was no way this chick wasn't some kind of alien. 

 

Blood, the metallic smell of it was everywhere, my eyes opened slowly to find I was surrounded by a veritable ocean of red chunks. Above me the sky was black save for the angry flashes of blue lightning that ripped across the darkness. The air felt thick and sticky like a rain on really nasty summer day, the kind that falls hot so you don't get relief. When I tried standing up it was like moving through syrup; everything took more effort than it should have. Stagnant red liquid stretched out in every direction as far as the eye could see. Aside from the lightning everything was still but somehow I knew that wouldn't last long. Something moved out of the corner of my eye, too fast to make out but slow enough for me to see it. Terror gripped my chest making my heart pound and my breathing come out in harsh pants that sounded obnoxiously loud in the stillness. Getting to my feet seemed to take hours; warm blood sloshed around my knees with every movement. My clothes felt like they weighed thousands of pounds, it was hard just to keep myself upright.

A low growl sounded from somewhere close behind me and I forced my leaden legs forward. Movement made the blood turn thick and chunky more like an amorphous solid than any kind of liquid. Sweat poured down my face in wide rivulets from the effort it took to keep going forward. There were no landmarks, nothing I could use to gauge if I was making any kind of progress. Wind started to howl bringing with it the cloying stench of rotted meat and unwashed flesh. My stomach heaved trying to force its contents up, the strength of the spasm made me stumble. A humanoid figure erupted from the liquid gore in front of me wailing and howling like some kind of beast. Its unnaturally long arms latched onto mine rooting me in place while the meat and bones of its flesh shifted. I opened my mouth in a silent scream as the red coated face of my mother leered at me. Her bright green eyes glowed with condescension matching her missing toothed leer. Every detail was how I remembered her: the exaggerated claws of her nails were coated in bright pink polish, her hair in the same pixie cut still strawberry blonde even through the blood. "Deplorable", The skinless meat puppet hissed, it's breath was beyond foul the usual mixture of rum and menthol heavily overlaid with the putrid odor of death. "I bet you liked it when that slut rammed herself into you, bet you couldn't get enough could you faggot?"

"Worthless dyke probably begged for more", Another larger figure surfaced from the slime morphing into the looming shape of my father. "There's no such thing as rape, if you didn't want it you would have fought harder." His fiery ginger hair stuck up at all angles even though physics said that it should be flat while wet. Blue eyes, the vibrant color of robin eggs, narrowed in disgust, "No blood of mine will disgrace my name like this. Weakness will not be tolerated", He was shouting now drawing the thing in the shadows closer to us. "You deserve this, you were not strong enough to fight back so you deserve everything that happened. We raised you better than this, we raised you to be a warrior, but now look at you. Play fighting with a child, hugging out disagreements, making amends with those who have wronged you; you dare call yourself a viking! The All Father would not tolerate this level of dishonor from those he sired and neither shall I." He lashed out, kicking me hard in my bad knee causing me to lose my already precarious footing.

Thick ropes of blood coiled around my arms and legs, like tentacles from a bad hentai, spreading me wide. I was being held just at the surface of the bloody ocean with my head tilted slightly back. Another tentacle wrapped around my throat before jamming itself in my mouth cutting off my screams. Hulking and twisted a monstrous version of Malachite made its way towards me laughing darkly. Her body was long and slug like with four arms positioned along her torso acting like legs. Two more arms were attached at her shoulders, as she lifted them more figures sprung from the perverse distortion of water. Six bodies came taking the forms of: Steven, Rose, Greg, Amethyst, Jasper, and Lapis. They stood in a circle around us chanting the words of my father, telling me I deserved my pain. Malachite stomped closer, her enormous girth making the ground around us shake violently. Liquid wings gushed from her back with a wet slopping sound and she pushed off so she was hovering above me. The tentacles around my body tightened, I couldn't breath, couldn't scream, I could only watch as she descended.

With a jolt I flung myself to the side hitting my head on something hard, my eyes flew open and my arms flailed. Something was holding me, trying to talk, it took a longer than it should have for the blurred pink outline to materialize into a concerned Greg. "Hey Wulfenite, you're okay, it's just me", His beefy red arms were holding my wrists to stop me from thrashing. "Calm down you're gonna hyperventilate", My breathing was coming in short gasps and I couldn't seem to get enough air. Tears were streaming down my face in hot lines mixing with snot from my running nose. Television and movies always turn crying into some beautiful thing with artful little tears and quiet sniffles. Real crying isn't pretty; it's wet, gross, and messy full of weird noises and blotchy faces. "Come on kid you need to breathe", Greg's voice was loud but I could barely register it over the pounding in my ears. "Oh man I'm no good with this stuff", He let go of my arms to tangle his hands in his long brown hair. Once I was free of his hold I scrambled away only stopping when my back hit the wall of the barn. Gradually my heart rate evened out and my lungs decided that they were willing to hold air again. I drew my knees up to my chest and let out a hoarse cry that quickly morphed into outright sobbing. Just a dream, it had all just been a dream, but why could I still feel the wet chains around me and taste copper?

"Sh-sh-shit Greg", I gasped out still not able to bring myself to look up from my knees. "B-bad d-d-d-dream, felt like I was d-dr-drownin", My teeth were chattering so hard it hurt my jaw. Even in the warm afternoon sunshine I was freezing cold and couldn't stop shivering. Eventually I made myself look up and meet the aged rocker's wide brown eyes, "Let's go. Those brushes at the wash aren't going to reattach themselves", That was the whole reason for me being here instead of on a walk with Rose and the others. Greg had gotten brand new microfiber brushes for his car wash and needed a hand taking off the old ones. Repairs of that scale tended to be a two man job, or in our case one old man and one not so feminine teen girl. I got to my feet rather unsteadily, leaning on the barn for support so I could brush the grass off my jeans. September was on its way out the door making room for Autumn to mark the land as her own. More than a month has passed since the attack, wasn't this shit supposed to get easier over time? 

"I don't know about this Wulfie, you had one hell of an episode there, are you sure you're all right? I've had nightmares before but that", Greg shook his head, "Whatever that was looked terrifying. I should probably make you lay down or something while I go get Rose", He studied my face critically. At the mention of Rose I violently shook my head, there was no way I was telling her about this. Recalling my dream would lead to questions about the reasoning behind it and I did NOT want to go into that. In a way I felt like if I talked to anyone about it I would have to stop pretending the attack never happened. It meant dredging up all the fear, self loathing, and desire to end it all and that would bring more problems. The strong can get up from something like that and keep going with their lives, I wasn't strong. I'm just a fucking coward running around barking at the top of my lungs so people will think I'm scary and leave me alone. If people figured out how badly I wanted to just shut the lights off they'd understand just how weak I was. 

"No Greg I'm fuckin fine okay, just fuckin fine, now let's get in the van and get this shit done!" Shouting at Greg wasn't my proudest moment, his caring face crumbled and I felt like shit. "Fuck dude I'm sorry", I stepped forward putting an arm around the big man's shoulders. "I shouldn't have yelled I'm just a little shaken up", When he opened his mouth to speak I cut him off. "I'm fine I promise, there's no need to bother Rose over somethin as simple as me havin a bad dream. You know how she worries dude", I wasn't begging but damn if it was getting close. "If you really wanted to make sure I'm okay you could buy me a hot cider from the Big Doughnut. Maybe even hook me up with one of those new pumpkin cheesecake bites", I wiggled my eyebrows and elbowed the air like there was a person next to me that I was trying to clue in on the joke. Can't remember where but I read once that humor often comes from a dark place in someone's life. Here I was feeling like my life was falling apart and rather than deal with it I deflected with jokes. 

"Deal kiddo now let's go before they get back otherwise Amethyst will want me to grab her something. You know I swear I watched that girl eat a baker's dozen of crullers by herself", His roguish grin returned and just like that Greg was himself again. I envied the way the Universe family could bounce back from seemingly anything life could throw at them. They were all such happy people, even in the face of challenges, and they always thought the best of everyone. The hateful part of me shaped by my father took glee in reminding me how easy it would be for someone to take advantage of that trust. That lovely thought transitioned into a question; was I just using their kindness to get out of my sentence? Could they fix something as broken and fucked up as I was or was I dooming them to failure? 

I couldn't sleep that night, not with the memory of that fucking nightmare still fresh. Dad's words continued to buzz around the back of my mind like a swarm of gnats. If I hadn't wanted it to happen I would have found a way to get Jasper and Malachite off me. People who were too weak to defend themselves deserved to be used by the strong. Weakness had no place among the chosen people of Odin, I was weak, I had no place here. The bright light of the night's full moon fell on the sturdy ceiling beams like a spotlight. There were so many ways I could end my suffering; fuck it wasn't good to be thinking like that. Quiet as I could I slipped out of my bed and into the balmy outside, if I couldn't sleep I was going to drown my sorrow in video games.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always I appreciate all the kudos and hits. See something you think is missing? Have a question or concern? Leave me a comment.


	11. Nobody Likes a Sad Sack

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yeeessss my child let the angst flow through you

"Onward loyal steed", Amethyst's shout was the only warning I got before something soft, warm, and heavy crashed into my back. Lavender streaked hair tangled in my face blinding me, knees dug into my sides scrambling for purchase. With a wet sickening pop my bad knee gave out sending myself and my would be rider to the pavement. We landed in a tangle of limbs and hair, me face down and Amethyst half on my back on her side. I could feel something wet trickling down the left side of my face, the side that was pressed into the ground, and I couldn't tell if it was blood or if I landed in a puddle. The first week of October had come and gone bringing with it a biting wind and near constant rain. Even now there was a light drizzle making our walk to the bus stop unpleasant.

"Son of a fuckin bitch Amethyst", I snarled trying to shove the shorter girl off me. My knee gave another loud crack when I tried straightening my leg and I had to bite my cheek to stop from crying out. "Mother fuckin son of a whore man, do you ever fuckin think before fuckin doin something? Get the fuck off me", She seemed to finally get over her stupor long enough to roll off my back. Gingerly I got to my knees, making sure my abused joint could actually hold my weight, before standing up and glaring. A few yards away the four or five kids already at the bus stop were staring at us. Several of them were laughing and I felt my cheeks burn with shame at the spectacle I had become. It had been two weeks since my hellish nightmare and I was still very much on edge. Sleep was becoming harder and harder to find as was my will to do more than the bare minimum. I hadn't bothered showering in five days, I had been wearing the same grey t-shirt and jeans for a week. My thick black hoodie was turning reddish brown thanks to a lovely combination of grease and dirt. Basically I was a fucking mess and honestly I really didn't give enough fucks to change it.

Goody, looks like my old friend apathy had decided to come over unannounced and make itself at home. Lack of motivation was something I struggled with throughout my sentence particularly in the first year. Historically what Would start out as a simple lack of energy was going to spiral out of control fast if I couldn't reign it in. Problem was I didn't care enough to fight it; what was the harm in laying in bed all day? It's not like I had any reason to get up anyway, nobody needed me around the house. They hadn't even noticed when I stopped showing up for dinner two days previous. 

"Shit bro I'm sorry I thought you were ready", Amethyst reached her hand out like she wanted to pat my shoulder. When I jerked away from her she covered up her motion by smoothing down her black and purple striped sweatshirt. "Come on man don't be like that I was just tryin to cheer you up I didn't mean for you to fall. Pare de ser um idiota", Amethyst knows damn well I can't speak Portuguese but I didn't need to understand the words to not like her tone. I didn't respond to her apology, turning on my heel I limped the rest of the way to the bus stop in silence. Deep down I knew the overly exuberant Latina hadn't meant any harm but fuck logic. Anger was a warm familiar thing and with my mind being a chaotic maelstrom of guilt and fear I longed for something resembling normal. At my sides my hands were balled into fists longing to lash out, to take out my frustration on the body of another so I wouldn't need to be the only one in pain.

Bright headlights snapped me back into the present, the bus was approaching, it was too late to pick a fight. Once the vehicle was stopped I shoved my way past a couple of freshman and limped up the stairs. No matter where you are all school buses smell the same: an awful mixture of diesel smoke, sweat, puke, and mold. Pretty sure no one ever cleaned the fucking things unless there was an inspection or something coming up. Normally I could ignore it but today it made my throat tight and my empty stomach clench. It's like my senses were hyper aware, amplifying every annoying stimuli a hundredfold. The thud of feed on the metal floor were like booming cannons, the dim overhead lights as bright as miniature suns. I fell into my assigned seat with a grimace sliding to my usual space beside the window. Peridot was soon to follow, I hadn't spoken to the girl since our last minute study session at the end of September. Thanks to her help I had passed the test with a respectable 82% bringing my grade up from a D to a low C. 

"Err Wulfenite", The nerd's nasally voice grated through my already agitated mind like nails on a chalkboard. I fixed her with my best leave me the fuck alone glare but she continued undaunted. "You seem to have suffered some minor lacerations on your left cheek", Huh guess that answers that question. "Here let me clean that for you", She pulled a cloth from her pocket and started reaching for my face. My skin prickled with the anxiety of dozens of eyes staring at me in judgement. The eyes were imaginary, it was too early for anyone to give a fuck about what we were doing, the shame was not. 

"Don't fuckin touch me", I snapped, "Jesus fuck mind your own fuckin business for once. Just put your headphones on with some computer generated bullshit or somethin and leave me the fuck alone okay?" She flinched, Peridot actually flinched away from my words as if I had swung at her. Again guilt tried to work its way to the front of my mind and again I forced it back. So what if she was just trying to help, I never asked for her fucking help, I didn't need her. Bitterly I reminded myself that without her help I wouldn't be passing math class. Okay so I did need her help with school stuff but that doesn't give her the right to pity me. 

"Don't let her get to you Peri", Amethyst spoke up from the seat across the aisle from us. "The sad sack just woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning and is being pissy. You know that no one likes a sad sack Wulfie", She gave me a smirk that was probably supposed to be cheeky. If it wasn't obvious by that point I was in absolutely no mood for anyone's shit. Raising both my hands I flipped the two of them the double bird before slamming my earbuds in. Teenagers by My Chemical Romance filled my ears at the loudest volume I could stand; the universe itself was feeding into my angst. I spent the rest of the bus ride lost in my own brooding thoughts occasionally glancing up to find Peridot chatting with Amethyst and Lapis. The three of them were probably discussing what a pathetic piece of shit I was. Well fuck them they can have their little chats, I'm better off alone anyway. 

I didn't bother taking my earbuds out as I shoved my way through the packed hallways towards my gym class. The first semester was winding to a close so the class was supposed to be preparing for our assessments. I really didn't want to deal with Coach Opal riding my ass all hour trying to "motivate" me. The statuesque woman was bound and determined to have me under a ten minute mile before the year was done. So far I was sitting steady at 12 minutes, better than the beginning of the year but still not good enough according to her. Evidently the overall improvement to my fitness, I actually had muscles visible in my arms and stomach, were worthless on a test. All teachers ever fucking cared about were numbers, fuck individuality everyone needed to be judged by the same unfeeling standard. It was pointless, this whole fucking thing was pointless, why was I even bothering to show up? My knee gave another painfully twitch and my mind was made up, fuck it man I'm out.

Turning around I hobbled my way back to the front office past the desk where an older woman in an obnoxiously frilly dress sat typing on a computer. Her name plate said Miss. Goldie but that seemed like way too nice a name for the bottle dyed blonde. A contemptuous sneer seemed permanently fixed to her thin lips and her long nose seemed to be always pointed skyward. She shouted something shrilly at me but I was already moving past her and knocking on the door to the nurse's office. Rose opened the door a few seconds later, her wide smile deflating to a look of concern. "Wulfie dear come in", She stepped to the side and I followed her into the small office. Rose's office was painted a soothing pink color a lot like the walls of the house. Pictures of herself, Steven, and Greg were taped to the wall next to her small desk. There was an empty door frame on the far wall that led to a darkened room with three cots. "Have a seat dear and tell me what's the matter", Rose gestured to the padded green chair by her desk.

I sat obligingly in the offered seat and ran my hands through the greasy mat that my hair had become. "Haven't been feelin too good lately Rose er I mean Mrs. Quartz-Universe, sorry forgot you were staff. My stomach is all upset and I can't seem to get warm", For the first time in weeks I wasn't lying. Cold seemed to permeate every fiber of my being no matter what the ambient temperature was. The last time I looked in the mirror I noticed that the dark circles under my eyes looked big enough to pass for bruises. Frowning Rose put one of those plastic coated thermometers under my tongue, after a few seconds it beeped reading 99.2. A bit warmer than average but nothing that was concerning; I usually hovered right around 97 degrees. Next was the blood pressure cuff which I hated because it involved taking off my hoodie and rolling up my sleeve.

Rose actually physically recoiled from the fragrant bouquet of sweat and stale body odor that seeped from under my layers of clothes. "Wulfenite Everburn", She demanded using her dreaded adult voice, "When was the last time you showered? You're a wonderful girl and I love you to bits but this self neglect needs to stop. Healthy skin is our first defense against pathogens, even Steven knows that, no wonder you're getting sick. I'm going to call Greg to come pick you up", She said reaching for the black phone next to her monitor. Her thick fingers dialed the number with a rather surprising amount of agility, big pink hair bobbing with the motion. "When I get home I better find you thoroughly scrubbed and in fresh clothes or I swear I'll do to you what I had to do when Steven was a baby. You don't want to be treated like a baby who can't take care of herself do you Wulfie?" I shook my head and she nodded, "Good now why don't you go lay down, I'll call Greg then speak with Dr. Maheshwaren."

Twenty minutes later found me in the back of Greg's van dozing fitfully as we fought morning rush hour traffic. It didn't take the aged rock star long to discover I wasn't feeling sociable. As soon as I refused his offer of a coffee stop he understood how bad I felt. Unlike Amethyst he actually left me alone with my thoughts instead of trying to force me into conversation. It took nearly an hour to make the twenty-five minute trip to the house thanks to road construction bullshit. Greg offered to close the wash up for the day and keep me company but I refused his offer. I really just wanted to be by myself for a while and even though the old guy meant well he wasn't good at reading me. He stayed long enough to unlock the house but soon I was blissfully left to my own devices. Ignoring Rose's orders to shower crossed my mind but being forcefully sink washed by my pseudo guardians wasn't a fun sounding prospect. Cleanish clothes, they had only been worn like once since they were washed, in hand I did as I was told. Begrudgingly I had to admit that the hot water felt legitimately nice on my chilled flesh. It took three rounds of shampoo before my hair rinsed clean and stopped feeling like an oil slick. Soap stung the small cut this morning's fall left on my cheek; stupid Amethyst and her fucking stunts.

Pink and raw from scrubbing my skin within an inch of my life I changed into my comfy red flannel and grey sweats. I didn't bother putting my boots or socks back on for the short walk back to the barn. My feet were pretty much the texture of leather courtesy of running around barefoot with Lapis most of the summer. Pausing just long enough to toss my dirty clothes into the orange collapsible hamper, again color coding thanks to Steven, I crawled into my bed. The blankets had grown cold in my time away, a sign that I was no longer a part of the fabricy hive mind. Having not gotten a real night's sleep in weeks it wasn't surprising that I was so run down. Mercifully the anxious beast in my head was willing to acknowledge the fact that I was safely alone. Sleep pulled me down into a black, thankfully dreamless, embrace and that's where I stayed.

Rose woke me several hours later to drag me to the clinic on the other side of town. Were I in a better mood I would have found it funny that this was the same place we had to take Malachite when I fucked her nose up. My doctor was a tall Indian woman with long dark hair, streaked with grey and pulled back from her lined face in a tight braid. She barely needed to look at me before telling a troubled Rose that I was coming down with a the flu and needed to stay home from school. Take my advice kids, napping in the rain may not seem all that bad but it freaks your immune system out. A quick stop at the pharmacy had me swallowing down some nasty anti-fever stuff that tasted like death. I didn't remember the car ride after that one second I was in the van with the meds and the next I was being herded to my bed. The cold blankets enveloped me again and I fell into a light and fitful doze. Something warm shifted behind me and my half awake mind barely registered a raspy voice saying "Get some sleep dude I won't let anyone fuck with you" before I was out again.

It seems that the good doctor knew a lot more about the state of my health than I did. What started out as me just feeling lethargic and sleepy turned into full blow fever hell by the middle of the night. I woke with my stomach heaving and covered in a thick sheen of cold sweat that soaked through my clothes. The barn was dark betraying the lateness of the hour there wasn't even any moonlight for me to use as I stumbled around. Cold fresh air streamed across my face providing a slight respite, it was short lived however when my insides decided they wanted to be on the outside. My knees hit the wet earth with a thud that I was scarcely registered over the force of my retching. At least the steady stream of rain did a good job of washing the smell and most of the nastiness away. After a while nothing more came up and I was able to pick myself up off the ground. Spasms continued to twist up my insides making it hard for me to take deep breaths. As I made my way back inside I noticed an outline moving in the darkness sort of near my bed. I was too tired to question it; my head was pounding, my mouth tasted awful, and everything was too hot. Grouchy, I stripped off my sodden shirt and splayed out on my bed naked from the waist up. Suppose it's a good thing that I'm rather lacking in the chest department otherwise there'd be even more sweat.

There was something warm in the bed next to me when I managed to drag myself back into wakefulness. Keeping my eyes shut I reached out to find out what the fuck was there, my hand touched something soft. A low rumbling noise filled my ears, the furry warm thing was climbing up my aching chest. "No", I moaned trying to push the thing away from me, "I'm tryin to sleep here man, the fuck? Wait a minute", My brain finally caught up with my mouth, "We don't even have a cat." I sat up a little and opened my eyes; sitting on my chest, with its face tucked under my chin, was a fluffy white cat with a pink collar. The cat gave a happy little meow and started purring like a motorboat with whiskers. "Affectionate little thing", I chuckled scratching behind one of its large rounded ears. With a bit of searching I found a tag on the pink collar, half hidden by the extra fluffy ruff of fur around the cat's neck. "Lion", The round bit of silver metal read, "Who the fuck names their cat ?ion? I mean come on you aren't even tan for fuck's sake", Lion continued to purr obviously nonplussed by my criticism. "Come on let's get you to Rose and see what she wants to do with you", I sat up further reaching for my shirt. The clock on my phone read 12:45, shit Rose was still at school, so I flopped back down. "Okay buddy looks like we're gonna be waiting a bit, hows about you let me grab a few more zzzzs?" Lion purred harder and nuzzled the side of my face, "I'll take that as a yes then." Holding my new friend close I rolled onto my side and closed my eyes again, Lion didn't seem to mind the move.

"Aww guys look, Wulfie made a friend", An exaggerated coo tore me from sleep and away from the forest I had been happily running through. Lapis and Amethyst were standing over the side of my bed, the latter wearing a shit eating grin. "Damn girl first Bird Nerd, then Peridork, now this; you're a regular pussy magnet." Her grin only got wider when Lion chose that moment to crawl out from under my arm and greet the new people. Realizing that I was still very much topless I scrambled for my discarded shirt. The thing was slimy to the touch, reeking of a mixture of rainwater and puke, with a nasty yellow streak across the front.

"Fuck", I swore flinging it across the room as hard as I could before fixing my gaze on the purring cat. "Lion bro you were supposed to be on my side", Lion responded by rolling over to get belly rubs. "Traitor", I grumbled; the world went sideways for a second when I stood up and I only just caught myself on the bed frame. The dull throbbing in my head that I had been trying to ignore surged forward making me groan. Three sets of eyes were staring at me when I was finally able to focus past the pain. Lion was no longer rolling around soaking up attention and Lapis and Amethyst looked super worried. Trembling I managed to step back so I could sit on the edge of my bed, "Can one of you guys go get Rose? I feel like shit", Amethyst nodded and took off but Lapis just sat next to me with her hand on my shoulder.

"So much for Jasper and Amethyst's bet that you're faking it", Lapis' hand moved in small circles between my shoulder blades. "You're burning up", Compared to my back Lapis' hand felt like it was made out of ice cubes. I leaned back into her touch enjoying the contrasting temperature against my fevered skin. Lion, being as helpful as a cat can be, decided that the best thing to do at that moment was to leap onto my shoulders. Claws scrambled for purchase, digging into the meat over my collarbone, before the fluffy beast settled into a comfortable position. "Silly kitty", Lapis giggled, she reached out with her free hand to scratch under the cat's chin. My back vibrated with the rumbles of Lion's purring, I don't think I've ever met a cat this happy before.

It didn't take long for Amethyst to return with Rose in tow, I could see Jasper hanging out outside before the door closed. Rose placed her hand on my forehead for a second before removing it and handing me a thermometer. "Under your tongue dear", Aside from the thermometer Rose also had a bottle of water and a dark bottle that I assumed was medicine. The large pink haired woman was definitely in nurse mode all business and focused on figuring out the problem. It wasn't until the fat feline on my shoulders took a playful swipe at one of her dangling curls that she even noticed he was there. "Oh Wuflie you didn't mention you made a friend", Her squeal of delight was actually louder than Amethyst's had been. "Well hello there", Rose started petting Lion causing him to promptly flop over losing the fight with gravity. For the second time in less than an hour tiny dagger like claws dug into my back as the cat tried righting himself. I opened my mouth to swear but Rose cut me off with a quick, "Keep that thing under until it beeps". When the infernal thing did finally decide it was done Rose removed it with a frown, "101.3, oh dear. Here I brought you something that should help, it's not going to taste very good though. Oh don't give me that look we both know that if medicine tasted good there'd be no reason to get better. Two spoon fulls should do the trick", She held up the items in question. 

I groaned at her horrible attempts at humor but took the offered bottle and spoon without a fuss. Fancy medical jargon covered the white label on the front, looks like Rose wasn't fucking around. Thick yellow goop flowed slowly on to the large spoon and I swallowed it down with a cry of disgust. "Holy shit it tastes like ass, no it tastes worse than that it tastes like Amethyst's feet smell." It took all the willpower I had to fill up and down a second spoon of that nasty shit. I was immensely grateful that Rose had planned enough in advance to bring me some water to wash the taste out, it was even super cold from the fridge. I'll admit I'm not much of a water drinker, if given a choice I go for coffee or soda, but compared to whatever was in Rose's bottle the water tasted amazing. While I downed my drink Lapis brought me a clean shirt from my shelf, it was short sleeved but hey it was better than nothing. Then the three of them left so I could get some rest; continuing his pattern of treachery Lion followed them out the door and I was alone again. Trying not to let the isolation get to me I burrowed back under my grey blankets.

"And I know saying sorry doesn't make up for anything but I mean what else am I supposed to say here?" A raspy voice that I should have recognized filtered through my barely conscious mind. Everything was echoing and heavy, I tried to open my eyes but my body wasn't listening. Panic tried to well up in my chest but whatever was making me tired was also good at keeping me chill. "I mean how the fuck was I supposed to know she was going to take things that far? Shit I thought we were just gonna kick your ass a bit and maybe shove your face in shit again. You're probably crazy messed up from everything", Behind me part of my bed dipped down like something heavy was sitting on it. "Fuck man I don't get how you can keep going, why haven't you told anyone yet?" The words stopped, replaced by something that sounded halfway between a growl and a sob. "Damn it this would be so much easier if you just punched me or something instead of just lying there. Then again", The speaker paused long enough to let a bitter laugh slide past their lips, "If you were awake you'd never let me be here." The person behind me was still talking but I couldn't focus on the words anymore, everything was too jumbled. Instead of trying I just leaned in to them letting their warmth soak into my blankets.

By Friday afternoon my temperature was back to normal and I could get out of bed without getting dizzy. Lion had evidently used his natural feline charm to win over Rose and Greg because he was in the house when I walked over to get some lunch. A desire for food quickly mutated into an intense need to shower once I caught a whiff of myself in the confined space of the bathroom. Clearly being bedridden for a week was enough to bring back some of the motivation I had lost. Either that or I just didn't want Rose deciding that I needed a sink wash, hell it might have been both. Figuring I'd be the only one home for a while I didn't bother going back to the barn for clothes. I just grabbed a pair of dark blue undies and a tank top from the clean pile in the laundry room. Muffled voices filtered in from under the bathroom door some time later when I shut the water off. Curious I poked my head out only to have the door collide with a recognizable mop of untidy blonde locks. My victim let out a loud yelp moving away from the wall so I could open the door further. "Peridot", I exclaimed trying to hide how exposed I felt in nothing but a wife beater and underwear, "What the fuck are you doing here?" I mentally cursed myself for not looking at a clock before jumping in the shower. Had I known it was close to the end of the school day I would have grabbed fucking pants. 

"Wulfenite, by the stars you scared me", Peridot straightened up still rubbing the side of her head where the door struck. Today she was dressed in a green and black checkered shirt over a white button down, and black skinny jeans. Her permanently messy hair hung wildly around her face giving it an uneven frame, hell she was even wearing a tie: a black one with yellow diamond patterns. "Miss Quartz said you were feeling better today so I thought I would do you the courtesy of bringing you the assignments you missed. Perhaps we can work on them together so you do not lose any of the significant progress you have made in your classes. Only if you want to I mean", She gave a hopeful little smile obviously taking my advice about not coming on too strong. I was surprised she event went to the trouble of getting my stuff considering I was a real dick to her the last time we talked. The more time I spent with Peridot the more I became convinced that she was some kind of fucking alien or robot. It's like she was completely oblivious to how people were supposed to act around each other. Physical contact pretty much terrified her or left her blushing bright red and stammering but she seemed to give zero fucks that I was mostly naked. Not only that but every attempt I made to get her to leave me alone only made her more determined to interact with me. Her green eyes, behind those thick glasses of hers, were surveying me expectantly.

"Uhh yeah sure Peri", I replied still attempting to wrap my head around what was happening. Peridot was in my house without any warning, again, dropping off my sick work so I wouldn't get behind. No matter what angle I looked at it the whole thing was still weird I mean why the fuck did she care if I failed? For that matter how did the little know it all even find out that I was actually passing all my classes? Not talking about grades was one of the many unwritten rules around the Universe household, in the same league as not trying to out eat Amethyst or not challenging Jasper to arm wrestling. Generally speaking we all assumed that each of us was trash at school stuff and left it at that, simpler that way. Realizing that I hadn't said anything for a while I quickly made to shut the bathroom door, "Can I put some pants on first?" 

The look on Peridot's face when I mentioned the word pants was absolutely fucking priceless. Her eyes practically doubled in size, at the same time her face went from vampire pale to bright red. After spending a few seconds spluttering out embarrassed nonsense she lowered her head and said, "Yes of course how rude of me. We can commence our studying after you have secured yourself appropriate appearance modifiers." By Odin I had no idea what this girl was on about most of the time; the fuck even is an appearance modifier? Shaking my head I meandered through the hallway to the kitchen where my humiliation seemed fated to continue. Sitting in a cluster around the table were Amethyst, Greg, Malachite, Lapis, and Steven. Every eye was on me when I stepped onto the white tiled floor and my blush flared back up.

"Wulfie you're alive!" Steven jumped up from his chair and ran over to wrap his chubby arms around my waist. Awkwardly I reached down and patted his fluffy head endeavoring to focus on anything but Amethyst's snickers or Lapis' snorting giggles. "I wanted to keep you company but mom said you were really sick and that I had to stay away so I didn't catch it. I made you a get well card though, I gave it to Lapis to put by your bed, did you see it?" His big brown eyes looked like they should have had stars in them when I nodded yes. I had noticed a folded bit of paper on my face when I woke up that morning, I just hadn't gotten around to reading it yet. Steven gave me one more tight squeeze before letting go, "Uh Wulfie why aren't you wearing pants? Civilized people are supposed to keep their clothes on in public you know", He waggled his finger disapprovingly. 

That innocent question was apparently the last straw for Amethyst's already strained self control. When it crumbled and she fell right off the side of her chair laughing hysterically. Blushing furiously I stepped over her and gestured for Peridot to follow me outside. Fun fact October was fucking freezing when you were outside and barely wearing any clothes. Thank Odin everyone in the barn, Ruby and Jasper, was fully clothed so poor Peri and I didn't get an eye full again. Self conscious as all fuck I picked up a pair of my jeans off the floor and shimmied them on. "Hey", I paused in my hunt for a shirt to look over at Peridot, "Is it cool if we study in here? There's an empty spot up in the loft and it looks like the kitchen table is at max capacity." Nothing easily in reach came remotely close to passing the sniff test when I grabbed it. Unable to find anything near my bed I went over to my clothes shelf and put on my new Under the Knife shirt.

"Yes I believe that is acceptable", Peridot bobbed her head enthusiastically nearly losing her glasses in the process. I nodded and walked over to the short ladder bolted to the wall at the other end of the barn. As I passed Jasper the bigger teen averted her eyes muttering something to Ruby about going for a run. Fuck ever man, if she wanted to be all weird and shit I wasn't going to stop her; not like I wanted to be around her anyway. The loft was mostly full of old junk but a space had been cleared out near the ladder for a couch, a small round table, and TV. "By the stars this technology is positively archaic", Peridot murmured kneeling to examine the TV closer. It was an older model, probably built in the 80's, with antenna on top and a built in VCR. "It's so ancient it doesn't even have external audio video inputs nyhehehe", She looked like she wanted to take the old thing apart. 

"I dunno I think it's pretty cool", I said with a shrug before settling myself on the dusty brown couch. Giving the old TV one last look of longing Peridot joined me and pulled a manila folder out of her bag. Passing the folder to me she extracted a rather complicated looking math book likely intending to do her own work while she helped me. The assignments turned out to be pretty straightforward so we worked in silence save for me asking the occasional question. When I was just about done with my science worksheet I looked up struck with a sudden idea. "Hey now that I'm like feelin better and stuff do you wanna sleep here tonight?" Yep that's me, Wulfenite master of smooth and subtle, suave as mother fucking silk. "I was an ass to you the other day for no damn reason, you were just tryin to help. Lemme make it up to you", I kept looking around the room nervously, this was the first time I ever asked a friend to stay over. 

Peridot's eyes turned into green saucers again and she flashed me a giant grin showing off her unusually sharp teeth. "You really want me to stay here with you, this isn't some sort of elaborate prank?" I looked down at the rough wooden floor wondering if I should try to play the whole thing off as a joke. Before I could open my mouth to do just that short arms wrapped around me in a tight embrace. "I would greatly enjoy spending the evening here, let me just confirm this with my mother." She pulled out a fancy looking phone from her pocket and started texting furiously. Meanwhile I got out my own device to make sure everything was cool with Rose. "Excellent I have full permission provided I refrain from doing anything dangerous or illegal." I was about to tell her that I couldn't promise anything but my phone pinged announcing Rose's blessing. To quote The Phantom of the Opera, we were now past the point of no return. 

"Speakin of your mom I've been meanin to ask, are you related to that bitch on the school board? You have the same last name", I tried to keep my tone conversational but I was dying to know. Except for the blonde hair they didn't look alike so the name thing could just be a coincidence. Then again people used to say I took after my dad in appearance; I had mom's nose though. Having never met any of my grandparents I didn't know how I would look compared to them. 

"Errr yes", Peridot looked down at her math book cheeks tinged pink, "She is my mother. Not biologically", She added before I could ask why they didn't looks like each other. "Giallo adopted me when I was six and I would appreciate it if you refrained from telling the others. I don't want them to treat me differently just because my mother has a influence over the school." Unwilling to let the mood go somber when we were supposed to be getting ready for fun I agreed to keep my mouth shut.


	12. Sleepover Shenanigans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> High jinks, movies, snacks, and games, what's not to love?

"Yo Wulfie, P-Dot, dinner time", Amethyst burst through the barn door grinning from ear to ear. "Rose brought pizza home", By the look of excitement on the purple haired teen's face you'd think she'd been told Christmas came early. I love pizza and all but I can't hold a candle to the way my boisterous friend reveres the cheesy treat. Truly there is no greater love than the love Amethyst has for junk food, it's like fucking Shakespeare. The image of Amethyst in fancy clothes trying to woo a slice of pepperoni pizza from a balcony flashes through my mind and I let out a snort. I decided right then and there that I would be telling that tale for my paper on courtly romance.

"Yeah, yeah keep your pants on", I stood from the couch with a slight groan, "Seriously Amethyst for all our sakes. Peri here has probably already seen enough skin in this place to scar her for life." I couldn't hold back my cackle when Peridot turned bright red and started spluttering, the girl was just too easy to get to. "Course since you're crashin here tonight there's always a chance for another peek", I got to the edge of the loft and jumped down. It wasn't much of a fall, maybe like eight feet, and quite frankly I was too lazy to use the ladder. Her face still the color of the sweet tomato sauce we were about to enjoy Peri followed behind me. When she started down the rickety ladder I scoffed a bit, "C'mon dude just jump it, live a little."

"That's precisely what I'm doing you clod", Peridot snapped on her way down, "I'm living. Falls are one of the top ten serious injuries in the home that can easily be prevented." Tuning out the beginnings of a droning lecture I strolled over to the ladder and threw the shorter girl over my shoulder. She was surprisingly easy to carry like that even with her legs kicking like crazy. "Put me down you insolent pebble, I am not a child", I carefully adjusted my grip before I complied. One somewhat positive thing that I had taken from what happened to me is that consent is fucking important. After knowing what it was like to feel like I had no say in what was done to my body I knew I could never do that to someone else. 

Amethyst's eyes widened with glee when I mentioned Peridot was spending the night and her grin got even broader. Seriously I was both impressed and a bit terrified I didn't think the human mouth could even stretch that far. "Hell yeah sleepover", She raised a fist in the air and cheered, "This is going to be fucking awesome. Wulfie you smooth motherfucker, barely out of bed a day and you're already getting a girl to jump you. A cute one at that" A calloused brown hand slapped my back, in between my shoulder blades, hard enough to make me stumble a little. Fuck payback is a bitch; it was Peri's turn to laugh while all the blood rushed to my face. She had an interesting laugh, something between crazy nerdy and slightly evil that went neyeh heh heh. Imagining the green clad blonde as a super villain with an army of those marble robot things she was drawing wasn't a stretch. 

As soon as Peridot was safely back on the ground Amethyst looped one arm through the girl's arm and the other through mine so she was sandwiched between us. Arm in arm we started walking to the house Amethyst casually chatting the whole way. "I mean it guys this is going to be sweet, back home I was like the master of sleepovers. My pranks are fucking legendary man LEGENDARY", We surged through the front door. "Minha mãe actually banned me from having friends over after I put fire salt in my cousin Jay's undies. Menina couldn't sit for a week", Her ruckus laughter was loud but infectious, I couldn't resist its siren call. 

Everyone was already sitting at the dining table with three open boxes of pizza in the middle. I flopped down in my usual spot next to Lapis snagging two slices of pepperoni and a can of soda along the way. Looks like Rose was going all out to make sure we had a good time, she normally didn't buy a ton of soda. Thinking about it I figured she was probably excited to see us making friends and getting on well with people. She had been so fucking excited that day I asked her to give Peridot and I a ride home. The pink haired lady really was becoming like a mom to us, at least I assumed she was acting how a mom would since I didn't have a great point of reference. "Guys", Amethyst shouted through a mouthful of food spraying toppings around. Peridot looked completely horrified at the display and I couldn't really blame her. I mean come on Amethyst liked pineapple in her pizza, fucking pineapple, it was a sin, "Peri is sleepin here it's gonna be a fuckin party!"

You know it's kind of weird how when you're in the middle of something everything going on seems normal but when you look back you notice some fucked up shit. Growing up I thought it was normal to walk to strange places with daddy and his friends, it was like we were going on an adventure. Things progressed slowly enough that no red flags went up; first it was just walks, then after a couple years I was making drop offs to customers and collecting their cash, then after another year I was doing full on deliveries. At ten I started realizing something was up when a very wild eyed dad said there were bad guys who owed him money and we needed to go get it. Daddy, three of his friends that I usually called my uncles, and I all piled into Uncle Danny's rusty red truck. There were only two seats in the front so daddy, Uncle Fred, Uncle Harry, and I rode in the bed. I remember being all excited when daddy handed me a ski mask and a bat, I thought we were gonna scare the bad guys good. Little did any of us know just how sour that night was going to turn; shit got bad fast. 

"Earth to Wulfenite", I blinked trying to figure out why Jasper's rumbling voice was in my memories. There was a big hand moving back and forth in front of my face, "Where'd you go there space case? Rose has been talkin to you for like five minutes", It took me longer than I'd like to admit to remember where I was. In the back of my mind I could still smell the fumes from Danny's beater of a truck mixing with the little bit of whisky dad gave me before we set off. Mom was pissed when she found out where we'd been, it was the first time I ever saw dad mad enough to hit her. Normally when they were fighting they would lock me outside until it was over. A few times they'd forget to let me back in so I'd sleep in the hallway of our apartment building. I shook my head a few times to try and clear it; the past was the past I needed to focus.

I squirmed in my seat hyper aware that everyone was looking at me, waiting for some sort of response. My heart pounded relentlessly in my chest to the point that it started to hurt. Cock sucking motherfucker this was bad, they were all staring, all judging me. Cold dread blurred the edges of my vision, trembling hands gripped my can of Coke hard enough to dent it. Something cold touched my leg, I flinched and looked down, it was a hand; a hand belonging to Jasper. "Don't you fuckin touch me", I screamed flinging myself backwards hard enough to flip my chair. Shit, if they weren't all gawking at me before they sure as hell were now. "Err sorry thought I saw a spider", I rubbed the back of my neck sheepishly trying to cover up my almost panic attack. The questioning look in Peridot's eyes told me I was doing a shit job of pretending I was normal but no one said anything. All of us had our twitches, calling out one person gave them free reign to do the same to you. "Sorry about zonin out on you there Rose, uh, what was it you were sayin again?'

"Not a problem dear", Rose said with her famous million watt smile, "I was just explaining to everyone that you were having a friend over. I really am proud of you girls and how well you're adjusting to all of the changes." Balls man she was getting all sappy on us again, at least I wasn't the only one groaning. I suppose the sappiness was a package deal, a slight downside to all the understanding and support Rose gave. Something inside my chest ached when she mentioned how proud she was of me. Most of the fucked up shit I did as a kid was in the hopes of having dad say that to me. Thankfully, before anymore emotional stuff could happen, Amethyst distracted the table by rolling up two slices of pizza and trying to eat them like a giant pizza roll. Peridot was taking all of our weirdness surprisingly well given her amazing ability to ignore her mind's natural filter. She laughed right along with us when the oversized bit of food got stuck halfway down and needed to be fished out. 

Dinner was its usual barely contained chaos; loud voices, hurried conversations through mouthfuls of food, and Rose constantly reminding us to watch our mouths. Understandably she didn't like us swearing around Steven even though the boy was old enough to know not to mimic us. SEriously he's an American boy with access to both cable and the internet, he probably knew more swears than I did. Gotta be honest I never got what the big deal was I mean they're just words, they only have meaning because humans say they do. I mean who the fuck gets to decide which words are bad and which ones are okay to say? Is there some grand secret council in like Rome or something that reviews language and stuff? If there is I wonder if they're related to the group that establishes planets; RIP Pluto.

Damn it I went and zoned out again, I really gotta get better at paying attention around people. Lapis was persistently tugging my hand in the direction of the living room; Steven was clearing our dishes off the table, with Peridot next to her. "Wulfie", The blue haired waif all but pleaded, "If we don't hurry we're not gonna get a spot on the couch. Hurry up Finding Nemo is on and I gotta claim the remote before Ruby tries to put on something lame like wrestling." A commotion from the living room was a clear sign that there was a disagreement about the fate of the TV. Lapis, with Peridot hot on her heels, dragged me by our joined hands towards the sounds. Amethyst, Ruby, and Jasper were all facing each other wrestling for control over the black hunk of plastic on the couch.

The coffee table was already turned over and pushed to the side, hair and fists flew, words were spat; oh chaos sweet chaos. I tipped my head back letting forth a low howl before diving unexpectedly into the fray. My left shoulder hit something solid that was probably Jasper's face and my forehead smacked into Ruby's arm. More fists flew as I burrowed deeper into the grapple pile finally managing to pry the remote from Amethyst and curl myself around it. "Hail to the glory that is Howling Fury", I cheered, "Lapis hurry up and start the countdown." Thirty seconds, the rule was that if you could hold the remote for a thirty second count you had control. Nails dug into the exposed flesh of my hands trying to force my fingers loose. Jasper's weight crashed on top of me eerily similar to Malachite, red filled my vision. I whipped my head around to see the tan girl on top of me with her knees around my hips straddling me from behind. Her face was mere inches above mine and all I could think about were acid colored eyes. Deep in my head the most primal of survival instincts screamed for me to do anything I could to escape. Snarling low in my throat I launched myself upward smacking into her nose with the top of my head.

"Fucking shit Wulfenite", Jasper yelled rolling off me and clutching her nose with both hands. Drops of blood were splattered on the floor nothing compared to the red stream dripping from between her fingers. Shit I hit too hard; Rose only tolerated playful roughhousing to a point once someone bled the game was over. Ruby propped herself up on her elbows looking up at the larger girl with wide brown eyes. Her usual perfect afro was in disarray, uneven and matted in some places with sweat. We were all panting and a sweaty disheveled mess scattered on the wooden floor. Jasper was on her knees by the couch tightly pinching the bridge of her nose to stop the flow. I was on my side next to Ruby still holding the suddenly unimportant remote in my left hand. Amethyst ran to the bathroom to grab Jasper some toilet paper for her nose; her brown eyes held mine for a second but I couldn't read them. In the doorway Lapis and Peridot were starring at the three of us like we had lost our minds, hell we might have.

"Erm", Peridot shifted from foot to foot nervously, "Does every campaign for media dominance end in bloodshed? Because if so I would like to state that I have no preference on what we decide to watch." Lapis put a comforting hand on the shorter girl's shoulder her eyes still watching us. Peridot fell silent at the contact blushing fire engine red from her forehead down to her neck. Her reaction would have been fucking hilarious any other time but not with Jasper leaking blood. She had been so cocky when she climbed on top of me, it was like she didn't think I'd fight back. You can debate whether or not she was trying to give me a rape flashback or not but it doesn't matter. Intent doesn't matter if you use your fucking brain for two seconds and realize how someone else will perceive your actions. 

My heart pounded painfully hard in my chest from more than just the silly wrestling match. Hurting Jasper felt good, the crunch of my skull hitting her nose was like fucking music, but it wasn't okay. I was trying to get away from violence, trying to follow Rose's example and be a better person. Sometimes being an adult meant doing the right thing and right now that was apologizing. So, with a heavy sigh, I got to my feet and moved the minute distance to where Jasper and Amethyst were. "Uh sorry Jasper I got kind of carried away", As it typically did when I was nervous my hand moved restlessly through my ginger hair. Trembling in a way that I hoped wasn't too noticeable I reached down and hauled the bigger girl to her feet. By Odin I always forget just how fucking tall she is compared to me, it's not even right! I'm fucking 5'7 that's plenty big enough to lord over plebeians like Peridot and Amethyst. I should feel like a titian among mortals but no Jasper has to ruin it all by being 6'6; not fucking cool. "Sorry Lapis but I kind of owe her the remote after that", I offered the bit of plastic.

"Nah let blue here have her kiddie movie", Jasper pushed the remote away with her free hand. "I was only out here so these two runts didn't kill each other", She laughed and ruffled Amethyst's hair. It was weird seeing the lumbering brute showing affection towards another living thing. At the way Amethyst's cheeks turned a bit pink I had to wonder if she had a thing for the meat head. The whole thing could have been cute as hell were it not for the fact that Jasper never took her eyes off Lapis. Shit was she just stringing Amethyst along in some petty attempt to make her ex jealous? By the way Lapis' eyes narrowed I had to wonder if it was working, "Wulfie, you doin alright over there?" Jasper's rumbling voice pulled my mind back to the present; shit I was having trouble staying grounded today. All I could do was nod and hand Lapis the remote before falling ass first onto the floor. If given the option I always preferred to sit on the floor instead of furniture. Solid ground couldn't be kicked out from under me or flipped over by a pissed off drunk. Maybe it was a side effect of my time inside but I liked being able to reach out and know I wasn't going to fall.

Once the question of what we were watching was settled everyone found themselves a seat. Lapis curled up on her corner of the couch with my back resting against her knees. Peridot just kind of shrugged and perched next to Lapis, forming an effective barrier between the former item. Jasper's bulk took up the other half of the couch leaving Ruby to get comfortable on one of the arms. Amethyst ran to the kitchen, while Lapis was looking for the right channel, and returned with: soda, snacks, and Steven in tow. The excitable little boy made a chair out of Lapis' lap leaving Amethyst on the floor with me. Before I could fully process what was happening I felt a warm weight in my lap and saw purple tinted hair splayed across my knees. "Hey I'm not a fuckin pillow dude", I lifted my leg trying to dislodge the new growth. Instead of taking the hint Amethyst just wrapped her arms around me from the side and hauled more of herself on top of me. "Damn it Amethyst get off", I continued to thrash angrily until a hand pressed the top of my head.

"Shhh Wulfie, movie", Lapis whisper screamed from behind me her eyes glued on the TV. I opened my mouth to continue protesting but before I could utter a word Lapis shifted her hold so her hand was over my mouth. Being the super mature adult that I am I started furiously licking her palm until she screamed and freed me. I did stop trying to throw Amethyst off, it was actually kind of nice having someone I could trust close to me. Apparently deciding he wasn't getting enough attention Lion sauntered into the room and meowed at me until I let him on my shoulder. Was there some kind of memo sent out saying "let's use Wulfenite as furniture" that I didn't get? During my time being lost in thought my eyes drifted from the TV screen to the couch. Lapis and Steven were watching the movie with rapt attention grinning like small children. Ruby and Jasper were playfully fighting over the bowl of popcorn they were supposed to be sharing. Peridot however was almost entirely focused on watching Lapis, a fact that didn't sit right with me. As I've said before Lapis is mine and I do not fucking share my things with anyone. Feeling rather territorial I shifted my position a bit so I was sitting between Lapis' legs with my head on her knee. I rubbed my cheek into the bony flesh making her giggle and thread her fingers through my hair.

We all watched the movie in relative silence, I say relative because we all ended up yelling at the characters on screen when they did something stupid. Peridot had a rant all to herself within the first five minutes, "The entire premise of this film is illogical. Clown fish are social creatures with a matriarchal hierarchy based around size. When the dominant female of the group perishes the largest male simply changes his gender and assumes leadership. Biologically speaking Marlin should now be female and producing offspring with Nemo as soon as he is sexually mature. This previously recorded entertainment should be thrown out for glaring inaccuracy." All eyes focused on the green eyed nerd making her squirm a bit in her seat, "I'm just sayin."

"Dude that's kinky as fuck", The awe in Amethyst's voice was palpable, "Mother Nature is one dirty bitch." Poor Steven covered his ears with his hands because Rose chose that moment to walk in with Malachite. Of all of us I think Amethyst and I were probably the worst at keeping our vocabulary family friendly. She had zero filter and I generally didn't give enough fucks to think about what I was saying. I felt kind of bad seeing that Rose was doing the dishes on my night but she insisted I spend time with Peridot. Malachite scowled around the room before slouching away muttering something about taking a walk. Seeing the disapproving look Rose was giving her Amethyst hastily said, "Err I mean something that uhh doesn't involve swearing. Umm", She sat up and elbowed me hard in the side, "Help me out Wulfie you're the writer here." I was too busy laughing at the girl to even bother responding to her pleas. Rose kept the stern look on her face letting the flushed teen flounder for a bit before Amethyst threw up her hands and yelled, "No habla Englaise".

Our movie watching complete Amethyst, Lapis, Peridot, and myself loaded our arms down with snacks and went out to the barn. Ruby and Jasper stayed behind to play video games despite Amethyst's vehement protests. Steven wanted to join us but Rose insisted that it was time for him to head to bed. Honestly that was probably for the best, Amethyst had mentioned something about party games and I didn't trust the glint in her eye. Out in the barn everyone seemed dead set on getting into their pajamas right away. Peridot turned bright fucking red when Lapis pulled her shirt off without bothering to turn around. I'm pretty sure that out of all of us I was the only one with any real sense of modesty. "Err Wulfenite", Peridot spoke from behind me; I had turned my back on her to change. "How precisely are sleeping arrangements and slumber attire going to work? I hadn't thought to bring any spare clothing and it appears there are only six beds here." Shit I hadn't thought about that, the nerd could steal my bed but what about clothes? Peridot was only like five feet tall there's no way she could fit in my pants without tripping every time she walked.

"Don't worry Peri I got you", Amethyst called from in front of her bed where she was digging around in her laundry pile. "Us shorties gotta stick together and all", She tossed the blonde a pair of purple sweat pants and a black tank top. "Shorty Squad for life", The purple one threw up her hands in some kind of mock gang sign cackling like mad. After Peridot was situated the vivacious purple haired girl traded out her jeans and wrestling shirt for an over sized Mr. Universe shirt. Greg, even though he hadn't played a show in years, still kept a bunch of his old band merch around. "Now then", Amethyst called clapping her brown hands together, "Let's get to some fun. First item on tonight's list is an old classic Never Have I Ever, any objections? Good, now for those socially inept weirdos who don't know the rules", Her eyes fell immediately on Peridot, "I'll explain. We each get ourselves a drink, normally it would be booze but hey beggars can't be choosers. One at a time we say I thing we haven't done, if you've done the thing you take a drink. Last one with any soda in their can wins and is officially boring as fuck", She flopped down on a beanbag in the center of the room. We all followed suit so the four of us were sitting in a sort of circle, drinks ready, "Okay Peri starts."

"Alright clods prepare to be astounded by my superior ability to predict your lives", Peridot gave her weird laugh. "Never have I ever lived in a converted farm dwelling full of dangerous criminals." Groaning at the fact that she picked the lowest hanging fruit Lapis, Amethyst, and I each took a drink. "Ha see I'm already ahead of all of you there's no way you can hope to defeat me. Give up now and save yourselves the embarrassment", By the gods this girl had a superiority complex. I mean who the fuck gets this riled up after literally the first question? Peri paused to see if any of us actually caved, "Very well since you clods insist on continuing I will concede my turn to Wulfenite."

I looked around at my opponents contemplating my question carefully, "Never have I ever pissed outside." Amethyst, as I expected, took a drink of her Coke along with a disgruntled looking Lapis. Peridot and I started laughing at the both of them, "Okay Lazuli I gotta hear this story. Her I expected, I mean she does it all the damn time", I jerked my thumb at a shrugging Amethyst. "You can't just drop this revelation in my lap without givin me any of the details. Spill it blue", I gave my blushing friend a playful shove to get her talking. "Besides man it's your turn to ask a thing, two birds with one stone or however the fuck that old sayin goes. Either way fess up before the suspense makes me explode, nobody wants that mess."

"Fucking hate you Wulfenite", Lapis grumbled under her breath shooting me her, admittedly impressive death glare. "I used to pee in the ocean when I was a little kid because you know being a kid. We lived right off the beach and on days that I went swimming I didn't want to get out of the water. It's not like I was dropping my shorts behind a bush or something, fish do it all the time. Hey stop laughing you fucking assholes", She grabbed a discarded shoe and chucked it at me; it bounced off my shoulder. "Well fine, never have I ever gone more than two days without taking a damn shower." It was worth seeing her satisfied smirk when Peridot and Amethyst joined me in drinking. Man this was turning into a real learning experience, "Go on Amethyst your turn."

"You is all nasty nasty bitches", Amethyst laughed clutching her belly with the hand that wasn't holding her drink. "Wulfie I know for a fact only showers when Rose threatens to sink wash her but I wasn't expecting that shit from you Peri. You got any other dirty secrets rattling around in that big ole brain of yours? I fucking hope so because these two are the most boring delinquents I've ever fucking met." We all laughed at that and Amethyst made a mocking little bow, "Thank you thank you, I'll be here all week. Hmmm never have I ever punched an old lady in the face", She looked right at me and winked. Muttering under my breath a took a drink of my Coke, I was shocked that Peridot joined me.

Without any sort of prompting the nerd launched into her story, "To be fair I was a lot younger. Back then I had a lot of trouble with physical contact, more than now. It was just too hard for me to correctly process the sensitization I was experiencing. All of the faculty at my school knew about my issues so everything SHOULD have been fine. Well one day when I was in first grade we had a substitute for gym; I think the regular teacher had a cold. Irrelevant, I wasn't standing correctly and the sub decided to grab my shoulder to correct my posture. I hissed like a feral cat and launched myself at her throwing punches and kicks in every direction. The school had to call my mother to calm me down, after that no one wanted to associate with me." I was ready to laugh until I saw the tears in Peridot's eyes, stupid fucking Rose for teaching me empathy. Slowly I reached out and patted her leg in a way that I hoped was comforting. She gave me a watery smile before speaking again, "Never have I ever stolen anything."

Fucking hell, all of us except Peridot drank and just like that the air in the room cleared. Amethyst ended up being the first one eliminated from the game with me following close behind. Peridot, proving that she was sheltered as fuck, won by declaring that she had never watched porn. This of course led to me whipping out my phone and bringing up some premo YIFF for everyone. Sex of any sort isn't something I want but even I am subject to curiosity from time to time. I chased Peri around the room with videos of naughty fox women until she dove under Jasper's bed. Ruby, Jasper, and Malachite came in shortly after that and it was decided we should probably go to bed. "Yo Lapis", I called to the girl on the top bunk, "Mind if I crash with you? I don't think Peri wants to get all snuggly now that she knows how hardcore I am".

Lapis shrugged and scooted over so I could lever myself up next to her, not like it was the first time we shared. Peridot settled herself into my bed sputtering something about me not having to move. "Chill Peridork", Amethyst said snuggling down into her own sparkly sheets, "They do this shit all the time. Seriously you two should just fuck and get it over with, it's getting kind of awkward for the rest of us." I glared down at her but that only made her laugh harder, "Come on guys loosen up I'm joking. We all know Wulfie only has eyes for the salty Bird Nerd in our science class, ain't that right Lap Dog?" Thank Odin Lapis didn't say anything but her snorting laughter was damning enough.

The teasing continued on for close to a half hour until everyone either lost interest or ran out of ideas. By that time I had rolled onto my side so I was facing the wall and Lapis' back. Jasper and Amethyst were snoring peacefully from their beds making enough noise to rattle the windows. Huffing a bit I rolled back over and leaned off the side of the bed to look at Peridot. The girl was still wide awake scribbling furiously in a notebook that was covered in alien stickers. Intrigued by her actions I watched her for a few seconds before clearing my throat. "Hey uhh Peri, thanks for crashin here and stuff it was fun", I'm glad the darkness hid my blush.

"It was quite pleasurable for me as well", Peridot responded not looking up from her writing. "You clods are pretty cool, for a bunch of knuckle dragging primitives nyhehehe", She gave her dorky laugh. "Good night Howling Fury", I grinned at the nickname and stuck my arm out for her to fist bump. Peridot was definitely weird, I was still convinced she was a cyborg, but she wasn't so bad. I was starting to see how she had made friends with Pearl and the ever mysterious Garnet. There was something so out there about the way she looked at the world that listening to her talk was a fucking experience. Yeah I think it's safe to say that I liked Peridot even if she was making eyes at Lapis. As long as she kept her hands to her fucking self we were gonna get along just fine.


	13. Falling Away From Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mondays are always a drag

Cold wind whipped across my face tearing through my t-shirt and jeans as if they weren't even there. We were driving fast, how fast I didn't know but the buildings on either side of the road were just a blur. Daddy was crouched behind me yelling to be heard over the rushing wind. "Keep your aim steady girl bend out just a little further so you've got a nice straight line with their back tire. Deep breath now squeeze evenly", His larger hands guided my thin arms making sure my aim was true before giving me the order to fire. I hadn't been braced properly for the pistol's mighty kick and would have fallen on my ass if daddy hadn't been there. Bits of rubber went flying from the white van's destroyed tire; I had somehow managed to graze the seam splitting the thing like a zipper. Sparks flew when the bare rim hit the cracked asphalt but the driver didn't seem to slow. "Take out the other tire", Daddy ordered, "If these fuckers want to do this the hard way then we'll fuckin do it. You bastards think you can get away with offing Harry then you got another thing comin", The look in dad's green eyes was nothing short of insanity.

I lifted the pistol again trying to stop my arms from shaking as I aimed, "Daddy I'm scared. Please daddy I don't want to play anymore", Tears were making my vision blurry. When Uncle Danny had stopped by the apartment earlier that night saying that we needed to take a ride this wasn't what I expected. Mom had already left for work wearing her special shiny red pumps so it was up to daddy to help me with my homework. I had to write a paper on the Old West and how groups of people would often take the law into their own hands. Danny's arrival had given my father the idea of teaching me vigilantism first hand. That's how I found myself standing in the bed of Danny's truck as it sped down the back roads of Ocean Town. Uncle Fred was riding shotgun while Danny drove, "Please Daddy I'm really scared can we go home?" I didn't even understand why we were chasing this van or what we were going to do once they stopped. Even my under developed sense of right and wrong knew you didn't shoot at someone if you just wanted to scare them. 

"Shoot the fucking tire Siff or so help me there will be hell to pay", Dad's hand was a vice around my wrist. He was using my clan name, the one I was supposed to keep secret, the one that only came out when things were super important. Your clan name was your identity when you became a full fledged member of the family business. "You are a fucking viking Siff, more than that you carry my blood, the blood of warlords runs through you. Warlords don't get fucking scared, they make their enemies flee before them and take what they want." I was still scared, scared of the wild look in daddy's eyes and the stink of whisky on his breath. Whimpering softly I tried to focus on my target like I was taught and zone out the world around me. The echoing crack of the bullet leaving the barrel was the death of my childhood. Right at the moment I fired the truck hit a pothole disrupting my shot so it just grazed the van's door. They turned down a side street and we stopped chasing them; there was murder in Daddy's eyes.

Sirens wailed in the distance making me tense up, from an early age I was taught to avoid the police. Following dad's example I laid down flat on my belly so I couldn't be seen from the road. The gun was still loosely gripped in my left hand pointing forward towards the truck cab. Nausea rolled in my stomach making me want to throw up my dinner of beef flavored Ramen. I had one job, just shoot the fucking tires so they crash, one fucking job and I failed. In the front seat Danny and Fred were screaming every swear word under the sun. Their displeasure at my bad shooting was clear as day thanks to the open back window. "Sorry daddy", I mumbled to the prone figure cursing beside me, "We'll get the bad guys next time." The only response I got was a sharp tug on my dominant hand relieving me of my borrowed weapon.

Dad didn't speak to me for a long time, not until he bade my uncles goodnight and we were back in the apartment. "Get me a beer brat", He barked shoving me in the direction of our little kitchen. I quickly opened the fridge and grabbed one of the tall brown bottles inside it. The main area of the apartment was all one room with the kitchen taking up a small corner along the same wall as the door. We didn't bother with a kitchen table since if we were eating together it was in front of the TV. Cheap grayish carpet covered the floor, threadbare along the more well traveled paths. Dad was stretched out on the blue couch, his eyes fixed on the news while his hand reached out expectantly. Wary of the gun still tucked into the waistband of his jeans I handed him his opened beer. After a long swig he turned his head so he was meeting my eyes, "You really let me down tonight kiddo. Here I was taking you on your first grownup mission and you failed, do you know what the price of failure is Wulfenite?" A small sound, kind of a mix between a squeak and a gasp, escaped my throat. Daddy stood from the couch towering over me like Odin himself, "You cost me blood so you gotta pay with blood. Hold the fuck still and take it like a viking", His fist collided with the side of my head.

Blow after blow rained down on me, pushing me back with the force of them, but Dad never tired. We were viking warriors, the lords of the storm, masters of turning pain into strength. He roared with each attack reminding me of what a pathetic piece of shit I was. Red surged through my vision and I lashed out, tiny foot hitting home on the tip of his erect manhood. That was my first take of the berserk rage that lay dormant inside me like a tiger dozing at the zoo. He let out a high pitched shriek that was equal parts pain and unyielding aggression, Sanguine fluid speckled his skin and clothes only fueling his fury until he was beyond reason. Large hands gripped the front of my green t-shirt and I was lifted from the floor. Next thing I knew was the sound of glass breaking, a sharp pain in my face, and falling.

I hit the floor of the barn with a loud thud, pulling me from my nightmare and into a world of pain. Everything was dark around me signaling the lateness of the hour or perhaps the earliness of the morning. Light exploded from above me turning my world into something unbearably bright. Memories and reality fought briefly for dominance making it hard for me to understand where I was. Green eyes were right in front of me, I flinched back raising my arms to defend myself. Everything was too much, I couldn't get enough air, my heart was a jackhammer under my ribs, I felt like I was falling again. "Stay back I think she's having a panic attack, Wulfenite I need you to take slow deep breaths", A small hand was moving through my hair guiding my face towards something pale. Exposed skin touched my cheek, too soft and white to be his, while the hands continued to move. "There we go, just like that, I'm assuming this is why you occupy the bottom bunk." 

"P-p-Peridot", I choked out the name still not sure what exactly was going on. Right Peridot was here for a sleepover; I was at the barn and just fell out of Lapis' bed. Within ten minutes I managed to get my breathing back under control thanks to a combination of Peridot's robotic tone and her hands in my hair. Mutely I climbed back into my bed, the little blonde girl joined me after the light was shut off. Fuck I hate memories I seriously fucking do; it wasn't fair that they could just take over like that. Nightmares about nonsense and blood monsters were one thing but that dream really happened. When I was ten I was thrown out of my second floor apartment window and down onto the pavement. The fall broke my left arm in three places and was the main reason I currently sported a limp. My bruised up face was chalked up to the fall and dad got off without so much as an inquiry. "Sorry for being a clumsy ass hat", I called into the darkness where I knew everyone was still awake. No one answered except for a few snorts from the bed above me and a deep laugh from the corner but it was enough. I rolled back over to find Peridot watching me with a curious expression on her face. "Leave it nerd", I whispered, "I'm just clumsy it's nothin for you or anyone else to worry about. Um thanks though for settlin me down", I reached over to awkwardly pat her bare shoulder.

The next morning I woke up in my own bed, to the sound of chuckling, without much memory of the nightmare. Peridot had shifted in her sleep ending up curled on top of me like a pampered house cat. Her face was buried in the side on my neck, so close that strands of her bedhead were tickling my nose. Both of her arms were wrapped around me from the side in a death grip that can only be accomplished by the sleeping. She even had one of her legs hiked over my hip like something out of a bad romantic comedy. "Say cheese lovebirds", Amethyst cackled and I heard several clicking sounds. I was still disoriented from sleep and unable to do more than groan to defend myself from her picture taking. "Who knew P-Dot was such a cuddler, you two are so fuckin cute I might just hurl from exposure. This calls for my world famous after sex waffles hurry up and wake Sleeping Beauty here before I change my mind." Still laughing she sauntered away swaying her hips to the beat of a song only she could hear. 

Sparing a quick second to look around the room I didn't see anyone else still in bed. Me being the last person out of bed wasn't uncommon since I had a bitch of a time sleeping with other people around. Tried and true as that sentiment was I had somehow managed to sleep with Peridot without any issues. Rather than questioning this unforeseen development I decided to simply enjoy the closeness. Peridot was soft and just the right amount of warm, like an angry little heating pad. I reached out with my free arm to return her hug with a less constricting one. Of course as soon as I get comfortable Murphy's Law rears its ugly head in the form of my aching bladder. "Damn it", I groaned shaking Peridot's shoulder, "Hey wake up nerd I gotta take a piss. Swear to fuck Peridot if you don't move I will piss on you", I shook her harder. 

Following a string of incoherent grumbles, I swear I heard something about kindergartens, Peridot finally lifted her head. Noticing where she was the little nerd flung herself away from me hard enough to send her crashing to the floor. "Gah Wulfenite I'm sorry I didn't mean to", Saucer sized eyes stared at me in terror. Immediately the warm fuzzy feelings I'd been experiencing went up in smoke. Even after agreeing to stay here and hanging out with us she was still scared of me. Suddenly my need to use the bathroom didn't feel nearly as important as fixing this. 

"Woah woah man calm down", I sat up keeping my hands in front of me, "I said you could take my bed remember? Yeah I don't much like bein touched unless you ask but we were both asleep. Gettin pissy at you over somethin you had no control over is fucked up even for me. Now c'mon I think Amethyst is makin breakfast", I lowered my feet to the ground slowly so as not to scare her. When she didn't flinch I reached down to help her to her feet, "I mean it Peridot I ain't mad. 'Sides man friends don't hit friends unless there's a damn good reason", She grasped my hand and I pulled her up. We walked over to the main house side by side, close enough that her shoulder bumped me. 

"Everburn come on pick up the pace, you're getting lapped by a freshman", Coach Opal's voice echoed across the gym. Something had apparently crawled up the coach's ass over the weekend making her decide to arbitrarily demand the class do a fitness test. Perspiration streamed down my face stinging my eyes, "Final lap Everburn, hustle!" I gritted my teeth together and forced my legs to keep moving in defiance of the sharp throbbing in my knee. Almost there, I wove around the heavyset blonde kid who works with his family at the fry stand, just a bit further. "Nine minutes fifty-one seconds", Opal called my time when I skidded to a stop. I doubled over with my legs against the bleachers fighting to catch my breath. Pain was rippling up my entire leg, throbbing like a second heartbeat and making standing hard. When the last stragglers crossed the finish marker and their times were recorded Coach Opal approached me. "Not bad Everburn, not bad at all, but I meant what I said about getting you down to nine minutes flat. Keep improving and we might have a place for you on the team next year, we all know how colleges love that stuff. Now hit the showers before you fall over", She clapped me hard on the back in a way that I think was meant to be friendly.

Track team, why in Odin's glorious name would I want to join the fucking track team? I pondered the notion as the lukewarm water of the girl's locker room washed over me; did I want to join the team? There's no way I'd ever admit it out loud but I was really enjoying all the regular exercise I was getting. Four years confined to a 6 by 8 foot cell isn't exactly conducive to one's physical prowess. Sure I could do stuff like stretches, push ups, and sit ups but what was the point? I lost my free time privileges pretty early on in my sentence when I slammed another girl's face into the wall so hard it cracked her eye socket. Every so often a guard would try to get me outside for a bit, and I appreciated it for a while, but once the depression got her claws in me I lost all motivation. 

In the couple months that I had been slaving under Opal's tyrannical rule I had been free from Apathy's noose. Sulking around was not tolerated in the coach's presence and anyone who tried would get laps. Joining a team would mean I'd be forced to interact with more people but honestly could I call that a bad thing? Social situations were the bane of my existence, right now I was okay because no one wanted to talk to me anyway but that wouldn't be the case forever. Provided Higgins makes good on his word I would be able to make a real life for myself after graduation. A real life that will very likely involve me moving somewhere to escape my shitty reputation. Try outs weren't until the summer, I suppose I could talk it over with Rose and give it a go.

My musing was cut short by the bell and I had to scramble to finish getting dressed. The weather was still cold and rainy so I was once again in my favorite worn red flannel. Sporting my patented limp I made my way through the halls towards the science classroom. Don't know how I managed it but I actually got to class before the teacher so the door was locked. Pearl and Peridot were also waiting around, the former with a sour look on her thin face. Amethyst hadn't been exaggerating when she dubbed Pearl the salty bird nerd from science. The girl was a bloody perfectionist whose mood seemed to be disproportionately effected by every little thing. Her lips were perpetually pursed in a resting bitch face that would inspire Miss Diamond to up her game. "Mr. Baxter is still nowhere to be found", Bird Nerd lamented to no one in particular. "If he doesn't hurry he's going to throw the entire class structure behind schedule. Oh hello Wulfenite", her blue eyes widened a bit when she saw me, "I trust you're feeling better."

Peridot grinned up at me from beside her friend, "Yes it is good to see you up and about again Wulfenite. You were rather subdued when I departed your home on Saturday morning, I found myself concerned." No word of a lie it was nice to know that she actually cared how I was doing. Who knows, that whole falling out of bed thing could be serving as a catalyst towards us bonding. By the way she was able to snap me out of my bullshit I figure there was no way she hadn't done that before. Pearl was looking between us with a puzzled frown, noticing it Peridot slapped herself on the forehead and groaned. "Right I forgot to mention; I spent Friday evening with Wulfenite and her errm housemates. Initially I had gone over there to deliver assignments and offer my services as a tutor but those clods couldn't get enough of me. It was a most pleasurable experience, one I hope we can repeat in the future", She looked at me hopefully.

"Damn right we're doing it again that she was louco", Amethyst came around the corner with a rather disgruntled Lapis in tow. "P-dot here was the life of the party", The Latina cackled and adjusted her purple sweater. "I mean it P", She countered Pearl's noise of disbelief by whipping out her phone. "Look at these two", Oh fuck, I knew what she was doing, "Isn't this just the cutest fucking thing you've ever seen like ever?" Blazing red I tried to rip the device from her hands but of course the teacher chose that exact moment to show up. Embarrassed as all fuck I made my way to my assigned table and put my forehead on the cold metal top. I rarely paid any real attention in class, all this old fucker did was make us copy notes off a projector anyway. Any issues I had with homework I could either Google the answers or ask my friendly neighborhood dork Peri. A grueling hour sloughed by with me slipping in and out of consciousness with the old man's monotone voice acting like white noise.

At the bell I dropped my sick work off in the box by the teacher's desk and rushed out of the classroom as fast as my shitty knee would let me. Dealing with Amethyst's teasing this early in the morning was a recipe for me losing my temper. Like me Amethyst didn't have much of a filter which meant that more often than not she'd take a joke too far. Pearl, with her long dancer's legs, easily caught up with me on the stairs down to auto class. "I have to say I'm rather impressed by how quickly you've taken to Peridot; I know she can be difficult. You two seem to have become quite", She paused as if trying to find the words, "Close recently." Her long fingers nervously tangled in her sleeveless blue blouse; how the fuck could she wear that thing in this cold? It took a bit before the full implication of her words hit me, when they did I couldn't hold back my laugh. Laughing hurt my abused lungs but I couldn't stop it, she honestly thought Peridot and I were an item.

"Oh fuck Pearl you're killing me over here", I had to grab her arm for support when my knee gave a twinge. "You really think I would shack up with the queen of the socially awkward nerds? Shit dude", I used the hand that wasn't holding Pearl's arm to wipe tears from my eyes. "Don't get me wrong, Peridot is pretty cool once you get past the biting sarcasm and general disdain for organic life, but she's not my type." The blush across Bird Nerd's cheeks and beak like nose was worth the humiliation of this conversation. Pearl's arm was pleasantly warm under my calloused hand, shit how long had I been holding on to her? She wasn't saying anything to indicate that she didn't like me touching her, was this normal? Exercising my right to err on the side of caution I released my hold and continued walking like nothing happened. She didn't say anything when I let go but I swear her face fell; fucking hell this was weird.

The sense of weirdness stayed with me all through class and got worse at lunch when Peridot and her friends joined our table. There was no point in keeping up the pretense that I didn't like the girl considering we spent Friday night cuddling. I ate mindlessly barely tasting the lumpy goo that was supposed to be loaded nachos. Amethyst was keeping the table entertained by regaling our slumber party high jinks. Was it just my imagination or was Pearl sneaking looks at me during the stories? Mother fucker was I the one sneaking looks at her while she was just being polite? **"Damn it Wulfenite stop making shit weird dude, this is why you can't keep friends", Anxiety helpfully supplied.** In an attempt to silence my inner defeatist I let my head hit the table with a resounding thunk. All that accomplished was effectively ending the conversations around me. **"Good job you stupid fuck now they're all staring at you, go on say something witty", My anxiety sing songed.** "Errm I thought I saw a spider", Oh fuck that was probably the shittiest excuse in the history of shitty excuses.

Yep I'm a fucking idiot, smooth as 40 grit sandpaper and as charming as Amethyst at a swanky dinner party. For those of you who aren't up on the specs of hardware the lower the number the rougher the sandpaper. Coming to the conclusion that I wasn't going to dig myself into a deeper hole I didn't talk for the rest of the school day. The only one who really seemed to get it was Peridot, wonder if she did the same thing. On the bus she tried talking to me twice then just leaned against me when I didn't respond. She offered me one of her headphones but I shook my head, electronica and dubstep weren't my thing. What I did do was lean over so I could rub my cheek against the top of her head officially claiming her as one of mine. Her understanding the implications of the gesture wasn't likely but if she asked I'd eventually explain. She didn't ask though, she didn't even protest, choosing instead to settle herself more firmly against my side. 

Instead of going straight home from the bus stop I limped my way to Greg's car wash. Greg himself was out front with a hose spraying down the affront to automotive design that was the mayor's van. The big white beast sported an oversized likeness of the mayor's head that would shout out slogans. Greg waved a soapy hand in greeting, "Hey there Wulfenite what brings you here? Rose is at a parent teacher conference with Steven", Instead of answering him I grabbed a sponge from his bucket. Instantly his face transformed from its usual cheerful grin to a concerned frown. "I'm going to guess that you didn't come here lookin for Rose did you, come on tell me what's eating you."

I shook my head before bending down to scrub the sand filled wheel wells of the election mobile. Greg passed me a bucket of sudsy water and went back to spraying down the van's other side. One thing I never failed to appreciate about the pudgy man was his ability to let people talk at their own pace. He always had the time to listen no matter how crazy busy he was at the moment. Patience and understanding were such a rarity in my life that it was sometimes overwhelming to be around Greg and Rose at the same time. Steven was growing up in their image, which was good; the world needed more people like that. "I think I might be broken Greg", I confessed quietly, "There's a girl at school that I think likes me. Thing is I can't tell if she likes me or if my brain is just projectin it so I don't need to be lonely. For all I know she's just tryin to make a friend and I'm makin it weird for her. Everyone has someone: you have Rose, Ruby likes someone in her gym class, I'm pretty sure Amethyst and Jasper are going to hook up sooner rather than later, and I'd bet my left hand that Peridot has a thing for Lapis. But here I am so scared that I can't even trust someone enough to get a fucking hug, why am I so damned messed up?"

Tears were rolling down my cheeks and I couldn't stop them no matter how hard I wanted to. Repressed sobs shook my shoulders making my already overworked body ache. "I'm not really sure what to say to all that kiddo", Greg's voice came from behind me. "I may not have read your bios as much as Rose but from what I saw you've all gone through a lot. Seems only natural that you'd come out of that with a few issues you need to work on. Until I met Rose I was just some community college dropout living out of my van. It's okay to be confused about romance", His hand landed on my shoulder leaving a cold wet spot. "Best advice I can give though is talk to the girl, spend some time with her, see if you guys have anything in common. No use letting yourself get all worked up before you find out you can't stand each other. Here", He handed me the hose he was holding so I could spray down my side of the van. One thing led to another and we both ended up sopping wet from the hose fight to end all hose fights.

I grabbed my backpack from where I stored it in the office and the two of us set off for home rocking out to The Philosophy Majors the whole way. Back in the comforts of my bed I got to work on my creative writing assignment; write something in a courtly style. Not one to let an awesome idea slip through the cracks I set out to pen The Ballad of Pepperonio and Amethette, a greasy love story for the ages. Iambic Pentameter was the fucking devil and I cursed William Shakespeare with every line I wrote. So caught up in my work I was that I hadn't realized I wasn't alone until someone coughed near the foot of my bed. Jasper stood in front of my bed resting her bulk against the welded frame with her arms crossed over her chest. She was wearing a long sleeved black button down tucked into a form fitting pair of dark blue jeans. Her wild platinum blonde hair was tied back in a lazy ponytail more to keep it out of her face than to be fashionable. "Uh hey Wulfenite", Her normally cocky demeanor wasn't there and she seemed lost without it, "How's it hangin? I uh saw your test results in gym today, you've improved a lot, and I was wondering if you wanted to train together sometime?" She kept her gaze fixed just slightly to the left of my face towards the back wall. Even now she couldn't meet my eyes after what she did; good, she hadn't earned that right.

My tone was beyond incredulous when I responded, "Are you fucking serious right now? After what you and your freak of a cousin did to me you think I'm going to be chill with you! Hell no, hell fucking no, not if you were the only thing between me and a fresh cell." Hurt flashed briefly across her striped face before being swallowed up by anger. Bicep muscles flexed straining under the sleeves of her shirt; her face twisted into a snarl. I felt my own anger rising in kind urging me to throw aside my schoolwork and stand, "You lookin for a fight bitch? From where I'm standin you sure as hell look like you want me to kick your ass." I jabbed my finger into her sternum hard enough that the corners of her eyes tightened. 

"Fuck you I'm just trying to help", Words quickly turned into a shoving match between us. Jasper was way bigger than I was, stronger too, it wasn't long before she pushed me hard enough that my back hit the wall. We kicked, punched, scratched, and bit at each other acting more like animals than people. Bracing my right heel against the wall I lunged forward ramming my fist into her solar plexus. Snapping our teeth like jungle cats we tangled together in a blend of thrashing limbs and hair. Jasper landed a leg sweep sending me to the floor flat on my barely there ass. She followed me down straddling my hips and using my hair to bang my head repeatedly into the floor. 

"Oh shit break it up you two", Lapis yelled rushing towards us from the now open door. "Jesus fucking Christ I can't leave either of you unsupervised for a fucking minute without coming back to this!" She had been outside working on some kind of painting, there wasn't enough space for her to do that stuff in the barn. Speckles of colored paints dotted her hands, arms, and even the tip of her nose. "Jasper get off her", Long strides took her to where I was being pinned in moments. Fingers gripped Jasper's striped arms with a deceptive amount of strength and she tugged. Lapis may look like a lightweight but trust me when I tell you that every pound on her is muscle. 

"Stay out of this Lazuli or you're next", The bigger girl growled and threw my blue haired friend to the side like a rag doll. Roaring filled my ears, like the sound of driving through a tunnel with the windows down. No one touched those that I protected, no one was allowed to fuck with what was mine. Taking advantage of Jasper's distraction I lashed out with my left hand hitting her under the jaw. Fucking hell punching this chick was like hitting a bag of bricks; I repeated my attack striking so hard I felt my bones crack. Crippling pain made it impossible for me to make a fist so I had to switch to my right hand for the next strike. My aim was off so instead of square on the jaw I got her near her gum line knocking out a tooth. Everyone was crowding into the barn now; hands were everywhere dragging us apart. I strained against Amethyst's hold with all my might desperate to keep the fight going.


	14. Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wulfenite must deal with the consequences of her impulsiveness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys you may have noticed a slight change in formatting in my last couple chapters. I've decided from now on any inner monologueing Wulfie does will have the text bolded. It makes it easier to differentiate it from normal speach. I think it reads better but let me know what you guys think.

For a Monday night the ER was fucking packed when we all piled out of Greg's van after Jasper and I's little tussle. In the thirty minute drive my left hand had swollen to about twice its normal size. Black bruising was spreading across the top and palm from my pinky all the way to my middle finger. It hurt like hell but considering how pissed off Rose and Greg were already I kept my mouth shut during the trip. Focusing on not screaming about my hand took a lot more than I was letting on. The slightest jostle or bump had me biting the inside of my cheek to keep from screaming. Other than my hand my injuries seemed pretty superficial: My right eye was swollen and I had a few scrapes on my head. My lip was bleeding, I reckon I probably bit it without realizing when Jasper was smacking me around. 

Jasper's face was a nasty shade of purple where it was struck and blood was dripping from her nose and mouth. I probably should have felt bad for lashing out at her but I mean come on what else was I supposed to do? Just because I tolerated her when other people were around doesn't mean I forgive her for what she did. If she hadn't held me down I could have probably fought Malachite off or at least got a few blows in to defend myself. I was made into a helpless victim by Jasper's hands, forced to look her in the eye while I was violated, that shit wouldn't be forgiven easily. As far as I was concerned she was as guilty as her psycho of a cousin and I was only collecting the blood they owed me. 

"Jasper sit here, Wulfenite sit there, you two sit between them", Rose ordered us into a row of chairs with the air of a drill sergeant. She was more pissed off than I think I've ever seen her; there was no smile on her face and her eyes were bright with fury. I did as I was told, taking my seat at the end of the row next to Amethyst, while Rose spoke with the reception lady. Tears of pain were rolling silently down my cheeks, my hand was getting harder to ignore by the second. When Rose returned a few short minutes later her expression was even more grim. "By law the hospital is required to call the police and open an investigation, I hope you two are happy." Fuck dude I didn't mean for the cops to have to be called I just wanted a little fun. Oh shit man they could end up getting Steven taken away because of this, because of me. To further add to my anxiety Greg's phone went off and I caught a glimpse of the word "Higgins" on the display when he passed it to Rose. Amethyst patted my leg offering what comfort she could without having to say anything. A nurse called my name from the triage area and Rose looked up from her call, "Amethyst dear can you go with her? I'll be in as soon as I finish up on the phone", Amethyst nodded and we set off towards the overly cheerful nurse.

The nurse was about Rose's height with wavy blonde hair that framed her face nicely. If I were to hazard a guess I'd say she was in her mid thirties but she still sported a rebellious streak of bright pink on one side of her hair. This triage station, like every other one I'd ever seen, was cramped with the usual medical equipment and computer stuff. A weird smell hung in the air, likely a mix of different cleaning products clashing with the nurse's perfume. "Hello, I'm nurse Rainbow", She held out her hand for me to shake but frowned when I produced my swollen mess. Her blue eyes widened a bit taking in the swelling and weird bend of my pinkie and index fingers. To her credit the surprise didn't stay visible long before she switched back into nurse mode. "Press and hold we might need to get stitches for that", A wad of white gauze was put on my hurt lip. "I'm going to make an educated assumption that your hand is the reason you're here, is that correct?" Nodding seemed kind of redundant nevertheless I did since she wouldn't keep going until I did. "Alright we'll get your vitals real quick then move you over to radiology for an X-ray." At the nurse's prompting I took a seat in the chair across from her leaving Amethyst to lean against the wall. Rainbow went through the usual shit: heart rate, blood pressure, temperature, and so on. "Why don't you go ahead and tell me how you injured your hand", Blue eyes met mine while her hands sat poised over the keyboard.

"Got into a fight with Jasper", I answered trying my best to be nonchalant in spite of the pain. "You'll probably see her in a minute since I'm pretty sure I fucked up her jaw. She was on top of me and when I hit her I heard this nasty cracking sound and my hand hurt." Clacking sounds filled the small room as Rainbow quickly typed down my statement. Things were getting blurry around the edges making it hard for me to stay alert. The nurse's long pale fingers kind of reminded me of Pearl and a fresh wave of guilt hit me. Pearl and I were partners in auto class, there was no way I could pull my fair weight with a fucked up hand. Sharp pain ripped me from my thoughts; Rainbow was grasping my left hand testing the movements of my wrist and fingers. "Don't fuckin do that you crazy bitch", I screamed trying to get her to let me go. The frown was back on her face, nothing felt like it was moving like it was supposed to. White hot lightning throbbed through my veins turning my vision blurry and making my stomach roll. Sweat dripped down my face stinging small cuts and scrapes that I hadn't even been aware of until that moment. "Uh N-Nurse Rainbow my hand hurts like hell, is there any way we can hurry this up before I hurl?"

One phone call later found me in a wheelchair being pushed down sterile white walls by a stone faced nurse with Amethyst trotting beside me. They insisted on wheeling me around because I apparently had an unstable blood pressure and the nurses felt I might pass out. I was too busy trying to keep my lunch down to bother feeling humiliated by the treatment. A fresh level of hell was opened up when the merry faced doctor spread my hand out over the metal plate thing. Doctor man took a few x-rays from different angles before calling the nurse back to take me to a room. It didn't look like Rose was done with her phone call yet since the room was empty save us. Amethyst helped keep me steady while I changed into my hospital gown and didn't comment when I asked her to hold my hand when they put the IV in. Guns, knives, blunt objects those didn't scare me but needles were a whole other story. At least there was some kind of painkiller in whatever they gave me, after a few minutes the pain started to fade. "Dude we can't leave you guys alone for like two minutes without one of you starting something! Don't know if you thought of this Wulfie but I'm ninety percent fucking sure the rest of us just want some damn peace in our lives." Amethyst was pissed, her whole body was shaking with the effort not to scream. "They're calling the fucking cops Wulfie, policia are coming, because of your bullshit. Deus meu, my fucking god, what did Jasper ever fucking do to you anyway? You treat her like fucking shit man and I for one am muito fucking tired of it."

"You're fuckin tired of it", I roared glad the nurse had already left the room, "Bitch you have no idea what she's done." I couldn't hold the pain and frustration in any longer and leaned so I was right in Amethyst's face. "Just because you got the hots for her don't mean you get to tell me I'm in the wrong here." Spit and blood flew from my lip when I talked having long since forgotten to keep the gauze pressed to my face. "'Fore you judge me you ought to ask her 'bout her cousin's little art project over the summer. In the meantime kindly go fuck yourself; our focus right now has to be keeppin the cops from takin Steven away." Drained by my outburst I got back into the exam bed, "I meant it she ain't a good person." 

I would have probably kept going if Mr. Higgins hadn't entered flanked on either side by police officers. The small man looked livid, his sallow cheeks were tinged pink and his teeth were clenched. His button down white shirt and brown slacks were rumpled like he had dressed in a hurry, they probably called him from home. Struggling to maintain composure he pushed his wire framed glasses up his nose before taking a deep breath. "Miss Everburn I have received word that you and Miss Barrows have been in an altercation, is this correct?" I really don't get why these people keep asking me the same damn questions, can't they just look at each other's reports? Without waiting for me to answer Higgins continued, "When you were first selected for this rehabilitation program you were told violence would not be tolerated. All of you signed legally binding documentation that gave us the right to revoke your deals if you disobeyed. Everyone else has held up their end of the bargain but you two, do you have anything to say for yourself?"

"Was just a little skirmish between gentlemen dude", I slurred feeling loopy from the medicine. "Just a bit of harmless fun that went a bit far, I didn't mean to hurt anyone. Rose told us over and over not to play so rough with each other", I glanced at Amethyst hoping for backup. Though she was still glaring at me the Latina nodded her confirmation to my recount of the event. I may be a complete fuck up but there was no fucking way I was going to give them a reason to blame Greg and Rose. Those two are the only fucking people who believed I could be more than my rap sheet. If they got Steven taken away because of me I would never be able to forgive myself. He was way too good of a kid to let get eaten alive by the system, I wouldn't let that happen. "If you're gonna get pissed at someone about all of this then get pissed at me. I'm the one who threw the first punch and I kept going after Lapis tried breaking us up." Higgins held up his hand for silence cutting me off just as the doctor came in with my x-rays.

Lucky me, I was diagnosed with what's called a Boxer's Fracture aka a fractured pinky and middle finger. My index finger was also fractured and all three were displaced from their normal lane screwing up their range of motion. The good doc informed me that my injuries were pretty common for someone my age and shouldn't require surgery. He would need to put my hand in a cast though just to make sure everything stayed in place. So the order was put in for that which meant more waiting around until they brought the materials in. In the meantime a nurse decided that my lip should probably be stitched up and did it while we waited. During the wrapping process Rose came in the room with Greg and Jasper behind her. Jasper had a few bandages on her face and her nose was set with plaster meaning I must have broken it. "Miss Quartz", Higgins cleared his throat in a self important manner before continuing. "After speaking with both Miss Barrows and Miss Everburn I have decided not to pursue an investigation. The injuries sustained this evening were clearly the result of childish roughhousing and not malice. However should any further incidents come to my attention you can be sure that a full inquiry will be launched."

He wasn't going to look into it, at that second I was almost happy enough to kiss the smug bastard. It was super weird that he was shrugging this shit off but honestly why should I complain? Higgins and his officers left us in peace shortly after he gave his little speech. Rose took Greg and Jasper to fill our prescriptions at the window near the lobby leaving me alone with Amethyst. "Hey man 'm sorry about this shit", My eyelids were heavy and it felt like I was talking through a mouthful of cotton. I couldn't feel the pain from my broken bones or the pressure of the cast stuff that was being wrapped around them. Everything felt kind of hazy and not real, floaty is probably the best way I can describe it. "S'not fair that you gotta be dragged out like this when you didn't do anythin. I'm a fuckin asshole sometimes", That last bit got a chuckle out of the nurse who was finishing wrapping my hand.

"Whatever idiota", Amethyst responded with a snort, "They aren't locking anyone up so no harm no foul. Besides", She broke into a genuine smile then, "I get to miss school because of this. You and Jas are gonna be fucked up on painkillers so you can't go and someone needs to stop you two from killin each other. Now come on you dick let's get you dressed and get home before you fall over." It took another half hour for all the discharge papers to be dealt with and my IV to be removed. Once again Amethyst needed to help me with my clothes because I was, in scientific terms, stoned as fuck. The docs must've given me some high end shit because I was so loopy I couldn't figure out how my legs work. Amethyst had to half drag my giggling ass to the van then sit next to me so I wouldn't tap my cast on stuff until it fully hardened. I don't even remember the car ride home, one second I was fighting with my pants and the next I was in bed cuddled up to Lapis.

"Do I even want to know the convoluted back story behind your injuries?" Peridot's voice sounded more annoyed than was really warranted even considering it was damn early. Tuesday was little more than a blur thanks to whatever magic chemicals were in those little white pills the doc gave me. I assume I spent most of the day sleeping since my pillow was so saturated with drool that it stuck to my face. It was probably the best night's sleep I've had since the whole Malachite incident. In spite of what you might think or what my background might suggest drugs weren't really my thing. I didn't like feeling out of control it was the same reason why I didn't drink. Laugh if you want but until you've gone to a place where you have almost no say in your own life you'll never understand how important control it. But I gotta say if the shit dad sold was anything like this I could see how people got hooked. First thing I wanted when I finally came to my senses was to pop another one and that scares the shit out of me. My hand still felt like it was being dipped in molten lead even with the protective cast. It would be so easy to grab another pill or two and drift off into blissful dreams. 

Opioids are one of the most addictive substances out there because they stimulate the pleasure center of the brain. That's right, bet you didn't know that the same shit in Oxy that makes you giddy can be manufactured right in your own body. Ideally the brain releases things like dopamine to reward you for doing something that makes sense from an evolutionary standpoint. Eating, sleeping, exercise, having sex: all these things help you pass your genes along so they get rewarded. Painkillers like Oxy use these same chemicals to overload the signals in the brain so pain can't get through. Problem is your brain is wired to crave that feeling of euphoria and quickly builds a tolerance. Pretty soon your normal dose isn't enough anymore and you gotta go chasing the dragon for more. Even after a couple of days I found myself starting to crave the high; I knew I needed to be careful. 

**"Damn it Wulfenite get your shit together", I mentally slapped myself, "You're a big enough fuck up without adding junkie to the list."** The bus pulled up with a hissing screech giving me a chance to gather my thoughts before I answered. October was turning out to be a frigid bitch; there was fucking frost on the ground when I woke up. Rose had insisted on trying to wash the blood out of my trusty red flannel so I didn't have it to keep me warm. What I did have was a long sleeved striped shirt in shades of blue and my black skeleton hoodie. I'm sure both things were technically adequate for warmth but they didn't carry the same sense of security. "Hey Peri, don't suppose you mind takin the window seat until I'm all patched up? I don't want to smack this thing on the wall any more than I already have today." Important Life Lesson Number 5: You never know how clumsy you are until you have a body part you're trying to protect. In the twenty minutes it took me to get ready for school I smacked my hand on about a dozen things.

"Your terms are acceptable", Peridot said with a sigh as she slid into the assigned seat we shared. I followed suit cursing at myself when I tried using my left hand to remove my backpack. "However I suggest in the future that you refrain from further injuring yourself. I do not enjoy seeing my friends in pain", She didn't look at me when she said that but I could still see the blush on her face. Emotions are not my friend, I've said it dozens of times, and heartfelt confessions are even worse. Of all the people though I really hadn't expected that level of feeling from Peridot. Most of the time when we talked Peri was Miss Logical, always doing stuff based on data calculations and stuff. Until that moment I didn't know she even had feelings expect anger and embarrassment. Thinking about Peridot as human was a weird concept that I was gonna need time to wrap my head around.

"Don't start goin all soft on me now Dot", I reached across with my good hand and patted her shoulder. "Next you'll be tellin me you help me with my homework because you like me not because I protect you from assholes. My heart can't take all the love, it's at maximum capacity, any more and it's gonna explode." I put my hand over my heart dramatically, wincing when my cast was jarred by a pothole, "Do you want my death on your hands? Could you live with yourself knowing you brought an end to Howling Fury's reign of terror?" The two of us shared a soft laugh and I bumped my shoulder lightly against her's. Having a friend was pretty cool, a bit weird since I wasn't 100% up on the protocol for being buddies with a normal person but still cool. One thing I did know is that friends are loyal to each other, closer than family in some cases. Could I be loyal to Peridot even though I hated her guts when we first met? Looking into her big green eyes and permanently messy blonde hair I decided that yeah I could do that.

Getting Peridot to accept that I fucked up my hand was a fairly simple affair, Coach Opal was another story. Right as I got into the gym without my workout clothes she hauled me into her office by my shirt. "So let me get this straight", The European woman growled from across her desk, "You decided to take on someone who's got at least 100 pounds on you and you can't even hit right? You'd best hope you can lift righty as well as you do left because bad choices don't get you off the hook in my class. This does however provide us a unique opportunity to explore your potential", There was a predatory gleam in her ice colored eyes. "Tell me Everburn", She continued in an almost conversational tone, "Have you ever done one handed push ups? They really aren't as hard as movies and television would have you believe they are. Sure it requires a bit more strength than its two handed counterpart but it's more about your center of balance. You've got a lot of potential that I'm not going to let you squander just because you've got a bad attitude." The way she was talking it was like this was some kind of ultimate challenge for her. Kind of made me wonder if she did this for every kid or if I was some kind of special case.

"Sure thing Coach", I said with a shrug, "Under one condition though; can you stop calling me Everburn? Call me Wulfenite, or Wulfie, hell I'll even answer to "you there", anything but my damn last name." My eyes widened when I realized I had just swore in front of a teacher, "Uhh pardon my French." To my immense relief Opal tilted her head in a way that encouraged me to keep going rather than stop to bitch me out. There are plenty of teachers out there who would've questioned why I hated my name but not Opal. The coach rarely questioned me about my weird habits as long as they didn't get in the way of class. I could practically see the wheels turning in her head as she pondered my offer. There was nothing I could do about the bastard who brought me into this world deciding I would carry his last name. No matter how much I hated it that man would always be a part of me but I'll be damned if I needed to acknowledge it. He and his whore didn't own me anymore, they hadn't even bothered coming to my trial.

"Rumor has it they call you The Howling Fury at home", Coach Opal said with a throaty laugh. "Might have to jump on that if you can keep up", The bell rang signaling the end of class, "Now get out of here. Detention tomorrow if you leave your clothes at home again, do I make myself clear?" Her tone was stern but the corners of her eyes crinkled with restrained mirth. Skipping out on a trip to the locker room I made my way down to science class replaying the weird interaction in my head. The weeks of being an unrelenting hardass were because Opal saw potential in me? First Peridot got all after school special on me now the asshole coach is giving me pep talks, what the fuck is going on today? Am I wearing some kind of neon sign saying "Confuse the fuck out of me because it's funny"?

Science class was infinitely worse than usual thanks to my new inability to write. I was skilled enough with my right hand to manage buttons and zippers but that was it. Old ass McTeacher took pity on me for the note taking portion of class by making me copies of his slides. He was even willing to let me work with Pearl and Peridot so one of them could write my answers for me. Lapis must have filled the nerds in on what went down yesterday because Pearl didn't even ask. Speaking of Lapis the blue haired girl was being weirdly clingy ever since I got back from the hospital. She was curled up in my bed when I first got home Monday night and had spent last night with me as well. Jasper's bullshit had left a nasty hand shaped bruise on her upper arm that was already going purple. I had failed to protect her, failed in my one fucking duty, it wouldn't happen twice. Yet she was acting like I was the one that needed to be protected and looked after. 

With the way Lapis fussed over my swollen eye you'd think I was about to lose vision forever. I was too out of it to fight off her coddling thanks to whatever cocktail of meds were in my IV. As it was I couldn't even undress myself without help; Lapis had to undo all my buttons. "Jasper is going to pay for this shit, she's only hurting you to get back at me. Arms up", I lifted my noodle limbs so she could pull a clean shirt over my head. Disinterested in finding clean pants I flopped down in my boxers giggling under my breath at their design; they were white with blue anchors. 

"Ease up Lazuli I started the fight not her", I clumsily scooted over so she could climb in next to me. "Much as I think you're amazing you're not the center of attention, not like you stole the ocean or somethin. Arrogant bitch thought I'd wanna be friends after what she an Malachite did to me. Way she looked it was like she didn't expect me to say no", I chuckled at the memory wincing when it pulled my stitches. "Shit that hurts", Careful as I could be I rolled onto my right side and tucked my cast over my pillow. "Won't let them hurt nobody, not if I can stop 'em", A huge yawn garbled most of my words. 

"Wulfenite you need to pay attention to these formulas I'm sure they're going to be on the test." Pearl's stern tone slowly drifted through my musings and I turned my head to look at her. The strange giddiness from the other day tried to work its way through my brain but my sour mood was stopping it. She looked really pretty today in her long turquoise dress adorned with yellow stars. It clung to her lithe frame showing off her thin waist and seemingly endless expanse of leg. Yeah she was damn pretty and I, I was a scruffy fuck up with weird hair and piss poor hygiene. Greg's heartfelt advice from the other day was worthless, we were just too different. There was no way someone like her, who has everything going for her, would even look twice at a train wreck like me.

Resigned to my lonely fate I slumped my head on the table, "Pearl this shit is way over my head. I don't get what half of these letters even stand for or what the tiny numbers next to them mean. All of this just looks like fuckin Chinese to me and it's pointless for me to try learnin it. The only thing I know about science is a super lame joke that I read on the internet." I chuckled to myself remembering the horrible pick up line: I wish I was a DNA Heliocase that way I'd be unzipping your genes. Wonder if that line would work on Pearl, probably not since she isn't even wearing pants. Ah well, I'd bust that bad boy out another time and BOOM she'd probably slap me. "Yo Lapis", I whisper screamed to the table in front of us, "Do you get any of this shit?"

"Uh kind of", Lapis replied pushing some of her fluffy blue hair away from her eyes, "I think both sides are supposed to match. I'm really lost though, this was senior level stuff at my old school and Amethyst is no help." Said girl had shoved earbuds in as soon as class started and was snoozing on the table. "Hey Peridot." Her face brightened. "Think you can come over this weekend and tutor us? I know you said your mom is like crazy strict or whatever but we reeeeeally need you." There was no way not to notice the way Peridot blushed when Lapis stretched out the word need. Fuck, why can't my feelings just be simple for fucking once damn it? Lapis Lazuli brought out every protective, possessive, instinct I had in my body. I considered her part of my pack, in a sense my property, she belonged to me. At the same time though Peridot has proven herself a loyal companion and a good friend. What was an alpha type personality like myself supposed to do in this situation? I could scare Peridot off, it would get her away from Lapis, but what kind of friend would I be? Next question is does Lapis like her back because if she does I doubt she'd be happy with me chasing her away; fuck why does life have to be difficult?

It was hours later, after dinner had been eaten and the dishes had been washed, that I sat in the living room with Steven. The little boy was happily mashing buttons on his console playing some weird golf RPG. Nighttime gaming sessions had become sort of a nightly ritual for us; usually he'd play and I'd jump in to help with boss battles. With my dominant hand currently out of commission I couldn't do much except offer moral support when he got frustrated. Since it was so close to his bedtime he was dressed in a bright yellow pair of footsie pajamas that kind of looked like a banana. His curly black hair was freshly washed and smelled vaguely like strawberries thanks to his tangle free shampoo. Lapis and Amethyst were out in the barn working on some sort of project for their shared art class. Ruby was sitting at the dining room table with her laptop doing fuck knows what and I had no idea where Jasper or Malachite were. "You look sad Wulfie", Steven said never taking his eyes off the TV, "Is something wrong?" Oh kid if you only knew, I doubt your life is even half this fucking confusing.

At ten years old Steven was already more mature than a lot of people I knew, including myself, so I decided to trust him. "I'm just confused Ste-Man", I said using my good hand to pull the little boy into my lap. He laughed and snuggled in tucking his little head under my chin while he played his game. "I think someone has a crush on a person that I really like and it upsets me even though I don't like the person in a romantic way. Part of me wants to yell at the person with the crush so they don't take my friend away but that person is my friend too. My head's all twisted around because I don't want to hurt either of them and I'm scared if they get together they'll forget about me. I don't think normal people are supposed to think of their friends as property. It's not okay to think like this", My throat was getting tight the longer I spoke. "Anyways sorry to unload all of that on you little dude, hurry up and save then get your butt to bed. Told your mom I'd tuck you in almost a half hour ago", I playfully tickled his side.

"Aww okay just let me finish this battle", Steven squirmed in my lap powerless to stop the tickling. "Wuflie stop it I need to concentrate or else this windmill is going to wipe my party again. Oh windmill why must we always fight like this, can't we just get along?" Man video games for kids were getting weirder and weirder every year; I shook my head. When the victory music rang out Steven hastily saved his game before getting to his feet. I mimicked him figuring I should probably take my pain meds and crash soon, "As far as your friends go you should let them be. The whole point of being a good friend is helping someone and making them feel good. I know it's scary to think that they won't have as much time for you but they'll be happy." Damn this kid was smart, wish I had that kind of insight about life when I was his age. 

Fucking hell you know your thoughts are ass backwards when a kid who hasn't even hit puberty yet is setting you straight. All of this "my friends are my property" bullshit needed to stop sooner rather than later. Mindsets like that may be comforting but in the end they'll just end up hurting the people I care about. Peridot had proven on multiple occasions that she was a good person under all that grump. Maybe I could get used to the idea of her and Lapis being a thing, provided Lapis wanted to be with her. The object of my musings was in her own bed when I entered the barn that night. After managing to undress without help, a big fucking deal for me, I laid down on my belly dozing.


	15. Guilty Until Proven Innocent

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wulfenite meets with the case manager to discuss her behavior

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Over 100 kudos you guys are amazing!!!! Seriously thank you so much for continuing to read this. To celebrate I present an extra long chapter.

Friday I ended up having to miss school and ride up to Higgins' office in Empire City with Greg. I guess after everything that went down with Jasper and I he felt my qualification to be in this program needed to be evaluated again. Normally this would be something Rose needed to deal with but she couldn't get someone to cover her class. Ultimately it sounded like the neurotic bastard only wanted to talk to me anyway so I guess it didn't matter which adult drove the car. Thursday night had been full of pain to the point that Rose gave me permission to take a second round of meds. While it felt amazing at the time I woke up groggy and very out of it on the morning of my appointment. The nap on the way to the city helped some but not enough to make me feel confident when Greg and I rode the elevator up to the third floor office complex. 

Five minutes of tedious paperwork later I was let into a cramped little office at the back of the cubicle farm. The faux brass placard on the scuffed door read Daniel Higgins, Assistant Branch Manager. Huh who would have thought the cocky piece of shit was actually somewhat important? Greg gave me a thumbs up from his spot in the waiting area; taking a deep breath I raised my right hand to rap lightly on the door. "Enter", Higgins called in that smug ass tone he has; I pushed the door open and stepped in. Clad in a crisp brown suit my case manager sat behind a wooden desk that I'd bet was nothing but veneer and press-board. He rose to his feet gesturing to the stiff back chair in front of his desk, "Have a seat. You're looking much better than the last time you and I spoke, how are you feeling?" 

"Hand still hurts like all get out", I answered easing myself carefully into the offered seat. Higgins also resumed his seat and started fiddling with an outdated looking computer on his desk. Since this was a formal sort of get together I ended up borrowing a button down and dress pants from Greg. Both were absurdly huge on me even with the addition of extra holes in my belt. On the plus side the shirt fit easily over my hand cast without snagging or pinching. "Stitches should be dissolved in a couple weeks so that'll be good, eatin has been kind of hard. Level with me though Mr. Higgins", I forced myself not to slouch or squirm, "Why am I here? You said Monday that you weren't going to investigate what happened between Jasper and I. Correct me if I'm wrong but this feels a whole hell of a lot like the start of an investigation."

"Astute as ever Wulfenite", Higgins sighed pushing his fingers into his comb over. "I have received numerous reports regarding your interactions with Jasper and Malachite Barrows. There is an unusual amount of animosity between the three of you and I would like to know why. You certainly have a reputation for bullying and unwarranted aggression, yes your file is quite extensive." He removed his hand from his hair to type on the dusty keyboard in front of him. "And yet I am told you've formed a rather unique bond with Lapis Lazuli and the Quartz's son. Miss Quartz herself has praised how good you are with helping Steven on his homework. She also informed me, gleefully I might add, that you have managed to develop a friendship with some rather gifted students" 

"Lapis an Steven ain't never murdered somethin in front of me then fucked me on the corpse. Beggin your pardon an all but somethin like that's bound to leave a girl with some sour feelins." The words were out of my mouth before I could stop them, honestly I don't think I wanted to. Holding everything in like I had been was tearing my already fragile mental state to pieces. "I ain't slept right in months, all that happens when I close my eyes is rememberin what they did. Only reason I didn't say somethin sooner was because I was worried you were gonna lock me back up. Either that or you were gonna send the cops in to take Steven away", I hated how hollow my voice sounded. Don't know if it was part of being dazed from the meds or if I was just tired but I didn't feel anything when I spoke.

"A very well rehearsed speech Miss Everburn", Higgins looked away from his computer to fix me a hard look. "Next time however I suggest you practice on your delivery if you expect me to believe it. Had I not studied your file extensively I might be compelled to look further into it but no." Keys clacked again as he typed, "Let's see here: violent, compulsive liar, mood swings, manipulation", Higgins read from the document in front of him. His wire framed glasses slid down his nose and he paused to correct them, "Several guards from Ocean Town Correctional laughed when we told them you were selected to be freed. One young man made it a point to show me the piece of his nose that you bit off when he confiscated contraband from your cell. You are not the first delinquent to try and fake rape to garner sympathy, it is deplorable."

See this right here is why more than half of sexual assault victims don't come forward. Living with myself after what happened was hard enough without people calling me a liar. Yes girls, or guys, have busted out false accusations before but that doesn't mean everyone is lying. Priests have been convicted of pedophilia but the church still says not all of them are bad. I tried pointing this out to him but the bastard just scoffed; after arguing with him for a while I gave up. No matter if I was telling the truth all he saw was my past and that made me instantly guilty as far as he was concerned. Can't remember where I saw it but I read a very pointed quote, "My rapist is innocent until proven guilty but I'm a liar until proven otherwise". Resigned to the fact that pressing the issue wouldn't get me anywhere I hung my head.

The rest of our meeting was comprised of Higgins promising fire and brimstone if I don't get my act together. With the way he was talking one would almost think he was Tyr himself about to confront the dread Fenrir. Who knows, if the universe decided to give this dude a taste of Lady Karma he might end up losing his hand. Inevitably after all his posturing he did decide to keep me in the program instead of having me warm a cell. Not going to lie I was in a damn shitty mood when I left the office, don't think I need to explain why. Greg seemed to know when to leave well enough alone because he didn't try to force small talk on me when we stopped for breakfast. He let me sip my coffee in peace only commenting occasionally that my scrambled eggs were getting cold. I ended up dozing off on the ride back to Beach City glad that I was in the cargo area so no one could see me cry.

First thing I did when I got home was change into something I felt safe in, my red flannel and favorite jeans. With it being the first sunny day we'd had in a while Greg went off to open up the car wash. Safely home alone I took out my frustration on wave after wave of rendered zombies in Corpse Hatcher 3. My scores upped significantly when I started imagining Higgins' face on my enemies. His blatant dismissal of my accusation was not sitting well with me I mean it's supposed to be his job to make sure nobody got hurt. You'd think the same precautions they took to protect the public from us would be applied to protect us from each other. Furthermore I thought it was the fucking law that they had to take any claim like that seriously until it was looked into. Whatever shady shit Daniel Higgins was up to it definitely involved keeping this rehabilitation thing looking good.

Of all the activities I could be doing on a Saturday morning being stared at by Malachite while I tried to feed myself cereal wasn't on the top of my to do list. Throbbing pain in my hand had woken me way earlier than usual and rather than tossing and turning I decided to get breakfast. Cold cereal wasn't the most culinarily advanced thing in the world but cooking with a fucked up hand seemed like it was bound to fail. Malachite staggered in just in time to watch me spill milk across the table because my right hand is a piece of shit. Evolution, why the fuck would you give us two hands but only make one of them actually useful? As far as I'm concerned nature dropped the ball on that shit; of course I could just be salty because I'm hungry and only half of my food is making it into my mouth. Malachite's hoarse chuckle every time food sloshed off my spoon was the icing on my annoyance sundae, "You got somethin to do or are you gonna just keep starin? You best remember that I got no problem kickin your ass like I did your cousin's."

Real talk; Jasper won our fight hands down, she walked away with a few bruises while I ended up out of commission. Mal might not have her cousin's strength or bulk but the bitch more than made up for it in crazy. People who are trained how to fight usually have tells, ways to predict what they're going to do. Someone like Malachite just went in guns blazing doing whatever it took to hurt the other person. In the end it didn't matter if you get hit as long as the other person got hit harder. I'm pretty much the same way, when the din of battle sounds I go balls out and damn the consequences. Thinking about it I wonder if that's part of the reason Malachite and I loathed each other from the moment we met. Maybe in another timeline I was the unhinged rapist and she was the angsty teen trying to find herself? Man multiverse theory is fuckin weird; hell there might even be a universe out there where Rose, Pearl, Garnet, and Amethyst are magic space rocks.

"S'a free country Everburn", Malachite sneered barring her unusually sharp teeth, "an last time I checked people who win don't generally need a bib. Face facts Wulfie yer all bark now, you let these folks make you into a fuckin lap dog. I hear you cryin at night when you think no one else is up", She screwed up her face in a mock wail. "Daddy I'm scared, daddy you're hurting me, I'll do better next time daddy just please stop." My stomach rolled, "Yer outta your depth when it comes to me Wulfie and I can't wait to tear you apart. I'm gonna make you my fuckin bitch then I'm gonna take ole blue and have my way with her right in front of you. She owes me after what she put Jasper through", Time went funny then; one second I was at the table with my cereal the next I was in front of Malachite shoving her backwards. Her chair toppled over with a resounding bang that echoed through the silent house. 

Barring my teeth I threw the milk filled bit of ceramic I was holding down on her face as hard as I could. It missed and shattered on the floor next to her, "Ain't nobody gettin made a bitch on my watch hear me? Lay any of them filthy fuckin hands on Lapis an so help me I will fuckin skin you! You ain't shit without backup", I kicked at her but she easily rolled out of the way. Battle hymns were playing in my head at full volume urging my body into action. By the amount of hate in Malachite's eyes I could tell she was hearing them too. Months of us dancing around what happened were finally coming to a head, we were finally going to see who was stronger.

Greg came skidding into the kitchen less than a minute later wearing nothing but a pair of striped shorts and brandishing a waffle iron. Damn it talk about a fucking cock block; I immediately backed away from my target. Vengeance would be so fucking sweet but I meant what I said about refusing to risk Steven getting separated from his parents because of me. Greg's brown hair was in complete disarray and his eyes were wild, "Who's there? I have a waffle iron", The whole thing was fucking comedy gold and I had to laugh. The pudgy man was no fighter, last I heard he was a few decades behind on his workout routine. "Oh it's just you two", He lowered his makeshift weapon slowly, "I almost waffled your face. Since I'm already up how's about we get started on some breakfast, who wants bagel sandwiches?" Dude this guy could go from home defense mode to lets make some tasty noms in ten seconds flat. Malachite didn't bother answering him she just got to her feet and slouched out of the kitchen. Her rejection made Greg's broad smile falter, "How about you Wulfie up for some carbocide?"

I looked over at the shattered remains of my attempted breakfast and nodded, "Hell yeah Greg that sounds awesome. Sorry for wakin you guys up", I bent down to fix the chair I knocked over. Tripping hazard corrected I padded over to the laundry room so I could get the broom and dustpan. No sense in leaving the broken bowl on the floor for someone, likely Lapis, to cut their foot on. The digital clock on the stove read 7:30, Peridot was supposed to come over around noon to help Lapis out with her homework. I was still conflicted on that front so I figured I should probably avoid them until I settled down. Maybe Ruby or Amethyst would want to hang out or something; worse comes to worse I could chill with Steven or Greg. Still pondering things I made my way to the fridge for a morning can of Mountain Dew. Fuck being healthy if I was gonna be up this damn early without being able to make coffee I needed this. "Say Greg, you wouldn't happen to have any workout equipment I could use would you? My gym teacher thinks I've got a good shot at making the track team and I kind of want to give it a shot."

"Oh man that's great to hear", Greg shouted enthusiastically from less than three feet away from me. On the outside he may look like an overweight old man but he still had a rocker's lungs. His zeal was enough to summon a bleary eyed Steven and a scowling Rose from their beds. Oblivious to the malaise of grump surrounding the new additions to the conversation Greg beamed at Rose. "Rose did Wulfenite tell you her coach wants her to join the track team?" Well shit Greg was going all proud parent on me, I should've kept my damn mouth shut. It's not like I was even on the team or anything Opal just wanted me to try out. There was no guarantee I would be good enough to make the cut what with my trick knee and all. "I'm gonna go down to the storage shed today and bring home some of my old gym stuff. We could convert the loft out there into our own little fitness center", Greg was grinning so hard I thought his cheeks might break. His little sandwich maker dinged and a bagel and egg breakfast nom was passed to me.

"I'm very proud of you Wulfenite", Rose wrapped her sizable arms around me in a hug. Months of conditioning had removed the instinctive flinch that normally came with unexpected contact but I was still tense. Hugs seem harmless enough but they could easily be a ploy for someone to get close enough to hurt you. Rose doesn't begrudge my fear, she was always so gentle and patient even when I didn't deserve it. Suddenly my throat was tight with an emotion that I couldn't place and the hug felt suffocating. I needed to break free needed to run and hide, Malachite's words were ringing in my ears. They've turned me into their snugly little lap wolf just as tame and gentle as a lamb. Fuck, everything was done so fucking subtly that it took someone else pointing it out for me to notice. By providing me the praise and validation I had been struggling to get throughout my childhood they effectively made me dependent on it. 

Careful to restrain my anger I pulled away from the hug, away from soft eyes and kind words. "I'm gonna go now, thanks for the breakfast Greg", I placed the half eaten sandwich on the table. Running wasn't an option yet; not until I was out the front door and away from prying eyes. Once I was half way to the barn I put on speed letting the cold wind tear through my clothes. Gray clouds covered the sky threatening to rain but not quite doing anything exciting yet. A damp chill hung in the air making every inhale feel a little like I was drowning. Rounding the corner to the barn I pushed myself harder glad I hadn't bothered putting on my boots when I went for breakfast. Gravel dug roughly into my bare feet and I reveled in the painful heat of it. Dad would always tell me, "Pain is weakness leaving the body, anguish is weakness leaving the mind." Did having feelings make me weak? If you asked my mom or dad they would say yes but if you asked Rose or Greg they would say no. Existential thinking was too hard right now; my legs were aching but I pushed it down. I was well past the barn, past the lake where Lapis and I would bask on sunny days, past the section of field where I paid in blood for my bravado, past everything.

My breath was coming in harsh pants from the exertion, beads of sweat sliding down my face. I felt my strength trying to give out and growled deciding to turn back towards home. By the time I made it back to the barn my legs were burning with white hot agony. Going inside was too much work so I just slumped against the wall fighting for breath. Sleep sounded awesome, I was so tired I could hardly feel how much my body hurt. Maybe this was the solution to my current frustrations I just needed to make myself too tired to think. My weird ginger hair stuck to my forehead and the side of my face; it was getting long again. I slipped onto my side snuggling into the still damp Earth near the wall; yeah sleep sounded damn nice. Heavy eyelids fell closed and my body curled itself into the fetal position to conserve warmth. Sure doing this was why I ended up with a bad flu a few weeks back but hey I never claimed to be smart. I think it was Freud who said the definition of insanity was doing the same thing and expecting a different outcome. 

Shoed feet crunching on gravel echoed in my ears followed by a melodious voice, "Is this normal? I thought you said they all had their own beds; why is Wulfenite sleeping outside?" As I became aware of my body again I realized I was stupid fucking cold. Blindly I reached out to pull my blanket over me so I could be warm but all I found was empty space. Okay that was weird, I opened my eyes and all I could see was brown, what the fuck? Perplexed I pushed myself into a sitting position using my good hand and tried to get my bearings. Right I fell asleep outside after having an early morning freak out in the kitchen. Pearl and Peridot were standing in front of me wearing matching expressions of confusion. Huh well this was awkward as all fuck, I waved rather sheepishly at the two of them. Mud was running down the side of my face since I had the brilliant idea of napping in the rain.

"Excellent question", Peridot responded busting out her devil may care smirk, "Why were you sleeping outside? Did Lazuli get fed up and kick you out of the bed for snoring?" It could have been my imagination but I swear something like envy crossed Pearl's face at that. "Oh right, as you can tell if you use your vision spheres I brought Pearl along to help with today's study session. Clearly things will be much more efficient if I do not need to pause every minute to record your answers." There was the Peridot I knew, all logic and calculations, none of that silly sentimental crap from the bus. Call it a side effect of being locked up but consistent behavior gave me a massive hard on. The less time I need to spend trying to figure out how someone is going to react to what I do the happier I am. 

Stiff as all fuck I made my way slowly to my feet wincing at the unhappy snap that came from my bad knee. Mud, dead grass, and crumbled leaf bits covered my right side thanks to my choice of resting place. "Bitch we both know Lapis loves me way too much to kick me out of my own bed." I tried brushing off the worst of the filth more for something to do with my hands than a desire to be clean. My teeth were chattering non stop making talking without a stutter a rather fun challenge. "Listen Peri it's not that I don't appreciate the help but I think I'm gonna sit this one out. Me and Greg got a few things we gotta take care of around the barn and in town. Besides this shit is miles over my head dude, if I want to feel dumb I can do that on my own. Sides we all know you're only here to get in good with the Water Witch am I right?"

Lapis chose that exact moment to make her grand entrance, flinging open the barn door hard enough to catch me right on the cast. I howled in pain jerking instinctively away from her when she rushed forward to help. "Sorry, sorry, sorry oh shit Wulifie I didn't know you were so close; are you okay?' My scream brought Amethyst and Ruby crashing through the door a few seconds later, the shorter of the two brandishing a baseball bat. Tears were brimming at the corners of Lapis' eyes ready to fall at any moment; shit man sometimes I forget how hard she feels. Ignoring the pain as best I could I let Lapis pull me into a hug that I'm pretty sure was more for her benefit than mine. Judging by the fact that she was fully dressed, in a baggy black t-shirt and dark jeans, I assumed she'd been awake for a while. Her fluffy blue hair was sticking up at weird angles meaning she either hadn't brushed it or it simply refused to stay combed. Looks like I wasn't the only one who was overdue for a trim around here; that thought was oddly comforting.

"Everythin's cool Lapis I'm okay", I gingerly patted her back with my not wrapped hand. "I promise I'm okay and I'm not like goin to hit you or anythin, it was an accident." Shit man it wasn't working, she was starting to cry and everyone was looking at me like I was an asshole. This is why I wasn't a social creature as soon as something happens everyone always jumps to the worst conclusions. "C'mon Lapis don't cry I mean it I'm fine", I looked pleadingly over at Peridot for help. Ruby lowered her improvised weapon and fled back in the direction of the house. Couldn't blame her though I wanted to run away too but because this was my fault I had to stay until it was fixed. Amethyst came around my other side to join in the impromptu hug fest that was happening. **"Too much contact", My brain screamed, "Too close they're all too close we need to flee."** Lapis was pressed too close for me to slip away without upsetting her more.

Salvation came in the form of Peridot awkwardly clearing her throat, "As touching as this all is we should really get started." Lapis released her death grip on me and by Odin I could have kissed Peri. Pearl was looking between the four of us like she had no clue what the fuck was going on. To be fair she probably didn't, Lapis was rather good at acting normal in front of crowds. Normalcy may be relative in theory but there were still unspoken social standards that everyone was held to. Basic stuff like: wearing clothes in public, pooping in a toilet and not the yard, and not crying at the drop of a hat There's a branch of philosophy called Social Contract Theory that basically says society as a whole has wordlessly agreed that we all need to act the same. You really had to look close to notice the cracks in her facade and most people couldn't be bothered to do that. Her ability to blend in where the rest of us couldn't was Lapis' greatest weapon. Provided Higgins makes good on his promise and seals her record she shouldn't have any trouble integrating back in with the normals.

"Bird Nerd, wasn't expecting you today", Amethyst stood in front of Pearl with her hands on her hips. Unlike Lapis the purple haired one among us was still in her pajamas, a purple tank top and black sweats with stars cut out of the knees. Her waist length hair was tied back from her face in a sloppy ponytail that kind of reminded me of Coach Opal. "Lappy here said P-Dot was comin to science up the place with her high powered nerd brain. Let's go over to the house; I'm starvin and Sleeping Beauty over here looks like she needs coffee." Great they hadn't forgotten about me, so much for slipping away before I was missed. Mentally I cursed Pavlov and his damn conditioning, at the mention of coffee my mouth was watering. 

Enthusiastic as ever Amethyst bounded down the worn path that connected the house to the barn. Lapis, Peridot, Pearl, and myself all fell in line behind her at a more sedate pace. Pearl hung back slightly so she could fall into step beside me offering a small smile. Walking together had become a routine for us during the school week since we had the same third hour and lunch. Given that this was a casual occasion she was dressed really weird, she had on a white button down shirt and black dress pants. I have to admit the clothes complemented her well showing off her trim waist and long legs. "You don't have to do anything you don't want to, no one will blame you for leaving." She placed a pale hand on my less dirty shoulder and squeezed in a way that was oddly reassuring. I responded by bending down and bumping the side of my face into her arm like an over sized cat. She giggled softly, putting her hand over her mouth to stifle the sound, and we walked side by side in easy silence. The weird feelings from before were buried under layers of exhaustion on my part. 

Studying was tedious as all fuck; we were up in the loft splayed out between the couch, two beanbags, and the floor. Textbooks were opened and scattered around the room along with bits of scrap paper. Before we got started I had swapped out my soaked clothes for a dark green tank top and some jeans. The top did an excellent job of showing off the muscle that had been steadily building in my arms and shoulders. Opal hadn't been kidding when she said she wanted me doing one handed push ups. Weighted bags were strapped to my ankles before class to speed up my run times. Hell the fitness crazed woman was dropping hints about having me take on chin ups as well. As physically demanding as everything was I couldn't argue with the results. By the way Pearl's eyes seemed to travel over me when I flopped across the floor I figured she appreciated the fruits of my labor. "Peridot", I whined, "This is soooo boring can't we take a break or something? We've been at this for like six hours", I put on my best puppy dog expression.

"Actually we have only been working for two and a half hours not factoring in snack breaks." Peridot lifted her eyes from the formulas in front of her to look around the room. I was sprawled on the floor in front of the couch with my legs under the coffee table. Lapis was on the couch with her head in her hands looking fried, Amethyst was next to her staring at the ceiling. Pearl was on the other beanbag next to Peridot, tongue between her teeth as she worked through a problem. Those two were the only ones with enough motivation to keep working for so long. Traditional study sessions with the three of us generally involved much more movement and phone based distractions. "Very well we have accomplished an adequate amount of progress for now", The nerd conceded. Amethyst and I whooped with delight slamming our books shut, "What do you suggest we do?" 

"Howling Fury, Purple Puma, Water Witch", Steven ran through the partially open barn door panting, "Come quick! Tigre da morte and The Eternal Flame are creating havoc out in the fields, they need to be stopped." Instead of his favorite red shirt and shorts he was in a pink button down shirt complete with tie. His curls were slicked back from his face like a sleezy businessman and he was wearing a cat mask on his nose. Ah so that explains why Jasper and Ruby weren't in the barn when we got back from our snack run. Steven must've roped them into one of his silly little games since no one can resist his charms. The little boy's clothes were damp with mud and he wasn't wearing his usual pink flip flops. His chubby cheeks were flush with exertion from his run, "We need to hurry before they get here."

Pearl and Peridot were looking at poor Steven like he had randomly spouted a second head and was shouting at them in German. Amethyst howled with delight practically overturning the coffee table in her rush to escape the loft. "Looks like study time is cancelled for now P-Dot we gots business to attend to." Lapis, also grinning like a fool, followed after her foregoing the ladder in favor of jumping off the edge. Both joined Steven by the door looking up at me expectantly, "Wulfie get yer butt in gear. You heard Tiger Millionaire we gotta move", Amethyst shouted as she pulled out her purple eye mask. Peridot had her mouth hanging open in an immaculate fish impersonation while Pearl just blinked owlishly. "Apresse bitch before Bird Nerd starts lecturing on fall prevention or somethin."

"Sorry guys no can do", I held out my cast covered hand, "Kinda outta commission here remember? Besides someone's gotta look after the civvies", I pointed to our very confused guests. "For all we know they plan on kidnappin these two and using them in one of their evil plots." Several unhappy noises, and complaints of my lameness, later the three of them bounded off. Once they were gone I laid back onto the floor trying to find the comfy spot I was in before. "That's Steven by the way", I said by way of explanation, "Kid has a killer imagination. Ever since Amethyst got him into watchin wrestlin he takes any chance he can to play. If you two keep comin 'round he'll probably give you a nickname and a persona and expect you to join."

Before you say anything let me assure you that I'm well aware that "playing imagination with a little kid" is near the bottom of the scale of badassery. Hell I'm pretty sure stamp collecting and bird watching have more street cred. Street cred doesn't mean shit to me if I get the chance to make Steven's day brighter. That kid was the only one who wanted to talk to my feral ass when I first got here. As soon as the uniformed officer took off my cuffs Steven was there offering me a bite of his Cookie Cat. The uniform looked like he was gonna tackle me when I reached for the kid but I just took the offered treat with a smile. I'm sure I've already said it but it bears repeating; kids like Steven give me hope for the future. Little guy doesn't even know how to judge people, has no concept that there are bad folks in the world. Rose and Greg have been easing the idea into his head using us as examples of bad choices. 

"Well that certainly is", Pearl paused searching for the right word, "an interesting pastime." She smiled down at me from her perch on the couch, "So why do they call you Howling Fury?" I'd be lying if I said she didn't look pretty fucking attractive looking down at me with a cocky smirk. Those big blue eyes of her's were partially lidded, shining with barely restrained mirth. Attraction is a funny thing if you think about it; it doesn't care if you and the person would actually work long term it just exists. It's not like I even wanted to do anything explicit with her, sex stuff is too fucking weird for me. Mostly I just wanted to have her close to me, to run my hands over her skin to see if she was as firm as she looked, and feel her lithe body contract under my touch. She wasn't property but I wanted to claim her, declare her mine and mine alone.

Shit man I really needed to stop thinking about people like I could just own them. A mindset like that doesn't have much place in the modern world or with civilized society. Some days I really do wonder if I'm nothing better than an animal wearing human skin. Even on calm days I could feel the beast inside me urging me to lash out on anything within reach. I longed for the feeling of flesh breaking under my hands and blood splattering me like rain. More than once I warred with myself about telling Rose about these urges and every time anxiety took that chance to remind me of solitary. Three hellish days locked in a closet sized room because I broke another inmate's face. No way I was willingly going back to some shrink so they could drug me into soulless oblivion. 

"I reckon I got it since my name kind of sounds like wolf", I pushed my brooding aside and answered the question. "Do yourself a favor and don't look too deep into the names or else you'll be mighty disappointed. Amethyst got her's because she thinks pumas are cool as fuck and Lapis is Water Witch because she likes the lake. I'm not 100% sure on Jasper's but it probably has something to do with those weird lines on her skin. Anyways", I sat back up with a groan, "Since those two will probably be gone for a bit do you guys want to go back up to the house? Rose did a big grocery run yesterday so I could cook you up the finest TV dinners in the land." I let my back rest against the front of the dusty couch now that it was no longer occupied. 

Peridot, in an uncharacteristic display of affection, laid down next to me with her head resting on my leg. It wasn't often that the short girl initiated contact, I think she might have the same disdain for it as I do. "Movement sounds rather unpleasant at the moment to be frank with you Wulfenite. I brought my tablet, as long as there is Wifi I could boot it up and we could stream something, Pearl could you bring me my bag?" Hesitantly Pearl made her way around the coffee table with Peridot's green and silver backpack in hand. The beanpole of a girl settled herself beside Peri and I sitting on her knees like she was at a fancy tea party. The contrast between the two teens, one stoic and refined the other brash and easily flustered, was comical. Stubby fingers flew over the screen of the slim rectangular device in Peridot's lap. "You two must experience Camp Pining Hearts, it is the single greatest form of entertainment this puny planet has to offer."

And that was how I got roped into watching an hour of cheesy Canadian teen drama. The writing was awful, the cliches were everywhere, and don't even get me started on the bad romance troupes. At some point during the escapades Peri shifted so she was more or less in my lap with Pearl pressed into my other side. That was how Lapis and Amethyst found us when they returned from their playful romp bearing snacks. Much to my displeasure Jasper was lumbering after them carrying half a case of sodas. "Aww don't the three of you just look so cozy", She rumbled letting loose a throaty laugh. "Looks like it's going to be a pile on Wulfie party." Amethyst cackled with glee. In a flailing mass of arms and legs they were on me before I could ready a proper defense. Jasper had me pinned in her lap with Pearl's arm stuck behind me, Amethyst and Lapis each took a leg with Peridot laying across them. In the chaos I couldn't tell if the two guests were joining in because they wanted to or because they got caught in the crossfire. 

"Jasper you fuckin cunt you're dead once I get out of here", I bucked against the bodies trapping me. It hadn't even been a fucking week since I broke Jasper's nose why the fuck was she doing this? She hadn't even been back to the clinic so they could take the fucking plaster off her nose. Pearl shifted a bit closer to the squirming pile of bodies probably trying to get blood flowing back into her arm. Since it put the two of us closer together I wasn't going to complain about it. Seeing the look in her eyes it was obvious that she wasn't happy being included in this mess. Jasper's massive arm was around her waist like a damn belt so she couldn't exactly get away. Peridot was in a similar boat being held in place by Lapis's vice like grip. "I mean it guys let me the fuck up I don't feel like endin up more broken because of you assholes." To emphasize my point I held out my cast covered hand; Jasper actually flinched which was weird.

Slowly everyone untangled themselves from the pile and found comfortable places to sit. Lapis ended up behind me on the couch with my head in its usual spot on her knee. Pearl stayed next to me, not quite as close as before but close enough that our knees touched. Peridot was now next to Lapis leaving Jasper and Amethyst in the beanbag chairs. "You guys are a surprising amount of fun", Lapis deadpanned looking between Pearl and Peridot. "We should totally do another sleepover, sans Wulfie falling off the bed this time." A tug on my hair was followed by Lapis' cocky smirk, I tried my best not to blush. The idea of another sleepover wasn't something I thought I'd ever hear from Lapis given her general anxiety. Rose's, and probably Steven's, influence was definitely having a positive effect on all of us.

"Aw yeah man party with Peridork and Bird Nerd", Amethyst raised her fist in the air almost hitting Jasper in the process. Pity she didn't list just a little bit more to the left and conk that ass right in her nose. "Peri here has proven she can hang with us but you menina", She fixed Pearl a stern gaze, "Still gotta earn your stripes. Hurry up and call your rents guys", When no one moved she raised her voice, "Pressa cadelas! If we're quick we can convince Rose to call for pizza instead of making us do leftover night. Greg took Ste-Man off to Keystone for the night so she said she doesn't want to cook. Maybe we can get Ruby's amuado ass to actually join in the festivities this time." Fuck she was set on this, Amethyst may be a spaz but good luck changing her mind once an idea gets stuck in her head. 

Phone calls were made, promises of good behavior and teacher supervision were evoked, and just like that we had house guests. Guess Amethyst hadn't been kidding when she said parties just sort of swarm around her. "Not another one Amethyst come on", I shook my head, "I did the party thing last week I'm not doin it again. Let's just chill the fuck out and watch a movie or somethin, anythin but those stupid games. Besides Peri here will probably just say the same things she did last week and win again." At the glare Peridot was giving me I'm betting my guess wasn't too far off the mark. "Anyways", I leaned forward and slowly stretched my back enjoying the satisfying pops it made, "Who's sleeping where? Much as I enjoy falling on my face in the middle of the night I'm not sharin Lazuli's bed again." 

"No way you're gettin outta this Wulfie, not when we finally got Bird Nerd here to join in." Amethyst rolled off the beanbag to land in my lap with a thump. I had to bite my lip to stop from yelling when her heavy shoulder landed on my bad knee. "Filho da puta Wulfie, son of a bitch, why are your legs so stupid fuckin bony? Get some meat on you girl, you'd think with all that time you spend chasin tail you'd be ripped by now. Oh come on it was funny don't give me that look", I'm pretty sure if looks could kill Amethyst would at least be bruised. A sudden glint in her eyes was the only warning I got before she surged upwards and kissed me on the mouth. I jerked back, eyes wide with shock, trying to process what the fuck just happened. "Oh man", She howled with laughter doubling over with the force of it, "You should see your face. That little trick is something minha mãe taught me; never fails to leave 'em speechless."

Jasper, Lapis, and Peridot echoed Amethyst's sounds of mirth, even Pearl giggled quietly into her hand. Great this blush just wouldn't fucking quit no matter how hard I tried forcing it down. Saying Amethyst wasn't pretty would be a damn fucking lie, sure she didn't have the body of a supermodel but who did? She wasn't thin, she was rather round in the middle with her fair share of stretch marks, but she was strong. What looked like fat was actually muscle mass that simply lacked any kind of definition. Her chest was large, full lips, full hips, and an ass that would make a grown man weep. The kiss, as brief and unexpected as it was, was a rather enjoyable experience albeit one I had no desire to repeat. "Fine bitch", I ground out through gritted teeth, "Let's see about some pizza and I'll play ONE stupid game. Now get the fuck off me before I break your fucking nose", I used my good hand to shove her away.

"It's not an idle threat", Jasper rumbled from her spot across from us, "Bitch can hit." The large striped teen was looking at Amethyst and I with an unreadable expression on her face. Jasper may look big and stupid thanks to the muscle but damn if she couldn't hold a secret when she wanted. Idly I wondered if Amethyst being in my lap made her jealous, then I wondered if I cared. Hurting someone emotionally wasn't my style since it required subtlety and I'm as subtle as a cannon. Freed from Amethyst's weight I rolled off the edge of the loft landing in an easy crouch. The whole thing would have been super badass if my knee hadn't decided to give out. Spotting my boots near the foot of my bed I hesitated wondering if I should bother putting them on. Lately I've only been wearing them when absolutely necessary since tying them right handed was a pain in the dick.

Concluding that the boots were too much effort I remained barefoot for the walk to the house. Just like earlier Pearl kept pace at my side glancing around nervously at everyone. "I must admit when Peridot said you all lived together I thought she was joking. It's a rather unusual arrangement to say the least I mean the six of you are nothing alike." Unsure of what to say I grunted in acknowledgement, "Articulate as ever", She laughed. "I think you've said more today than in the entire time I've known you, it's quite nice." She smiled then, small and almost shy, a faint blush visible across her cheeks. I smiled back and bumped my head against her shoulder affectionately causing her to giggle. Her laugh was musical like those chime things people tie to their porch that jingle when the wind blows. "Do you want Peridot and I to have a word with Amethyst about forcing you to go along with this? Upstairs you seemed rather determined not to participate and I have no desire to force you."

"Nah s'okay", I assured her, "Goin along with it will be easier than tryin to fight her. I'll half ass one thing then be in the clear to do whatever after it's done with. Appreciate the concern though", I bumped our shoulders together, "If you ain't careful I might start thinkin you care." Feeling suddenly bold I looped my left arm around Pearl's delicate shoulders. I figure if I was being conditioned to like touching people anyway I might as well get a say in who I was touching. Friends walk like this all the time on TV so it's not like I was doing anything intimate. 

Turns out Rose wasn't in the mood for pizza but she did order Chinese so that was awesome. Pearl and Peridot tried to throw in money for theirs but in typical Rose fashion she wouldn't take it. She said something about just being happy to see us making friends and the matter was dropped. An impromptu Call of Duty tournament was set up while we waited for food; I had to sit it out because of my hand. Pearl, to everyone's amazement, was some kind of FPS prodigy and won hands down. At least all of that kept the attention off me and the idiot I was making of myself when I tried to eat. You'd think this shit would get easier but nope I was still losing half of everything on my fork. "So", Amethyst started through a mouthful of orange chicken, "We never decided who's sleepin where. I figure Peridork can crash with me and Bird Nerd can go with Wulfie since they've been eye humping all night."

"Fuck you bitch", I threw a nearby set of chopsticks at the purple haired girl. My aim was way off and they ended up landing in Malachite's bowl of hot and sour soup. Acid green eyes locked onto mine, set in a face that expressed nothing but fury. Rose wasn't in the room to stop us if we decided to do something about the lingering tension. Obviously it wouldn't be a fair fight but when has that ever stopped any of us? If this morning's drama was any indication she was getting off on the idea of making me her bitch. Meeting her glare I rose to my feet bristling, "I'm all ears if you wanna say somethin." Malachite was on her feet now, hands gripping the edge of the table like she was going to flip it. Practically in sync we each took a step closer to each other fists raising.

"Hell no", Ruby yelled putting herself bodily between us, "Hell fucking no I'm not dealing with this! Both of you are going to sit the fuck down, eat your food, and pretend to be fucking normal. Kill each other when we don't have company", She held out her short arms to keep us separated. We glared at each other, two dogs placed in a ring with only a piece of wood between them. Malachite cracked the knuckles of her disproportionately large fists but neither of us moved. Tension hung suffocatingly thick in the air killing the good mood that had been building most of the day. In a way this was a good thing, if Pearl and Peridot were gonna keep comin around they needed to see what we really were. "Sit the fuck down Wulfenite", Ruby's brown eyes focused on mine, "You've got friends over."

A cool hand looped around my bicep gently pulling me back towards my abandoned chair. Pearl's ice colored eyes silently pleaded for me to step down and end the pissing contest. I looked around the table, everyone was watching me waiting to see if they would need to break up a fight. Ruby was right, we had people over; people who could blame Rose for us acting up. Sighing I let Pearl guide me back into my seat not even paying attention to the rest of the dining room. Turns out that was a mistake since I didn't notice the container of soup flying at me until it caught me in the face. Hot liquid splattered my skin and soaked into my clothes and the spices from the soup burned my eyes. "Uncalled for Malachite", Rose's stern voice cut through the shouts around the table. She must have been closer than we had anticipated, either that or she had killer timing. No matter which one it was her appearance in the room made it impossible for me to retaliate, 

The pain in my eyes and annoyance at having to take a shower were almost worth listening to Malachite getting bitched out, almost. What wasn't worth it was Jasper deciding to be my shadow for the entire time I was in the house. Whether the act was meant to be a sign of solidarity that her cousin's sneak attack wasn't okay or if it was meant to intimidate me I don't know. I told her repeatedly to fuck off but that only works when you can back up your threat. In the end I had no choice but to accept her sitting next to me when we all migrated back up to the loft. Since my tank top now smelled like takeout and my jeans looked like I pissed myself I had changed into my red flannel and black sweats. Peri was borrowing from Amethyst again so I tossed Pearl some extra sweats and a t-shirt. "Alright bitches the name of the game is two truths one lie", Amethyst rubbed her hands together. "Rules are self explanatory; on your turn you say two facts about yourself that are true and one that isn't. Everyone else votes on the lie, first person to get ten facts right wins, got that? Good we can use chaps to mark how many we have right", She cracked open the bag of special barbecue flavor. "Pearl since you've never crashed here before you're goin first."

Pearl looked around at all of us from her seat on the couch next to Amethyst, "Alright then. I can play the violin, I speak German, and I'm allergic to dogs." Damn these were pretty tough, the debate started as soon as she was done speaking. We were all divided between the violin and German, I thought it was German, and we were all wrong. "Nope sorry ladies looks like no one is getting a point from me because I'm allergic to dogs. Jasper I think you should go next."

Next to me Jasper grinned rubbing her massive hands together in a way that reminded me of Peridot. "This is going to be rich, you runts better get ready because I'm not going easy on you." She cleared her throat, "I sink like a rock in water, I can bench 200 pounds, and my favorite movie is Evil Dead." Debate ensued but in the end Lapis and I got a point, "Yeah even I can't do 200 yet; you're up Wulfie."

This was tough, I wanted to win but I didn't want to go spilling all my secrets. We may be on good terms right now but one could never be too careful around predators. "Hmm okay I shot my first gun at 10, I'm an orphan, and I don't have my tonsils." Oh man did this one cause some contention from the others playing the game. Peridot was adamant that I had no parents, Ruby was convinced I had my tonsils out, Jasper and Amethyst were no on the gun thing. "Seriously assholes I may not have seen 'em since I was 12 but I'm pretty sure my folks are kickin around somewhere. Ruby go bitch."

The game lasted for damn near an hour with all of us hovering around seven points until Lapis got herself on a streak. She guessed correctly that I didn't have a middle name because my parents were lazy. Her and Pearl both knew that Peridot had never been in a car accident in her life. Thanks to agreeing with Amethyst at the last minute she got a point for saying Ruby wore braces as a kid. Game complete Jasper, Amethyst, and Ruby went back to the house for more gaming fun. Peridot busted out her tablet and we threw on the first Alien movie for something to do. Somehow during the fetching of snacks and voting on a movie my back ended up leaning against Pearl's legs. She must've taken Lapis' spot when the blue wonder went to grab us more soda. I went to move away but Pearl just shifted position slightly so I was between her legs with my back on the couch. Neither of us verbally acknowledge the position nor did we say anything when Pearl's hand wove through my damp hair. We just watched the movie in comfortable silence save for screams at jump scares, it was nice.


	16. Sweet and Sour

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Halloween comes to Beach City

Despite Amethyst all but pushing the two of us together I didn't end up sharing my bed with Pearl. Oh I tried, don't get me wrong here, but once the thrashing and kicking started I moved to the floor. Pearl always seemed so well put together it was weird seeing her react so badly to something in a dream. Kind of makes you wonder what kind of shit she's been through to end up with those kinds of demons. Honestly the floor wasn't the worst place I've ever slept, hell the barn even had a roof to keep the rain out. Sleep didn't come easy that night even with the familiar bass of Jasper's snores echoing off the walls. Hanging out with Peridot and Pearl made me start questioning my future and I had a lot to think about. Did I want to continue down this path of violence, lashing out at any change in the world around me? It was a world I knew intimately but going down that path would just keep leading me back to a cell. Call me crazy but I like being able to get up and walk around under the warm afternoon sun. My earlier revelation about Malachite and myself blazed to the forefront of my thoughts again. Mal and I were two sides of the same coin, two possible outcomes separated by minute circumstances. You have no idea how much that thought scared the ever loving piss out of me, you really don't.

Indulge me a moment while I go off on a tangent about the wonderfully confusing thing that is Multiverse Theory. Going to preface this right now by stating that I am not, nor have I ever been, a studier of quantum mechanics. That kind of stuff has so much theoretical math in it that just thinking about it makes my head hurt. Multiverse Theory is interesting though; the idea that at any given time infinite universes exist based on slight changes to outcomes. When you get past the funnier scenarios that pop up and really start thinking about it the possibilities are rather sobering. Say for example that during my romp in the back of Uncle Tony's truck all those years ago I had managed to successfully shoot out both tires. Would that slight alteration in the tapestry of fate lead me to becoming a murderer at age 10? Or on the other side of that coin what would have happened if I refused to go? Would I still be under the delusion that my father was a daring revolutionary against government tyranny? 

I rolled over onto my back and stared up at the dark ceiling trying to piece together what I wanted out of life. Maslow's hierarchy of needs is spot fucking on even for behaviorally stunted plebeians like myself. Beyond the basic shit like food, water, air, and a place to sleep I wanted to feel safe and cared for. I wanted to feel like I belonged somewhere, that I was worth something, and that people would care if I lived or died. The odds of me getting that stuff if I kept acting like life was some kind of survival of the fittest nature show were pretty slim; read none. Resigned, I got to my feet glancing over at the clock by my bed; it was four in the fucking morning. Whoever said no good plans are made at 4AM when you haven't slept can suck it. I needed a plan, I needed to figure out what I wanted and get my life on track, and I needed to do it ASAP.

A deep bass voice from one side of the room nearly scared the piss out of me when it spoke, "What's got you thinkin so hard?" Mother fucking son of a bitch, when the fuck had Jasper woken up? If I squinted I could just make out her outline sitting up in the far set of bunks. Of all the people to be around when I had a moment of introspection and internal conflict of course it would be her. When she started walking over to me I knew there was no way I was getting out of a heart to heart. Her platinum blonde hair was practically iridescent in the moonless darkness around us. As she approached I instinctively raised my arms ready to defend myself if needed. "Doesn't take a genius to figure out I'm not your favorite person right now Wulfie. I get that you don't like me, I can't even argue that I don't deserve it, but I'm tired of this. Whatever bullshit Lapis put in yer head about us is wrong, she was the fuckin monster not me."

"This ain't about Lapis you fuckin cunt", I spat the reply in her face, "Let's talk outside". I gestured towards the door, "No sense in wakin everyone else up with this." Without waiting for her to argue with me I pushed my way out into the cold night. Misty rain immediately clung to my exposed skin and clothes making the wind feel worse than it was. Mud squished unpleasantly between my toes as I walked a little ways away from the barn. Theoretically the back door of the main house was always unlocked in case nature called in the middle of the night. If we wanted Jasper and I could go there to talk but I didn't like the idea of waking Rose up if we started yelling. Ignoring the possibility of warmth I made my way down the gravel driveway towards the street. Another advantage of keeping our little discussion away from people was I didn't have to keep pretending I was fine. Ever since Higgins called me an attention seeking liar I had been forcing myself to act nonchalant. 

"Damn it's cold as balls out here", Always the master of eloquent speech Jasper broke the weird silence that had settled between us. "You got any particular reason for us being out here instead of somewhere with heat? Stupid ocean makes it rain too damn much", She held out her hand and glared at the moisture collecting there. Unlike me Jasper never wore very many clothes if she could help it; must be nice to not hate yourself. Pretty sure she'd sleep naked if she could get away with it but in lieu of that she was just in a pair of black boxers and a sports bra. Without stopping to think about it I unbuttoned my over sized red flannel and offered it to her. She accepted my gift with a very confused sounding, "Thanks", and shrugged into it. I had an undershirt on still so it wasn't like I was stripping off or anything. On Jasper my knee length shirt looked tiny, just barely covering her stomach and arms. You might ask why I made any effort to keep her comfortable after what happened. Simple, if she was comfortable she was less likely to leave before I was done saying what needed to be said. 

Ignoring how blatantly wet and gross the ground was I dropped myself into a sitting position, "Didn't want to wake Rose up if we started yellin. You ain't the only one who's tired of all this shit, do you even know what you fuckers did to me?! I haven't gotten more than four hours of sleep at a time since that fucking day. Memories that I forced myself to forget years ago are back full force and won't leave me alone. I'm scared and angry all the fucking time now", My voice cracked as I fought tears. "You guys did that and now, now you're trying to get all buddy buddy with me like nothing ever happened. I still feel her hands on me every fucking day, every time there's quiet I can hear her moaning in my ear. ALL BECAUSE OF SOME BULLSHIT LITTLE FIST FIGHT", I tilted my head back and howled into the night sky like a wounded animal. "THE TWO OF YOU BROKE ME BECAUSE I WOULDN'T LET HER HURT MY FRIEND, I STILL WON'T LET HER", Tears were flowing freely now and I didn't try to stop them. "And still you come here actin like I only don't like you 'cause I been talkin with Lapis? Whatever shit went down with the two of you ain't got nothin to do with anythin except tellin me you ain't gonna man up and admit you fucked up."

Jasper snarled balling her huge hands into fists, "You don't think I feel bad for what happened? I didn't know what she was going to do until she pulled her pants down and I saw that thing she was wearing. When she was done I puked my fucking guts out all over the place", Unable to stand still she began to pace. I watched her warily from my spot on the sodden earth, "Ever since that day I've been trying to make it up to you any way I can. I stuck by your side so there was no chance of Malachite catching you alone and messin with you more. At school I keep her away from Lazuli because I know she's weirdly obsessed and wants to hurt her. Hell man when you were a sick lump I stayed next to you to make sure you were still breathin. I'm trying man", She threw her hands up in the air, "What do I need to do to make things okay between us?"

I started laughing, not because what she said was funny but because I couldn't help it, "Make it up to me? You really think you can let somethin like that happen and then just make it up to someone? Unless you can build a fuckin time machine and go back to stop that shit from happenin there ain't no makin it up to me. Like I get that you feel bad about what you did but sayin sorry doesn't automatically fix shit." I sighed, suddenly more tired than I'd been in a long time, "But that ain't what I was thinkin about earlier. You ever sit down and think about what you're gonna do with your life once this is all over? Higgins said he's gonna seal up our records so it'll look like we never got in trouble. Just like that, with one phone call, one quarter of my life is just gonna go poof. It's weird if you think about it", I looked away from Jasper's face to stare back at the sky. "I don't know the first thing about takin care of myself out in the real world. I never made plans for the future because I was supposed to stay in lock up until I was at least 22. Now look at me, I guess I'm feelin kind of lost as to what I'm supposed to do with myself you know?"

A calloused hand hesitantly rested on my shoulder gradually adding weight when I didn't pull away. "Yeah Wulfie I get it", For the first time since I've known her Jasper sounded solemn. "Violence is all I've ever known, all Mal has ever known, how do they expect us to forget that and just be people? Fighting is my fucking life and I probably don't need to tell you that I'm damn fucking good at it. As far as what I'm doin after school I've had that figured out for a while now. First chance I get I'm signin up for the Marines, getting some discipline and give back to the country. It's what the first born in my family has done all the way back since the core was founded. Now come on it's cold as fuck out here and I can't feel my damn legs anymore." Tentatively she reached down offering me a hand up, I took it and let her pull me to my feet. A wistful look crossed her face for a second, "Hey does Lapis ever say anything about us, what we were? We were so fucking strong, it was like a drug that I don't think I can ever forget about." 

"Yeah she did", Hope lit up Jasper's face only to die when I continued, "She said it was the worst choice she's ever made. That you two were horrible together, treated each other like garbage; it was toxic. You ain't gonna change her mind", I met her eyes my own expression stern. "Best you keep focused on your plans later because she ain't comin back to what you had."

Jasper just glared and shook her head at what I had to say, whatever if she wanted to stay in denial it's no skin off my ass. We didn't talk on the walk back to bed sans me muttering a thanks when she returned my shirt. Pearl seemed to be done with whatever nightmares she was having and was peacefully curled up in my bed. Careful not to wake her I climbed under my trusty gray blanket hoping to get some feeling back in my limbs. I still didn't know what I was gonna do about being attracted to her I mean she seemed to feel the same way unless earlier was just her being nice. Damn it why do feelings have to be so gods damned complicated and hard to talk about? Shaking my head I burrowed deeper into the blanket deciding to just let shit happen.

"Well looks like the Howling Fury has returned in pristine condition", Coach Opal laughed hitting the button on her stopwatch. "Eight minutes and forty-seven seconds", She scribbled my time in her clipboard. Three weeks had passed since my little heart to heart with Jasper and so far things were good. My cast was finally off and I was throwing myself hard into training up for sports next year. Opal had apparently changed her mind about having me as the team's finisher for the relay after she saw me trying to navigate hurdles. Awful was a bloody understatement, I couldn't stop tripping over the stupid things. The new plan was for me to test my skill on other various track and field events to see if there was one I liked. Turns out I have a surprising knack for throwing both the discus and javelins. On my first go with the javelin I came pretty close to the current school record and Opal was sure I could improve. The two of us were working on designing a workout routine for me that included strength exercises and plyometrics. Plyometrics, according to Opal, were a type of exercise that prepared your muscles for short bursts of intense activity. For the thirty or whatever seconds I was throwing my body needed to do some serious exertion. 

Lunch was a lot more complicated now because of my training thanks to Coach wanting my eating habits to improve. Now instead of just grabbing whatever looked good in the lunch line I needed to pay attention to my protein and fat intake. I was lucky that the school had a salad bar option or else I'd probably need to bring stuff from home. At the table I was feeling more and more isolated; it seemed like everyone was pairing up. Ruby kept herself right next to her ice queen crush whose name, I learned, was Sapphire. Amethyst was pretty much glued to Pearl which I thought was weird since they seemed to always be arguing. Peridot, more often than not, was either on her tablet or engaged in quiet conversation with Garnet. The blonde nerd and I were still meeting up for tutoring sessions in the library a couple days a week after school. Thanks to her being fucking brilliant my math score was sitting solid at at B minus.

Science had moved beyond balancing chemical equations, thank fucking Odin, and was now doing biology based stuff. It was a weird transition but I suppose that's what you get when you try to jam everything into one class. DNA structure was proving to be something that I was actually interested in even though it was complicated as fuck. My lab partner Lars was surprisingly good at patterns so thanks to him I was getting by just fine. He was still full of more attitude than brains but under all the bullshit he was a pretty cool kid. After mentioning to him that I needed to pick up some extra cash he offered to try to get me in at the doughnut place where he worked. "The boss can be kind of a dick but hey man free eats", Was his response to me asking if he liked working there. "Third shift is badass because there are no asshole customers, they got these big ass commercial grade ovens in the back that'll cook a pizza in like five minutes."

Auto class with Pearl was awkward as all fuck but also as enjoyable as it ever was. She was still as polite as ever, still quietly affectionate and helpful, and it was driving me nuts. I had no idea where we stood with each other like if we were just friends or if she wanted to go out with me. Sardonyx was pleased with how well we worked together during the first group assignment so we were paired up again. Finally on Halloween I decided to grow a pair and figure out if she liked me or not. On the way to lunch I pulled her aside in the hall just before we got to the stairs. "Hey uh", I started smooth as always, "I've been thinking, you're like super pretty and stuff wanna go out?"

I could tell almost instantly that I was an idiot, it didn't take a master of body language to see it. Her shoulders hunched, her hand went over her mouth, and she suddenly looked sad. After taking a shaky breath she smoothed her hands down the front of her powder blue cardigan. "My this is unexpected", She took a deep breath, "I'm sorry I'm so bad at this. Looks like Peridot was right when she mentioned that you seemed interested in me. I like you Wulfenite, I think you're great to be around and love hanging out with you. I just don't think there's anything romantic between us, we can try it if you want but I don't think it will work out." 

That hurt, even knowing that it was probably going to happen the rejection still stung. My chest felt constricted and the corners of my eyes burned, I focused on the ground when I spoke. "Sorry for springin that on ya outta the blue like that, it's just somethin I've been thinkin about a while." Counting the tiles gave me something to think about instead of how lonely I was. My gray long sleeve shirt felt suffocatingly tight "Nah you're right, if you ain't feelin it there's no sense in forcin the thing. It's just, I like bein around you Pearl; I like workin with you in class and I had a lot of fun when you stayed over. Far as Peri goes she assumes that any two people that stand next to each other are gonna go at it. Accused me of havin a thing for Lapis if you recall; tell ya the truth I think she's got a soft spot for Laz and is projectin it." I hated how tight my throat felt, "We should probably go though, don't wanna miss lunch." Laughter forced its way out of my throat too high pitched and manic to be real. Pearl opened her mouth like she was gonna say more but Amethyst came out of nowhere and flung her arm around my back.

"Dudes hurry up or they're gonna run out of burrito stuff before we even get there." Amethyst was either oblivious to the tension in the air or she was choosing to ignore it. I'm betting on the former since she could be pretty clueless about the stuff going down in front of her. "Oh man one time I got this tuna burrito from a gas station and that shit was rank. The mayo was like this desagradável green color but it was AquaMexica brand so of course I ate it. I was so sick I thought I was gonna die", Yep master of fine dining conversation that was Amethyst. I was too hungry to stop eating but Pearl, Peridot, and Sapphire all pushed their trays away. Looking at Pearl for more than a few seconds was painful so mostly I stared awkwardly at my tray. Garnet seemed to pick up on the tension and responded by laying a warm hand on my shoulder. I flinched at the unexpected contact and quickly excused myself from the table.

Garnet followed me into the quieter hallways her expression calm, "You seem upset Wulfenite. Follow me", We made our way further down the hall away from the small clusters of students enjoying their food. Garnet always had this super calming vibe around her like she was assured in everything she did. When I first met her I was disconcerted by it now though I walked a bit closer letting that security wash over me. I even let her rest her arm over the tops of my shoulders in a gesture of solidarity. Heat radiated through the long sleeved blue shirt she was wearing helping to further relax me. She led me to a secluded bit of hallway a few yards away from the clusters of lunch goers. I sat down leaning against the painted brick walls, "Let's calm down and talk about what's bothering you Wulfenite."

"Don't suppose you'd be willin to believe me if I said I was fine would you G?" Garnet shook her head slowly at my question, the corners of her mouth quirked up in a smile. "Figured it was worth askin", I grumbled avoiding meeting her shaded eyes by counting the chips in the ceiling tiles. "Really though it ain't too big a deal man, I tried askin Pearl out but she wasn't into it. She explained why she said no and I get it, I really do, and I don't understand why I'm upset. Tell ya the truth I'm not even sure why I asked her out in the first place. I don't even know if I like girls, like I know I'm not into guys so I figured it's girls by default but even that don't feel right."

Garnet sat beside me sliding the edges of her sunglasses down so I was meeting her different colored eyes. "Rejection is never an enjoyable experience no matter if you were expecting it or not. It's natural to be upset afterwards", She patted my shoulder giving it a firm squeeze when I didn't flinch away. "To be honest with you it sounds to me like you should spend some time getting to know yourself better" Being the ultra mature adult that I was I snorted at her word choice and she smiled again. "Hmm I suppose you could do that as well now that your hand is back to normal. However what I mean is that you need to figure out what you're looking for before you jump into a relationship. Remember the world is not just black or white, straight or gay, rather it is a series of colors working in harmony with each other." 

"Garnet you are one wise ass mother fucker", I bumped the top of my head against her shoulder. "That was some of the most profound shit I've ever heard and you managed to mix in a joke about fappin. It's like you're fuckin magic or somethin sometimes", I let the silence around us build while I enjoyed the quiet closeness. Swear I was acting like one of those dogs you see on those animal rescue shows that can't get enough of being petted. Pearl and Lapis were the first people my age to show me any sort of kindness and I latched onto them like a tick. Much as I had been trying to avoid introspection maybe Garnet was right and I was due for some. If I kept sticking myself to anyone that acted nice towards me I was bound to keep getting hurt. 

"Looks to me that you have some thinking to do", Garnet said raising her sunglasses back up to cover her eyes. "Introspection can be a frightening thing, there are many things we can find that are alarming. It can easily feel as if you are being swarmed by negative emotions or memories. You can make it through though", She gave my shoulder another squeeze before getting to her feet. I was about to ask where she was going but the bell rang answering the question for me. A calloused palm gripped my own helping me stand up without me needing to ask. "Let me give you my number, if you need anything don't hesitate to ask", I nodded and passed her my phone. Bodies jostled around us but Garnet never yielded to the tide, she just stood her ground forcing them to separate. 

School was pretty uneventful after that, at least until the buss ride back home. "Yo Peridork", Amethyst shouted across the narrow aisle, "A bunch of us are goin trick or treating with Steven you in? It's the little man's first year goin without his parents so we're gonna make it badass. Lapis made herself these killer wings dude you gotta see 'em they look like they're made of water." It was true Lapis' wings were really awesome I don't know how she turned plastic and spray paint into something that cool. Everyone was going as their wrestling personas and she was taking the whole Water Witch thing to heart. She was also busting out these creepy contacts that turned her eyes completely white. 

"Yes that sounds most enjoyable", Peridot grinned back, "I have been working on some costume components meant to mimic cybernetics. You clods will be brought to your knees by the great and lovable Peridot neyehehe." I shook my head doing my best to fight off a smile but alas it was to no avail. Between her glowing alien shirt, Slytherin leggings, and round glasses she really was queen of the nerds. Green eyes moved over to me, "Will you also be partaking in tonight's festivities Wulfenite? I believe Garnet and Pearl will also be out tonight, we can meet up with them. Perhaps after the streets are closed the seven of us can convene at your dwelling and continue the festivities?"

"Nah sorry I'm not comin tonight, I got a job interview in the mornin so I can't stay up late. It's bad enough Rose is gonna have me help her pass out candy to the screamin brats. Other than Ste-Man I fucking hate kids", I pushed my hair back from my face. Rose and I were going to the stylist before my interview so I could finally get it trimmed. I was supposed to go last week with everyone else but the appointment to get my cast removed ran long. My bangs were now hanging down the bridge of my nose and I had this weird cowlick on my right side that refused to stay down. Opal was threatening to shear me like a sheep if I didn't deal with it soon. 

"You are literally the lamest person ever", Lapis looked at me with her deadpan expression. "Skipping out on an awesome night with your friends to stay and pass out candy. For shame Wulfenite for shame, I can't believe you'd even consider staying home. We both know you weren't going to go even if you didn't have that interview thing but still. I figured your mad crush on Miss Perfect would be enough to draw you out of the house." In Lapis' defense she didn't know Pearl had shot me down with the precision of a trained sniper but still ouch. I sighed and put my headphones in so they'd stop giving me shit about not going. 

"Trick or treat", High pitched voices yelled from the front porch signaling the arrival of yet more children. It was just after four o' clock in the afternoon and groups of kids were out in full force. Steven, Ruby, Amethyst, Lapis, and Jasper were out there somewhere in the throng of sugar hunting bodies. Even Malachite had left but I highly doubt she had gone with the rest of the group. Maybe the psychotic bitch had actually managed to make some friends around here, scary thought. Greg was working at the wash offering some kind of promotion involving glow in the dark wax or something. Hindsight being 20/20 and all I could have probably gone with him instead of being stuck at home giving away candy.

"Oh my stars you all look adorable", Rose was leaning out the screen door with the candy bowl. The matronly woman was beaming out at everyone around her, I didn't get how she was so happy all the time. In honor of Halloween she was wearing a long green dress decorated with vines and roses. Fake flowers were woven into her pink hair and she had green and gold paint on her face. Picturing Rose as some kind of nature goddess wasn't much of a stretch given the woman's insane talent for making things grow. Plants seemed to almost come alive around her even if they were right on the brink of dying. Once the little monsters on the porch had received their offerings Rose returned to her spot on the couch. "You know you don't have to sit on the floor Wulfie I swear I don't bite", She chuckled softly.

"S'not about you biting Rose", I paused in the middle of shooting down a wave of zombies to look up at her. "The floor is just way more comfy than the couch plus I can keep my drink within reach without risking spillin it." To emphasize my point I brought the can of Mountain Dew to my lips with a flourish. Opal didn't fucking own me on the weekends damn it and after being shot down I needed a bit of sugary comfort. "We've got a second controller Rose, you can join in instead of sitin there like a lump. I'll show you how to play and stuff and Corpse Hatcher ain't exactly hard so you shouldn't be too bad at this."

"Glad to know you have so much faith in me dear", Rose playfully shoved me with her foot. I grinned and got everything set up so a second player could join in the match. Rose was, predictably, bad; she kept getting distracted every few seconds and getting swarmed. "Tell me Wulfie", She said as her side of the screen went red again, "How has school been going? Miss Diamond has expressed some concern over your lack of attention during classes. She says several teachers have complained about you falling asleep in lessons. Your grades seemed fine so I know it's not because you aren't smart", She was so busy looking at me that she hadn't realized she respawned until her character screamed. 

"Bitch can suck my fuckin dick", I growled landing a sticky grenade on the back of the level boss. "Ain't my fault that old fuck Baxter is about as captivatin as a root canal." Evidently that was the wrong thing to say because Rose paused the game to glare at me. Right the swearing thing, "Aww come on Steven ain't here, why can't I talk normally? You know I read online somewhere that excessive use of profanity is a sign of increased intelligence." She continued to glare unmoved by my justification attempts until I was forced to relent, "Alright I'm sorry. But Baxter really is bad at his job I mean all he ever does is have us copy notes. There's no stimulation, no challenge, why should I bother with it as long as I do the homework and pass the tests?"

"While I agree that memorizing facts isn't the same as teaching you still need to pay attention. You never know when something will be important or what will come up on the tests. The only reason you aren't getting detention over this is because I said I would talk to you." Rose unpaused the game without warning and I had to scramble to not be overtaken by the horde. I lobbed a second grenade into the approaching throng and used my shotgun to pick off the strays. "Keith has been with the school for years and he is very well respected in the community. Just because you find his methods tedious doesn't mean he isn't providing information. Ah help the fast ones are right behind me", The screen started pulsing showing her character was close to death. 

I frantically mashed the heal button on my controller to get Rose up and moving before we lost more points. "Just because he's respected doesn't mean he's good at what he does", I countered before she could continue. "He could be a saint that summons ice cream but that wouldn't make how he teaches any less boring. More to the point it's not like I'm gonna use any of this stuff out in the real world. I'm not Peridot, I don't want to be a scientist, why in Frigg's name do I need to know how to balance chemical equations? Actually I think I might go to school to be a mechanic", The boss died with a roar. "Helpin Greg fix stuff around here has really brought back my love of workin with my hands. Engineering ain't my thing, way too much math involved there, but puttin stuff together I can do that."

"You're probably going to laugh at the suggestion", Rose handed me back her controller, "But have you considered the military? Every year around December the Air Force comes around to present at the school and they're always looking for the mechanically inclined. I've seen you flourish thanks to a combination of consistent routine and being pushed by those around you." At my skeptical look Rose raised both of her hands in a gesture of supplication. "Just think about it, you don't need to make any decisions right away, you've still got plenty of time." She was saved from me voicing my ire by another clang of the doorbell followed by shouts of childish glee. We didn't continue the conversation when she returned from passing out candy, what was the point? The idea was pretty ludicrous, I mean me in the military come off it already. Out of respect for Rose I'd at least hear the recruiters out when they came around but I wasn't holding my breath.

"Best candy haul ever", Steven cheered when he was brought home a little bit after eight. True to the night's theme he was decked out like Tiger Millionaire complete with tie and slicked back hair. "You really missed out tonight Wulfie, Mr. Smiley over at Fun Land was giving out full sized bars. Those are like the trick or treating Holy Grail", He held up a Snickers to prove his point. "Before I forget everyone is hanging out in the barn, they said you can come if you're willing to be fun. Garnet and Peridot's costumes look really cool you should see 'em", I shook my head and his face fell.

"Look Steven I like you and I think you're a great kid but can't you let a girl sulk for once?" As soon the harsh words leave my mouth I feel like a complete fucking asshole. Steven's face falls and I can see him hunching in on himself like a turtle trying to hide. "Shit man I'm sorry, shit I'm not supposed to swear around you, shit I did it again. I'm gonna go before I fuck this up even further and your mom gets pissed again. See you later buddy", I gave him my best approximation of a smile, "Better eat most of that before Amethyst and your dad take taxes out." I step out the door into the stupidly cold night wearing just my black tank and some ratty jeans. Sleeping outside wasn't exactly a comfortable option given the weather and my inability to remember to dress warm. Lights glowed in the direction of the barn confirming what Steven said about everyone being there.

"Run Simba, run away and never return", Not sure why The Lion King popped into my head but it seemed apt enough. Much like Simba I felt overrun with guilt, unlike him though I didn't really have a reason for mine. As far as I knew I hadn't been tricked by my crazy uncle into causing my dad to get trampled. Deep down I knew what the problem was, everything was too safe here too easy. I was meant to be a being of chaos, a sower of war, taking what I wanted from those too weak to hold it. No matter how much patience and love I was shown I was doomed to tear things apart. Those I cared about were in the barn content in each other's company and my presence would only ruin that. Running would make too much noise so I walked out towards the pasture and empty land between the Universe property and Beach City. Peaceful, that was the best way to describe Beach City; just a sleepy little tourist town.

Walking is only therapeutic for so long once you get to the point that your bare feet are frozen. Without my phone I had no way to keep track of how long I'd been gone other than noticing it was darker than when I left. Lights were still blazing in the barn when I finally made my way back too cold to keep stalling. Music slammed into me like a veritable wall when I pushed open the wooden door. The odd assortment of beanbags that normally sat in the empty space of the barn's lower level had all been pushed aside to make an impromptu dance floor. Garnet and Amethyst were twining themselves together in a way that was rather impressive. Peridot and Lapis were laying across my bed chatting in tones too low for me to hear. Pearl and Jasper were having a rather animated argument about the correct way to fight, I could hear them even over the music.

Peridot's costume consisted of several tubes over her arms and legs adding at least 4 inches to her height. Each tube was painted dark green with a reflective added to make them look metallic. Her wild hair was gelled within an inch of its life until it was in the shape of a perfect triangle. Black gloves were on her hands, each finger painted with yellow glowing stuff so they looked like they were floating. A see through yellow visor completed the look; no idea what she was supposed to be but she looked damn cool. Lapis' wings were sitting off to the side so they wouldn't get messed up when she wasn't wearing them. 

Steven wasn't kidding about Garnet's outfit being awesome, I did a few double takes in the doorway. Her black curly afro was now two toned, half blue half pink, matching her tight body suit. I wondered if she had used temporary dye for it, it looked way too good for that spray can shit. She had contacts in to match the colors of her hair with a third purple eye painted on her forehead. The paint job was slightly smudged from sweating and being bumped by her hair. A slow smile spread across her face when she caught my eye, "Well look who decided to join us." She raised Amethyst back up and spun her away with an exaggerated flourish, "Care to cut in?"


	17. Isolation and Insomnia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wulfenite learns that not sleeping is a poor survival technique

**"Coward", I mentally berated myself, "Fucking look at you hiding like a little bitch. Can't even manage to go one fucking day without looking like a complete dipshit can you?"** As much as I wanted to argue here I was hiding on Rose's back porch instead of hanging out at the barn. Garnet's request, phrased so innocently, was draped in the bitter tang of strong drink. I don't know what they were drinking or where they got it, I didn't stick around long enough to ask. Too many bad memories were attached to that smell; memories involving screaming, pain, blood, and hurt. Whiskey was dad's go to reward whenever I successfully completed one of the little errands he sent me on. The first time I did a drop off all by myself he gave me two shots of the amber liquid and I slept like a baby. I was chasing the dragon of alcohol addiction before I even made it into my teenage years. Let me tell you forcibly sobering up in a cold cell while you wait for a trial date fucking sucks. Booze scares the ever living shit out of me because of what it makes people do. Every time dad raised his fist to my mother he had been drinking and every time she fought back she was drunk.

It was dark enough outside that I figured Steven was probably in bed and I could sneak inside without questions. Steven was a sweet kid but he wasn't very good at just letting sleeping dogs lie. In his magical world of Cookie Cats and rainbows every problem had a solution if you tried hard enough. The more malicious part of me wanted to shatter his perfect little world into millions of shards. There are umpteen examples of people doing their absolute best to be good and still fucking up. Failure was an unavoidable part of life; you can do everything right and still lose. Easy for me to say, I've been nothing but a fuck up for as long as I can remember. 

Warm air rushed past my face when I pushed the heavy wooden back door open and slipped inside. The laundry room was pitch black smelling faintly of mildew and chemically stuff that was supposed to be flower scented detergent. My bare foot connected with the corner of the washing machine and I had to bite back a scream. "Son of a whore", I growled under my breath, "Stupid cock sucking gods damned piece of shit." Eventually I found my way to the kitchen to do what every teenager does when they're up late, pour myself a bowl of cereal. Rose's dinner of what I think was supposed to be stir fry had gone over like a fart in church. We all ate it because fuck who are we to turn down a free meal, but no one went back for seconds. The pink haired woman was like a mother to me and just like my mother she couldn't cook to save her life.

Bowl of sugar frosted flakes in hand I made my way quietly to the living room intending to fire Corpse Hatcher back up. Flickering light caught my attention and I froze in the empty doorway that separated the dining and living rooms. There stretched out on the couch was Malachite her posture limp and her face turned towards the TV. In the uncertain light I couldn't tell if she was awake or asleep all I knew was that she hadn't seen me yet. Cautiously I made my way into the room keeping to the denser shadows near the wall. There was some weird cartoon on the TV about a magic little boy and his three alien moms. The volume was too low for me to hear most of the words but it was cheery and colorful just what I needed at that moment. Occasionally a soft chuckle would come from the couch letting me know that Malachite was still awake. Admittedly it was weird, the two of us sharing this quiet moment together in the middle of the night. No harsh words, no violent threats, just a pair of outcasts watching a weird TV show and avoiding social interaction. Not wanting to ruin the strange peace we had I didn't bother getting up when I finished my bowl. Instead I put the used dish on the floor next to me before curling up next to it.

"I know yer there", Malachite's gravelly voice pulled me back from the edge of sleep that I had been hovering on. "Shouldn't you be off somewhere helping little old ladies cross the street or singing to sick kids?" Damn it I didn't want to fight, I just wanted a little peace and quiet in my life. Despite her harsh words Mal made no move to get off the couch or even turn her face away from the show. Her posture was stiff like she was trying to hunch in on herself, she was like that a lot now that I think about it. My mind drifted back to the scars on her chest I had accidentally seen, wonder if she was kept chained down or something sick like that. Nobody here asked anybody about their past for damn good reason; we were all pretty fucked up kids who ended up doing enough shit to get ourselves locked up.

Through extended interaction we all picked up little things about each other I mean it was bound to happen. Amethyst always had a funny story about her dad learning English or her mom being overbearing. Ruby had five sisters that shared the same name as her because her foster parents didn't want to learn new names. Lapis hadn't seen any of her family for about six months before she was locked up. She had run away from her mom's controlling abuse and had been living on the streets when she got caught stealing. From what little I could put together Jasper and Malachite lived together since they were children. Given Malachite's scars and psychosis there were lots of reasons why that could be. 

"If you're gonna start somethin then just fuckin start it already", I hissed drawing myself up into a sitting position. "I'm so fuckin tired of this weird alpha male bullshit between us Malachite. Playin who has the bigger dick with you is gettin real fuckin old real fuckin fast." Standing up felt like too much work for another fucking pissing contest so I didn't. Instead I leaned against the wall behind me and waited for her to make the first move. Neither of us got up or escalated the situation further but it didn't matter the quiet peace from before was gone. Damn shame too since it was kind of nice seeing Malachite doing something besides fighting and brooding. Going off my theory that the two of us are like the same thing just slightly modified it only makes sense that I want to see her happy right? I mean if she can be happy and we're mirrors then that means I can be happy too? I'm probably just over thinking shit again, suppose that's what happens when you go off into your own head space for extended periods of time.

"Dude yer staring", Malachite broke the weird silence that had settled between us, "It's creepy. I was just sitting here watching TV until you came in and sat in the dark like some kind of stalker. Believe it or not I've got better shit to do with my time than dealing with your weird ass." The fact that she was calling me weird was fucking hilarious considering everything that's happened. In spite of the need to be quiet I couldn't help but laugh, "Dude shut up do you wanna wake them up? Rose'll probably make us hug it out or some shit", Malachite hissed the words between gritted teeth. I hastened to put my hand over my mouth to stifle the sound of my continued mirth. My giggling fit died off after a few minutes and I stood intent on refilling my cereal bowl.

Green eyes burned into my back as I walked away making the hairs prickle on the nape of my neck. In the kitchen I grabbed another helping of Frosted Flakes and two cans of Mountain Dew. Back in the living room I abandoned the idea of hiding in the shadows again and sat on the floor in front of the couch. "Brought you a soda", I put one of the cans on the floor in front of Malachite before cracking into my own. That was the last thing either of us spoke for a long while which was fine since there wasn't anything else to say. I finished my second helping of sugary breakfast food and put the bowl on the floor next to me. Eventually Malachite opened the can of soda I brought for her sipping it like she suspected it was poison. Once her weird cartoon was over I turned on the X-Box and booted up Corpse Hatcher. Deciding a little bit of volume wasn't worth waking everyone in the house up I muted the TV. When the title screen loaded I put a second controller on the couch next to Malachite as an offer to join me but she just pushed it away. Whatever at least we weren't trying to kill each other, progress was progress and all that shit. After a few levels I found my eyes getting heavy again lulled by the repetitive activity. Before I shut off the TV I glanced back at the couch and its silent occupant. Malachite was stretched out on her side across its length, head turned to the TV. Her eyes were closed, breathing slow and even; smiling to myself I shut off the TV and curled up on the floor to sleep.

Something about seeing her like that, splayed out on the couch in the middle of the night watching cartoons, resonated with me. Watching her do something that I myself enjoyed made her less of a monster because I could relate to the experience. Villainizing people that have shit in common with you is way harder than doing it to someone you know nothing about. That's probably why propaganda and shit was way easier in the days before the internet. Before then if you lived in say Canada you had no idea what life was like somewhere across the ocean. You could tell everyone that the people in Denmark wore goat heads on their crotches and they'd have no idea if you were lying or not. Now with a few clicks I can pull up Tube-Tube and watch videos made from all over the world. 

"So Miss Everburn what made you want to join our team here at the Big Doughnut?" The bored looking man across from me didn't bother looking up from the printed list of questions on the desk in front of him. His name was Gordon and he was the manager/owner of the Big Doughnut where I had my interview. According to Lars the guy was almost never around the actual shop so the employees pretty much had free reign of the place. Call me paranoid all you want but I don't think this guy liked me very much considering how uninterested he seemed during my interview. He was pretty pissed off that I didn't show up with some kind of resume or cover letter but what the fuck was I supposed to say? **"Hi, I'm an ex drug dealer with experience in: intimidation, subterfuge, and bribery. My skill set includes: shooting out tires, breaking knees, haggling for better prices, and getting the shit beat out of me."** Somehow I didn't think any of that would go over very well so I opted for showing up empty handed.

"Well sir", I started throwing on my best professional smile, "I've been looking for a rewarding environment for a team player like myself. Lars, a classmate of mine who works here, told me that you guys reward hard work and dedication. Putting two and two together this place just seemed like a natural choice, plus it's an easy walk from my house." Nervous hands linked together in my lap as I fought the urge to fidget in the uncomfortable seat. We both knew I was lying out of my ass on these stupid interview questions I mean hell everybody does right? People don't take shitty food service jobs because they like them they get them because they need money. Minimum wage wasn't the most glamorous thing on Earth but it sure as fuck beat my current status of no wage. Places weren't exactly lining up to hire someone that had seen the inside of a cell. 

Gordon looked up from his papers for the first time that day and gave me a wry smile. "You're good at bullshitting kid, I'll give you that, but legally I can't hire you for the shift we have open. Minors aren't allowed to do the third shift, some bullshit about it being some kind of liability thing." He gave me a pointed look, his tired grey eyes speaking volumes about what he thought of the policy. "That being said if you're willing to go under the table I need someone to do ten at night to four in the morning. You and Lars would be doing all the baking since we finally have the permits to cook in house again. I'll give you two hundred bucks a week in cash", He held his hand out for me to shake. Sketchy as fuck didn't even begin to cover what this dude was trying to set up.

"Fuck yeah bro", I grinned dropping the bullshit prim and proper demeanor like it was a squirming toddler. Sketchy shit, as you may have guessed if you have been paying even the slightest bit of attention, is right up my alley. Cash was king man and to a scruffy delinquent like myself two hundred bucks sounded like a fortune. There was no way Rose would approve of this, she was way too goody goody for shady dealings. My rough hands pressed against Gordon's not calloused ones, "When can I start?"I was given a start date for the following Monday and sent on my way with a steaming cup of black coffee. Tourist season had ended taking with it the lumbering crowds that dominated the boardwalk in the summer. I was no longer trapped in a sea of fanny packs and cheap coconut scented sunscreen. 

Cold wind whipped my newly shortened locks and bit viciously at my unprotected ears. Thanks to an early morning trip to the salon I was sporting hair that was shaved down on the sides and back and left fluffy on top. It wasn't the most professional thing in the world but at least it wasn't sticking up everywhere now. Shivering I pulled the sleeves of my borrowed white button down over my hands and started walking down the sidewalk. One of the first responsible things I was buying when I got paid was my own set of formal clothes. Borrowings Greg's made me look like I was homeless and I didn't have enough belt to keep those pants up. Since my interview was just up the street from the car wash Rose had decided to visit Greg rather than sitting around. True to her word the pink haired woman was reclining outside on a lawn chair while Greg strummed his guitar. When I made it to the parking lot Rose gave me a huge smile, "Well don't leave us in suspense, did you get the job?"

 **"Lie to her", The little voice in the back of my head hissed, "She won't be cool about you breaking the law."** It was a tempting though like really fucking tempting but I fucking hate liars. "Don't freak out", I started, "I got the job under a few err conditions let's say. Technically they've never heard of me and have no idea what I'm doing showing up at closing. However if I DO happen to show up around ten at night and happen to help bake until four in the morning five days a week I get two hundred bucks. Before you say anything", I held up my hand to head off Rose's protests, "I know it's illegal and I don't care. Let's face facts here guys I'm a sixteen year old criminal with no previous work experience. I'm well aware that doing this will likely lead to me being taken advantage of and treated like shit, again I don't care." Rose looked hurt, I didn't like it and I knew it was my fault, Greg however looked excited.

The aging man flashed me one of his trademark grins and offered me a high five, "That's awesome! Man when I was your age I would've killed for a set up like this", He looked over at his wife and his smile faltered some. "Hun I know you don't like the idea of anyone getting taken advantage of but it'll be fine. Besides if every pork chop were perfect we wouldn't have hot dogs", He leaned over and pecked Rose on the cheek. Things were tense, I knew they were trying to be supportive and pretend it was okay but they were doing a shit job. I made small talk with the two of them for a little while before deciding to walk home. Figured the walk would be a good way for me to judge when I'd need to leave for work. 

Monday rolled around with me barely speaking to anyone else in the house and tension so thick you could cut it with safety scissors. School was a small escape from the isolation, at least there I could turn my brain off. I didn't sit in my usual spot at lunch opting instead to eat in the hallway outside of the cafeteria. Truth be told I wasn't exactly sure why I was avoiding the first friends I had made in years. Riding the bus made avoiding Peridot hard so I settled for blasting music through my headphones. Every few minutes I'd catch her green eyes studying my face with this sad look in them. Guilt made me bend down and gently bop her shoulder with the top of my head; I hoped it was enough to show her it wasn't anything she did. 

When the bus dropped us off I made my way straight to my bed intent on getting a few hours of sleep before work. Fuck homework, I could do that shit on the clock if there was some down time if not then oh well. Not like there was much anyway, just some reading for Rose's class and a science worksheet. At nine I crawled out of bed not bothering to remove the headphones I had in to help me sleep. My dinner plate was in the fridge and I choked down cold pizza from the family owned shop on the boardwalk. Sitting next to the plate was a paper bag with the word Wulfie written on it in blue ink. Not able to bite back a smile I opened it to find a sandwich, some green stuff that was probably veggies, and two cans of Redbull. The food was probably from Rose but the note taped to the energy drinks said, "Know you're gonna need these-Lapis Ps: I stole them from Peridot so they're sugar free sorry". 

"Hey faggot", Lars called by way of greeting when I made my way around the back of the Big Doughnut. This had become our usual greeting for each other once we started actual talking. Odin only knows how I picked Lars out as not totally straight after our first class session. What he actually was I didn't ask since it was none of my fucking business who or what he fucked. Seriously I don't get why everyone is obsessed with knowing the sexuality of those around them. Likewise he kept his questions to himself choosing instead to make snarky comments when he caught me glancing at Pearl or Lapis. It was a good system we had not the most politically correct thing in the world but it worked for us. If on the rare occasion one of us takes shit too far we say something and that topic is over. A dull clang echoed in the quiet night when he dropped the building keys to the ground.

"Close your mouth cock breath", I grinned when he dropped the keys, "Gotta work on that manual dexterity some more bro. You'd think all that time you spent playing pocket pool would give you some grip strength." I continued to chortle while he fumbled with the keys before finally managing to get the heavy door open. The door lead to a rather nondescript area that I figured was some sort of employee break room. Boxes were stacked on shelves along one wall and spilled out into the actual room. A round table made of some sort of cheap press board was placed in the room's center next to a small TV. The stench of burnt coffee, grease, and fermenting soda syrup permeated every inch of the place. Following Lars' lead I threw my hoodie and backpack on an empty chair before continuing along.

"Least I know what to do with my mouth", Lars sneered in response leading me into a large kitchen area. Stand mixers big enough for me to climb into were mounted to the floor next to expansive stainless steel counters. "Everything is pretty idiot proof", He started, "Had to be if they let your dumb ass in. Grab one of these cheap ass plastic aprons and lets get going I wanna get out of here with enough time to actually sleep." I did as I was told and threw one of the disposable aprons over the top of my gray button down. Weather was too damn cold for me to willingly tolerate short sleeves for the half hour walk. Lars plugged his phone into a speaker dock and soon the two of us were mixing dough to the cheerful sounds of teen angst. Turns out the lanky kid and I both have a soft spot for the rock of the 90's and early 2000's.

Redbull and Rage Against the Machine got me through the first three hours of bitch work. Crass humor courtesy of Lars kept my mind off the fact that the ovens made the place hot as fuck. By the end of the shift though I was pretty beat even with the energy drinks and awesome tunes. Gordon showed up a bit after 4 along with, what I was told was, the usual morning crew. Cash in hand I made my way down the street towards the bus stop; I hadn't had a chance to do any homework on shift. Figuring I'd have time for a nap if I hurried I got to work scratching out science answers to questions I could barely read. Peridot joined me a few minutes into my struggles, "Wulfenite you are here astoundingly early, are the others with you?" Her green eyes peered around curiously like she was expecting the rest of us to pop out of the bushes or something. 

"Nah s'just me fer the time bein I got offa work at four an didn't see much sense in goin home. Sorry 'bout runnin off on you guys at Halloween, bein around booze just freaks me out. Sorry", I yawned thickly one of those full body deals that makes all your muscles twitch. When I opened my eyes it took longer than it should have to focus on the girl in front of me. Exhaustion sapped away any motivation I had to finish my half completed worksheet. I jammed it haphazardly into my bag and gestured at the spot on the ground next to me. "S'cool if you wanna sit with me but I can't promise the best conversation. Ain't been sleepin so good at home, might grab a few zzzs before it gets too loud." As I spoke I lowered myself onto my side with my bag as a shitty pillow, "Mind watchin my back? You're just about the only one here I trust with it", Sleepily I pulled my hood over my head. 

"Wow thanks", Peridot replied lowering herself beside me; just like every other time she used those words I couldn't tell if she was being sarcastic or not. On impulse I took my head off my lumpy backpack and re positioned it to her much softer lap. She tensed at the unexpected contact but when I went to move away she placed her palm on my shoulder to stop me. "No it's okay I just wasn't expecting it", She gave my shoulder a couple awkward pats. "You have roughly an hour before the bus is scheduled to arrive I suggest you use that time wisely." Words of thanks died on my lips when I opened my mouth to speak them so instead I nuzzled her leg a little. Peridot had gotten herself placed on the short list of people I felt safe enough around to let my guard down. 

Five days into it and I still felt like death warmed over every time I got off shift. Lars was a gods damned mother fucking liar when he said it got easier after the third night. Homework of any sort was the bane of my fucking existence since it meant I couldn't just go home and sleep. Six hours doesn't seem like a lot on paper, I mean hell there are folks who do 16 hours a day and laugh like it's nothing. There's something weird about third shift though it's dark so your body fights tooth and nail to sleep. Three days in and I had learned that two teenagers working the overnight can in fact easily drain an industrial sized carafe of coffee. I also learned that Lars lives almost exclusively off doughnuts but looks like he hasn't eaten in weeks. 

"What can I say", Lars spoke through a mouthful of chocolate jelly, "I've got great metabolism. It comes with being a real man", He flexed one of his twig like arms and I cracked up. "You dare to doubt my might", Striking a pose he bent down to lift one of the forty pound bags of powdered dough mix. Five minutes later I had a bag of mix on each shoulder and was casually strolling to the mixers. "Whatever", Lars sulked still rubbing his arm, "I'm not going to say thank you." I playfully kicked him in the shins and we went back to work belting out bad music at the top of our lungs. 

By the time I was staggering home Saturday morning I was considering quitting. I wouldn't because money was important and all that shit but it was a nice thing to think about. Gave me a fun illusion of control knowing I could walk away one night if they pissed me off. Gordon was a chill boss though, as long as his list got done before the store unlocked for the day he was happy. Making my way through the house's back door I stumbled into the kitchen for my cereal dinner. Two cans of Coke were hastily stuffed in my hoodie pocket before I grabbed my bowl and went to the living room. Opal can piss and moan about my eating habits all she wanted but there was no arguing with results. Those torture devices she strapped on me called training weights made damn sure I was working my ass off in class. 

"You look like shit", Malachite rasped by way of greeting from her position on the couch. The tall girl was up late again it seems, sitting in the dark and watching cartoons just like last time. I wasn't as afraid as I had been that first night probably due to a combination of stupidity and sleep deprivation. Rather than hiding against the wall I flopped down in my favorite spot in front of the couch. Wordlessly I passed Malachite one of the sodas I had stashed in my pocket then cracked into my own. Coach Opal would kill me if she knew how much shit I had put into my body this week. Some of my sweet sweet slave labor money would need to go towards buying myself reasonably healthy stuff to bring for lunch. Ugh thinking about that stuff was too hard; I just wanted to eat my Frosted Flakes and watch the bright colors. I let my head loll back onto the couch cushions so I could drink the little bit of milk I put in the bowl. Verdant eyes bore into me from above while a voice laced with venom hissed, "What no biting retort?"

"Nope", I gurgled out through a partially full mouth unconcerned when liquid seeped out the corners of my lips. Bowl emptied I sat it down on the floor; I'd clean up my mess when I decided to get up for the day. Unfocused eyes stared in the direction of the TV not really processing what was going on. Huh who would have thought that lack of sleep was so good at taking the fight out of people? Maybe that's why prison movies make such a big deal out of wardens using sleep deprivation as punishment. "The state fucker in charge of this thing don't believe me", I sighed keeping my gaze focused on the screen. "Tried tellin him what you did, he says I'm a liar just lookin for attention." I don't know why I was telling this to her of all people, I guess I just needed to vent my frustration to someone. Wet was gathering on my face and I pretended it was just remains from my bowl. "Should kick your ass myself for everythin", On screen a lady pulled a spear from her glowing head, "But what's the point?" 

Movement behind me had my shoulders tensing, "You can't stop thinking about it either huh?" Malachite's voice had an edge to it, not the venom of her earlier comments but definitely something. "Been playin it over an over in my head since it happened", She was sitting up now with her legs next to where I sat. Her hand hovered in the air like she was about to reach for me then she let it fall. "Fuck I can't deal with this right now put on your fuckin zombie game or somethin." I glanced back to see her staring off into space with her face set in a scowl. Shrugging I booted up Corpse Hatcher after making sure the TV was officially muted. Ice cold Coke's obscene amount of sugar barely put a dent in my fatigue so after my can was done I started on the one I brought for Mal.

My eyes slipped shut, body becoming pleasantly weightless and blissful darkness surrounded me. I did little more than grunt when I hit the floor with something wet on my face. "Smooth as fucking silk", I grumbled rolling a bit to try and find a more comfortable position. Sitting up I found Malachite laying with her back to the glowing screen in a manner that suggested unconsciousness. The little glowing clock on the cable box said it was almost six in the morning. Grunting I shut the TV and X-Box off and thought about staggering to my bed in the barn. Deciding that was too much work I said fuck it and climbed to lay on the opposite end of the couch. Important Life Lesson Number Six: survival instincts are severely dulled by lack of sleep. If at all possible don't do dangerous shit unless you've had a full night's rest. I kicked my boots off and curled up so Malachite and I were laying back to back. "Thank Odin we both fit", I chuckled before letting my eyes slip closed again lulled by the sound of Malachite's uneven breath.


	18. Popping the Bubble

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The holidays are coming

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings guys: Suicidal Thoughts, Mentions of Abuse, Mentions of Rape, Self Loathing. Honestly if you've read this far it should all be stuff you're used to by now.

"You've been avoiding us so I decided to take more aggressive measures, it was all Peridot's idea. So let's talk", Lapis spoke from her position seated squarely on the center of my chest. I glared daggers at a rather guilty looking Peridot who was currently situated on my legs. It was three weeks into my time as an off the grid doughnut slave and Thanksgiving break was fast approaching. Since starting work I rarely spoke to anyone on a regular basis, except Lars, keeping my responses to questions brief. I'd love to blame my social regression on being tired but it was starting before I got the job. In thinking about it I guess I figured everyone would be happier if my sad ass left them be. Everyone is always telling me not to be a sad sack and that nobody likes you when you're sad so what was I supposed to think? It's more than a little fucked up that the only one who didn't mind me being depressed was Malachite. Crazy bitch probably got off on the fact that I had no will to fight back when she started getting nasty.

Groaning I squinted to focus on the little numbers on the cable box, "Fucking hell assholes it's nine in the morning. Nine in the morning on a fucking Saturday and you're awake enough to want to talk about feelings. Don't know how the fuck you got Peridot to go along with this bullshit scheme of yours. Usually she can be counted on to be sane", I tried in vain to sit up but Lapis was in the perfect spot to deny me leverage. Peridot's weight on my bare legs was an odd sensation one that I did not particularly enjoy. I had been completely out of it the previous evening and had just thrown off my jeans in favor of sleeping on the couch instead of finding my bed. "Come on guys let me up", I thrashed under their combined weight, "You do know I didn't go to sleep until like 5am right? Confronting someone who's on four hours of sleep is a great way to get your ass kicked." Finding no other way out I resorted to the ultimate scum tactic and drove my fingers into Lapis's sides. Immediately the lithe girl squealed and floundered under my relentless assault on her weak point.

"Gah damn it cut the shit", Lapis screamed trying to get out of reach while controlling her flailing limbs. Poor Peridot ended up taking an extremely bony elbow to the face, thankfully she had the foresight to remove her glasses before I had woken up. Both of them looked like they had just rolled out of bed; Peridot's blonde mop was practically standing on end and Lapis was in sweat pants. Makes me wonder if the uber nerd had slept over the previous evening at least that would explain why she was here so early. As much as I tried to tell myself that I didn't care what they did my throat felt tight. Neither of us ever really talked about it but Lapis was like my best friend and it felt like I was losing her. Sure Peri was cool and all, for a complete fucking nerd, and it was pretty clear she adored Lapis but I mean I was there first. I cared about Lapis back when she was a barely stable mess of blue who wouldn't leave her bed. My shoulder was the one she would cry on when everything was too much for her to take.

"Told you assholes your plan wouldn't work", Jasper's bass voice rumbled in from the doorway. The tan behemoth wandered in from the dining room dressed in a white muscle shirt and barely there black shorts. How she could stand to have so much skin exposed when it was this fucking cold was a mystery. Stripes of discolored skin ran across her biceps disappearing into her clothes and showing up again on her legs. Muscle flexed as she made her way to the couch, "First rule of interrogation is to take away your enemy's weapons." Her warm hands wrapped around my wrists and forced my arms above my head, "Now then why don't you answer them Wulfie? These fuckers kept me awake all night talking about how they were going to do this. Getting caught on the couch with yours pants down must suck", Her deep laughter rumbled across the room.

My eyes locked onto Jasper's and all at one blackness was creeping in at the edges of my vision. It was like no time had passed, like I was still back there in that blood soaked field. "F-f-fuck", My breath was coming in harsh pants and the pounding of my heart was too loud in my ears. Sweat trickled down the side of my neck in an itchy line reminding me of her hands on my body. "L-let m-m-me up", I was shaking at this point and the blackness was streaking across my line of sight like lightning. A ragged whimper clawed out of my clenched teeth and in the back of my mind I could hear the echoes of moans. Copper, shit, and disturbed grass overwhelmed my sense of smell; I started gagging. Phantom hands traveled up and down my exposed legs pinching and squeezing the unguarded flesh. 

How strange it was that Jasper was the first to notice my panic considering she was the one who triggered it. She released my hands and hauled Lapis off me screaming, "Fuck this was a bad idea. Get the fuck off her damn it she's freaking out", Her voice sounded like it was coming from far away. Peridot followed shortly after and as soon as her weight was off me I threw myself away from the couch. Blinded by panic my only thought was I needed to get away from them, I needed to escape. On hands and knees I scrabbled across the wooden floor until I felt the coolness of a wall at my back. Grounding myself to that feeling of solidity I fought to get my breathing back under control. Shaking like a leaf in the wind I drew my knees up to my chest and hugged them. My cheek dug into the edge of my kneecap keeping me in the present instead of my memories. 

"Shit dude I'm sorry", Lapis at least had the grace to look guilty over causing my first panic attack in months. "Desperate times and all that", She chuckled nervously, "You are okay though right? I didn't think you'd freak out like that", I nodded at her question not lifting my chin from my knees. Holding myself was a coping strategy I developed pretty early in life since external comfort wasn't really an option. We all have our ways of getting through the day; Jasper lifts weights, Lapis dances, Amethyst draws, and I hide. Hiding isn't always a literal thing, it used to be when I was a kid but as I've gotten older its meaning has changed. Instead of cowering under my bed when I felt insecure I would throw myself head first into the nearest time sink. Currently I was throwing every ounce of energy I had into work and shaping up for track. "Peri and I are worried about you so are Garnet, Pearl, and Sapphire; they ask about you. Talk to us", She looked like she wanted to say more but couldn't seem to find the words. Nervously Peridot put an arm around Lapis' slim waist and her face turned pink.

Okay so I guess there won't be anymore wondering when they were going to cowboy up and get together. A pang of jealousy shot through me and I hated myself for it once again reminding myself that I didn't own Lapis. Three sets of eyes were pointed in my direction all demanding an answer that I wasn't sure I had. There was no good reason for me wanting to avoid my friends yet the drive for isolation was still there. Far as I was concerned I didn't owe Jasper shit considering everything she fucking did to me but here she was helping to ask for answers. "I just feel weird right now", I said pressing my cheek further into my knees. "Everythin is weird and confusing and I don't even know who I am anymore you know? You guys are like able to feel happy and shit and here I am walkin around like a fuckin sad sack. Nobody likes a sad sack", The last part was said in little more than an ashamed mumble. "Look guys I appreciate your concern and I'm sorry for pushin you away but I gotta be by myself for a bit. Give me some time to figure stuff out", I finally looked up throwing on the ghost of my old cocky grin. "That being said hows about I grab some breakfast then proceed to kick your asses at Smash Bros?" **"Pretend for a little bit, you owe them that you useless pile of meat", A bitter voice in my head hissed.**

The rest of the morning was spent in the living room with cans of soda, snacks, and riotous laughter. Most of the laughter was due to the fact that I am complete shit at Smash Bros to the point where even Jasper was getting kills off me. Drawn in by my foul mouth Rose joined us after an hour to keep me from being a worse influence on Steven's vocabulary. Once the matron of the house was awake it seemed like everybody wanted to pile into the house. **"Too many people, too much noise"** ; with a quiet goodbye I excused myself from my gaming companions and retreated to the barn. It was cold as fucking balls outside and the ground was covered in snow up to my bare knees. "Of course I fucking forget my pants", I growled through chattering teeth, "Of fucking course. Way to go dipshit", The barn didn't have a real heating system but Greg had set up a few large space heaters for us so it wasn't too cold. I found a pair of black sweats, that didn't smell too bad, and my favorite red flannel. Comfy at last I crawled into my bed to hopefully get some quality zzzs before everyone came back.

This was the second time Peridot got to witness me in all of my broken glory and the third for Jasper. "They're learning what makes you afraid and they're going to use it to destroy you. You've sealed your own fate Howling Fury; why are you bothering continuing the fight?", Fuck I was getting sick of being at war with my own brain. Constantly forcing yourself to go through the motions and pretend you're normal sucks the life out of you. Earlier when I said I didn't have a good reason for avoiding everyone I wasn't entirely truthful. Spending less time around the main house meant I didn't have to burn some of my dwindling energy on acting okay in front of the Universe family. Eating alone in the school hallway, or sometimes with Lars when he was skipping class, gave me time to put the facade away. Lars had no issues with me being a piece of shit so overcome with apathy that she didn't even have the resolve needed to end it all. 

"Wulfenite", A hesitant voice coaxed me out of sleep, "Is it okay if I talk to you for a bit? It's Lapis", I opened my eyes momentarily forgetting that I had turned myself into a blanket burrito. "You've been sleeping a really long time", She sounded worried, "It's after dinner." Well I guess that explained why the barn was so much darker now than it was when i first got here. I wriggled around in my fleece straight jacket until I was meeting her eyes. "Peri and I didn't mean to hurt you earlier I swear", Lapis sounded like she was on the verge of tears. "Ugh sitting on you was such a stupid plan", Blunt nails dug into her short hair furiously. "She tried to talk me out of it but I was convinced you would find the whole thing funny. Then Jasper grabbed your arms and you looked like you saw a ghost", An inarticulate noise of rage vibrated in her throat. 

"Hey hey you're gonna hurt yourself if you keep pullin like that", My voice was hoarse from sleep. "Don't hurt yourself for me Lap I ain't worth you feelin that guilty about. C'mere", Unwrapping the rest of my fabric armor I opened my arms wide for a hug. "Promise I ain't upset with you or Peri", She crawled into bed with me accepting the hug with vigor. Rolling us onto our sides I nuzzled my cheek into the top of her soft blue hair. I can't be a hundred percent sure but I think we were both trying not to cry. "All I know is my brain is all kinds of fucked up and I don't know how to fix it. Can't even talk about what happened without bein called a damn attention seekin liar. Cause you know it's not like bein held down an fucked against your will is somethin people try to avoid." 

Lapis gasped at my confession, I didn't need to see her face to picture the look of pity she was wearing. If there was anything I hated more than myself it was the idea of being pitied. Pity was something you gave to small helpless things that needed others to protect them. I was a viking warrior descended from the savage lords who left Europe in shambles. The weak were supposed to need protection from me yet here I was hiding in my bed too afraid to be around people and even more scared of ending it. Gentle fingers rubbed my back in small circles, "You're not a fucking liar Wulfie. They did it to me too", I didn't ask how she knew who I was talking about, her tone said it all. "Little by little you learn to stop blaming yourself." We stayed close the rest of the night each pretending we didn't know the other was crying. 

Two days before Thanksgiving I came home from work to find Amethyst sitting on the front steps in the middle of a snow storm. As I approached I noticed just how badly she was shaking, it was like she was going to fly apart at any second. Heavy wet flakes were clinging to her waist length hair making it stick to her cheeks. I broke into a light jog going down the driveway shedding my thick hoodie as I did so. "Shit it's cold", I hissed wrapping the overly large garment around Amethyst's trembling shoulders. Brown eyes stained with tears looked up to meet mine and I swore, "Fuck man what's wrong? Come on let's get inside before I freeze my tits off or something", At least that got a weak chuckle out of her. Still crying Amethyst allowed me to pull her to her feet and lead her around the side of the house. As usual the back door was unlocked and I quickly shoved her inside, "In the kitchen I'm making you some coffee to warm up."

"Ugh dude coffee is gross", Amethyst protested in whispers, "Nobody really likes that stuff. We all just drink it because it gives a much needed kick in the ass in the mornings." Still whispering we made our way through the obstacle course that was the laundry room. I managed to bang my bad knee on the corner of the washer while trying to dodge a pile of dirty clothes. Amethyst's weak chuckles were almost worth the stinging bolts of electricity that were traveling through me. Even in the dark the girl looked like shit: her black eyeliner was running down her face, her eyes were red, and snot was dripping from her nose. "Deus meu, I've seen you cook dinner half asleep how is it you can't go two seconds without running into something?" 

"I'll forgive you this time because you're upset but don't you ever insult coffee's glory in my presence again. Coffee provides us with warmth, it gives us strength when we have no reason to keep goin, coffee loves us unconditionally. You will bask in the fragrant splendor that is coffee's gift to us and you will be damn grateful for the privilege." So maybe I was going just a tiny bit overboard there but what can I say I fucking love coffee. Looking back I'm going to go ahead and blame that on dehydration and lack of sleep. Faint noise coming from the living room made it clear that we weren't alone. Unconcerned I pulled the grounds from their cupboard and set about preparing my beverage of choice. Seeing Amethyst's scrunched up face I sighed dramatically and started making her a cup of hot chocolate. Beverages in hand, and a heaping bowl of Lucky Charms for me, we made the short walk to the dining room. "Alright Amethyst tell me what's wrong", I did my best to sound concerned through a mouthful of breakfast sugar.

Thick fingers played with the varnished top of the table, a side project of mine after Greg and I accidentally scorched it making food, while their owner shivered. One hand pulled the hoodie I put on her closer; it wasn't the warmest thing out there but it was all I had. When I left for work I hadn't taken the time to check the weather report so I hadn't been expecting snow. "S'none of your fucking business Wulfie", Amethyst snapped, "What you gonna start acting like you care about me now? Where was all this concern the other day when I waited up all fucking night to talk to you?" She was crying again, huge sobs that shook her entire body, "Where the fuck were your feelings then huh? I didn't ask for you to care, I didn't ask for any of this", She laid her cheek on the table continuing to cry. "None of you bastardos ever look past your own problems to see how messed up everyone else is."

I blinked at the scene unfolding in front of me, since when were Amethyst and I close enough that she'd be waiting up for me? Granted I'm not the most socially adept person around but how the hell had I missed something like that? Was I really so wrapped up in my own shitty head space that I completely missed a friend in need? Stuff like this is why I say I'm an asshole, I'm selfish as fuck and completely self absorbed. Of course you probably know how fucked up I am considering I think of people as property. I'd like to say I'm getting better about being a good person but honestly I haven't. Sure I'm not going after people like a rabid animal fighting for territory anymore so I guess that's a plus. Nope instead of fighting I walled myself off from everyone else in hopes they would forget about me. Yeah I'm a great fucking person, friend of the year material right here, by Odin I fucking suck.

Abandoning my rapidly cooling beverage I moved around to the side of the table where Amethyst was sitting. "You're right", Going slow so she had every chance to pull away I wrapped my arms around her shoulders. "I wasn't there for you when you needed me but I want to be now, you're upset and I don't like it." She didn't say anything but she wasn't pulling away either; I wasn't sure what I was supposed to do. Amethyst wasn't an open book like Lapis, she could keep things bottled up and hidden in ways my blue haired friend could only dream. She was a social chameleon, able to blend seamlessly into any situation and be welcomed. Kind of envied that about her if I'm being honest; it must be nice to feel comfortable surrounded by others. "You're totally right about me bein so caught up in my own head that I didn't realize you were tryin to talk. Right now though you got my undivided attention I'm even walkin away from my breakfast dinner." I leaned more into the hug so I could rub my cheek and chin against her shaking shoulder. 

"My Mamãe wrote me a letter", Amethyst whispered after a few minutes of silence, "I don't know how they found me. Two years of silence, two malditos anos without a god damned word from anybody. Now she's writing me, going on about how her and Pai are going through hard times with my little sisters." Her voice took on a tone more bitter than the unsweetened blackness in my ceramic mug. "They say I need to start making money for the family, that it's my responsibility as the primeiro nascido, the oldest. I didn't ask for this, I never asked to be made", She twisted in her seat burying her face in the side of my neck. "All they ever do is sit there and remind me of everything I hate about myself. That I'm nothing to them but an unwanted defect unless they need something from me. But oh once they need something it's "minha querida this" and "nossa estrela brilhante" that. And like an idiota I fall for it thinking that maybe now they'll finally love me." Shit, so much for all those silly stories she told making her home life sound perfect.

Movement on the edge of my peripheral vision caught my attention making me look up from the sobbing teenager clinging to me. Malachite was leaning against the door frame, an unreadable expression on her thin lips. "Yer folks sound like total shit bags", She grumbled, "Kind of makes me glad mine aren't around." Shoulders hunched and not looking at anyone for more than a few seconds she stepped further into the room. "Fuck 'em though, I mean those assholes ain't done shit fer you far as I've seen. You been here months doin whatever it is you do just fine without those fuckers." Well pinch my ass and call me Susan, Malachite was being fucking supportive; when the fuck did that happen? The lanky girl plopped herself into the chair I had been using and took a long drink of my coffee. "Even if this wasn't cold it tastes like shit", She complained even as she drained the cup. Amethyst seemed to be lost in thought, at least I figured that was why she wasn't crying. "Alright I've had enough of this sad sack bullshit", Mal suddenly stood up, "Living room now! You two are gonna play that shitty zombie game of Wulfie's until yer too fuckin tired to see straight."

I wanted to argue; complain about being tired, say I just got home from work, but this wasn't about me. Sometimes growing as a person means putting aside what's convenient for you in order to help someone. If a complete fucking psycho like Malachite can recognize someone needs comfort and do it then I don't have any fucking excuse. Quickly downing my mostly soggy cereal I grabbed us a few Cokes from the fridge before following them. I took my usual spot in front of the couch and Amethyst sat next to me with her head on my shoulder. The closeness was weird but admittedly nice, "Aww man you smell like doughnuts. Next time you should bring me some you fucking cock tease", Her off color jokes were a good sign. A few minutes in to our first match she finally stopped shivering and shed my hoodie. "Remind me to never wait for your scrawny bunda outside we Latinas aren't made for the cold." 

"Will do Purple Puma", I bumped my forehead against her's affectionately, "So long as you promise to hold me accountable for my bullshit. If you need to talk to me about somethin important and my ass ain't noticin tell me. Readin minds wasn't somethin my folks put points in to when they drew me up durin character creation." True to our nature we ended up waking poor Steven at 6am with a shouting match. In all fairness it was Amethyst's fault, she was hogging all the fucking ammo during a boss fight. An irate Rose came storming out of her bedroom in a white nightie ordering us to get to bed. Malachite was passed out on the sofa at that point so Amethyst and I left her be. We didn't talk about what happened but the little squeeze I was given before we parted was thanks enough.

"Perrrriiidot it's early", I whined shoving my grey blanket over my head to block out the sun. After our horrendous mess of a talk before break Peridot found out how badly my grades were suffering without her. My grade in math had dropped from a very solid B down to a D+ thanks to an abysmal test score. In science I was treading water with a C- mostly thanks to copying off of Lars when the teacher wasn't looking. Auto classes were going fine thanks to the lack of any kind of homework being assigned. Creative writing was a fucking disaster though so I suppose that made up for it in some fucked up way. So that brings us to me curled up in a disgruntled ball of blankets resisting Peridot's determined efforts to tug me out of bed. Considering I hadn't been doing any of my assignments when I had free time at work I deserved this. I could keep myself awake during shift without Redbull finally and I was easing up on the coffee. 

"This", Peridot gave another hard tug on my blanket, "is neeer for your hrrr own good Wulfenite. How grrr do you expect to get into mmmnh college if you fail out of high school?" The pulling stopped and I could hear heavy breathing outside of my blanket cocoon. In all fairness Peridot didn't know I was up past six in the morning helping Amethyst. I should probably be flattered that she cared enough about me to take time out of her school vacation to help me study. All of that filtered through my head only to be countered by my inner child whining about needing sleep. Stubborn as a mule I rolled myself over a few times to take back any blankets she had managed to tear loose. 

"Oh for fuck's sake you two", Jasper snarled from somewhere further in the room. Thudding footsteps echoed off the wooden walls as the muscle bound giant stalked towards us. "Not even fucking noon yet and I have to deal with this bullshit", Arms were suddenly around me and I was lifted up. I thrashed violently against the uninvited contact managing to bang my head against Jasper's jaw. "Wulfie get your scrawny ass up and shut up the runt or so fucking help me I will throw you in a snow pile. I've been listening to you guys for almost a half an hour and believe you me I am fucking sick of it." In one fell swoop my protective blanket was gone leaving me in just some dark green boxers. Jasper unceremoniously dropped me on the cold barn floor so she could glare down at me. Peridot made this weird shrill squeak and put both of her hands over her bespectacled eyes. "Ugh you smell like shit", Jasper wrinkled her nose in disgust, "What the fuck is wrong with you?"

"Right should've probably mentioned I wasn't wearin pants", I tried to hide my embarrassment with a cocky smirk. "Head up to the house Peri I'll get dressed and meet you there", The nerd fled without much coaxing. Crawling back into bed was an appealing thought even if I couldn't get away with it. Jasper was still glaring at me like I pissed all over her weight set, "Dude don't give me that look. How was I supposed to know Peridot the Wonder Nerd was goin to show up uninvited?" My words fell on angry deaf ears so with a huff I threw on the closest pair of pants. Finding a bra was a bit more work but eventually I located a black sports bra that only smelled mostly like roadkill or maybe that was me. Laundry was going to need to be a fucking thing soon I decided as I grabbed my gray Borderlands t-shirt. Satisfied with the way I looked I threw on my socks from last night and my new winter boots. As much as I loved my old steel toed ones they leaked like a mother fucker and were more duct tape than leather. Rose had taken us all to get winter things on Sunday so I brought along part of my slave money and splurged. The new boots were insulated, completely water resistant, steel toed, and had grips to prevent slipping. Let me tell you it was damn fucking nice not having to skate on the greasy floor of the Big Doughnut.

School bag in hand I trudged across the blindingly white yard to the house's back door. Last night's storm piled another four inches on top of the six that had already built up. Peridot was at the dining room table with her own textbooks spread out in front of her. She smiled when I came in and, not for the first time, I marveled at her sharp little canines. "Please have a seat", She gestured to the chair across from her where a steaming mug of heaven sat. "I've taken the liberty of bringing over my copy of Bioshock and its sequels to ensure we are not disturbed." Well shit there goes any hope of Lapis and Amethyst dragging Peridot away to do something crazy. Peridot cleared her throat softly bringing my gaze back up to her face; her lips were in a thin line and her jaw was set. "Before we begin I feel it is important to address the proverbial elephant in the room. Lazuli and I are together, I know you have feelings for her so I understand if this damages our friendship but I'm not leaving her, understood?"

I took a long drink of my coffee hoping to give myself enough time to form a rational sentence. "Hurt her and I will rip your fuckin teeth out one by one with pliers while you watch got me? Lapis deserves the best, I'm sure as fuck not the one to be able to do that for her so it's up to you." I wasn't sure how it was possible but Peridot managed to get paler than usual. Good, at least she was taking me seriously because I meant every word I said. "Now that we've got that out of the way can you fix it so I'm not failin anymore? The dried up cunt that's supposed to be teachin me how to math ain't explainin things at all. Last test we had I drew a fuckin Christmas tree with the bubbles because I didn't get it." It felt good to clear the air with Peridot, even if I refused to admit it I missed the little nerd. Sitting in awkward silence the whole bus ride home was super depressing even for me. After about forty or so minutes of diligently working on my writing project I spoke up, "So Peri you doing anything for Thanksgivin?"

With the way Peridot screeched you'd think I just asked her how many times a week she fucked herself. "Erum no", she started speaking, her eyes avoiding mine. "My mother is away for a conference for the next two weeks. I will most likely end up ordering a pizza and spending far more time than necessary playing The Old Republic. It's fine really, her career is very important to her and I don't want to get in the way of that. It'll be just like last year", She looked back up with a forced smile on her face. Wow being the adopted kid of someone who was never home must really suck sometimes. I could relate to the loneliness though having spent the last four years with no idea where my parents were. 

Here I was presented with another choice: I could pretend I believed she was happy about being alone or I could make an effort. Here she was making an effort for me, tutoring my stupid ass during her chill time. It was only right that I did the same for her and made her feel as good as she did me. I mean fuck, the number of times she let me use her as a pillow on the bus were too many to count. "You COULD do that", I said slowly, "Ooor you could come here and revel in the chaos that is the Universe household. Greg is kickin Rose out of the kitchen for the day so there's even a good chance the food will be edible." Peridot gave her little super villain laugh at that and I felt proud for being able to lighten the mood. "Far as Rose is concerned you're like a super good influence on me so bet your ass she'll be delighted to have you. 'Sides man it's not like anyone is gonna be like fuck that chick she's an awkward dyke so she can't sit with us. Okay Malachite might but fuck her hateful ass", I downed the last of my Coke. 

"I will consider it", Peridot responded in measured tones her eyes going back to her work. Complex equations were scrawled expertly across the page like they're the easiest thing in the world. Silence built save for the scratching of writing implements and the occasional turning of pages. "I have thought about it", Peridot's voice was loud enough to make me jump, "And I accept your proposal." Cheering I flung myself out of my chair and hugged the blonde before she could get away. "Nyeh get off me you clod this is assault you will be hearing from my attorney", I lifted her off the chair. Eventually she became too overwhelmed with laughter to keep up struggling and I lowered her to her feet so we could hug properly. It was good having my favorite nerd back even if it meant I needed to share Lapis with her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Three chapters in one week I'm damn proud of myself here....or I just like watching you suffer, those things. Anyways as always thank you so much for reading this and interacting with me via comments. Much love guys


	19. Thanksgiving

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nothing bring a family close like the holidays

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I originally intended for this to be a nice fluffy chapter about everyone bonding and growing as a family.....things happened

_Dried leaves crunched under my paws releasing the musty scent of Earth and decay onto the wind. Crisp wind ruffled my fur pulling my scent away from me; I could taste winter in the air. A gibbous moon, just days from being full, hung over my head lighting the forest path I traveled. Birch, Oak, and Maple trees surrounded me on all sides cloaking me in their elongated shadows. Prey was close by, I could smell it on the wind, just waiting for my eager mouth to claim it. Not wanting to startle the quarry I worked so hard to track I slowed my pace to little more than a trot. Just a few yards away stood a pale brown fawn grazing in a small clearing, my mouth watered at the sight. Its dark nose moved along the ground searching for any grass that might still be living. Slowly ever so slowly I crept closer until I was within striking distance then I pounced._

_"Wulfenite", Lapis's shriek froze me in place my teeth just centimeters away from their target, "What the fuck are you doing?" The bluenett had appeared out of thin air in a copse of trees to the left of me. She jumped down from the thin branch she was perched on and ran towards me still screaming. Something warm squirmed under me bringing my eyes downward, instead of the fawn I'd been stalking I was pinning Peridot. What had previously been large canine paws were now just my hands caging the squirming girl in. My left hand gripped the stag horned handle of a curved dagger that looked older than anything I've ever seen. The edge gleamed with wicked intent in the bright moonlight longing to spill crimson elixir._

_"Happiness is only meant for those strong enough to seize it", My father's voice fell from my lips like poison. Beneath me Peridot whimpered, the sound was more akin to something made by a wounded animal. Pinning her like I was I could smell the bitter tang of fear rolling off her pale skin. "That's all she is Siff, she's nothing but a pathetic beast, end her and take what is yours by right. You are an Everburn", The hand holding the blade rose of its own accord, "Descended from the bloodline of Odin himself. Nothing will be allowed to stand in your way", I howled plunging the blade into Peridot's throat. Her mouth opened to scream but all that came out was a flood of crimson way more than there should have been. Lapis fell to her knees sobbing into her hands; by the gods what had I done?_

I jerked into wakefulness unable to stop myself from falling off the edge of the couch. Behind me an unconscious Malachite grumbled incoherently her face still buried in the cushions. We had fallen asleep watching some weird ass show about a bald guy who could kill anything with a single hit. Lately I had been finding myself dozing on the couch more and the floor less during our weird late night bonding sessions. I couldn't really remember when it started happening and we never talked about it but here it was. Winter seemed to produce a docile gentler version of the green eyed psycho who had tormented Lapis and I over the Summer. Restlessly I glanced over at the glowing lights of the cable box, it was only 7am. Drowsiness burned my eyes and made my movements sluggish; I had only gotten maybe two hours of sleep. Greg was gonna be expecting all of us to chip in and help with Thanksgiving dinner so I needed to be alert enough to work a knife. Grumbling to myself I climbed back onto the couch, at least it was warm, trying to ignore how badly I was shaking.

Sometime later while in the strange state between wakefulness and dreams I felt something behind me move. I wiggled in place trying to get away from the movement and get back to sleep. Whatever was moving stopped; I sighed softly letting my mind drift away again. Ever so slowly an arm snaked around my waist pulling me against something solid behind me. At the same time a second arm came in from under my side to keep me still. "Shit I haven't been able to stop thinking about doing this", A voice breathed in my ear. "Last time was soooo fucking good", Malachite was practically moaning when she spoke. "It was over too quick though", One of her freezing hands found its way under the shirt I was wearing. 

Oh no oh no no no this couldn't be happening not again; fear caused my limbs to seize momentarily. The hand that was up my shirt found its way to my breast and started roughly kneading the flesh. That intimate contact broke me free of my trance with a cry of, "No", I thrashed against the arms that held me. I jerked my head backwards connecting with something that made a satisfying crunch. Reflexively the arms keeping me pinned loosened and I used that moment to escape. Not caring how much noise I made I hurled myself onto the floor before fleeing into the bathroom. "Shower shower shower", I chanted like a mantra while ripping off my clothes. Trembling from head to toe I cranked up the water as hot as I could stand it and stepped in. That had been way too close for comfort, what the fuck had I been thinking letting her get so close? Tears ran down my face noticeably cooler in temperature than the water around them. I stayed in the shower long after the hot water ran out and I had scrubbed my skin raw. 

Malachite wasn't in the living room when my tears ran dry and I allowed myself to dress. Instead I found Greg in the kitchen listening to his headphones while gathering stuff out of the fridge. Amused I watched him long enough to see him moonwalk across the tile with his eyes closed. I must have done something to catch the big man's attention because he froze in place. Sheepishly he lowered his headphones, "Hey there Wulfenite uh you're up early, everything okay? Malachite was in here a little while ago with one hell of a bloody nose", His eyes narrowed, "Know anything about that? Look you know I'm not as strict as Rose is about you guys roughhousing but you can't go hurting people like that." 

Fuck the hypocrisy in that statement was amazing; drawing blood wasn't allowed even in self defense. To my distressed mind it was like he was saying that what Malachite did was okay because she didn't leave marks. Psychological damage was all fine and dandy as long as there wasn't any evidence to show the cops. "Meanin no offense to ya Greg but y'all would do best to stay outta things that don't involve you. I ain't anywhere close to okay right now but seein as I'm not dead yet you ain't got nothin to worry about." Limping I made my way over to the coffee pot where half a pot of brew still sat from the previous night. I needed the caffeine more than I cared about warming it up so I poured it as is. "So tell me boss man", I took a long swallow of the room temperature liquid, "What can I do to help today?" 

"Aww yeah now it's a party", Amethyst's shouts were easily heard from my spot at the table pealing potatoes. "Get your scrawny ass in here P-Dot before you freeze it off", I grinned up at the sounds of Peridot's grumbling. Soon enough the short blonde was dragged into the room by a grinning Amethyst who plopped into a seat next to me. Since they were literally the only clean clothes I had I was wearing a black tank top and my gym pants. The rest of my clothes had been gathered up while Greg made himself breakfast and were being put through the washer. For a brief second my mind flashed back to the dream; the scent of Peridot's fear, the warmth of her blood, her wails. I shook my head trying to clear those thoughts, it was just a dream damn it. "Pull up a seat Peri Dazzle, we'll be done dealing with the veggies in a bit." She raised her voice slightly to make sure she was heard in the kitchen, "Maybe then our overlord will let us go."

A very indignant looking Greg glared over the little half wall that separated the kitchen and dining room. The big man had plugged his old school CD player into a set of mini speakers he had so we could have tunes while we worked. Flour dusted the black Kiss the Cook apron he wore over his usual t-shirt and jeans. He was making good on his threats of keeping Rose out of the kitchen for all of this. "Amethyst", He groaned for what must have been the hundredth time that morning, "How many times do I need to tell you? Thanksgiving dinner is a family affair and everyone needs to do their part and pitch in. Jasper kneaded the dough for the rolls, Ruby made the cranberry sauce, Lapis is washing dishes tonight, Malachite is setting the table, and you two need to be on veggie duty." With that he turned back to whatever he was doing in the kitchen leaving Amethyst huffing.

"Go ahead and take off", I said using my arm to sweep the potatoes that were in front of her over to me. I ignored the peeler tool Greg gave us in favor of a good old fashioned kitchen knife. "Hows about you go to the barn and show Peri the new computer that Rose got for us? Maybe she can hook us up with some kind of antivirus program to keep us safe from your pony porn." A devilish smirk bloomed on my face at how stupid fast Amethyst blushed at that. "Seriously get out of here", I threw another potato in the bowl of water to clean it. If you think I was chasing them away to be some kind of selfless hero type you're wrong. Don't get it twisted I wanted Amethyst to have fun but honestly the girl was damn slow at pealing. She just didn't seem to have the attention span required for something this tedious. We had both been given the same amount of potatoes to process, I was almost done with mine and she had barely started. Letting my mind wander some I finished pealing the last few spuds and set about cutting them into cubes.

"Thanks Wulfie", Greg muttered when I brought the potato cubes into the kitchen. "The pot is all set up you just need to turn the heat on and then add the potatoes when the water boils. Turkey should be done in about an hour and a half", I can't even begin to measure the relief in his voice when he said that. It's weird to think that this time last year I was sitting in solitary eating turkey flavored lunch meat. Greg said this meal was a family affair, can a group of rag tag teens with more issues than a subscription to TV Guide really be a family? In our case the answer was a resounding no but he didn't need to know that right? Gods forbid I do anything to tamper with his ideas about all of us getting along. Okay so maybe I was still a LITTLE bit bitter about what he said this morning. 

I didn't have too long to think about that when the door banged open revealing a giggling Steven being chased by Amethyst. "You can't out run me we both have short legs", She shouted reaching for the boy. The scene was so wholesome, so domestic, it was like something out of a mid 80's sitcom. For the first time in a while I felt tears prickle at the corners of my eyes that had nothing to do with fear. I felt lost and homesick not for a home that ever existed but for what could have been. Man cannot change the hand he is dealt, you have no say in who you were born to and how your life began. Sure having loving supportive parents like Greg and Rose would've been fucking awesome but that wasn't what I got. What sense was there in moping around about it when there was still a dinner to finish? Turning away from the happy family scene in the foyer I grabbed the bowl of uncut carrots and got to work. 

Two hours, three cuts on my hands, a burn on my arm, and a cooling cheery pie later we were all seated around the table. We weren't dressed up, I mean this was a holiday dinner who the fuck were we supposed to impress? The unimpressive wooden table was loaded nearly to the breaking point with steaming platters of food. I was squished between Peridot and Lapis the latter with her head on my shoulder while the former bandaged me up. Amethyst was next to Lapis in a heated argument with Jasper about what was cooler tigers or pumas. Malachite was sitting across from me scowling at nothing in particular with her arms crossed over her chest. Her nose, I noted with deep satisfaction, was packed tightly with wadded up tissue. "Hey Mal", I called out, "You know what the key is to a great Thanksgiving dinner, the tur-key." The table gave a collective groan and Jasper unceremoniously threw her napkin at me.

"Oh yeah Wulfie", Greg called as he and Rose made their way to the table carrying the bird in question. "I bet you don't know what the pilgrim's favorite type of music used to be." He paused for dramatic tension before loudly exclaiming, "They listened to Plymouth Rock!" Okay that was bad like so bad it was fucking good, Steven and I were laughing so hard we nearly fell out of our chairs. Greg wasn't done with us yet though he put the bird down with a flourish and continued. "Not many people know this but turkeys are invaluable to a band", He gave a shit eating grin, "They always bring their own drumsticks." Thankfully Rose was quick enough to put her hands over Steven's ears before we all started swearing. They say the crowning glory of a terrible joke is death threats, we weren't quite that bad but Jasper did threaten to throw Greg in the smaller than average lake.

Once we all had plates loaded down with food and we had drinks in front of us Rose stood. She was smiling so wide I thought for sure her jaw was going to fall off its hinges. "As per tradition I'd like to go around the table and have everyone say something they're thankful for. Since I'm already standing I suppose I'll start", She giggled softly behind her hand. "Today I'm thankful for every single person sitting here at the table with me. Each and every one of you are special and I hope you never forget that", She sat down again blushing slightly. There were a few polite claps but mostly we were just blinking at her awkwardly. "Sorry got a little overly emotional there; Steven dear why don't you go next?"

Nodding seriously to his mother Steven stood on his chair so he could be seen over the table. The little boy put his hand under his pudgy chin thinking rather seriously about what he was going to say. His brown eyes scrunched with thought and honestly it was rather adorable watching him put this much effort into something. "This Thanksgiving I'm thankful for all the new friends I've been able to make this year." Much like his mother before him Steven cast a warm smile around the table. "You guys taught me all kinds of neat stuff like wrestling, videogame tips, and how to unlock the front door without a key." Rose jerked her head away from where she was talking with Greg to look at us accusingly. "Erm wait I uh I wasn't supposed to say that out loud oops sorry Amethyst", He put his hand behind his head. 

Taking Steven sitting down as her cue Peridot stood looking awkwardly around the room. Her small hands fidgeted with each other and she suddenly looked very small in her green button up. She cleared her throat a few times before she finally opened her mouth to speak. "I am thankful for being invited to share dinner with all of you even though I am not a member of your family. As embarrassing as it is to admit I must confess this is my first home cooked Thanksgiving in a number of years. Thank you everyone for inviting me, I know I am often not the easiest person to get along with or understand. Frankly I'm surprised you have put up with my cloddy attitude for as long as you have. Err um thank you", Blushing furiously she returned to her seat not meeting anyone's eye. Forgetting about my bandaged hand I reached over and gave her shoulder a couple pats. 

I racked my brain trying to think of something that hadn't already been covered by someone else. "Right, thanks Peridot for givin us all a case of the feels before throwin me to the wolves." That earned me a few chuckles and I'm pretty sure Peridot called me a clod but I'm not sure. "Anyways I'll be brief since words are hard and I'm way too tough to be bothered with crap like feelins." A few more laughs followed, "More than anythin I'm really thankful that I'm not shiverin in a cell today. I'm thankful that I get to stuff my face with a home cooked dinner that I got to help make. A special thanks to Peri here for takin time out of her nerdery to come here and wrap up my hands." I held up the red spotted bandages so the table could admire Peridots handiwork. "Uhh yeah guys thanks for not givin up on me even though I'm a complete asshole." Rose scolded me for swearing in front of Steven but there was no real bite to it.

Lapis stood up next casting a sidelong glance to her girlfriend before smirking and stealing a kiss. Peridot turned bright red and spluttered out indignant nonsense while flailing. Giving the table her best devil may care smile Lapis gestured to the short blonde next to me. "I'm thankful that I've got a cute girlfriend who is so easy to tease", And with that she sat down. It wasn't all sappy like everyone else's and I think that's what made it very much something Lapis would do. No one but me, okay that's a lie Lapis probably saw it too, caught the look of rage in Jasper's eyes. Her big hands were wrapped so tightly around her cup that the plastic was almost bent in half. Meeting her eyes I shifted subtly closer to Peridot making it clear that if Jasper fucked with her she'd not only have Lapis to deal with. 

The rest of the table was pretty straight forward after Lapis' little derailment. Amerthyst said she was thankful that we lived in the country so she and Steven could wrestle in the soft grass. In an uncharacteristic show of human emotions Jasper professed her thankfulness to Rose and Greg. She said she never knew a family could be so loving towards each other until she met the Universes. Malachite said she was thankful that the house was kept unlocked so she didn't have to listen to Jasper snore. If you would've told me back in July that I'd be laughing at one of Malachite's jokes I'd probably have kicked your ass but there I was.

Last but not least we came to Greg who had been mostly silent during everyone's speeches. Always one for dramatics, I mean he DID used to be a rock star after all, he banged on his cup for silence. "On this special day we all have a lot to be thankful for and I thank you all for sharing. I'm thankful for my beautiful wife Rose, my loving son Steven, and every one of you sitting at this table. Mostly though I'm thankful that Lapis and Peridot have to do the dishes because I'm not cleaning this up." We all enjoyed a hearty laugh at that one and the old man actually took a few bows before sitting back down. Peridot glared at Lapis for getting her stuck on dish duty by association. Lapis responded by giving her a kiss on the nose that left her too flustered to complain. 

As I sat there stuffing my face with turkey I couldn't help but feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Through a series of fucked up circumstances and bad life choices I somehow ended up with a family. We weren't really blood but in our own fucked up way we loved and cared about each other. I had no idea what I was going to do about the whole Malachite situation that wouldn't end up with me back in a cell. Thus far my actions had been purely defensive in nature and that seemed to be working out okay. Sick fuck as I was I actually liked hanging out with her when she wasn't being fucked up. Our late nights watching TV together gave me a sense that someone understood me. Was all of that just an act she was putting on in order to force her way back into my pants? 

With a bit of well applied arm twisting from Lapis Peridot agreed to spend the night. Until the day I die I will remain convinced that Lapis Lazuli is the smoothest mother fucker on the planet. I ended up agreeing to help with the dishes because Peridot was a guest and Amethyst didn't want to. Side by side Lapis and I attacked the heaps of platters with a vengeance, "Are you really okay with this? Me and Peridot being together I mean", I glanced over to find her staring at the soapy water. "She told me you guys talked about it and you said you were fine but I wanted to make sure. I'm actually happy with her Wulfie, it's not like that shit that I went through with Jasper. Peri doesn't yell at me or try to push me into doing something I'm not comfortable with." 

Not bothering to dry my hands I took Lapis by the shoulders and gently turned her to face me. "Don't you worry Lap I got absolutely no problem with you bein happy with Peridork. Even if I did have an issue it's your life and you can live it however you want." Keeping my touch light I tilted Lapis' chin up so she had no choice but to meet my eyes. "Just promise you aren't gonna be so caught up in bein happy that you forget about me okay? You're my best friend and I'm terrified you're gonna realize how fucked up I am and I'll be alone again. I'm damn scareda bein alone again", My little monologue finished I released my hold. "C'mon that's enough bein sappy for a while let's hurry an get these done." 

Lapis gave me one last tight hug before going back to scrubbing the dishes in front of her. "'Fraid you're stuck with me", I looked over at her just in time to get splashed by the hose attachment. Silliness aside we did manage to get everything washed up in a reasonable amount of time. While Lapis and I were doing responsible shit Amethyst and Peridot booted up Call of Duty. Instead of taking the free spot on the couch Lapis sat next to me on the floor leaning against my side. At some point during I think our third or fourth match Peridot slid down from her cushion on my other side. The contact was warm, safe, and close without feeling like I was being trapped by them. I guess Amethyst must have been feeling left out because when we switched to watching TV she plopped herself in my lap. 

"Fuckin hell dude I'm freezing my balls off", Lars grumbled as he walked beside me, "Why the fuck are we doing this again? Normally I'm all for a day off school but this is a long ass walk and there's snow up to my dick." He was exaggerating of course, I mean yeah it was fucking cold but the snow was only a little past knee high. It was currently a little before seven in the morning on the last school day before Christmas break. Having just gotten off another work shift I had the brilliant idea of saying fuck school and walking to Walmart. After my fluffy epiphany about family on Thanksgiving I figured I should get people Christmas gifts. It was way too early to try and call Greg for a ride and besides he'd probably tell me no and that I needed to go to school. Dude has clearly spent too much time with Rose, her by the books attitude was rubbing off on him.

"Quit yer bitchin fuckboy we all know you ain't got much down there to lose", I growled through chattering teeth. "You're the one who wanted to come along and get out of Baxter's bullshit quiz. I ain't makin you stay", We rounded another corner and I could finally see the trademark blue and white sign in the distance. There were no large chain stores in Beach City proper, the mayor banned them to protect the town's fragile economy. To get to Walmart Lars and I needed to walk nearly three hours towards the highway on ramps. Snow was making it slow going we had gotten nearly three feet in three days and flakes were already falling again. The sight of the sign restored some warmth to my numb legs, "No way in hell we're walkin back. I'll call Greg or somethin once I got everything I came here for; gettin bitched at for skipping school is still better than that damn walk."

"Amen to that", Lars agreed picking up his own pace to match mine, "No fucking way I'm walkin back in this shit. As it is you owe me big for going this far with your crazy ass, I mean seriously who the fuck does this?" Shrugging I continued to trudge along doing my best to ignore how my wet jeans were sticking to my legs. Half frozen we finally made it inside the store only to find ourselves awash in a sea of holiday madness. People were fucking everywhere you looked and the noise immediately set my teeth on edge. I'm not sure what I was expecting given that it was four days before Christmas and I was in a major retail store but it sure as fuck wasn't this. Only reason I didn't just nope the fuck right out of there was because we walked three fucking hours through the fucking snow. Christmas music blasted out of every available speaker distorting the tunes into angry noise. 

"Alright man here's the plan", I muttered as I shoved my way towards the little rack that held carts. "We're gonna go Mad Max on these mother fuckers, no hesitation, no mercy got me? Once I get everythin I need I'll call Greg and, provided we haven't been trampled to death by then, you and I will nom on some sammiches. Good plan, great plan", Basket in one hand and arm linked with Lars I made my way into the throng. Screaming kids, by the gods there were so many screaming kids all begging for useless shit. My grip on Lars was pretty much the only thing keeping me from punting the whining tots into orbit. Thankfully I didn't plan on getting anybody anything terribly large because there was no way I was guiding a cart through that crowd. What should have been maybe an hour of shopping took close to three thanks to the crowds. I swear like 90% of my time was spent just waiting in line, I mean seriously why the fuck did they only have two registers open?

Four shopping bags later a sour faced Lars and myself were sitting at the store's little cafe waiting for Greg to come get us. My aged guardian didn't seem at all surprised that I was skipping school since I normally come home after work. To his credit though he wasn't pissed off, if anything he seemed confused as to why I hadn't asked for a ride. Sometimes it was hard to believe the guy was pushing forty with a wife and kid. Ignoring the gut and massive bald spot Greg acted like a typical dude in his late teens to early twenties. After my food was done I got in line to have my gifts wrapped by some local animal charity place. The line was fucking huge but at least it killed time until my ride showed up and it was for a good cause. They even had volunteers walking up and down the line with puppies for people to pet. 

Greg showed up just as the little old lady finished wrapping the last of my gifts. His face was redder than usual, "Hey you two", He huffed fighting to catch his breath. "The parking lot here is a zoo, I had to park way in the back, I hope you're up for a walk." Lars and I groaned in unison as we followed out the closest thing we had to an adult. On top of the long assed walk we had just to get to the van we then had to deal with trying to actually leave. I let Lars ride shotgun choosing instead to lounge in my usual spot in the cargo area. Lulled by the dulcet tones of honking horns and revving engines I found myself soothed to sleep.

In the middle of some weird ass dream about rising dough coming to life and attacking the city I was jolted awake. "Steven bomb", The excited voice echoed off the sides of the van while Steven himself thumped into my chest. Disoriented all I could do was lay there while the excitable little boy pinned me down. Curly black hair was pushed in my face while tiny, but deceptively strong, hands held my shoulders down. "One, two, three", Steven yelled like an announcer from the wrestling shows Amethyst and Jasper watched. "Ding ding ding, and the crowd goes wild, Tiger Millionaire has defeated the monster that is the Howling Fury. The self made cat from Jungle Island had finally avenged his tag team partner. What an upset folks", I pushed myself into a sitting position keeping Steven in my lap. He was grinning from ear to ear, "I told you I'd get you one day Wulfie."

I opened my mouth to deliver a witty retort but was cut off by the looming shadow of a fuming pink haired woman. "Skipping school Wulfenite", Rose's voice had an edge to it that I really didn't like, "Really? Out of everyone I expected you to be more responsible than this", Her dark eyes glittered with fury, "Do you know what could have happened if you got caught? Did you even for one minute consider how worried we might be when you didn't come home from work? Get to the barn I don't even want to deal with you right now", Yeah she was pissed. I didn't bother arguing or trying to defend myself I mean what was the point? She was right, I hadn't considered that anything could have gone wrong or that they would be worried. Head down and bags in hand I made the walk of shame through the snow to the barn. Steven made to follow me but one sharp look from his mother was all it took to freeze him in place. Compared to the packed store or the cramped space of Greg's van the barn just felt lifeless.

Body heavy with shame I stripped off my wet clothes and traded them out for some relatively clean ones. My legs burned from the stupid long walk and the skin was red from my jeans chaffing. Solace was found beneath my gray sheets enveloped in their warm embrace, at least they never judged me. "I don't get these people sometimes", I growled into the empty space around me. "They keep sayin explorin boundries is good an that they don't wanna control me but as soon as I mess up a little they go ape shit. If I sit quiet then I'm not takin advantage of opportunity but if I go do somethin I'm irresponsible. Ain't no way for me to fuckin win here", My hands found the edge of my bed frame and I squeezed until it hurt.


	20. Gifts Ungiven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Universe household bursts with holiday cheer

Hands, cold hands moving up and down my bare skin my body too paralyzed by terror to do anything. Uneven breaths rasping in my ear each ending with a drawn out moan of pleasure. There was nothing I could do to get away, no matter how hard I tried my body refused to respond. "Wulfenite", Someone was calling my name from far away, "Hey Wulfenite are you okay?" I managed to force my eyes open; I was in the living room sitting on the floor in front of the couch. Steven was in my lap, his hair still slightly damp and smelling of strawberry shampoo. Amethyst was on the couch, game controller in hand, watching me with a look akin to worry. "Wulfie", I turned my attention back to the little boy in my lap, "Are you alright? You're shaking a lot", I took a deep steadying breath to keep myself in the present. I hadn't slept in two days; couldn't allow myself to rest not with HER in the room. Short naps caught at odd hours of the day were the only thing keeping me upright. Well that and downing like half my body weight in coffee every night I worked. 

She hadn't come for me yet, hadn't said a word to me since that morning, and it was driving me nuts. Fighting I can deal with, pain is something I'm used to but I'm shit with waiting for things. The last time things had come to blows between us her retribution was swift. I could feel her and Jasper's eyes on me everywhere I went even if I knew they weren't there. At school it was fine because I had places I needed to be at any given time and plenty of witnesses. Malachite may not give a fuck about getting caught but Jasper tended to work within the rules. The older of the cousins had a respect for authority figures that demanded she remain in their good graces. Now though we were back on vacation until the first week of January so I was stuck with them. 

"Yeah sorry Steven must've spaced out there for a second", I settled the little boy more securely in my lap. He giggled softly and readjusted the plush teddy bear he was holding so it pressed into my hip. The soft fabric of his yellow "banana pajamas" rubbed against my sweating palms. Behind me Amethyst reached out to lay her palm flat against my shoulder making sure that I saw her doing it. Unexpected contact was not my friend these days as Greg found out the day after Thanksgiving. He saw me grabbing a slice of cherry pie for breakfast and thought it would be helpful to put a fork on my shoulder. I screamed like I had just been burned and hurled the thing across the room as hard as I could. At the time he and I had a laugh about it but I heard him whispering to Rose that night about something being wrong with me. Calloused fingers rubbed in slow circles loosening some of the tension that had built up. 

"If you're sure", Steven said slowly, "Mom says it's not good to bottle up bad feelings." It took several minutes of me repeating that I was fine for him to finally nod. Damn kid was too smart for his own good sometimes, "In that case will you tell me a story? Mom and dad only tell me little kid stories before bed but I'm a big boy now and I want a big boy story. Master of Ceremonies Bear Bear and I are sick of hearing Mother Goose baby rhymes. Tell me a story that your parents used to tell you", Well shit kid that was one hell of a request. Most of the shit I was told at bedtime involved variations of the words go the fuck to sleep. Stories really only happened when dad was drinking enough to feel silly instead of angry. Still I figured this might be a fun way to introduce Steven to some mythology. Maybe the old tales would help him get a better understanding of how things used to be. 

"Alright little man just gimme a sec gotta figure out if I know any that're kid friendly. Oh sorry I mean big boy friendly", I corrected myself when he gave an indignant huff. Pondering for a few seconds I smiled, "Okay Ste-Man I'm going to tell you one of my favorite stories. Up in the heavens in between Asgard, the land of the gods, and Midgard, the world of man exists all the celestial bodies. Most prominently on display are Lady Sol, the sun, and her husband Lord Mani, the moon. Sol and Mani travel endlessly across the sky each bein pursued by evil wolves. The dread wolves Hati and Skoll chase their heavenly prey across the sky each day and night without end. Though they are tired Sol and Mani must never rest for if they are caught they will be devoured as the first sign of Ragnarok." I grinned down at the child in my lap pleased to see he was watching me with rapt attention. "It's too close to your bedtime for me to be tellin you everythin about the end of things."

"Dude that was fodão", Amethyst whispered; honestly I had forgotten she was in the room with us. Glancing up I could see her infamous Cheshire grin, "Was that some authentic viking shit Wulfie? I gotta say it was muito impressionante", Before she could say more Rose came out to tell Steven it was time for bed. After a few minutes of begging his mother to stay up longer he accepted defeat. Amethyst and I were each gifted a hug goodnight and I even got a kiss on the cheek. When it was just the two of us I put in my copy of Corpse Hatcher and tossed Amethyst the spare controller. Sharing a bit of my cultural history with the two of them felt surprisingly nice. Maybe next time I'd tell them the story of how Thor and Loki got Mjolnir back from the joutun using the power of cross dressing. While waiting for the next map to load I climbed onto the couch leaning slightly against its other occupant. 

Used to be when I was younger whenever I'd dream about being a wolf I was always Skoll. The moon would be right in front of me, just barely out of reach no matter how hard I ran. Back then my greatest wish was to bring about the end of all things so I wouldn't have to play nice anymore. Sometimes I would embody the dread beast Fenrir and spend my nights thrashing against unbreakable chains. Dreams about lush forests and crisp air only started after I had been locked up a while. Turns out I wanted to be free more than I wanted to hurt people, who would've thought? Sure as hell surprised me the first time I woke up missing the feeling of grass under me. The fact that the killing dreams were coming back was not a good sign for me or anyone else.

"You look beat", Amethyst's voice jolted me out of the fuzzy nothingness it had been floating in. I was leaning heavily against her side, my head pressed into her shoulder. Fuck I must've dozed off in the middle of the game; my cheeks burned with embarrassment. "Dude it's cool you don't gotta move", She put a warm arm around my shoulders. No idea how the fuck she was so warm all the time even when it was snowy death outside. "Here lemme switch the TV over to something else, I'm not into this zombie stuff as much as you are." She pulled the remote out from the cushions and started flipping absentmindedly through channels. "Isso aí they got the two part Hawaii special of Lil Butler this shit is classic." I tried paying attention to the show I really did but my eyes refused to stay open. A little while later I woke up to Amethyst rubbing my back and humming along to the show's ending credits. 

"Guys it's Christmas wake up", An excited voice shattered the black void between sleep and wakefulness that I had been dwelling in. Cracking an eye open I found Steven hopping up and down between our beds, "Come on don't you want to see what Santa left?" Instead of his favorite red shirt with the star on it Steven was wearing an obnoxiously festive sweater. The red and green monstrosity had alternating bands of different ornament types that were decorated with some kind of glitter. My eyes actually stung from the sight of the thing and I rolled over attempting to go back to sleep. Holidays meant nothing to capitalist slavers so of course I had to work the previous evening. Judging by the faint traces of light making their way through the barn's windows it was still damn fucking early. Way too early for me to be awake even if I hadn't gotten home at almost five in the morning.

It seemed that I wasn't the only one uninterested in leaving my bed, Jasper's growling voice cut through Steven's enthusiastic pleas. "Dude who cares what some weird mythical fat guy left under the stupid tree or whatever? Shut up already kid", As much as I agreed with the sentiment I had to admit Jas was being a bit harsh. Christmas when you're a kid is a time of pure joy and magic or so I gathered from my classmates. Growing up we didn't really buy in to the whole magic Christian star baby thing at my house. Time off school was always nice and mom would cook us a killer dinner but that was about it. Giving gifts was something reserved for school parties not home, at home gifts were a sign of submission and weakness. Steven had gently explained at the start of December that gifts were something you gave to people because you wanted them to feel good. I was trying to take that lesson to heart even if it had gotten me thoroughly bitched at by Rose. The bags of wrapped goodies were still stashed under my bed away from prying eyes and greedy hands. How fucked up was it that at sixteen I had to be taught how to decorate a tree? 

"Fuck you Jas don't be such a Grinch", Amethyst's voice joined in the fray that was keeping me awake. "Pull the stick outta your bunta before Tiger Millionaire and I do it for you." Resigned I pulled the blanket off my face to watch the drama unfolding around me. Steven and Amethyst were by the side of Jasper's bed attempting to pull the larger girl to her feet. Above them Malachite was doing her best to fight a smile while Ruby cackled madly from her bed. Even Lapis was joining in the mirth, her light musical laughter trickling down from the top bunk of our shared bed. In spite of their combined strength Amethyst and Steven were having no luck dislodging the irritated Jasper. "Yo Water Witch, Howling Fury, Eternal Flame", Amethyst's shouts called our attention, "You wanna give us a hand? Gordo here is being stubborn", I didn't know what that meant but from the way Ruby fell off the bed laughing it must've been good. 

Weariness forgotten I rolled to my feet wincing when my knee gave a wet pop, stupid thing was acting up again. In nothing but a pair of charcoal gray trunks I moved towards the fray unable to suppress a grin. Instead of a frontal assault I opted to go around the side of the bed towards Jasper's broad back, "Well well what do we have here? The mighty Tigre all exposed", With her thick orange blanket dislodged I could see Jasper's usual sleep attire; a white tank top and shorts. "Listen well young soldiers", I addressed the two members of the self addressed Shorty Squad. "What we need here is to understand our enemy and exploit her weakness, clearly she is strong. You won't win by trying to overpower her", Cheekily I dug my fingers into the thin material covering Jasper's sides.The girl's response was immediate and far better than anything I could have hoped for. Jolting like she was being electrocuted Jasper started to flail away from my relentless assault. "In battle relying on brute strength is a sure way to get out maneuvered. Brain power in the name of the game here kiddos", I jammed my fingers in harder. 

"Cut the shit Wulfie", Jasper continued to thrash losing ground when Amethyst and Steven went back to pulling her arm. Instead of letting up I added my right hand to the assault making my victim into little more than a howling mess. Jasper continued to flail and kick but lacked the coordination to fight back against Steven and Amethyst. With an echoing thud the athlete hit the floor taking the two smaller individuals with her. "Son of a bitch", They landed in a heap at the side of the bed while the rest of the room cackled madly. Ah a bit of sweet revenge for her pinning my arms down when Lapis and Peridot had me trapped on the couch. It wasn't the blood for blood satisfaction my body craved but it would do for now. 

"There you go Stee-Man", I said with a grin, "One Jasper slightly scrambled just how you like it. Now if you'll excuse me", I crawled back in between my rapidly cooling blankets. Sure playing along with Steven to rile Jasper up was hilarious but I had no intention of getting up yet. Christmas mornings were for kids like Steven, kids with loving homes and great parents who took care of them. At sixteen I already felt too old for the tradition especially since the only real previous experience I had involved a plastic tree in the detention center's rec room. I rolled my eyes at the young boy's drawn out whine, "Cut me some slack dude I worked all night. Go open your presents already before Santa decides to start charging or something."

"Oh hell no", Jasper grunted pulling herself to her feet, "If my ass has to be up then so do you. No way I'm letting you pull that kind of bullshit stunt then go back to sleep. Come on brat you can either get a shirt on and come willingly or I can carry you kicking and screaming. Doesn't matter to me either way", Apparently my choice to respond with a raised middle finger was not the right one. "That's it brat", I tried to squirm away from Jasper's hold but to no avail. "Malachite get the door", Jasper lifted me over her shoulder like I weighed nothing. One arm held me in place while the other gripped my wrists to stop me from fighting back. Even with all the training I had been doing the bitch still had like a hundred pounds on me. There was no way I could beat her in the brute strength department and she knew it. 

Oh fuck, my mind finally caught up with what exactly was going to happen and I thrashed harder. "No, no, no, no", I screamed when I was tossed into the two foot pile of snow outside. Cold hit me like electricity making my back bow and my limbs twitch uncontrollably. Once I managed to get control of myself I made a mad dash for the door grateful that everyone was too busy laughing to think about locking me out. Shivers racked my body making my teeth chatter to the point where I could barely talk. "F-f-f-fuck you a-a-assholes", I scrambled over to my orange shelf so I could grab some dry clothes. Steven was blushing bright crimson with his pudgy hands over his eyes, I wonder how long it took him to realize I was only in my underwear. Bright red he ran out of the barn saying something about checking on the presents. Everyone else seemed to have a similar idea about getting more layers on to block out the cold.

Saying I was pissed would be like comparing the Civil War to an angry fight on the playground. Fury pulsed through my veins melding with a scalding dose of shame over what had happened. The hands that were buttoning my long sleeved gray shirt were shaking from the effort not to lash out. Rose was still beyond pissed at me for skipping school and walking to Walmart with Lars. Getting into a fight with Jasper would only make things worse between me and my sort of guardian. A hand pressed in the center of my back as Lapis' soft voice filled my ear, "Hey are you okay? We were only messing around dude we didn't mean to actually upset you", She sounded sad. I would have jerked away but damn it she was warm and body heat was like currency right now. 

Straining to keep calm I turned to face my friend; in honor of the shitty weather she was in a fuzzy blue sweater and thick black jeans. The blue in her hair was almost faded out by this point leaving roots the color of aged whisky exposed. It was getting longer now, just brushing the tops of her shoulders and curling around her chin. Little golden freckles flecked her cheeks and the top of her nose thanks to all her time outside in the summer. Yeah I still thought she was really pretty and you bet your fucking ass I was envious of Peridot. "You guys are assholes", I grumbled letting the willowy girl pull me into a loose hug. "C'mon Lazuli we don't wanna be left behind", I hurriedly snatched the Walmart bags I had hidden under my bed.

Inside the Quartz-Universe house it looked like a holiday display had vomited all over the place. Tinsel hung from every available surface leaving little floaty glitter bits falling everywhere. Red and green fairy lights were wound along the banister of the stairs twinkling merrily. All of the furniture in the living room had been rearranged to make way for a fully decked out tree. Greg and Steven were sprawled out on the floor in front of the tree the former in his own tacky sweater, white with cherries. "Dad's gonna be Santa", Steven cheered; he looked so happy I swear I could see stars in his eyes. Next to them Rose leaned on the plush sofa sipping a steaming mug of something that smelled floral. She was sporting her own seasonal garb, a bright pink thing with glittery stars.

Trying not to gag on how saccharine sweet the whole thing was I walked up to Greg and held out my bags. Not trusting myself to speak lest I say something sappy all I could do was blush at Greg's knowing smirk. "Isso aí I love hot coco", Amethyst cheered from the kitchen, "My grandma always made it the best. She would rim the mugs with hot chili flakes mixed with cinnamon", A wistful smile lingered on her face as she joined us in the living room. Not for the first time I wondered about the circumstances that led to the happy go lucky Latina being part of the system. I mean sure she was crass and a bit high strung but I never noticed any malice in her actions. Maybe the time behind bars mellowed her or maybe the cheerful bundle of energy routine was just an act to hide who she really was. Straight up it was none of my fucking business why everyone was here, it's not like I was volunteering my own story.

I must've looked pensive because Rose's gaze shifted to me and she pulled herself away from her perch by the couch. The matronly woman and I had been avoiding each other ever since the whole Walmart incident. It wasn't so much that she told me to stay away as it was me wanting to avoid pissing anyone else off. "Hey there stranger", She hummed softly as she approached, "Penny for your thoughts. You look like you've got a lot rattling around in here", A finger lifted to playfully poke me on the forehead. One of her warm hands pressed into my shoulder guiding me towards the warm smell of coco, "How about we grab a drink and chat?" I allowed myself to be steered into the warm room towards a large crock pot on the counter. Instead of an ornate dinner like we did at Thanksgiving Christmas was gonna be pretty simple. Ham was in the fridge waiting to be put in the oven along side chopped root vegetables and rolls. Steven had made some sort of weird concoction involving waffles, chocolate sauce, whipped cream, popcorn, and a strawberry that he expected us to eat for breakfast. Honestly just looking at the thing made my teeth hurt but the kid was so excited when he made it last night that I knew there was no way I was getting out of trying it.

Using a nearby ladle Rose poured me a steaming mug of hot chocolate before gesturing towards the dining room table. I shook my head, "We can talk later on if you want right now I'm pretty sure Steven's gonna explode if we make him wait any longer. 'Sides I don't wanna ruin all these warm fuzzy vibes you guys worked so hard to set up. Invited too or not you still don't ruin Christmas if you can avoid it especially if there's kids involved. Even us deranged criminals have rules", And with that I made my way back into the living room. Rose seemed shocked, good she needed to remember that we were all someone else before coming to the barn. The pink haired woman was nice and all but sometimes I felt like she was being manipulative. She'd switch from being cold or angry to being sugar sweet and full of attention to give. Whether or not she realized it was happening didn't matter in the grand scheme of things at least not to me.

Mug in hand I took a seat on the floor with the others making a rough circle of bodies around the tree. During the short time Rose and I had been away the wrapped parcels had been organized into little piles. There wasn't a ton, maybe two or three for everyone, but hey who the fuck was gonna complain about gifts? Only dumbasses or a special type of asshole complain about not getting enough stuff on Christmas. An asshole I was, without a shadow of a doubt, however ungrateful I wasn't. "Okay folks let's get this party started", Greg announced to the excited room, and so it began. For the next hour or so the room was filled with the sounds of ripping paper, excited laughter, and declarations of thanks. Ruby made quite the spectacle of herself when she tackled me after opening the new headband I got her. Amethyst loved her sparkly nail kit, Lapis smiled at the mermaid rubber ducky, and I got a punch each from Jasper and Malachite over their packages of tube socks. Rose and Greg got a gift card to the grocery store, because I'm dumb and couldn't think of what to get them, and Steven got a pack of glow in the dark stars. In return I ended up with a couple of awesome new shirts and a pound of super strength Death Wish coffee.

Before you ask, yes I had to get Malachite and Jasper something Rose would kick my ass if I didn't She and Greg gave everybody a bit of cash to buy gifts for each other so everyone would get something. So yeah there was no way I could get away with "forgetting" to get either of them stuff. Jasper got me a little hand exercise thing that was supposed to give me better grip strength. Malachite got me a cool little metal key chain with the Gryffindor crest on it. Both gifts were surprisingly thoughtful given that the three of us were more or less engaged in a blood feud. Tube socks, by comparison, were a pretty shitty thing to get even if they were free. 

Smiling faces gathered around the table to enjoy an early dinner and for once there was no bickering. Everyone was too full of good cheer to bother with the usual sarcastic banter. Even Amethyst had nothing but good things to say about everything that happened that day. No way was all this shit going to last, there was too much left unsaid between all of us. Malachite's touch still haunted my dreams even if the nightmares were becoming less and less frequent. I don't think I'll ever be able to get over what she and Jasper did to me. Bottling up my feelings and flinging myself into work and working out was only gonna work for so long. Eventually I was gonna snap and if past experience was any indication I was gonna hurt someone. Violence would lead me back to lock up proving to everyone that I wasn't worth the opportunity I had been given.


	21. Here Comes a THought

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wulfenite finds out that she can only bottle things up for so long without breaking

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am going to preface this chapter by stating I have zero issue with people who are on medication. If it weren't for my daily doses I would have probably blew my brains out a while ago. I also want to say that my descriptions of the side effects are true to what I personally experienced. Everyone reacts differently to meds.

I don't remember what set me off; perhaps a stray comment in the locker room or unwanted physical contact in the hallway. Maybe it was neither of those things and the fact that I lost my shit at school was mere coincidence. Like I said my memory of the earlier part of that day is too fuzzy for me to make sense out of. Think of it as watching a DVD with nasty scratches in the disk so the image freezes then randomly skips. In one frame I was chilling on the bus with Peridot while she happily chatted about some new game she got for Christmas. In the next I was outside, up to my knees in snow, slamming my fists repeatedly into the dumpster behind the cafeteria. Sweat poured off my overheated face as I gasped for air fighting to catch my breath when every inhale sent a sharp spike of pain into my lungs. Blood was splattered all around me from the torn skin of my abused hands soaking into the sleeves of my gray shirt. Unclenching my fists was its own special kind of torture, **"Fuck how long have I been at this?"**

The sound of a door opening snapped my attention away from my abused body and towards the tall individual making their way in my direction. Swaying hips that could hypnotize the unsuspecting and a perfectly styled square afro were a dead giveaway as to who it was. "Peridot saw you from the library window", Garnet said by way of greeting, "So I thought I'd come check on you." She reached out to place a gloved hand on my shoulder smiling gently, "Let's calm down." Oddly enough I did feel a measure of calm wash over me in the stoic teen's presence. There was just something about Garnet that oozed strength and confidence, it was like she had already seen the path life would take her on and accepted it. Even the way she dressed was well put together; today she was in a form fitting maroon blouse with abstract color splashes in the corner that formed a star. Navy dress pants clung to her wide hips accentuating her slim waist and full figure without coming off as trashy. "You're not going to like this but I need to take you to the nurse's office for your hands."

"Okay", I mumbled allowing Garnet's steady grip to lead me back through the double doors and into the school. After being out in the cold for Odin knows how long the heat of the hallway felt oppressive. Melted snow soaked into my jeans making them stick uncomfortably to my trembling legs. There weren't very many students in the hall but those who were around gave the two of us a wide berth. Suppose there was an upside for being covered in blood, most regular folks tend to leave you alone. Self conscious I moved to walk a bit closer to my silent escort, "I don't like the way they're starin at me. 'S like they have nothin better to do except slide around and fuckin judge me." My throat started to feel tight and before I could stop them all of my frustrations poured out, "D-d-do they think I d-don't know how fucked up I am? They don't need to constantly sit there and remind me that I'll never belong because I'm not like them."

"Slow breaths, you're going to start hyperventilating if you don't calm down", Garnet stopped walking. Keeping a steady pressure on my shoulder she guided me to a sitting position against the wall. "Count slowly between your inhales that should help get your breathing steady." People were starting to gather around us now; I could hear their whispering like thousands of gnats. "Don't pay any attention to them focus on me", Garnet knelt in front of me her shades lowered. "We are going to get through this together", Her other hand joined its companion on my shoulders. "There's no shame in getting help when you need it, trust me violence doesn't solve everything." Once my breathing was back under control we continued our path through the school. 

We were in front of Rose's office now, its owner poking her head out the open door to find the source of noise. Her dark eyes landed on me and I had to fight the urge to shrink back against Garnet. "Wulfenite what are you-", Her question cut off when she noticed my scrapped up hands. She hurriedly motioned us inside the cramped nurse's office, "What happened to you? Please tell me you weren't fighting again", With a quick snap Rose's hands were enveloped in latex free gloves. "These don't look too deep but you remember what the doctor said about punches back when you broke your fingers. Previous damage makes the joint more susceptible to injuries in the future and makes said damage harder to fully heal." Rose guided us deeper into the office until I was positioned over the stainless steel sink. 

Disinfecting solution was poured into my cuts makings my words hiss out between gritted teeth. "Stop assumin that I'm lookin to fight all the time whenever I come in here. For fuck's sake Rose it's only a few damn scrapes", The burning liquid was dripping pink into the sink. "Ain't like anyone important is hurtin, I didn't break your precious rules." Garnet's hand tightened on my shoulder, she was so quiet I had forgotten she was even there. Once again I was struck with a wave of inexorable calm that seemed to come from the simplest of contact. I made myself take a deep breath, "Sorry I shouldn't have snapped like that it wasn't cool. No I wasn't fightin with anybody I just lost my cool and hit the dumpster a few times, ain't no big deal."

"Yes Wulfenite it is", Rose's voice was firm her mouth set in a thin line, "You're hurting yourself." She sighed then steeled herself for something, "This probably isn't the most appropriate time for this but here we go. Greg and I have been talking Wulfenite talking about your behavior and we've noticed some disturbing patterns. As things stand right now neither of us can be sure that our home is safe with you in it. Your aggression towards the rest of us, the random bruises, the dead cow over the summer, our missing cat-", Shit Lion was missing when did that happen? "You were showing great progress for a while but ever since you started school back up you've been regressing. After a lengthy discussion with Mr. Higgins we feel it's best to have you speak to a professional. Medication might be just the trick", I jerked to my feet refusing to allow her to finish that sentence.

"Hold up a fucking minute", I shouted furiously, "You guys have been talkin about me behind my back! What the fuck happened to your whole speech about open and honest communication bein the foundation of our relationship huh? I didn't even know somethin happened with Lion because nobody fuckin tells me anythin", I scrubbed at the tears on my face. "You're gonna let some quack dope me into oblivion so you can feel like you're back in control, is that it? Well fuck you Rose, there's no way in fuckin hell I'm letting you fuckers do this." Garnet let her hand fall away from my shoulder before giving me a look I couldn't understand and leaving. Was it: fear, pity, resentment, or the knowledge that she finally understood just WHO she had helped. Had I shown so little improvement in the past 8 months that everyone found it so easy to believe I was dangerous?

"I'm sorry you feel that way dear but this isn't a choice unless you'd rather go back to a cell", Rose was back to using her "I'm a reasonable adult and you're being silly" tone. "Your next appointment with Dr. Maheshwaren is in a few weeks, given what happened today I'm moving that up. Please understand that Mr. Higgins and I really do have your best interests at heart even if it doesn't seem like that right now." Great, she wasn't even willing to hear me out or offer me some time to come to terms with the idea. "Given everything that's happened today I think it might be best for Greg to pick you up. Go wait in the office while I give him a call", If it didn't hurt so much I'd be flipping her off. Instead I settled for using my shoulder to knock over her wheeled office chair on my way out. As I made my way down the hall I swear I heard her huff, "Oh grow up", under her breath.

Before I could turn around and retort movement from the corner of my eye caught my attention. Peridot was leaning awkwardly against the wall near an empty classroom, "Hey are you alright? Garnet told me what happened", Her scrawny hands wound together nervously in front of her. Fucking hell just what I needed, another person that I liked was afraid of me, thanks Garnet. Green eyes looked up from the floor darting back and forth a few times before settling on me. Movements slow she looped her arm with one of mine, "I'll walk you to the office since I need to go there anyway." Hmm so that was interesting, Garnet had already left when Rose said she was sending me home so how did Peridot know? Proving that she was more perceptive than her abrasive personality would let on she elaborated. "They used to send me there too when I was younger and everything around me would be too much." We stood to the side to allow a herd of students to pass us after the bell rang, "That's what happened right? I saw you from the library window when I was in my free period this morning. You looked so upset and people were just ignoring you", She was practically shouting now, "How could they do that?!"

Well that's certainly not the reaction I was expecting considering Rose's earlier attitude and Garnet's silence. Once the crowd thinned out we continued our path to the stairs that led to the ground floor. "Yeah Peri that's what happened", I hate how defeated my voice sounded, "I think. I don't really know", I forced myself to keep looking straight ahead and not down at my shorter companion. "Rose says she can't trust me anymore, that she thinks I'm a danger to the family. Her and Greg are gonna pay some quack to dope me up until I'm nice and fuckin docile." The last sentence was so full of bitterness that I practically spat it into the open air. A harsh barking laugh forced its way past my lips before I could stop it, "Who knows maybe now I won't be such a fuck up." In front of us the glass doors of the office loomed reminiscent of the see through cells they had for folks on suicide watch.

Suicide had crossed my mind a number of times in the years I spent under lock and key. My first attempt was the classic wrist slitting using a broken hunk of plastic I found in the lunchroom. Me being a stupid kid I had no idea where the right place to cut was and ended up doing very little harm. Next I tried hanging myself with my bed sheet, the material was too flimsy to hold weight. That one seemed to get the guard's attention enough that I was strapped to one of the chairs they use to restrain druggies. After that I was forced to attend weekly group therapy sessions with a court appointed psychologist. 

Skinny arms wrapped around my middle in a warm embrace that I hadn't even realized I needed. A head of spiky blonde hair nuzzled into my ribs while Peridot whispered, "You're not dangerous. I'm a coward okay and no coward worth their salt spends time with something they think will hurt them." Mindful of my damaged hands I returned the hug fighting the tears pooling in the corners of my eyes. It was bad enough that I started crying in front of Garnet there was no way I was gonna do it in front of Peri too. If you would have told me after the first day we met that this excitable egomaniac would end up being one of my best friends I'd have laughed. Peridot was a lot like one of those super loud yappy dogs that try to push every other dog around to prove they're tough. I know that description kind of seems unflattering but it really is expressed with nothing but affection. Without that level of tenacity she would've given up after the first few times I told her to fuck off and we wouldn't be friends.

"Thanks Peri", I said pulling reluctantly from the hug; Greg would be there soon and I needed to sign out. "Provided my hands aren't still completely numb is it okay if I call you later? Fuck I'm not sure how I'm goin to be able to work like this", The thought of work brought up a new set of fears. Would Rose and Greg allow me to continue leaving at night or would they deem the activity too much of a risk now that I was "dangerous"? The $200 I was making weekly was the key to my independence because money meant a car and a car meant the ability to leave. Peridot nodded her consent at my question before scrambling away so she wouldn't miss her next class. Mouth set in a grim line I walked into the office to start the sign out procedure under the watchful gaze of Diamond's right hand. Principle Goldie was the very definition of a boot licking cunt. Her long nose was turned up at my blood speckled fingers and shitty handwriting.

Greg's arrival was heralded by his usual greeting of, "Hey there kiddo", Shouted loudly from the door. "Rose said you aren't feeling too good", I stood out of the cheap plastic chair and followed him to the van. Silently I wondered if he had to close the car wash in order to come pick me up. Winter wasn't a terribly busy time of year for a business like his, he had been supplementing his income doing repair work for people. His brown eyes filled with concern when I took the front passenger seat instead of my preferred place in the cargo area. The van's old engine turned over a few times before it sputtered to life, "Is everything okay Wulfie? Rose sounded really upset when she called me and I'd have to be blind to miss the blood splatter."

"No Greg everythin is not fuckin okay", My voice was only a few octaves above a growl when I spoke. Firmly I stared out the window, "I've done everythin I fuckin can to be a good person and fit into your family. No smokin, no drinkin, watch my mouth in front of the kid, do my homework, the list of things you guys want from me goes on. I do my absolute best to follow all your rules to the letter even though hugs freak me out and livin with roommates is hard after being alone for so long. Roommates I might add that're more fucked up than I am and who are actual threats to people. I'm doin my best here but clearly my best isn't good enough because you guys think I'm dangerous and unsafe." Posture wire tight I turn to glare at him, "How the fuck could you ever think I would hurt Steven or the animals?"

"Well", Greg was actually yelling I don't think I've ever heard him raise his voice, "What are we supposed to think? You're gone all night, barely talk unless you're threatening someone, all the clothes you wear are blood stained." As he spoke he lifted his fingers like he was tallying off a list, "Oh and let's not forget you're a criminal whose rap sheet is nothing but violent crimes. I care about you Wulfenite, I really do, and I care about the others but sometimes caring isn't enough. Sometimes helping someone means making them face the things they might not want to. When you and I were talking after you first got here you told me you wanted to not be afraid anymore. Seeing a therapist and getting help dealing with everything that's happened to you is the first step towards healing. It's pretty darn clear you don't see that right now, I hope it eventually sinks in". With that last statement he fell silent and stayed that way for the rest of our short trip.

Back at the house I allowed myself the rare indulgence of a bath rather than begrudgingly showering. Under normal circumstances I hate being in water but on cold Winter days like this baths really helped my knee. I expected Greg to drop me off and return to the wash like he usually did, instead he parked himself on the couch. Yep, that right there removed any doubt I might have had about them saying they couldn't trust me. Jaw clenched I left my shoes by the door and padded to the laundry room for clean clothes. Moving my hands still hurt but instead of it being an unbearable sharpness it was now a throbbing ache. Still I managed to get everything I needed to avoid streaking to the barn after my soak. Undoing the wrapping Rose had put on my hands felt satisfying, like I was taking back a little bit of control. Within the locked confines of the bathroom I had the luxury of observing the changes my body had undergone since coming to live here. Thanks to regular meals and an involved workout regimen I was no longer painfully scrawny. Defined muscle sheathed my formerly bony legs, up my sides, to my shoulders and arms. Where there had once been flab sat the outline of a six pack; the top four more defined than the bottom two. I think for the first time in my life I looked in the mirror and actually liked what I saw.

 **"Too bad they'll never see you as anything more than a cat killing psychopath", My thoughts hissed. "All their talk about love and family was just to make you not want to fight back. They're gonna turn you into an obedient little retard who never questions them ever again."** Dark thoughts still swirling in my mind I sank into the partially filled tub hissing at the heat. The shampoo found its way into every little cut burning the fuck out of my already battered hands. I relished the pain using it as a means to ground myself in the severity of the situation. Lately I had been letting my hair grow out as a protective measure against the blustering winds. Keeping it chin length kept my ears warm thanks to me inheriting my mother's thickness and texture. By the time I was done scrubbing the white bubbles floating around were tinged pink. Undaunted I took the time to scrub every inch of myself in hopes of leaving my shitty mood behind.

A sharp rap at the door told me Greg was still awake, his voice then confirmed that fact, "Are you about done in there? Doctor Maheshwaren just called, one of her appointments cancelled so she can get you in today. If we leave now we might actually manage to get there early", It may have been my imagination but Greg sounded mighty cheerful. Hell for all I know the dude gets his rocks off by forcing people to conform. Huffing I hauled my pruney ass out of the tub and quickly dried myself with the orange towel that had been unofficially dubbed mine. "At least the hot water took most of the ache out of my hands", I thought flexing my fingers. Eager to get this bullshit appointment over with I threw on the white dress shirt and jeans I grabbed. I pulled my hoodie on over the clean clothes immediately rendering them useless since I hadn't washed the thing in months. Refusing to look at Greg I threw on my boots and sulked to the passenger side of the van.

"Alright Miss Everburn I have a few questions for you and it is very important that you answer them honestly. I'm not here to judge you", Dr. Maheshwaren smiled at me in a way that I think was supposed to be comforting. "Over the last two weeks, how often have you been bothered by any of the following problems?" She went through the questionnaire with precision, asking me follow ups when I answered yes. Yes I have had trouble concentrating and taking pleasure in things I normally enjoy. You bet your ass I'm listless, you would be too if you worked third shift right before going to school. Feeling hopeless, yeah doc massive fucking understatement there, honestly I feel like I'm nothing but a mindless meat puppet. I was grateful that the good doctor insisted that Greg stayed in the waiting room for this. Last thing I needed was him hearing about my inner turmoil and using it as an excuse to get rid of me.

An hour later I was handed a white bag and thanked the young woman behind the glass of the clinic's built in pharmacy. Two pills a day, one in the morning and one before bed, that was my penitence for losing control of my emotions. The first was a combination mood stabilizer and anti anxiety pill that I had to take when I woke up. The other was an antidepressant that would double as a sleep aid since I mentioned I had trouble with that. At least they should make it so I don't remember having nightmares or dreams in general. Any sort of third shift job was completely out of the question now that I was a slave to my pill schedule. Gordon didn't seem too upset when I talked to him on the phone and said I could reapply during the Summer.

Humiliated, medicated, and jobless I rode back home to once again find myself a pariah. Everyone kept watching me like they expected me to lose my shit at any moment. I determinedly ignored Rose's questions about how the last minute appointment went. Greg was keeping Steven away from me by having him watch a movie with Amethyst and Lapis. Jasper sort of hovered near me like she needed to be there to jump in and protect everyone from the dangerous psycho. Dejected and a little hazy from the meds kicking in, they told me I needed to take a double dose of both right away to get them in my system, I trudged back to the barn. Climbing into bed felt like too much work so I curled up on the floor next to the heater and fell into the blackness of sleep.

"Oh sure yeah let's just go to sleep in the middle of the fucking walk way, great plan Wulfie. It's not like the rest of us need to get through here", Ruby's annoyed voice coupled with a hard nudge to my side dragged me back to the right side of consciousness. Ruby was standing over me her expression thunderous and her hands on her narrow hips. "Christo Wulfie", She snarled voice rising in pitch with every syllable, "Are you retardado? Get out of the way", Her leg lifted again as if to kick me, "I've got shit I need to do." Thinking and comprehending what was going on was proving to be a task of monumental difficulty at the moment. My brain felt like it was about 90% pudding and struggled to make sense of the other girl's words as they were spoken. A foot slammed home in my side with a surprising amount of force causing me to roll away from the blow. "Fodidamente patético", Ruby hissed rearing back for another blow when she was interrupted by a familiar nasally voice.

"Ruby you clod", Peridot was standing in the now open doorway a messenger bag slung over her shoulder, "What the hell are you doing?" Rather than answering Ruby just huffed making a show of stepping over me to get to her bed. I wasn't sure what the short girl's sudden issue with me was, we never had any problem before. I even helped her practice baseball so she wouldn't look bad in front of her crush. Generally we'd leave each other alone and everything ran nice and smooth so what changed? Brain finally catching up to the fact that I had been attacked I lurched to my feet nearly falling over in the process. "Stars Wulfenite it appears you weren't exaggerating this morning, they have you quite sedated", Peri draped my arm around her shoulder to keep me upright.

The contact sent warm pulses of electricity through me returning the feeling of unrestrained contentment. You know those stupid teen movies where the main character goes to his first party and gets slipped Ecstasy? One pill and suddenly they go from a slightly nerdy fool to a drooling mess that tries to cuddle on everyone, seems far fetched right? Well that's how I felt being pressed against Peridot and let me tell you that shit was fucking amazing. I couldn't hold back a little giggle from escaping my throat, "Peri man you don't even know the half of it. 'M pretty sure I'm stoned out of my fuckin mind, is this what it's gonna be like forever? Because if so I don't think I'm okay with that, by the way did you know your hoodie is super soft?" In the back of my mind I couldn't help but imagine what my parents would say if they could see me. It was pathetic how quickly I had succumbed to the chemical whims of the medication coursing through my veins. Anger tried to fight its way past the wall of mellowness that held my mind captive.

"Everyone reacts differently", Peridot explained while we walked the few feet to my bed. "Currently your neurons are being overwhelmed by the amount of serotonin your body is putting out. Neurotransmitters like serotonin and its cousin dopamine are the brain's chemical reward system. When we do something that, evolutionary speaking, benefits us the brain releases them to train us to keep doing that thing. People suffering from mental illnesses like depression or anxiety are often treated with medications that raise the base levels of these chemicals in their brain. In two to four weeks your body should adjust to these new chemical levels and their effects won't be as severe." Her explanation complete Peridot looked at her feet where they hung off the edge of my bed, "At least that's what I've read. When I was put on my anxiety medication it was like someone shut off my ability to think properly. As I said everyone reacts differently so if you feel something isn't right you should contact your doctor right away, understand?"

"Holy fuck you're smart", I cheered in response, "Like damn dude that sounded like somethin out of a textbook. No wonder Lapis has the hots for you", Grinning like an idiot I put my arm around Peridot's waist and tipped us backwards. Her little squeak of surprise made me pause on my way to rest my head on her stomach. "Fuck man I'm sorry I didn't even ask you if this was okay or anythin, fuck. Make sure you tell me if what I'm doin isn't okay, I'm sorry I can't believe I just did that." I went to pull away but Peridot's arm tightened around my back keeping me in place. "Serious Peri consent is like the only thing I ain't ever gonna not ask for. You got every right to tell me to fuck off if I do somethin you aren't okay with, I won't even be mad." The steady beat of her heart in my ear was nice and I nuzzled into the soft fabric of her lime colored hoodie. "You never even told me what you're doin here nerd, shouldn't you be home playin your new game?"

"Thank you for you concern but I assure you I'm fine, should you do anything I'm uncomfortable with I'll let you know." Peridot shifted slightly on the bed adjusting our positions so we were laying on it properly. One of her hands started rubbing my back while the other gesticulated along with her words. "As I stated earlier today you have no reason to feel ashamed for getting help with your mental health. You expressed concern that those around you would see you differently, as something to be feared. I had hoped that by coming here I could not only offer you support as someone who has gone through it but also show you that we're still friends. My mother is once again out of town for a series of conferences so I planned on remaining here for the evening."

"Cool plan Peri", I chuckled curling myself closer, "But like won't Lapis get pissed off? I'm not expert on the dynamics of modern relationships but I'm pretty sure it's not okay to use your friend's girlfriend as a life sized teddy bear. Even if said girlfriend is super cute and perfectly sized to be a slumber companion." I closed my eyes taking in the smell of electronics mixed with Mountain Dew that clung to my bed mate. The combination was weird; not the best thing I've ever sniffed, but it definitely suited Peridot. "That ain't even gettin into if Rose will be cool with you bein here with me or not. Don't know if Garnet got into the details about what went down in the office or not but suffice it to say she ain't happy with me. Thinks I'm too dangerous for regular folks unless I'm too doped up to function right." After several minutes of silence I spoke up, "Hey Peri", at her hum of acknowledgment I continued, "Thanks. I know I'm kind of shitty to be around most of the time and I really don't know why you wanted to be my friend so bad but I'm glad you did. You're the best angry little slice of pie I've ever met", I yawned into her chest.

"I am not cute", Peridot all but screeched earning the two of us an angry grumble from the direction of Ruby's bed. "Unlike the rest of the clods in this town I am a highly intelligent being, you're all lucky to know me." I did nothing to hide my laughter, after feeling like shit for the past day it felt good to let go. "Regardless of my physical appearance being cute I fail to see why there would be issues with us sharing a bed. Unless", Her tone suddenly became mischievous and I glanced up at her worriedly, "Do you intend on becoming sexually intimate with me?" Of all the fucking questions she could have asked she had to pick the one that made my face burn like a furnace. Seeing me flustered Peridot does her trademark impression of a crazed super villain, "Nyhehehe funny I never expected you to be a prude. Neither of us harbor sexual or romantic feelings for one another so logically there is no reason for Lapis to get upset. I will admit I had not considered the fact that your guardian might oppose to my presence. Miss Quartz has never objected before it seems illogical that now she would try to separate you from what she considers a good influence."

"Peri m'friend let me tell you, of all the things I've learned in life the biggest is that humans don't always run on logic. Pride tends to get in the way of us makin good choices and seein from other folk's point of view. Come to think of it that might be why pride is considered the worst of all the deadly sins. We're sensitive, emotional, jealous fuckin messes who can barely pull our heads out of our asses long enough to not kill each other. Some days I wonder how the hell we lasted this long as the dominant species", I yawned again stretching myself out across the bed. The barn door slams open just as I settle myself back into the curve of Peridot's neck revealing Lapis, Jasper, and Amethyst. Peridot and I both froze as Lapis cuts off mid sentence to stare at the two of us.

"Well don't you two look cozy", Lapis said in an empty voice blue eyes bearing down on us. "Oh please don't move on my account", She started walking over to the bed boots damn near soundless on the wooden floor. Fear trickled down my spine, dulled significantly thanks to the cocktail of feel good chemicals I had ingested. It was perhaps the strangest thing I've ever felt, I mean my mind was trying to go into full on panic mode but my body was all "chill out bro everything's cool". Lapis was a master of the unreadable expression so I had no clue what was going on behind those emotionless eyes of hers. She was at the side of the bed before I could open my mouth to offer some sort of explanation. Correct me if I'm wrong, and I probably am given that 90% of what I know about relationships comes from bad TV sitcoms, but saying "it's not what it looks like" is a sure fire way to get them to assume it IS what it looks like. Peridot was right on the money when she said I had no sexual intentions with her. I mean hell I don't have sexual intentions with anybody I'm just not wired to want that sort of stuff. In the time I was trying to figure out what to say to explain myself Lapis flopped on the bed laying bodily across Peridot and I. Little snorting giggles escaped her throat, slightly muffled by Peri's shoulder, "Oh man you two are too easy."

"Stars Lazuli you're going to give me a heart attack", Peridot griped, "And you're crushing my arm." Lapis only hummed in response shifting some so Peridot could free her trapped limb. Turns out cuddling while under the influence of happy time brain meds is fucking amazing, who would've thought? Bony as they both were Lapis and Peridot gave off an aura of warmth that I couldn't help but melt in to. Chancing at the fact that the two of them were distracted I wound my arm around Lapis's back rubbing in slow circles. I was still snuggled against the short blonde's neck so I was treated with a first hand view of her reaction to Lapis. Her heart was beating super fast now and her breathing rate had increased slightly. "Anyways", Peridot continued, "As I was saying to Wulfenite my mother is away for the next week or so. Under the assumption that I would be granted permission I packed my things with the intention of remaining here for the rest of the evening."

"Woo P-Dot comin to party", Amethyst cheered pumping her fist up and down like an obnoxious frat boy. "Never woulda pictured you for the type to get lit on a school night Peridactyle. Guess we're rubbin off on ya", She unceremoniously flung herself into my already over crowded bed. Her head landed on Lapis's chest as one of her knees drives home on my lady bits. "Ow fuck Wulfie", She snarled when my elbow reflexively jerked making contact with her back. "Watch where your cuzinho magro puts those damn things you're gonna put someone's eye out." There were too many bodies on my bed, too much weight pinning me down, too many wandering hands. For the second time in less than an hour hysteria bubbled up in my chest only to be met half way and squashed by artificial calm. Amethyst's knee was still grinding none too pleasantly against parts of me that had no desire for human contact.

Uncomfortable as I was it was actually Peridot who broke first, "Alright you clods get off! I know you can't get enough of the great and lovable Peridot but if you want this sleepover to be a thing I'll need to speak to Miss Quartz." Neither Lapis nor Amethyst moved for several moments then they started moving all at once leading to flailing limbs and painful elbows. Another fist ended up connecting hard with the side of my face making me jerk to the side headbutting a very annoyed Peridot. I opened my mouth to apologize but before I could say anything I ended up inhaling some of Amethyst's hair. "Jasper", At her name the largest of us seemed to shake out of her confused stupor, "Could you please remove these two pebbles?" Chuckling darkly to herself the hulking teen slipped one arm under Lapis and one under Amethyst. She lifted the two of them like sacks of potatoes and dropped them in a heap onto the next bed over. With the extra weight off me I lifted myself up so Peridot could escape my bed.

Laughing like the over sized kids that they are Lapis and Amethyst managed to pull Jasper into the bed with them. Even seeing what was going on with my own two eyes I had to admit the noises coming out of them as they wrestled around sounded anything but innocent. "Dudes", Ruby yelled from her bunk, "Rule number one was no weird hookups when other people are awake. It's literally the first thing on that list thing they made us sign", She face palmed so hard I thought she was going to break her nose. It would've been endearing if I could manage to ignore her kicking me around earlier. Normally, the eternal flame that is, Ruby and I are on chill terms with each other. Far as I can remember we never had any issues yet there she was literally kicking me when I was down. I made a mental note to ask her about it later provided I could remember to. 

Unable to meet her gaze I rolled off the bed to strip away my jeans and button down in favor of sleepwear. Figuring that sharing the bed with Peridot was already pushing my luck I settled on sleeping in my flannel and sweatpants instead of just my boxers. Outside the light was fading fast thanks to the fickle daylight on the East coast. Winter in New England meant that amount of light had no direct relation to time, how could it when the sun was down by fucking 5? A cursory glance at the clock told me it was a little after eight in the evening. An early bedtime for sure but today was hell so I think I can be forgiven for not holding up to teenage stereotypes. Eventually Peridot returned proudly proclaiming that Rose thought her sleeping over was an excellent idea. Her reappearance seemed to be the signal for everyone else to start getting ready for bed. Lapis didn't even bat an eye when Peridot slipped into bed next to me wearing her silly alien shorts and a tank top. I shuffled over to make some room, I could have moved closer to the wall if I wanted but I really didn't. Having Peridot close was really nice after feeling like a fucking outcast all day. 

Hours later, I think I mean the barn light was out and everyone was quiet so I assumed it was late, I was still awake staring at the wall. Behind me Peridot's cheek was mushed in between my shoulder blades and her arm was draped around my hip. She was warm, soft, and thought I was safe even when the adults in charge of my well being feared for their son. Bitterly my thoughts drifted to my father and what he would say about my current situation. To him it was the equivalent of castration, removing the rage from a viking was like ripping the venom glands out of a viper. It was the highest of sins one that needed to be met with swift punishment and ridicule. A frustrated noise sounded in the back of my throat; even after years of not seeing him the bastard still had a grip on me. Why is it that kids are programmed to seek parental approval at all costs even when their parents couldn't give two shits about them? It's like being intentionally given an impossible task then getting your heart stomped on every time you messed up. Hot tears stung the corners of my aching eyes escaping before I had the chance to scrub them away.

I wanted to thrash, to kick and scream and rage against everything like the angst ridden piece of shit that I was. Peridot's arm tightened pulling our bodies closer together, halting my movements. A song like mantra tumbled quietly from my bed mate's lips, "Take a moment to think of just flexibility, love, and trust." She hummed softly into my back until the tension ebbed out of me and I released the breath I hadn't realized I was holding. "Remember it was just a thought, no matter how shitty it makes you feel it was just a thought. Garnet taught me that when I was having a really bad anxiety attack, it helped a lot." I hummed in response encouraging her to continue, "You aren't alone Wulfenite. I'm here, Lapis is here, Amethyst is here, Garnet, Pearl, we're all on your side. You don't need to feel alone, now for the love of the stars go to sleep you aren't skipping school."


	22. Snow Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang enjoy a day off school in a winter wonderland

"Noooo", Lapis groaned from the top bunk almost managing to drown out the alarm blaring from Peridot's phone. "Turn that fucking thing off already", The bed shook around me as my companion fumbled for the offending device. Blissful silence filled the air for all of three seconds before our actual alarm clock started ringing. Next to me Peridot was getting out of bed and I followed suit shivering from the loss of warmth. The barn had become a fucking ice box overnight, seriously I could see frost gathering on the interior windows. Gods help me the little blonde hadn't been kidding when she said weird dreams were a possibility. The details were fuzzy but I'm fairly sure I had been dreaming about playing baseball against five angry red versions of Ruby. Fuck man I gotta stop watching that weird cartoon about magical space rocks it was clearly frying my brain.

"Quit your bitching Water Witch", Jasper growled from somewhere in the darkness of predawn. "You don't hear the rest of us complaining", Blinding light filled the barn thanks to the switch being pulled. Usually the overhead lights didn't make an appearance in the morning since they were bright as fuck. Guess Jasper was feeling petty or something, I don't know, all I know is I didn't appreciate it. By the muffled Portuguese coming from Amethyst's bed I'm guessing she wasn't a fan either. Putting the light switch next to Jasper's bed had been my idea because I was feeling lazy when Greg and I installed the lights. Were I more alert I might have accepted my punishment from Lady Karma with good humor. Half blind I stumbled towards my clothes shelf figuring four days was about the most I could get away with wearing the same shirt. Honestly I had probably wore the things way more than four times in between washings but fuck if I could remember. 

"Ugh it's too early to think", I moaned despondently, "Amethyst what the fuck should I wear today? My flannel smells like blonde nerd mixed with road kill, I can't even take it anymore." Given my utter disdain for anything resembling water you can imagine just how rank my clothes could get before I decided they needed to be washed. I'd love to say I had some long complex reason why I hated getting wet but honestly there isn't one. I just don't like the way it feels, to me water drops feel like weird shit crawling all over my skin. Floating freaks me out too, if I can even manage it; sinking like a stone is par for the course whenever I get near the pool. One time Lapis tried convincing me to join her in the smaller than average lake. Not even thirty minutes into our adventure and I nearly drowned, Lapis had to give me mouth to mouth. Maybe Peridot was on to something when she called me a clod, chunks of dirt sink right?

"Fuck clothes man they're just another tool used by the patriarchy to keep us down. Power to the feminine form vida longa à revolução", Was Amethyst's oh so helpful response. Said girl was standing dramatically at the end of her bed posing in nothing but a pair of purple panties. "Shake that bony ass of yours as you free yourself from the shackles of heteronormitivity. Or conversely you could wear that shirt I got you for Christmas, I'm pretty sure it's clean." I shook my head fighting back a smile, only Amethyst could be silly at this unholy hour. Following her advice I grabbed the bright blue shirt emblazoned with orange lettering that spelled "Sun's out, puns out". No idea where she found the thing but I'll be damned if it isn't the greatest fucking shirt ever. It was much brighter than what I would normally wear but as a connoisseur of fine word play I couldn't help but love it. 

"Oh good you're all up", A voice far to chipper for its own good called from the door. Rose Quartz let herself inside wearing a heavy winter coat face still pink from the cold. My expression darkened when I noticed the bright orange plastic bottle in her hand. "Come on out to the house for some breakfast, you aren't going to school today. Another six inches got dumped on us last night so the board decided you were getting the day off." I wanted to join in with Amethyst and Lapis' excited cheering but I couldn't pull my gaze away from the pill bottle in Rose's hand. She really wasn't going to trust me enough to take the meds on my own was she? I mean she could have at least left them on top of the fridge while she grabbed us for breakfast. There was no reason to drag them out here unless she really thought I was going to ignore taking them. The whole thing reeked of blatant disrespect and a deep seated lack of trust that I felt was undeserved. 

Mood sour I trooped to the house with everyone else thanking Odin for whoever invented waterproof shoes. Snow drifts higher than my waist served as walls to the well traveled path we had to the main house. Frigid wind easily defeated my hair armor to cut into my earlobes like razor blades. The heavenly smell of fresh brewed coffee was the first thing I registered when I made it inside. Rapidly melted snow puddled by the door from all of us shaking ourselves off. Stiff fingers made unknotting my boots a real bitch and that added to my shitty mood. Suddenly full of energy I rushed for the pot and the new mug Peridot had gifted me for Christmas. It was white with a pixelated heart design that turned red in response to hot liquids. Call me a nerd all you want but the first thing I thought of when I saw it was filling up heart containers in Zelda. Considering I ran almost exclusively on coffee most days calling it my life force wasn't a stretch. A tap on my shoulder caused me to reflexively flinch and spill scalding coffee down my hand. "Shit", I hissed before turning to glare at whoever dared interrupt my date with the liquid embodiment of perfection.

"Language Wulfenite", Rose chastised softly, "Between you and Amethyst it's a wonder Steven hasn't picked up any of your vocabulary choices." I don't know if that was supposed to be a joke or not, to me it just sounded like more criticism. Oh yes we wouldn't want precious little Steven learning bad words from the scary criminals. "I wouldn't recommend taking this with something warm; these things tend to dissolve quickly." She held up the oblong white pill so it was at my eye level, yep definitely didn't trust me. I didn't bother trying to hide how much I hated all of this, how much I resented her for what was happening. Snatching the medication out of her hand I swallowed the damn thing dry and chased it with my coffee. Fuck she wasn't kidding about it being quick dissolving, I could feel the grit coating my throat. 

"Keep off my prescriptions Quartz", I all but spat, "Or at least have the decency to pretend you trust me. Believe it or not I'm not a child", I took another huge gulp of coffee letting the blistering heat of the drink ground me. It washed away the powdered gunk that was sticking to the inside ogf my mouth. "S'bad enough you're forcin these things on me, you can at least pretend I have a choice." Partly to prove a point and partly because I think eggs are gross I ignored the food on the stove in favor of cereal. After some serious nagging from Coach Opal I switched out my Frosted Flakes and Lucky Charms for some fru fru healthy shit that tasted like sticks. According to the box it was packed with all sorts of good for you shit, you think they'd fit some flavor in there too. A weird pulsing warmth was starting in my typically freezing hands, another weird side effect I'd be dealing with.

Rose blinked at me a few times like she was trying to process what I was saying. We were still the only ones in the actual kitchen; everyone else was off in the living room doing fuck knows what. "Wulfenite I'm trying to be reasonable here, please meet me halfway with this. Daniel was kind enough to fax over the records from your mandated counseling sessions. You have a history of doing everything you can to get out of taking medications. I want to believe I can trust you but it's hard when you're a known manipulator. Tomorrow morning you and I are going down to Daniel's office to discuss further treatment methods." She kept her words slow as if she was patiently explaining something to a screaming child. This was such bullshit she was treating me like Higgins was, like I was nothing but my rap sheet. 

"It's too fucking early", Malachite lumbered in from the direction of the living room. Like me her goal was the coffee pot and not breakfast like the others filling the kitchen. Things were weird between Malachite and I; it's like we were both determined to ignore what happened over Thanksgiving but weren't able too. She was so much like me and I hated her for that just like I hated myself for even existing. At the same time she understood me, understood what it was like to constantly teeter on the edge of destruction. Ugh it was too fucking early to be dealing with introspection I just wanted to go back to my bed. The heart on my mug was only about half red at this point so I downed its contents faster. Our eyes met for a second before her gaze flicked to the orange bottle still on the counter between Rose and I. Anger flashed across her face, not at me I don't think but at the bottle and what it implied. 

Turns out I wasn't the first person back to the barn, Amethyst was snoring her head off when I opened the door. She was in my bed because of course she was, seriously why the fuck does everyone like my bed so much? Tired and cold I climbed the little ladder to Lapis' bunk and burrowed into her soft blue blanket. Steven had bought her a fleece throw printed with Van Goug's classic Starry Starry Night. Hopefully Lazuli wouldn't mind me crashing up here because there was no fucking way I was sleeping in Amethyst's bed. Who the fuck eats junk food in bed and lets the crumbs fucking marinade for months on end? Like it's not just chips and stuff, there are fucking chicken bones under her pillow. My tolerance for filth is higher than most but I wouldn't slip between those sheets if you paid me. **"And yet Pearl would rather snuggle up to that than so much as give you the time of day", My good friend self depreciation piped up.**

Five and a half hours later found me with a snow shovel diligently clearing the path from the front of the barn to the house. Greg, who had decided it was best to cut his losses, hadn't bothered opening up the car wash. Instead he was out running a snow blower he borrowed up and down the packed dirt that acted as our driveway. The aging rock star and I still weren't talking to each other and he seemed dead set on keeping me away from Steven. In the back of my head I couldn't help but wonder how much of that was his idea and how much was Rose. Somewhere off in the wintry wonderland the cheerful little boy was playing with Lapis, Amethyst, and Peridot. I was more than a little frustrated that keeping me away from Steven was so important that it got my fellows out of snow removal duty. Ruckus laughter echoed across the white landscape reminding me that the world existed outside of the literal walls I had made around myself. Between my mad shoveling skills and the little chute thingy on the snowblower the formerly waist high walls were as tall as my shoulders.

"Rally the men we must defend the fortress from the evil snow beasts", Steven's exaggerated battle cry rang out. "Be brave soldiers we have the high ground", He continued on and I imagined him striking some kind of dramatic pose. Recently, at least that I've noticed, Steven and his little lady friend have been spending a lot of time hanging out with the mailman. Jaime wanted to be an actor, he made no secret of that fact and would talk your head off about it if given an opening. He was convinced that his big break was just around the corner; at least he delivered the mail on time. Over the summer he had even convinced the town's bumbling idiot of a mayor to fund a play for him to direct/star in. Steven had of course jumped at the chance to participate, I guess the drama bug was still inside him. Putting my shovel down I vaulted over the snow pile to see what exactly was going on.

Doing that went about as well as you would expect i.e sinking into the snow up past my knee before I could get very far. Fuck that shit was cold, I immediately yanked my leg out swearing under my breath. After some searching around I found a spot low enough for me to use to escape my tunnel of winter doom. Past the edges of the drift the snow was about to the middle point between my foot and knee. Compared to the flat monochrome landscape around them Steven's snow fort stood out like a beacon. It was a curved wall stretching about six feet from the points of the arc and as thick as my arm. The height and symmetry of the thing screamed Peridot, no one else here was that meticulous. Snowballs were flying out from behind the thing at an impressive rate that was sure to deter invaders. Across from it Jasper, Malachite, and Ruby were hastily constructing their own wall to protect them from the projectiles.

Too curious for my own good I made for the looming battle wishing I had the motivation to go back for my shovel. "Unidentified invader preparing attack drones", Peridot shouted from behind the wall. "Launching projectiles; die die die die", She laughed maniacally as a flurry of snowballs flew at me. "Nyhehehehe prepare the ultimate weapon", Holy Odin this bitch took this shit way too seriously. I scrambled across the field trying to make it to the shelter the others were setting up. Frozen balls hit my shoulders and back until I adopted a serpentine movement. "Deploying The Cluster", Peridot, Lapis, and Steven all yelled in perfect unison. There was a wooshing sound and a glob of snow the size of a watermelon flew out from the wall. The thing hit me hard in the center of the back toppling me into the barely built wall and destroying it. I landed on top of Jasper with a heavy thump which sent her into Ruby and Malachite like a human domino.

"Victory for the shorty squad", Amethyst cheered running out from behind their fort with the others in tow. Peridot was practically strutting with a smug look on her predominantly scowling face. Lapis had Steven riding on her shoulders like some conquering king surveying his spoils. He was in the puffy pink coat his mom got him for Christmas with a red scarf around his neck. His cheeks and nose were tinted red from the exposure to the cold, a trait I'm sure we all shared. "Losers gotta make the winners hot coco", Amethyst declared authoritatively, "It's in like the Magna Carta or something. Come on up you get", She reached for my leather gloved hand and pulled me easily to my feet. My shoulder ached like a son of a bitch from where I was hit and I knew I'd have a bruise. 

Brushing the snow from my own coat, yet another generous donation from Rose, I scoffed. "Typically soldiers aren't supposed to go after civilians and non combatants dude. Bet your asses I'll be writing in to the high chancellor of frozen warfare about these trespasses. There's gonna be one hell of a tribunal, the council takes these things very seriously. Wouldn't surprise me if y'all end up in front of the firin squad for your crimes. Last person who tried that shit was Napoleon when he invaded Russia and we all know how that turned out." Braying like donkeys eight of us hauled our frozen asses back to the house in time to see Greg packing up the snowblower.

"Peridot there you are", Greg called when we were within hearing range, "Rose wanted me to ask if you wanted to spend another night here. If you want to go we should leave now while the roads are passable, they're calling for more snow tonight. Half of Beach City got its power knocked out by ice piling up on the electrical lines. Like I said we can go if you want but why would you want to go home to an ice box? You'll turn into a Pericicle", He laughed at his own joke even when nobody else did. Like the rest of us he was bundled up in thick winter garb complete with knit scarf and mittens. His face was red and shining with sweat from his earlier exertion; he tried to meet my eyes but I looked away. 

"I was going to request a ride home but in light of this new information I think I'll stay until power is restored. However is there any chance you can drive me home long enough for me to procure some additional clothing? My current appearance modifiers have become rather unpleasant to wear in their current state." Peridot's unusual cadence and names for things had earned itself a special name from Amethyst, Peri-phrasing. Sometimes if there was nothing better to do Amethyst would grab random shit just to hear what Peri called it. Imitation attempts made by the small Latina were always a sight to behold and I had to admit she was getting better. Give it a couple months and I'd be willing to bet the impression would be dead on. Peridot though, clearly torn between irritation and amusement, called her efforts "a significant waste of energy".

The rest of the day passed with very little worth noting, except for the fact that Rose once again hand fed me my medication. She didn't try to hide her intentions or try to justify them she just walked up to me with the bottle and ordered me to take the pill in front of everyone. We were all hanging out in the living room watching one of Steven's cartoons. I felt humiliated and maybe a little bit violated that something that shouldn't be anyone's business but mine was dragged into the open. What's worse was the looks of pity and revulsion on the faces of the other folks in the room. Lapis opened her mouth to say something but closed it after a harsh shake of my head. This was my battle to fight and damn it I wouldn't give Rose another chance to tell everyone how dangerous I was. Peridot patted my leg under the blanket we were sharing; **"Yes there's a good girl take your retard pill. Mustn't have you overly excited before beddy by time", Fuck i hated my brain.**

In the darkness of the barn the sound of footsteps broke the lingering quiet of sleeping bodies. At my coaxing Peridot had bunked with Lapis this time because I didn't want to look dependent. That had been a while ago and I had spent my time listening to those around me drifting off to sleep. Whatever was in the nighttime medication made my brain all sorts of fuzzy creating a pleasing static between my ears. My bed dipped harshly, someone was climbing in next to me and I didn't know who. Arms ensnared me from both sides pressing me close to a bony chest; fuck not again. I tried to go rigid but of course my brain was very much set to "chill the fuck out" mode. Even the fear didn't stay very long when put against an overwhelming chemical assault. "Don't worry I ain't gonna hurt ya not when yer so messed up you can't tell which way is up." A cold hand traveled up and down my side, "Shhh yer gonna be just fine I promise." 

Tears trickled slowly down my face; there was no point in fighting back, not anymore. Even if I did manage to get her off me we'd both get bitched at for fighting. Three strikes would mean I had used up any second chances, it was a one way ticket back to my cell. Back to a concrete building where I had zero chance of making a future for myself. I braced myself waiting for Malachite to slip that wandering hand of her's down my boxers. Thinking I was going to have the bed to myself I hadn't gone through the trouble of finding pants to sleep in. Her hand never moved from my side though not even to wander under the fabric of my shirt. The slow repetitive movements were working in tandem with my meds making me damn relaxed, Tyr fucking help me. Malachite loosened her grip when she realized I wasn't going to fight her but she stayed close. Here comes an interesting moral quandary, what do you do when the reason you're fucked up is comforting you for being fucked up? I racked my brain as hard as I could but by the time sleep claimed me I still didn't have an answer. 

Malachite wasn't in my bed the next morning when Rose came in to announce that school was once again closed. In fact there wasn't any evidence that she had been there at all, what the hell? While I looked around trying to figure out what was going on Rose bent down to lightly tap my shoulder. "The roads are too dangerous for us to drive right now so it's looking like we're going to miss our appointment. I'll give Daniel a call when his office opens to see if we can do this over the phone. You should take your morning medication now even if you aren't planning on staying awake. Consistency will help your body adjust better", Apathy made the choice an easy one. It had been made abundantly clear that I had no say in the matter so what was the point of fighting it? Maybe if I did what they said they would go easy on me and things could return to the way they were before. Head down I trudged barefoot through the path I cleared ignoring Rose's concern over my lack of clothing. 

Pill down I padded into the living room figuring I'd let my mind wander in front of the TV screen until I fell asleep again. Rose settled herself next to me, leaving half a cushion between us, with a mug of steaming floral tea in her hand. Taking a steadying breath I steeled myself for one last attempt at pleading my case. Rose seemed calmer today than she had been, maybe she would be willing to listen to reason. "I don't like this pills Rose, they're makin it hard for me to tell what's real or not. Makin me feel things that ain't normal, makin me tired all the damn time even when I ain't done nothin. Malachite is plannin somethin, I know she is, even if I can't figure out what. She's gonna hurt people Rose you gotta believe me, she messed me up real bad before and she's gonna do it again. Please Rose, she climbed into bed with me and wouldn't leave even when I said no." I had been staring into the TV for the majority of my speech but chanced a glance at her when I was done. 

Rose's face was set her expression stern, "You're not getting out of this Wulfenite. I'll make a deal with you though, your system hasn't had a chance to fully adjust to the medication. If you're still experiencing these symptoms after the adjustment period is over we'll go back to Dr. Maheshwaran okay?" It wasn't what I wanted but it was a reasonable compromise, I could work with that. A spark of hope bloomed in my chest only to be snuffed out by her follow up sentence. "Daniel did mention that you seemed to be fixated on Malachite that last time you spoke to him. I promise you're just having bad dreams no one here is going to hurt you, you're safe." With that statement she stood signaling that she considered the conversation over. I curled up on the couch; it wasn't as comfortable as my bed but at least I was alone. 

The "conversation" with Higgins was a fucking joke consisting of him constantly asking Rose if she wanted to send me back and start fresh with a better candidate. They barely let me get two words in about Malachite before Higgins scoffed, "Not this again Miss Everburn. I have already told you, whatever animosity you may have with Miss Barrows is no excuse for inventing stories about her." I tuned them out at that point feeling despondent, no matter what they weren't going to listen. Jasper, Ruby, and Steven were in the living room when I escaped the stupid phone meeting thing. Steven explained that Greg had driven Peridot home and Lapis went with him. The three of them were having a marathon of Lonely Blade movies that they said I was welcome to join in. Shaking my head I walked back to the barn shivering in the sweat pants and t-shirt I was wearing. 

My bed wasn't empty for long after I returned to the soft gray embrace of my sheets. I didn't say anything when I felt her weight behind me I just rolled over so I was on my stomach. "This is bullshit", I mumbled into my pillow, "Either you're a fuckin hallucination or you're real and they don't believe me. I hate this; I hate feelin like this, I hate how much you get me, I hate you for what you did. Hate that I'm so fucked up", I felt tears making the short trip from my eyes to the pillow. Weight settled against my side and I relished in the comfort like the pathetic piece of shit that I was. Eventually I rolled over and let Malachite tuck my head under her chin, when she squeezed I squeezed back. I woke up alone to a cold bed and a wet pillow; there was no point in getting up so I rolled back over.


	23. Perspective Shift

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time and pressure can grind a man to dust, it can also turn coal into diamonds

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy shit you guys 150 kudos that is amazing! To celebrate I've done up an extra long chapter. THere will be a bit of a POV shift in the beginning so heads up

The sound of heavy thumping at her door jolted Peridot's focus from the complex series of platforms she was trying to navigate her character through. It was almost three in the morning on a Saturday, no one should have been around. As per usual her mother was away this time staying late at the office to finish some reports or something. Honestly the blonde hadn't been paying much attention when she received the information via a clipped text message. Her mother spent more time away from home than she ever had actually being a parent anyway. Another short burst of knocks came from the door causing a growl of annoyance to slip from the teen's lips. "Keep your pants on clod", She yelled wrapping her X Files throw around herself in place of clothes. February or not the blonde still hated the feeling of fabric against her skin while she played games. Not expecting to see another person at her door until the next time she called for delivery the girl had stripped down to nothing but her white alien shorts.

Grasping the knob she flung the heavy wooden barrier to the side speaking before it was fully open, "What the fuck is it?" Green eyes fell on a sight that would have likely been humorous if it weren't so sad. Standing on the front steps and utterly bare, save for a pair of charcoal boxers, was Wulfenite. Blue eyes were red rimmed from crying and bloodshot from lack of proper sleep. Tufts of her strange ginger hair were literally frozen, the ice crystals glittering in the streetlights. "Oh my stars", Peridot shrieked rushing out to embrace her friend, "Wulfenite it's freezing what are you doing?" The flesh under her small hands was like ice to the touch, "Did you seriously walk here like this? Get your clody ass in here", Surprisingly it took very little effort to get Wulfenite to comply. She seemed to be dazed mumbling incoherently under her breath and shivering uncontrollably. "Here sit down", Peridot tugged off the fleece blanket she was using and wrapped it around her guest, "I'll find you some clothes."

"S-s-she got me when I got out of the shower, a little bit after Rose made me take my nighttime dose. Hands everywhere, talkin about how we clearly both wanted this after everything that was happening. Sayin how she couldn't get how well I took her last time out of her head because she got off so hard. S-she touched me again", Wulfenite had began her monologue in an empty tone but her voice broke at the end. Fat tears were rolling down her scrunched face soaking into the borrowed blanket. Peridot froze on her way to the tiny hallway that led from the living room to the bedrooms. Her eyes narrowed in confusion, what on Earth was the other girl even talking about? Calloused hands gripped her shoulders with an uncomfortable amount of force, "Tried to tell Rose you know. Been tellin her for close to three weeks that she was climbin in my bed after the lights were off. Rose told me I was just havin bad dreams", Choking bitter laughter bubbled up from her throat. "She promised me that she would keep me safe when I came to live with her, she promised that everything would be okay." More tears were falling now faster than before and the lithe teenager shook with sobs. "Asshole case manager got it in her head that I'm nothin but a fuckin liar. I started believin them too thinkin that maybe I was rememberin it wrong", She shook her head sounding defeated. 

Peridot froze when the other girl sagged against her crumpling like a roof whose support beam had been destroyed. She couldn't adjust to the weight in time and ended up falling flat on her ass with Wulfenite clinging to her for dear life. Something between a sob and a scream rose from the crying girl's throat; primal and heart wrenching. Her friend's normally stoic demeanor was shattered and thrown to the wind like so many scraps of paper. In a hollow voice Wulfenite continued, "Not a day goes by that I don't remember it, that I don't feel her filthy hands on me. When I close my eyes all I can hear is her moans and see all the blood and Jasper's smug face. They act all buddy buddy to me now after everything they did to me and it hurts so fuckin bad. It hurts so bad that I gotta slam myself into somethin hard to chase it away with other pain. Maybe it'd be better if I stopped bein a coward and just ended it like I've been thinkin about doing. Won't go to Valhalla, Odin's got no room in his great halls for cowards who can't even stop someone from bendin them over and givin them the ole heave ho. Some days I think about throwin myself off the roof; if it don't kill me it'd convince them to send me back."

High pitched wails, like those made by a wounded animal, were wrenched from Wulfenite's throat with each breath. She buried her face in the slight pudge of Peridot's stomach her body hitching with sobs. "Wulfenite you're not making any sense", Peridot protested, "Whose hands were on you? I want to help you but I need you to explain what's going on slowly and calmly." A faint buzzing from the floor near the couch meant that her cellphone was going off. Stretching as far as she could she managed to slide the rectangular device closer. Two missed calls and a text from Lapis begging that Peridot call her as soon as possible. "Look I'm going to call Lapis and let them know that you're safe", Noticing the look of panic on the other girl's face she hastily added. "Relax I'm not throwing you out or anything you're safe here I swear", One hand rubbed Wulfie's back while the other fiddled with her phone. If the other girl heard her she didn't acknowledge it instead she did her best to crawl into the smaller girl's lap and sob. Trembling fingers grasped the rectangular device and she dialed the number by memory. Something bad had definitely happened, something bad enough to reduce Wulfenite to this.

The phone was on its second ring when it was answered by a frantic sounding Lapis, "Peridot is Wulfenite with you? She freaked out on Malachite and ran off, I've been blowing up her phone but we found it under her bed. Please tell me she's there it's cold as fuck outside and she was only in her underwear. Malachite won't talk about what happened she just said that Wulfie ran away screaming nonsense. Rose and Greg called the cops so they're out looking for her", Lapis trailed off listening to someone in the background talk. "Hang on Peri I gotta grab my shoes, Rose wants us all to come to the house." There was loud rustling in the background and the echoes of multiple people talking at once. 

"Yeah Lazuli she's with me, let Rose and everyone know she's safe and staying here for the night. In light of the temperature outside it seems unwise to take her back out into the snow. She needs help Lapis, someone has been hurting her and your guardians need to pull their heads out of their asses and listen. I can't get a lot out of her that I can understand but from what I've gathered those in charge of her safety have been ignoring issues." Peridot used her free hand to rub up and down along Wulfie's back in a way she hoped was soothing. Her sobs were now little more than soft whimpers coming intermittently from Peridot's middle. Peridot glanced down to see that her guest was wrapped tightly in the gifted blanket. Through the relatively thick material of the blanket Peridot could still feel how badly her friend was shaking.

Lapis pulled her head away from the phone to talk to someone again, "Yeah Peridot has her. She thinks it's too cold to try and get her home tonight and I agree with her. Okay Peri I'm gonna hand you to Rose so we can figure out what the fuck is going on. Thanks for calling me", Something hung unsaid in the air between the two of them. Love wasn't a concept that came easily to either of them but both knew they felt something for the other. Before Peridot could pluck up the courage to say anything the sound of the phone moving cut her off. 

"Peridot dear thank you so much for letting us know Wulfenite is safe", Rose's voice flowed in from the speakers. The older woman didn't sound as frantic as Lapis had but there was definitely a tightness in her tone. "Greg is out right now with the police I'll let them know where you are so they can come get her. Poor thing must be half frozen out in this cold, could you hand the phone to her? I need to find out what is going on", Eyes rimmed red from crying went wide when the phone was passed down. She shook her head back and forth violently making it crystal clear how she felt about talking.

"Erm she doesn't want to talk but hang on I'll put it to speaker so she can hear what you say. One second", Peridot fumbled with the buttons for a few seconds before placing the phone on her lap. Wulfenite made a soft noise in the back of her throat that was sort of like a mix between a yawn and a growl. Nervously Peridot rubbed the back of her neck carefully thinking about the right way to phrase her question. "Please don't take offense to this question but I have to ask, has Wulfenite talked to you about anyone hurting her? I know it's not my business to ask and that the two of you haven't been on the best terms but she is really upset right now. I can't get a lot out of her that I can understand", Wulfie's grip loosened slightly. It seemed like whatever was in her nighttime dose of medication was finally taking effect. Though the occasional whimper was slipping out, overall her breathing was evening out. "It would be for the best if you allowed her to remain here for the evening, it's already very late and as you said quite cold." 

"The phone isn't the best way to discuss that", Rose replied rather stiffly, Peridot could hear the background voices getting further away. "What I will say is that Wulfenite is a troubled girl in need of serious help right now. Honestly I'm not sure if I'm able to give her what she needs, that's why I wanted to talk with her. I'll go ahead and tell everyone that she's staying with you tonight so she can calm down. Tomorrow the three of us are going to sit down with Mr. Higgins, Wulfenite's case manager, and clear the air. She seems to trust you more than Greg or I right now so I think having you sit in would be a big help. Wulfenite dear whatever is going on with you we want to help, I know you're still upset and I know I haven't been the best lately but you can trust us. Goodnight Peridot and thank you again", The phone beeped for a second before the call went dead.

"Lyin bitch", Wulfenite's voice went down like a bitter shot of espresso, "They don't care about helpin. If she actually cared she woulda listened when I tried tellin her what was goin on. Instead of takin the time to do that all she does is look at my rap sheet like it's the undisputed truth. Only one there that don't think I'm a liar is the one makin all this shit worse." She rolled out of Peridot's lap taking the blanket cocoon with her, "I'm sorry about all of this. Probably made you regret being my friend, all because I wasn't strong enough to stay together. I thought I could keep it in and pretend everythin was normal but it's been eatin me alive for months." A huge yawn made her pause, "Don't suppose I can take you up on your earlier offer for some clothes could I?" A hoarse chuckle slipped from her lips to hang between them, "I'm fuckin pathetic."

"Yeah I have a few things that should fit you adequately come on", Peridot reached down to help the other girl up. "I mean it though you need to explain to me what this was all about and don't you dare try to say you're fine. People who are fine don't show up at my home at three in the morning wearing nothing but their underwear." Wulfenite, who had her mouth open like she was about to protest, nodded her shoulders slumping. Peridot led them down the narrow side hallway to a door plastered with cartoon alien stickers. It occurred to Wulfenite then that she had never actually seen the inside of Peridot's bedroom. On the few occasions she had been at her friend's house for an extended period of time they stuck to the living room or the basement.

Peridot's room had a sort of organized chaos about it that would probably only make sense to the owner herself. The walls, what little was visible of them, were painted eggshell white and covered in posters. Wulfenite recognized a few of them, like the space rocks show and Minecraft, but for the most part she was lost. A queen sized bed took up one corner across from a computer desk bearing an impressive set up. Next to the bed was something that looked like a work bench covered in electronic parts and scattered tools. Shelves were set up along the walls in an orderly fashion displaying books, Pop figurines, Amibos, and other memorabilia. Clothes were scattered across the thick beige carpet giving the place a lived in feel. Glow in the dark stars on the ceiling depicted known galaxies and constellations were like the cherry on top of the nerd sundae. Treading carefully the room's owner led her guest to the bed earning her a grateful smile. "'M probably gonna end up crashin pretty soon Per 's gettin hard to keep my eyes open. I gotta say this though, gotta say it before I lose my nerve an bottle it back up."

Wulfenite took a deep breath and squared her shoulders like she was steeling herself for battle. "Over the summer, before you met us, Malachite and I were at each other's throats a lot. She was crazy; always sayin stuff to Lapis about how she was gonna fuck her brains out and stuff. I didn't like that, Lapis was mine there was no way in hell I was lettin some freak touch her." She drew her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them, "We got into a bad fight the day we were supposed to register for classes. Bitch was makin comments when we were sittin in the back of the van so I headbutted her. Broke her fuckin nose during the scuffle", She chuckled at that but it sounded lifeless. "Next day Jasper grabs me, says there's somethin up with one of the cows so I gotta come right away. There was so much blood Peri I've never seen that much blood", A whimper escaped her. "M-Malachite was there with a knife; fuck that poor cow, all its insides were on the outside but it was still alive. Jasper grabbed me, the two of them just-I couldn't fight back I wasn't strong enough to take them both", Pale hands gripped the side of her head digging nails into her scalp. 

Peridot paused her searching of the closet for clothes to stare at the bed in shock. Animals weren't her favorite thing in the world except maybe insects but to just butcher one because you're pissed? "That's fucked up", She muttered before she could stop herself, "Scratch that it's beyond fucked up. It's utterly psychotic and beyond all logic", She ran her fingers jerkily through her wild hair. "How is it that your guardians failed to notice that type of destructive behavior? Gah I slept in the same room as her she could have done that to me", Emotions that she had no name for were filling her chest burning like heartburn after a bad burrito. Feelings were a difficult concept for Peridot, she didn't seem to experience them the way normal people do. All at once she felt jittery full of nervous energy that had to be released; she started to pace.

Another humorless chuckle tumbled from Wulfenite's lips, it was not a sound Peridot enjoyed hearing. Laughter should be used to express joy and mirth, that was only logical, this sounded acrid and sad. "You don't even know the half of it Peridot", She spoke with her head tucked between her knees. "The two of them beat the shit out of me and grabbed me, they were too strong I couldn't fight back. Then Jasper hauls me over to the cow and lays me on the thing over one of the holes where its stomach should be. Malachite was behind me, I heard her pants unzip then", She broke off with a strangled sob. Lost in the haze of memories she curled tighter in on herself to become as small as possible. "There was so much blood when they were done I don't know how much was mine. They just walked away laughin like it was all some prank and I, I was too much of a coward to tell the truth." 

Realization struck Peridot like a freight train so hard she staggered for the few steps to the bed. Hesitantly she reached out to lay a comforting hand on Wulfenite's shoulder not trusting herself to speak. By the stars what was she even supposed to say after that kind of confession? Did words even exist that could provide solace to someone going through this kind of trauma? Wulfenite flinched at the initial contact mind quite obviously lost to the memory of unwelcome hands. Blanket wrapped shoulders were shaking again though this time it wasn't from cold. "Why on Earth did you go so long without telling anyone about, this, about what happened? Stars Wulfenite you've been living under the same roof as them for all this time." Her voice trailed off and she looked down at the broken heap that was her friend, "That must be torture."

"At first I didn't say anythin because in a fucked up sort of way I felt like I deserved it. I deserved it because I wasn't strong enough to stop them from doin it." Wulfenite took a shuddering breath still not looking up to face the girl next to her. "When they were done it was like I wasn't myself anymore, I was just a used hunk of meat. I turned the shower up as hot as it would go but I could still feel her touchin me. Couldn't sleep for days after it happened not unless I passed out from exhaustion. Didn't tell anyone because I was ashamed, ashamed that I wasn't able to protect myself. Tried tellin Higgins about it durin a meetin, he called me an attention seekin liar. Said if I kept fightin him about it that he was gonna lock me back up", She finally looked up at Peridot. Her yellow green eyes were dull and lifeless, swollen and red rimmed from extended crying. "Nobody trusts me anymore, Rose and Greg think I'm the one that killed that cow. They think I did somethin to Steven's cat and that I've been bullying the others to cover for me. After Rose started makin me get dosed up Malachite started crawlin into bed with me. She was holdin me tellin me it was gonna be okay and damn it I let her because it was better than bein alone."

"By suffering like this you're giving her more power over you", Peridot snapped; wincing when the other flinched away from her. "You need to come forward if not to bring her to justice than so you won't have to carry it around anymore. Secrets like that they fester like an infection, the longer you keep them the worse you feel." She put her arms around Wulfenite's shaking shoulders, "And if those clods don't believe you then they're idiots. For the record though I believe you, it's likely small comfort given the circumstances but yeah", She let herself trail off. Her overly analytical mind was struggling to process everything that had happened in the past hour. Briefly she wondered about all the times the other girl had seemed withdrawn. Was she becoming distant as a way to mentally escape what was happening to her at home? 

"It means the fucking world Peri", Wulfenite murmured sleepily into her thin shoulder. She bit her lower lip apprehensively managing eye contact for a few seconds before looking away, "Can you um hold me tonight? I'm scared to be by myself", Her voice was hoarse throat raw from crying, "I know it's stupid. I try an act like I'm this badass viking warrior who ain't afraid of anythin but the truth is I'm fuckin terrified. " Without saying any more she climbed fully onto the bed moving over so she was pressed chest first against the wall. Exhaustion evidently won out against modesty as the desire for pajamas wasn't brought up again. Her shoulders sagged as if a great weight had finally been removed from them. Keeping silent these many months had taken a massive toll on her and coming clean was even harder. "Don't know what I'd do without you Peri; you, Lapis, and Amethyst are the only thing that keeps me goin most days. Sure as hell wouldn't be doin so good in school if it weren't for you helpin me out. Wouldn't have much of a reason to stick around neither", She yawned thickly and burrowed under Peridot's comforter. 

"It's not stupid you clod", Peridot responded as she gathered up her own sleeping attire. The room was a bit too cold for her to only sleep in her shorts so she threw on an over sized Delmarva Con shirt. "Take it from someone who has the emotional resonance of a ladybug don't invalidate your feelings." Slowly, so as not to startle her emotionally fragile bed mate, she climbed under her Camp Pining Hearts comforter. Just as she had done at the barn Peridot wrapped her arm around Wulfenite's hip and let the other girl lean into her. Despite the few articles of clothing they had on there was nothing sexual about their actions. Platonic cuddling was something she had learned to enjoy thanks to her close friendship with Garnet. Pressed together as they were the shorter teen could feel her friend's heart rate slowing. "Tomorrow we are going to sit down with that pebble of a case manager and make him listen. Former criminal or not you're still a human being entitled to rights under the law." 

**(Brace yourself for an awkward POV shift; I couldn't think of a way to transition it smoothly I'm sorry)**

In spite of the sedative nature of my medication I still found myself waking several times during the night. Peridot's body was a comforting weight against my back, solid and dependable without being forceful. Coming clean about my attack should have been good, according to popular media I was supposed to feel better; lighter somehow. Instead I just felt kind of empty and nauseous kind of like you feel after a bad flu. Sure I had forced out all the bad stuff that was making me sick but I wasn't fixed. It was all out in the open now, festering in the breeze like the rotting carcass of my dignity. Talking to Peridot had been weird, I knew I was doing it and had full control over what was being said but the perspective was off. Think of it as picking the dialogue options in a videogame, you have control but it's an over the shoulder view. From that point of view I was able to distance myself from what I was saying. Too bad I wouldn't have that luxury when I met up with Rose and Mr. Higgins later. One thing I would have was Peridot; I was surprised Rose wanted her to be there for something private like that.

My knee gave an unhappy throb reminding me of the long ass walk I went on before ending up here. Fucking snow ruins everything; I rolled over trying to be delicate so I wouldn't wake Peridot. Everything was going perfect until I got tangled in the blanket and ended up accidentally headbutting her. Two blankets are awesome when you're by yourself on a cold night but not so great when you're sleeping with a friend. "Ugh for the love of Newton", She grumbled opening an eye to glare at me sleepily. I didn't bother responding verbally, I mean there was no words strong enough for me to say how thankful I was for her. Hugs are good for getting things out that you can't say so that's what I did not even caring that I was only wearing boxers. She spluttered in surprise for a second before returning the embrace with a chuckle. "Go to sleep you clod you've had a roller coaster of a day; don't make me put on Season 5 of Camp Pining Hearts."

We broke apart then still close enough that I could reach out if I needed to but not cloyingly tight. Her short fingers played with a few strands of my hair that refused to stay in place. "Keep your shitty ass Canadian teen drama shows away from me gods damn it. If I have to hear one more fuckin pun about poutine or curlin you're goin out in the snow. I saw a few drifts on my way over here that'd be just the right size for hidin a body." The words sounded empty even to me just me playing tough so I could pretend I wasn't a vacant mess on the inside. Peri's only response was to pat me affectionately on the arm and close her eyes. Try as I might I couldn't get myself to doze off again not when everything was fresh in my mind. I felt safe though and that was more than I could say about my own bed at the barn.

Noontime found Peridot and I back at Rose's house seated at the kitchen table with the lady herself and Mr. Higgins. The four of us were alone, Greg had taken everyone else out for the day after picking Peridot and I up. The aged rocker had swept me up in a massive hug when I stepped outside the house. It was the first bit of affection I had gotten from him in about a month and damn if it didn't feel nice. I ended up having to borrow some of Peridot's mom's clothes to wear home since none of hers would fit. So that's how I ended up meeting with my assigned case manager in a yellow power suit complete with shoulder pads. Peridot was in a crisp white button down with black pants, and black and green striped suspenders. The little nerd had even slicked her wild hair back and threw on a matching tie. Mr. Higgins did not seem amused by this or by Peridot's presence in general but it was the only way I was doing this. Rose's large eyes locked onto me when I moved to take another gulp of coffee, "Alright Wulfenite tell us what's going on. Your conduct last night has us all very concerned which is why I called Daniel here."

Leaden anger dropped in my stomach, it was a knee jerk reaction that any other time I would have latched to and explored fully. Anger was what I had been using to express the wrongness of everything since the day it happened. I gave a deep sigh, anger wasn't working and I needed to stop hiding behind it and actually talk. "Okay Rose we can talk", I began, "Things aren't good here and haven't ever been. You and Greg go on and on about how communication, love, and trust are the all important answers to all our problems but you don't listen. Whenever I've tried talkin to you guys about stuff that's been botherin me you just brush me off. Do you remember back over the summer when I told you that Malachite wasn't safe to have here? It was because she and Jasper attacked me, they", The words got stuck in my throat. Even after laying everything bare for Peridot last night it was still painful to say. The hand that wasn't holding my coffee gripped Peridot's hard enough that I felt her flinch. So far she had been quiet, save for introducing herself to Higgins, content to let Rose and I air our grievances. Muttering a quick apology I loosened my grip so she could flex her fingers a few times. 

"Wulfenite if you're still worried about Malachite hurting you", Rose began gently, "You shouldn't be. I've already promised you that no one was going to harm you while you're here." There she goes using that tone again like she was talking to a little kid worried about monsters under their bed. Hate to break it to you Rose but the monsters are real, you're living with them. The butchering of a helpless animal for no reason other than being an asshole was proof enough of that. True I didn't know the exact reasons why everyone else got locked up but living with them as long as I have I can make some guesses. Mal, Jasper, and I were arrested for violent crimes I would bet my last fucking dollar on it. No clue about Laz and Amethyst and Ruby was as much of a damn wild card as ever but she had one hell of a temper. Ultimately it doesn't matter what gets you locked up, if you're there long enough you change. You walk into prison for getting caught with some pot and by the time you leave you know how to cook meth. Our judicial system isn't designed to reform criminals it's made to turn every moment into a punishment. 

"What do I need to do to get you to take me and my concerns fuckin seriously Rose? I already got raped by a fuckin pair of psychopaths and here you are sayin I'm safe", I screamed jolting to my feet. "Stop acting like everything I say is me trying to get rid of her because I don't like her. She", I took a hitching breath, "She hurt me Rose, her and Jasper, they did stuff over the summer. Stuff that has messed me up so bad I'm scared to sleep half the time", Shaking hands furiously scrubbed the tears from my face. "You and Greg, you guys act like I'm some kind of bomb that'll go off at any minute and wreck your perfect little family. I don't want to hurt anyone, I never want to hurt anyone, I just wanna feel safe", Peridot reached out placing her hand on my shoulder. "She has been crawling into my bed every night for weeks and last night she tried touching me again. You just laughed it off saying it was a bad dream, what the fucking hell Rose?!"

Mr. Higgins cleared his throat plainly uncomfortable with the raw emotion on display. His hands fidgeted with the untouched mug of tea Rose had given him at the start of the meeting. "Miss Everburn, I trust you are aware of the fact that the state takes these types of allegations very seriously." I nodded still struggling to get my breathing back under control after yelling seeing my ascent he continued. "Rest assured that we will be looking into these accusations and we are not disregarding you. That stated it is clear that you need help, after a lengthy discussion with your guardian and my superiors I will be arranging weekly therapy sessions for you. Counseling has proven effective in the past in reducing your hysterical outbursts to a minimum. You are to remain on the medications prescribed to you unless told otherwise by your doctor." Of course he was going to pretend that this was the first time he had ever heard my side of the story. 

"Oh so now you're gonna do your fuckin job, where was your sense of duty back when I asked for help months ago?" I was staring so intently at him that I almost missed Rose's shocked expression. "Yeah that's right I told this bastard what was goin on and all he said was to stop tellin stories. Didn't you ever think to ask him why I was so scared of bein alone with him during meetins? It's because he threatens to lock me up if I don't pretend like everythin is fine. I can't pretend no more; I ain't okay and I need help but someone needs to acknowledge that I ain't the only one at fault here. You all walkin on eggshells when I'm around and actin like I'm scary is only makin me feel worse." Peridot's hand on my side guided me back to my chair and I shot her a grateful smile. My own mug was empty having been drained while I collected my thoughts; Peridot passed me her's. It seemed like I should have been crying while I yelled but I don't think I had anymore tears left. Instead I leaned my cheek against my open palm and focused on the feeling of Peridot's hand on my back. I wasn't facing them alone anymore I had someone on my side who believed me, someone whose judgement Rose trusted. 

"If I may interject here", Peridot spoke up for the first time, "This matter seems to be derived from a communication breakdown on all fronts. From a third party perspective I can objectively say that Wulfenite should have had the police called the day the attack happened. A medical professional should have been immediately called to perform an examination. Miss Quartz, with all due respect ma'am, you should have spoken to Wulfenite about your concerns for her mental health. I do not think there is anyone here who doubts the fact that you care but forcing treatment is only making things worse. Last night I saw a dear friend of mine break down because she felt like she had no control over her own life. Progress will come not through force but with communication, boundries, and compromise. Talk to each other and for fuck's sake", Her attention focused on Higgins, "Do your job as a goddamn social worker. Under the law you are required to take every allegation of violence as fact until proven otherwise. Stop being an arrogant clod and fix what you did here or so help me I will destroy you with The Cluster. A previous criminal record does not automatically mean that a person's claims are not valid."

Her rant was cut off by a raised hand and Mr. Higgins' stern voice, "That is enough young lady. You have no direct relation to this case nor do you have access to all relevant facts. If what Miss Everburn says happened is true then I will apologize for my part in her pain. What you need to realize though is that you are dealing with a well documented liar. Taking her at her word has led to more than one individual getting injured in the past. I understand that you are concerned for your-", He paused raising a well groomed eyebrow, "Friend but this has nothing to do with you. Threatening a state employee is not the wisest move for someone who wants to be treated as an equal. Miss Everburn and the others will remain here with the Quartz-Universes until further notice. Should an investigation find relevant information that there is a need to act then we will act. My decision is final", Before Peridot could attempt to argue further he strode to the front door. My immediate fate was sealed with the slamming of the door and the rhythmic hum of an engine. The three of us sat there stunned at his outburst, normally he acted like he was above petty things like emotions. I guess having a teenager call him out on his professional failings was too much for him. 

"You scared the shit out of us you crazy bitch", Amethyst yelled before flinging herself into my lap. Wild hair blocked my vision and warm arms wrapped around me squeezing hard enough to hurt. The controller in my hand vibrated indicating I was taking damage during all of this. After Higgins had left an enraged Peridot and I decided to blow off some steam the only way she knew how; beating up children over the internet. As soon as I changed out the yellow monstrosity of a suit into something I could stand to wear we booted up Jasper's copy of Modern Warfare. Half a case of sodas was brought into the living room to rest on the floor between us. Like me Peridot preferred sitting on the floor when gaming to avoid falling off furniture during fits of rage. Rose didn't protest to Peri sticking around, in fact she hadn't said much at all since I yelled at her. Since our little talk though she hasn't left my side, even when Peridot and I started playing she just got comfy on the couch to watch us. I really hope that I finally got through to her so we could get back to the way things used to be. 

"Bro I'm in the middle of a match", I pushed Amethyst's hair out of my face in time to see my character die. I didn't get much of a chance to complain before another body landed on top of me; I barely had time to register blue hair. "Easy Lapis I have bones and stuff in there that I'd rather you didn't crush", She responded with an indignant snort. Playing a videogame with two girls fighting for a position in your lap is seriously fucking difficult. In the back of my mind I wondered if I was living some twelve year old fuckboy's ultimate fantasy. All this scenario needed was one of them giving me a blowjob while the other made me a sandwich. "Guys please can we reschedule the cuddle on Wulfenite party until after the match is over?" I knew they would want to talk about what happened and even though it came from a place of caring I resented it. The raw anger at the situation was gone by that point leaving me drained and feeling empty. Talking about it needed to wait until I had enough time to process everything that had happened. 

"Girls let her have some space", Rose said in an oddly gentle voice, "I'm sure it's already been a long day. Amethyst I know for a fact that you haven't finished your essay on Impressionist art that's due Monday." Much grumbling was heard from the Latina in my lap though she did end up rolling off me. Lapis also moved but only so she could lay across Peridot and I; there was no way that was comfortable. Often times I would find myself wondering if my blue haired friend was actually a cat in disguise. Far fetched as the theory was it would explain her mood swings, demands for affection, and determination to lay on everything. It did allow me to focus once again on not getting my ass kicked by a bunch of swearing twelve year olds so that was a plus. After Lapis got herself settled in I rested my controller filed hands across her stomach. Much as it hurts my pride to admit it I was quite grateful to the pink haired matron for getting the attention off me.

"Quick Wulfenite into that bombed out building, I have a Peri-Plan", Peridot spoke without moving her eyes from the television. "Camping bastards will never expect a sneak attack from right under their noses. Neyhehehe These children are too predictable to pose a significant threat to superior players such as myself." Peridot seemed to get the fact that I wanted to hide from my emotions for a while and had been doing a damn fine job of keeping me distracted. How she understood was anybody's guess since she, in her own words, had the emotional understanding of a ladybug. The others all trooped in from the snow chatting about something I couldn't give two shits about. I could feel eyes on me, the hair on the back of my neck was basically standing at attention. Nobody said anything as they walked past save or Steven asking us if we wanted to watch Crying Breakfast Friends with him when we were done with our game.

Peridot ended up going home after dinner despite Lapis' protests that she should stay the night. Honestly I was glad that there wasn't going to be any company, entertaining was beyond my current abilities. The pouting bluenett and I were sitting at the table together, me working on Math and her on English. My grade was sitting at a steady C thanks to Peridot's rigorous tutoring sessions. Pearl had joined in on our last one even though she was in the same advanced class as Peri. "Sorry I scared you last night Lapis", I mumbled unable to meet her eyes, "What I did was fucked up. They're gonna make me start goin to therapy again an hopefully that'll help me get my head on straight. Much as I hate the thought of spillin my secrets to a stranger I gotta do somethin." Lapis hummed in acknowledgement encouraging me to continue, "Not sure what more to say to be honest. I mean in theory this'll be good for me but part of me is scared the doc'll say I'm crazy an they'll lock me back up. Peri says they can't do that unless they think I'm gonna be a danger to the people around me. How are they supposed to know if I'm dangerous or not just by fuckin talkin to me? Greg and Rose think I'm dangerous because of one little fuck up even though I've been here for months with no problems. Hell given everythin I've done I probably am a danger to everyone around me."

"Psh I doubt Higgins will let them lock you back up", Lapis scoffed her hand scribbling answers on the worksheet in front of her. "Locking you up will just show the program isn't working and he seems pretty dead set on this thing looking like a success. Why do you think you're still here instead of being hauled back to some cozy cell? Why else would he be so fucking determined to convince Rose you're a liar and everything is great? The question we need to ask ourselves is why he's so dead set on making this thing look good. You said he was trying to cover up that you were having problems here right?" She put her chin in her palm letting herself get lost in thought for a few moments. I'll be damned if she wasn't right about him being obsessed with this program looking good. There was something about Daniel Higgins' attitude that was beyond sketchy as fuck. We had discussed this very thing back over the summer when he announced they were sending us to school.

Sure his stubbornness was good because it meant that I wasn't going to be locked back up but it was also a fucking problem. If he kept going around refusing to believe shit wasn't working then I'd be stuck dealing with Malachite forever. His hidebound attitude was damn near a guarantee that there wouldn't be an investigation into what she did. Yeah ignoring it was illegal as hell but as Amethyst likes to point out shit is only against the law if you get caught. No way he'd want something like that on the official record, ugh I had been so stupid to think even for a second that they'd listen. Rose seemed really pissed that he hadn't told her anything but what could she do about it? Unless she was going to change the way she treated me then all of this was for naught. Yeah I had Peridot in my corner too but again what could she really do that would make a difference? "Fuck", I swore throwing my pencil down in frustration, "I'm so fuckin done with all of this." The tears were flowing again; I tried scrubbing them away before Lapis noticed but I wasn't quick enough.

"Dude it's just algebra, it sucks but I promise there's no need to cry", Lapis reached her hand out to squeeze my shoulder. "Here let me help", She slid my workbook so it was in front of her and stared down at the problems. Lapis may lean more towards the creative side of things but credit where credit is due she was smart. I let my head fall on the table biting the inside of my cheek to keep my sobbing quiet. Now that everything was out in the open there was no way I could go back to pretending everything was okay. Wounds that had been scabbing over were once again raw feeling like they just happened. In theory this opened state would allow the infection to finally drain but right now all it did was hurt. I didn't have a job I could throw myself into until I was too tired to think anymore. My workout routine was shot thanks to all the fucking snow on the ground so that was out. Groaning I knocked my forehead against the table a few times, "Hey now you're going to hurt yourself."

"'S not about the math Lapis it's", I trailed off unable to find the words, "Forget it. I'll do this fuckin thing later I'm goin to bed", I made no move to leave the table. What was the fucking point of trying to be a better person if I was still going to end up a victim? Thoughts shifted again pondering the black abyss that would come from just forcibly turning everything off. Quick as they appeared those thoughts are dismissed, suicide means she wins and I won't have that. "Gettin outta bed is gettin harder and harder every day, I don't know if I can keep doin it." Something warm and soft pressed against my shoulder replacing Lapis' hand. Eventually I did manage to will myself to reciprocate the comfort I was being given. "I'm so tired of feelin like this Lapis", I sighed pressing my face into her neck. "These bastards are right when they say I need help, I ain't strong enough to do this alone."

"Hey Wulfienite", The very voice I dreaded hearing spoke from behind me, "Can we talk for a second?" I jerked away from Lapis to stare at the lanky figure that had been haunting my mind for months. Malachite was leaning against the waist high counter thing that divided the dining room and the kitchen. Where last night she oozed power and domination now she hunched in on herself and wouldn't meet my gaze. Her hair looked freshly washed and judging by the ponytail she wore she had made an effort at taming it. "About last night I didn't mean to freak ya out, I just, I thought ya liked me. We've been hanging out so much and stuff and you never had any problem with it, I mean what was I supposed to think?" One of her hands lifted like she wanted to reach for me, "C'mon I ain't gonna hurt ya. Let's go an have a chat just you an me", She was glaring at Lapis; Lapis glared right back. 

My eyes went wide and I surged to my feet all exhaustion forgotten in a tsunami of fury, "Are you fuckin serious? You really fuckin thought that just because I watched some weird cartoon with you that it was okay for you to put your hands down my pants? In what kind of fucked up alternate universe does that make even the tiniest amount of sense?" Curious heads were poking around the wall to the living room, all eyes trained on us. Shit this is not how I wanted my confrontation with Malachite to go down, I wasn't ready. Jasper looked like she was ready to come into the dining room and escalate the situation. If Jasper joined in you can bet your ass that Lapis would too, there was too much shit between them. This whole thing had the potential to turn into a house wide brawl if it wasn't handled right. 

Confusion crossed Malachite's face for a second before it was replaced by an amalgam of anger and hurt. Her large hands balled themselves into fists, "God damn it what do you want from me?" Acidic green eyes narrowed and her voice hissed, "Am I not good enough for you precious? You think that you're better than me because you've got some nerd who follows you around like a lost puppy? You sure as hell weren't complainin when I was next to ya listenin to you cry yer eyes out." She stomped further into the room and I met her half way glaring up into her emerald gaze. Cliche as it is I swear I could feel the air between us crackling with electricity. It was as if no time had passed and we were still the fight or flight instinct driven fools we were over the summer. I wanted to make her hurt for what she did, for the terror I still felt even after all those months.

"Stop, stop it right now both of you", Steven stomped between Malachite and I putting an arms length between us. Rose or Greg must have given him some clue as to what was going on because he didn't ask why we were upset. He always seemed to want to take the peaceful route when it came to problems. I knew he could fight, I watched him knock down some assholes who were bullying a little girl the day he showed Lapis and I around the city. "No more fighting", He was breathing heavily obviously distressed, "Fighting won't fix anything. Talk about what happened, I know you've been trying to avoid it but I don't know why. You might not believe it but you've got a lot in common and we're a family." Yeah Malachite and I did share more common ground than I was comfortable with. I've already expressed my idea that the similarities between us were what sparked our initial disdain for each other. "Family is supposed to love each other", Shit man he was crying; like full on red faced and bawling. Steven's tears were all it took to take all the fight right out of me; hurt me all you want but no one that sweet deserves to be in pain.

"Look Malachite we need to talk but there's no way in hell I'm doin it now okay? It's already been a long assed day and all I really wanna do right now is get some sleep. Later on though I promise we'll have a sit down and clear the air, talk about any misunderstandings." I dropped to one knee in front of Steven.,"C'mon man stop that or you're gonna get me goin." In a gesture of peace I threw my arms open for a hug hoping that would settle him down. The little boy flung himself into my chest with a surprising amount of strength. "Whoa there little man take it easy", He gripped me tighter in response nearly choking me, "Dude what is Greg feeding you?" That at least got a laugh out of him, he really was a sweet kid even if he had no idea how the world worked. I managed to repress a shudder when Malachite and Lapis joined the hug at Steven's behest. Part of me really resented him for refusing to accept that not everyone gets along with each other. Because of his sunshine and rainbows ideals I was being, in my mind, forced to be friendly with my attackers. It was only a small part though, the rest of me was in awe over how much love and trust this little boy was willing to show the world. 

For me the hug couldn't end fast enough, when it finally did I jumped away under the pretense of getting my medication from on the fridge. Maybe Rose really would take our talk to heart and pay attention to what was going on. At the very least she wasn't there practically shoving the pill down my throat so that was a start. She did however offer to walk me to the barn when she saw I was putting my shoes on. For the first time since we met the pink haired woman actually seemed nervous about something. "I'm sorry I wasn't paying more attention Wulfenite, I didn't mean for you to get hurt. I had no idea that she had attacked you like that, you bet your ass I'm reporting this. Daniel has no right to try and cover this up and I'm going to do everything I can to fix my mistakes. That being said you know I'm going to need to speak to Malachite and Jasper as well. Only listening to one side of a story is what created this whole mess to begin with." Tempted as I was to tell her to fuck off I opted instead for a curt nod figuring that would get my point across. Apologies are fine, well, and good but sorry won't get the memory of Malachite being inside me to go away. When she went in for a hug I didn't fight it; we needed to compromise if we were going to heal. 

I knew the moment I curled up under my gray blanket that someone had been messing with my stuff. The blanket, sheets, and pillowcase had all been washed; it was so recent I could still smell the new detergent. You wouldn't think something like that would be an issue but to someone who already felt they had no control over their life it was a serious problem. Touching my things without my permission showed me that whoever did it had no respect for my wishes. Looking around the room I also saw that all of my dirty clothes had been picked up. Sure I could storm back to the house and throw a fit over it but honestly this was an argument for another day. Rose and I, I assumed it was the matron of the house who cleaned up, could have a chat about boundaries after we calmed down. The day caught up with me all at once and I was suddenly more tired than I had been in days. Before I crashed I sent Peridot a text thanking her for everything she did to help out.


	24. Hit the Showers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wulfenite gets hit, goes to the docs, and celebrates

"Everburn", The shrill song of Coach Opal's whistle rang sharply off the gym walls, "Get your head in the game." A launched volleyball hit the laminated floor inches from where I was apathetically standing. "Oh come on that was right in front of you", I could tell the amazonian blonde was getting beyond frustrated with me I just didn't care. The fact that she was using my last name instead of any of the others we agreed on was a sign of how far I had pushed her. I slept like shit every night for the past week, plagued by nightmares I don't think will ever go away. Not sure who set it up but ever since I got back from Peridot's it seemed like I wasn't allowed to be by myself. I figure I'm supposed to feel all flattered and loved because they're trying to protect me. Instead all I feel is an aching internal emptiness that was sucking the life out of me. Sunday I hadn't had the energy to leave my bed barring the time I was forced to in order to eat. Smack; a spiked ball it me full in the face and I jolted backwards clutching my bleeding nose. Another scream from the coach's whistle froze everyone in place, "Nurse's office Everburn", Opal ordered.

Still gripping my nose I stopped by the locker room long enough to wad up some paper towels before heading for the hallway. A quick glance in the mirror showed black bruises forming around my eyes. In a shocking practical bit of decision making Beach City High's powers that be moved Rose's office from the second floor to just down the hall from the gym. About fucking time someone realized where most of the school's injuries came from. Noticing that my hand was covered in snot and blood I quickly wiped it off on my gym shorts before I knocked on the door. I was in no mood to be arbitrarily bitched at for smearing my potentially diseased body fluids around. Principle Goldie was already pissed at me because I ran into her in the halls and made her spill her coffee. It didn't take more than a couple of knocks to get Rose to answer the door, "Good morning. Oh", Her eyes swept over my face taking in the waded paper towels, "Why don't you come in?"

"Don't get too excited", My voice was thick thanks to the nastiness that was flowing down my throat. "It was just a stray ball", I took the seat across from Rose's computer desk while the older woman shut the door. "We started doing volleyball stuff today and I wasn't paying enough attention to the server. You can ask Coach Opal if you don't believe me", I made no endeavor to hide the bitter edge in my tone. Being treated like everything I said was a lie felt like the new normal anyways. What was the point in trying to pretend that I was going to be given the benefit of the doubt? School probably wasn't the best place to air all my frustration but damn it can't I be allowed even a little bit of pettiness? The pink haired woman across from me looked hurt at what I was implying, maybe she could understand what it felt like. 

"Tightly grip the bridge of your nose and look downward", Rose instructed in her emotionless professional voice. "Once we get the bleeding to slow down I'll be able to better tell if it's broken. Sit tight", I heard the rustle of cloth as she stood to move further into the room. Sharp pain coursed through the muscles of my face when I did as I was instructed. There was a faint gurgling sound of the tap being turned on and my guardian returned brandishing a plastic cup of water. "Alright let's see", Tentatively I released my grip keeping my hand close in case I needed to grab on again. Fat drops of blood dripped lazily from my nostrils, no longer the crimson tidal wave it was before. Rose carefully titled my head back while running her finger along the bridge of my nose. "You're in luck nothing looks broken", She guided my head back down, "Your eyes are going to be black for a bit though."

I could still taste copper in my throat; Rose offered me the glass of water and I downed it in a few gulps. The liquid did little to rid the metallic flavor that clung to me, "Can I just go home? Please Rose I can't do this today", Begging I had seriously been reduced to begging for my freedom. My eyes burned like I wanted to cry but I was out of tears after so many days. The hand that wasn't holding the soiled wad of paper towels gripped the leg of my gray shorts. I braced myself for rejection, waiting for the pink haired matron's sharp rebuke at my suggestion. "Tomorrow is my first appointment with the new doctor and to be honest I'm kind of freakin out. Promise I'll do some extra credit or somethin over the weekend to make up for missin today but I can't do this." I must've dislodged the clot in my nose because it started to slowly drip again. 

"Sure dear I think that's reasonable considering everything that's been happening lately. If you're this upset I'm not going to force you to stay", I nearly fell out of my chair like some sort of bad anime character when Rose answered me. "You should go get changed while I call Greg to pick you up, it's too cold out there for shorts." Holy shit Rose Quartz was actually taking my feelings into consideration, did I wake up in the fucking Twilight Zone? A big hand rested on my shoulder while its mate filled out an excused absence slip. "Drop this off to Miss Goldie on your way out so she doesn't think you're skipping class. Get some rest okay, I heard you pacing around the living room last night instead of sleeping." Unable to sleep I had slipped out of my bed around midnight the previous evening. 

"I will Rose thanks", Offering the older woman a shaky smile I rose from the battered chair. "When you get home can the two of us go over that thing Higgins sent you? Be nice to know what I'm gonna be walkin into tomorrow instead of goin in blind and stupid." One hand kept the saturated paper towels pressed tight against my nose as the other offered my caretaker a hesitant hug. Rose and I still had a lot to talk about before things were okay between us but this was doing me a favor. Since I had to pass the office on my way back to the locker room I dropped off my slightly bloodied excuse. Goldie's disgusted frown was rather amusing considering she acted like she wanted to slit my throat whenever she saw me. Her heated glare followed me as I paced around the office waiting for Greg to show up. I had far too much anxious energy coursing through me to sit and wait quietly. Thankfully it didn't take him long and I was soon curled up in the back of the van. 

Greg offered to stay home with me instead of doing some plumbing work for a friend of his. Nice as it was that he was offering I said no; he had his own life to live and i couldn't expect him to drop everything for me. Expecting something like that from a man whose only obligation towards me was making sure I didn't hurt anyone was damn selfish. During the short trek from school to the house my nose had decided it was done bleeding. First thing I did when I got in the house was chuck the soaked paper towel wad into the trash. Alone for the first time since my meltdown I took the opportunity to stretch out across the couch. Anxiety buzzed between my ears demanding that I remain vigilant against an impending attack that was never going to come. Now that my body was accustomed to the chemical changes brought on by the medication it didn't seem like they were helping. I was still caught in a constant feedback loop of apathy and restlessness that was driving me insane. 

It was while I was in my bed wallowing within apathy's vampiric claws that Malachite entered the barn. She was alone, her head was down and her hands were shoved in the pocket of her greenish blue hoodie. I couldn't muster up the energy to be afraid when she stopped by the side of my bed, "Can we talk? Things're fucked up between us and I wanna fix it; promise I just wanna talk." Shrugging I patted the edge of the bed near where I was laying propped against the headboard. "What me an Jasper did to you was fucked up, what's even more fucked up is how much I liked it. I liked the blood, the noises that cow made, how powerful I felt being able to do whatever I wanted. Having that kind of control was a rush like I can't even describe; I felt like a fuckin god. Now all I can think about is doin it again and that scares the fuck outta me", She met my eyes for the first time that day. Her acid colored eyes were dull sporting bags that could easily be mistaken for bruises. "Please there has to be a way to fix this, did you see that I cleaned up your laundry and stuff for you?" 

"I ain't a shrink or nothin Mal but yeah that shit is seriously fucked up", I sat up straighter. "This is probably the pot callin the kettle black here but you need to get help. Thinkin shit like that is gonna drive you crazier than you already are and that's sayin somethin." Movements slow I pulled my knees up so I was sitting instead of laying down. Figure if she was going to attack me it would get me out of going to the head doctor. "There's more things in life than fuckin and fightin; seems crazy for people like us I know. You an me, we're too alike for our own good so if I'm fucked enough to need a head doctor you might consider lookin into one. Talk to Rose if you're interested, or don't it's none of my fuckin business either way. If you were gonna ask me what I thought though I'd say it'd be nice to not have to worry about you comin after me again. Tell ya the same thin I told Jasper, sayin sorry don't fix what you guys did. It don't make the fear or nightmares go away even if we all wished it could." 

"Have a seat Miss Everburn", The ridiculously tall woman gestured to a padded leather chair across from her desk. Ruddy, pinkish, hands smoothed down the front of her teal blouse, "I'm Doctor Fowler but I'd like for you to call me Alexandrite." It was Thursday my first day of therapy with the new doctor that Higgins had set up. Truthfully I was surprised he even bothered but I suppose he felt he needed to do something since the meds weren't working. The cat was out of the bag about how much shit he had been keeping from Rose and the state. From what I've been able to gather Danny boy was in some pretty hot water all around. I wouldn't be at all surprised if he ended up losing his job because of my little freak out. "Before we begin I want you to know that you are completely safe here, do you understand?"

"I get the theory behind it", I replied running my fingers through my tangled mop of reddish orange hair. It hadn't been cut in a while and hung down to my chin in an oily, limp, mass. I hadn't showered since the night I fled to Peridot's house and as a result my hair was a wreck. Long hair needed to be cared for and I was neglecting it like I neglected every other part of myself. "Go on about safe spaces and judgement free zones all you want Doc but I know you gotta report everythin. Psychos like me don't get the luxury of full confidentiality, not when the state's the one payin the bill. So how's about we go ahead and skip the bullshit speech where you try to placate me? And for fuck's sake call me Wulfenite, you may be some super fancy professional but I'm not. Then again", I mused looking my therapist up and down, "What kind of lady runs around with green hair?"

Alexandrite reached under the rim of her dark tinted glasses to rub under her eyes, "There is no need for hostility. I understand from your file that you are seeing me under less than ideal circumstances. No matter why you are here or who I send your bill to my goal is the same; to get you happy and healthy. While you are correct that I am required to report criminal activity that does not mean I plan on using you as a source of gossip. Daniel Higgins said over the phone that you have a history of violent outbursts, is that true?" Oh so that was the only thing Higgins told her, how fucking convenient, way to leave out all the important stuff. Lying by omission seemed to be Daniel's style if his behavior with me was anything to go by. Classic move for a control obsessed narcissist like him it was like he was following a check list. 

The situation was so fucked up that I couldn't help but laugh at it, "Oh fuck Doc you don't know shit. Forgive me for reactin negatively when the girl who forced herself on me over the summer decides it's time to stick her hand down my pants again. Should I perhaps have called everyone up to pen in a proper time to relive one of the worst things that's ever happened to me? Gee I'll make sure to remember that for next time", I thrust my hands into my hair again trying to burn off some of my restlessness. Doctor Alexandrite was looking at me practically slack jawed, "What's the matter Doc did I start out too heavy? Okay maybe we should start with the fact that the people in charge of my safety think I'm a fuckin liar. Instead of gettin the psycho bitch away from me they've decided to keep me nice and doped up with happy pills. Only reason I'm even bein given a chance at gettin real help is I couldn't take it anymore and had a breakdown. Walked to my friend's house naked in the middle of a snow storm thinkin dyin was better than gettin touched again."

The doctor and I talked for the rest of my assigned hour, mostly me ranting with her asking follow up questions every so often. Whether I trusted her or not Alexandrite was the only one who could declare me "cured". At least she was a realist, I found that out when she told me point blank that there is no cure for mental illness. "The mind isn't something we can simply bandage and forget about", She explained, "It is something you need to always be mindful of. Our goal is to get you to a place where you are happy and able to do all the things anyone of your age can do. No one is beyond help Wulfenite, you can heal but you need to work with me not against me. There is going to be an amount of trial and error involved in finding what works best for you. At times it may feel like nothing is helping and other times it may feel like everything is too much."

I could respect her honesty even if she buried it under a mask of pomp and professionalism. At the end of our session she gave me a notebook to log every time I get upset. She wanted a record of every anxiety attack, every restless evening, every nightmare, and every fit of rage. To my chagrin she agreed with Dr. Maheshwaran's medication choices so I doubted I'd be getting rid of them any time soon. I wasn't being sent to the crazy house though and I wasn't getting put back into a cell. An appointment was made again for next week and I was allowed back into the stupidly decorated lobby where Rose was waiting to take me home. Twice a week was the plan of attack going forward, possibly more if I needed it. 

"Happy birthday asshole, get the fuck out of bed before Jasper and I throw your ass in the snow." Amethyst's voice slashed its way through the half nightmare I had been trapped in. It was a weird abstract thing, something about underwater chains and being trapped in crippling darkness. I struggled to breech the surface of consciousness not really registering what was being said. Too bright sunlight burned my eyes and I welcomed it after what felt like an eternity of blackness. Cold air against my bare legs was the first thing my barely awake mind processed. Amethyst was sitting in bed next to me fully dressed, a sight so rare on the weekend that I wasn't sure it existed. Then her words sank in and I thrashed away from her, snarling into the open air and looking for my blanket.

"Celebratin somethin that I had no say in has to be the stupidest thing I've ever heard. Birthdays are the participation trophies of annual celebrations", Yeah just call me Mary Fucking Sunshine. Hate is a strong word, one that I've been trying to avoid as of late, but I can say on no uncertain terms that I hate my birthday. For one thing it was on Valentines Day, fucking Valentines Day, how fucking cheesy can you get? Another shitty thing is that birthdays always seem to require some sort of party and I'm an antisocial asshole. If Amethyst's reaction was any indication then there was little chance of me getting out of this. Also my birthday was yet another thing I had from my parents; they picked my name and the day I was born. Mom used to love telling the story of how she scheduled being induced specifically so I'd be born on the fourteenth even though it was a couple weeks early. 

"Aww don't be like that amigo, c'mon Greg made chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast", Amethyst tried to wrestle my blanket away. On most days Greg's awesome cooking would be enough to cut through my early morning grumpiness but I was still getting over food poisoning. Turns out eating one of Amethyst's "tuna surprise" burritos is just about the worst thing you can do to your insides. The very mention of breakfast was enough to make my abused stomach release a series of warning gurgles. That ominous noise was enough to get the overly excited Amethyst to back off on her tugging. "Okay no breakfast but for real you gotta get up I invited everyone over to come celebrate. Even that asshole from science that you like said he'd come and I think P-Dot has been working on your present for days. You wouldn't want to let down your favorite nerdy artist after she worked so hard would you?"

"Amethyst it's too fuckin early and people suck", Even to me it sounded like I was whining. One glance at my phone confirmed my statement, it wasn't even ten in the morning yet. "Furthermore", I growled lowering the blanket so I could fix my tormentor with a steady glare, "The fuck are you doing up? Don't think I've seen you up this early on a weekend since the day The Big Doughnut started makin their stuff in house." She and Steven had stayed up all night for that, determined to be the first customers of the day. In their excitement they had forgotten to set any kind of alarm so when they inevitably fell asleep they missed their chance. It took them almost a week to finally get the timing right, fucking dorks didn't want to wait for me to bring stuff home. "Never mind, I don't care why you're up, just fuck off for a few hours and let me sleep." Pausing only long enough to rebuild my blanket cocoon I rolled away from my unwanted alarm. 

"Whatevs man more pancakes for me", The weight leaves the side of my bed and Amethyst's voice fades. This was the first time I had been left alone in days, the silence was almost deafening. I don't know all of the details but I guess after a serious heart to heart with Rose Malachite was starting therapy. Doctor Alexandrite was having me experiment with art therapy so on top of the notebook she gave me I was issued a watercolor pad, some paints, and a pack of brushes. So on top of my twice a week sessions with Alexandrite in Surf Town I met up every Wednesday night in Beach City. I don't know if you could classify the splotches of color I do art but damn if it doesn't help me feel better. Jackson Pollock or Salvadore Dali I most certainly am not, I liked my art therapist Vidalia though. She was a crazy old broad with blonde hair shaped like an onion and a kid actually named Onion who has an older brother named Sour Cream. Sour Cream was part of the "cool kids" trio at school, he seemed pretty chill but we didn't talk. Lars was kind of obsessed with the three of them and determined to be their friend even though he never hung out with them. 

"Happy arbitrary romance day slash anniversary of being alive", I don't even need to turn around to know it's Peridot. Fuck, so much for getting more sleep I had barely started dozing off again. Peri and I hadn't hung out in a while since midterms were going on and the little nerd was all about studying. Yeah we would still eat lunch together on days that she wasn't cloistering herself away in the library but still. When she wasn't studying Lapis was monopolizing her time doing weird art projects or watching that awful Canadian drama show. "Move over you clod I'm freezing my touch stumps off", A few seconds of grunting later and her familiar presence slid under the covers next to me. Tufts of spiky blonde hair poked into the bits of my shoulders not protected by my blue tank top. "I had hoped to find you already out of bed given the time of morning", Her voice vibrated against my back. "Also as your friend I feel it is my duty to tell you that you are in desperate need of a shower"

I laughed at that, deep and real, until my mirth turned into a nasty coughing fit. Seems my body really didn't like wandering around in the snow without a coat or pants on. Nasty green shit had built up in my lungs, I was taking stuff to get rid of it but it was fucking gross. Once my lungs were working normally again I rolled over to face my green eyed companion. "Not everyone is one of those freaky ass mornin people, I swear you guys ain't to be trusted." Peridot slapped my side playfully, doing her weird super villain laugh for good measure. Companionable silence blanketed the space between us until I broke it to voice something I've been thinking about for a while, "Is this weird? Like the whole us cuddlin with each other thing; I mean since we aren't datin and stuff. I've never really done this with anybody besides you and Lapis and it only started because of Lapis bunkin with me when she was scared. Not that I don't like it or anything but be real with me, this ain't a normal thing is it?"

Peridot raised an eyebrow, "Since when does the big bad Howling Fury care about what other clods think? To quote the great Morticia Adams normal is relative, what's normal to the spider is chaos for the fly." I'm not sure what was more surprising in that scenario, the fact that Peridot was right or the fact that she liked The Adams Family. Suppose I should have been used to her being right about stuff since she was the sole reason I was passing math. "All I'm saying is", She continued slowly like she was trying to find the right words, "If you like it and I like it what's the problem? What clod decided that physical affection should only be expressed to communicate sexual desire? Stars Wulfenite it's not like we're copulating or anything", She scoffed gesturing around animatedly. "Platonic cuddling is an excellent way to relieve stress and strengthen social bonds. Humans are possibly the only social animals that try to shame individuals for following their instincts."

I laughed softly being careful to avoid another hacking fit, "Wow my own little Peri rant first thing in the mornin. This truly is the greatest gift I could ever receive, guess you can go tell Amethyst the party's off." Peridot went to swat at me again and I raised my hands in surrender, "For real though are you sure Lapis is okay with us doin stuff like this? The two of you are so fuckin cute together that I wanna puke sometimes, I'd hate to cause any trouble." Gone, for the most part, were the days where my mind raged over Peridot taking Lapis from me. We would have never worked out as a couple, hell I don't even think of her in any kind of romantic light. Trying to posses Lapis was just shitty controlling bullshit left over from my time with my parents. Working with Doctor Alexandrite and Vidalia was helping me to finally move past their fucked up conditioning. It's weird how much just talking to someone about what happened was helping me. Guess I owe Rose an apology for accusing her of sending me somewhere to be brainwashed.

"Lazuli doesn't have a problem with us sharing a bed you clod", Peridot's face was set in a stern expression that was different from her usual case of resting bitch face. "I have asked her about it on more than one occasion and I'm sure you have as well. If she did have an issue the three of us would sit down and talk about it like rational adults. Star's sake the two of you were cohabiting for months before I came into the picture." There she was again talking about everything like it was so simple, so easy to understand. Everything I knew about people said they didn't work on logic and nothing they did made any fucking sense. "Wulfenite I'm serious, correct me if I'm wrong but I assume you have about as much sexual interest in me as you do Amethyst right?"

"'S nothin against you guys I swear", I looked down trying to hide my shame by pretending to look for pants. "You're both pretty so don't think you're not it's just, I think the parts of me that are supposed to crave sex are broken. Cuddlin is the closest I want to get to someone and that only started being a thing recently. The idea of touchin someone's junk is just", I shook my head at the thought. "Nothin down there works even when I watch porn", With that last confession I got out of bed. Going back to sleep was obviously not an option now that Peridot was here so I figured it was time to get up. The morning air was cold against my exposed skin making it quite clear why Peridot went right for my blanket when she came in. Air escaping my nostrils instantly condensed into mist making me feel like a dragon. "After everythin that happened with Malachite I don't even wanna watch porn anymore."

My clothes shelf was actually organized for probably the first time since Greg and I put the thing up. Yesterday was my laundry day according to the new chart Steven had posted on the fridge. Guess someone up at the main house realized we weren't the best at taking care of stuff on our own. I paused in my wardrobe consideration when I heard Peridot loudly clearing her throat. "As much as I would rather not know about your pornography habits I can say with relative certainty that you aren't broken. Some people, for various reasons, simply lack a sex drive", The blonde shrugged like it was the most natural thing in the world. "Gay and straight aren't the only options that exist, there are too many people for that to ever be a possibility. Sexuality is weird but er maybe I'm not the one to be talking to you about this. If I'm not mistaken "The Talk" is traditionally given by one's parents once they hit puberty."

"Right Peri just let me call up my folks that I haven't seen in over four years so they can tell me I'm a freak. That'll go over real well", I turned back around to my shirt pile and blinked noticing a bit of blue wrapping paper. Carefully I pulled out a vaguely rectangular squishy package wrapped in shiny blue paper, "The hell is this? Damn it Lapis", Sure enough in familiar sloppy sharpie were the words "Happy Birthday Asshole". Smiley faces, stars, hearts, and paw prints were drawn around the words in blue ink. Curious I tore away the decorative paper, inside was a new flannel shirt; grey and black checkered. It was warm and thick and when I put it on it hung to my knees just like my favorite red one. "Sneaky bitch", I couldn't hold back my smile which only grew when I heard Peridot chuckling behind me. Fingers diligently working the stiff black buttons I mock glared at my friend, "You helped her with this didn't you? Did the two of you construct the perfect Peri-plan to hide it until I was distracted?"

Peridot's grin grew even wider stretching from ear to ear like the weird guy who ran the arcade on the boardwalk. "I may have had a hand in selecting the size and material", She laughed in her signature nerdy way. "Neyehehe, however your reaction to it is far better than either of us could have predicted. Put your pants on Birthday Clod and let's go where there's actual heat before my gravity connectors fall off. Pearl said she wanted to wait at the house with Amethyst while I got you out of bed. There's no telling what your housemates could have done to her by now for all we know she's been vaporized. Now we'll have to explain to all of our friends that she's dead because of your stubborn refusal to be social." Friends, I actually had friends who wanted to see me, what a novel idea.


	25. Coffee

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wulfenite is reluctantly dragged into the pre-celebration

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Little bit of a shorter chapter here but I feel if I add more it'll just be adding for the sake of padding

I'd be lying if I said that seeing Pearl dressed impeccably in a powder blue button down and pressed khakis squashed between Amethyst and Jasper wasn't fucking hilarious. The contrast between her and them was just too much especially since Amethyst's face was covered in chocolate. Jasper's hair was an untamed platinum tangle that looked so weird next to Pearl's perfectly styled pixie cut. I probably shouldn't have been surprised that she and Amethyst were holding hands under the table but it still stopped me in my tracks. Of all the people I could imagine Pearl being with Amethyst wasn't even near the top 100 list. I've heard the saying that opposites attract but come the fuck on there has to be a limit to that shit. Amethyst was a fucking slob, she had no self control, ate everything in sight, and had zero plans for the future. And yeah maybe I was still a little bit bitter about being rejected at the beginning of the year. 

Following my gaze Peridot rubbed the back of her neck awkwardly, "Erm yeah I should have probably warned you. They've been trying to low key flirt with each other for months resulting in the most awkward courtship display I've ever had the displeasure of witnessing. Amethyst finally asked her out at lunch on Wednesday since you were not in attendance. She said something about things being too awkward when you were around to do it before then." Her voice lowered significantly so I had to strain to hear her, "Shitty excuse if you were to ask me. Also fair warning they are planning to hug you I attempted to persuade them in an alternate direction but the Steven is very persistent in his belief that everyone likes hugs." I smiled at that; it was Steven's persistence that first got me used to the idea of physical affection. He had bawled his eyes out the first time I pushed away from a hug, like I had wounded him with my rejection.

Sitting across from the two lovebirds and Jasper was a barely awake Malachite cradling a mug of coffee in one of her bony hands. Her other hand lifted a second mug into the air while she spoke, "Made you a cup of coffee Wulfie. Promise it's not poisoned or anything", She glanced up for a second offering me a weak smile before quickly averting her eyes. Things were still painfully awkward between the two of us and probably would be for a long time. Unlike my very public outbursts against treatment Malachite was being very tight lipped about what was going on. Her treatment regimen was none of my fucking business and all that but I'd still feel better if I knew what was happening. "Greg left you some pancakes in the fridge, he uh just left a little while ago. Uh happy birthday and stuff", She looked up at me again still offering the steaming cup of my preferred drink.

Slowly I extended my arm to accept the offered beverage and took a hesitant sip. It was steaming hot, barely sweetened, with just a splash of almond milk exactly how I liked it. Was a perfectly made cup of caffeinated goodness enough to fix months of pain? Hell fucking no come on now use your fucking brain, however it was enough to start bridging the gap. That cup of coffee represented an effort to establish something between us other than fear or violence. "'S good", I took another drink and sat down being sure to leave a chair between us, "Thanks." Peridot took the unoccupied seat between the two of us after pouring herself a cup of coffee. A gentle tap on my knee left a single oblong pill in its wake as Peridot subtly passed me my meds. Damn that little nerd could be fucking smooth when she put her mind to it. I thought I was watching her the whole time but I never saw her go anywhere near the fridge. "Amethyst I thought you said people were gonna be here: all I see is an angry slice of pie, two assholes, and a lovesick bird nerd."

"Yeah I lied", Amethyst shrugged unapologetically, "You were thrashin around and stuff so I figured you needed to wake up." Okay well I suppose I should have been grateful she realized I wasn't having a good time. "G-squad, Lars, and Sapphy will be over later on with cake and shit so it's not like you're gettin ripped off. Sides I figured you'd wanna keep Peri company since Lappy isn't here to suck her face off." Pearl already being here did explain why Amethyst was fully dressed before noon. Both Peridot and Pearl blushed at Amethyst's remark prompting her to let out a deep belly laugh. "Don't give me that look Peri, I've seen the two of you stealin smooches every chance you get. Pretty soon you'll be known as Peridiot o conta-gotas, Peri the pantie dropper. It's a pretty badass title for the nerdiest lesbian ever to ride the Lil Lappy, am i right?"

"Says the one cuddling on a stick",Jasper quipped, "For real how do the two of you ever expect to fuck? She looks like she'll break in half the moment you go to climb on top of her." You'd think after living with these two for months I'd be used to the random sex talk but damn if that didn't catch me off guard. Coffee burst from my nose in a burning wave as I snorted unable to repress my laughter. I howled in pain clutching my nose with both hands and wondering which god I pissed off bad enough to deserve this. Malachite banged her flat palm between my shoulder blades helping to dislodge any liquid that remained. Everyone else at the table was too busy laughing at my misfortune to notice the small gesture of kindness. Pro tip kids never put anything above regular body temperature inside a place that only deals with body temp stuff. My pleasantly warm coffee felt like boiling fucking lava passing through my nose.

"Wulfenite, you're the fucking best", Amethyst guffawed banging her meaty fist on the table. Jasper was in a comparable state, shaking with laughter and wiping tears from her eyes. Peridot was bent double laughing so hard she slid out of her chair and on to the floor. Pearl was doing her best to keep a straight face but couldn't stop a soft titter of laughter from escaping behind her hand. I suppose if it had been someone else boiling the inside of their nose I would've joined in with the hilarity. "Now come on bitches Perogi here still owes me a Left 4 Dead rematch and I'll be damned if we're using bots." After choking down my morning dose of "chill the fuck out pills", as Amethyst called them, I joined my friends in the living room. Amethyst, Pearl, and Malachite were squashed together on the couch holding their controllers expectantly. Jasper, Peridot, and I took the floor keeping some distance between Jasper and i for the sake of the unspoken truce we had. Peridot was a giver of zero fucks when it came to personal space and had no problem keeping close to me. 

"Speakin of fucking", Jasper randomly interjected, "You and Blue done the deed yet runt? Lapis may be a cold fucking bitch in public but all that shit melts away once the panties come off." Well that was both entirely off topic and way more than I wanted to know about their former sex life. The brute chuckled softly to herself, "That's if she even bothers wearin panties. Let me tell you that skirt of her's is just the right length for foolin around. Used to reach my hand up there during breakfast and see how many times I could get her off before she punched me." Although her head was pointed in the direction of the TV her eyes were slanted towards Peridot. Her expression was one of smugness and complete belief in what she was saying. "Face it runt you ain't got what it takes to hold Lapis, she's just playin with you until she gets bored. We Barrows don't give up, we just keep coming back until we get what we want."

Peridot's face was a twisted mask of rage by the time Jasper was done with her little speech. She jammed the pause button on the controller so hard I feared for the tiny bit of plastic. "First of all", She screeched rising to her feet, "What Lapis and I have and have not done is none of your business. Secondly the two of you are, to use Lapis' own words, the biggest mistake she has ever made so I doubt you'll be getting her back. Thirdly Lapis has told me enough about your previous escapades for me to know you're a selfish piece of shit who couldn't get a woman off if you had an instruction manual. Any delusions you may suffer about your supposed sexual prowess are derived from her faking it for the thirty seconds it took you to get off." The amount of raw savageness that was on display before me was almost too much to take. You could see the veins bulging in Jasper's neck by the end of it and her face was livid. She rose to her feet towering over my short friend but Peridot wasn't backing down. 

"Told ya before to cut this shit out Jasper", I growled joining them on their feet. "You said some mighty fucked up shit a second ago that I coulda probably gone my whole life not needin to hear. Play dumb all you fuckin want but it ain't foolin me, you were tryin to piss Peri off and congrats it worked. Problem is you pissed me off too and I ain't scared ta kick your fuckin ass when you get outta line." I eagerly balled my hands into fists meeting her stony glare with one of my own. "I'mma give you two choices here, you can say sorry to Peri here for insultin her lady's honor or we can step outside. Been too long since I had you bleedin", A wicked smile slid across my face at the idea of getting some revenge. "C'mon bitch make up your mind or are you too scared to take on someone who can fight back?"

"You pieces of shit aren't worth my time", Jasper scoffed shoving her way past Peridot and I. This did not go over well with me for a number of reasons so I stood my ground and shoved right back. Her bulk made me stagger back a couple steps but I wasn't about to back down. "Outta my way", She snapped reaching up to push me with both her massive hands. Shoving matches aren't the most dignified things when you're on the path to adulthood but there was no way I was backing down. She insulted my two best friends and told things about Lapis that the rest of us didn't need to hear. One particularly hard push combined with a trip left me sprawled face first across the couch on top of Pearl and Amethyst. "Fuck Wulfenite first you bend yourself over for Mal here now you're doin it for me. View from back here says you like this", Her hand rubbed over the back of my leg grazing my ass and I saw red. 

Fury bubbled along every inch of my flesh making the hairs on my arms stand on end. I was going to fucking kill her, no I was going to do worse than kill I was going to shatter her. Hands pressed my shoulders down holding me in place; they were ice cold and terrifyingly familiar. "Too far Jasper", Malachite growled adding more weight on my back to keep me still. "Get the fuck out of here, you don't do that shit to someone on their fucking birthday the fuck is wrong with you?" I couldn't see what Jasper was doing behind me but I could hear footsteps growing distant. "Wulfenite I'll let you up after you calm down; you got people here who wanna hang out with you." I settled down after a few deep breaths and returned to my spot on the floor using Peridot's lap as a head rest. 

It was at the end of the third match that I decided I wasn't up for another one; I was tired and I heard a car. Voices carried in from outside, mostly Steven's excited yelling followed by Rose telling him to settle down. Rose herself was the first one through the door holding a few plastic bags in her arms. "Girls would you mind helping Greg, Ruby, Lapis, and Steven bring in the rest of the groceries? I'd like to speak privately with the birthday girl", Her tone was casual, the look in her dark eyes was anything but. I forced my posture to remain casual as I languidly rose from my spot on the floor. Getting up after sitting for so long was a bitch and my knees made their complaints known loudly. Rose winced sympathetically at the sound, "We should have Doctor Maheshawaran take a look at that during your next check up."

"Whatever you say", I muttered catching Peridot's questioning gaze; she was stalling in the doorway. "S'all good Peri, I don't think I'll need my lawyer present for this", I chuckled at my own joke. After the way she stood up to Higgins for me I had jokingly declared that she was hired as my full time representative. In hindsight I probably should have expected her to dive head first into the role like she does every other project. What was meant to be a joke turned into her helping me find ways to better communicate with my doctor without relying on adults. I really do owe her a ton for everything she's done for me, maybe I'll learn to make her a cake or something. Back in the here and now I nod to Rose and gesture towards the deeper part of the house, "Lead the way. Hope all them groceries aren't just for me I don't think I'll be up for eatin them all."

At first I thought she was going to lead me to the bedroom she and Greg share but instead she took a left. The room was a small office looking area, bare except for a dated looking desktop against the wall. Rose offered me the battered looking wheeled chair before sitting down on an empty corner of the desk. "I owe you an apology", She started once I settled into my seat, "And also an explanation. I shouldn't have just assumed you were wrong about Malachite assaulting you and I should have taken you seriously." She looked down at me with tears in her eyes, "Your file said you have a history of being a violent compulsive liar. I let Daniel convince me that when you were having mood swings that it was just you acting out. Looking back it's so obvious that you were trying to work through what happened to you"

"Great you read my file", I snapped, "I suppose I should thank you for for doin your research. Tell me Rose", I took a deep breath urging my voice to remain calm, "What else did my precious file say? Did it talk about all the fucked up shit I was forced to do in order to "prove myself" to my parents? I've seen and done some fucked up shit Rose but lyin for attention sure as fuck isn't on that list. Of everyone in this town I'd hope you of all people would be able to see I'm more than just my past." A tired sigh made its way lazily past my lips, "Look Rose this isn't something you can just say sorry for. You had your reasons and in your head they probably made perfect sense, in a fucked up way I get that. Tell you the truth paintin and talkin to Alexandrite is helpin me a lot more than I thought it would. Go on motherin the rest of them if you want but you ain't my mom, according to what Peridot looked up you ain't even my guardian. Once I fulfill the terms of that contract thing they made me sign I'm free to go on my way."

"Wulfenite", Rose's voice was heavy with an emotion that I couldn't place, "I know I'm not your mother but I do care. Greg and I agreed to house you girls so we could help you", Her hands tangled in the hem of her sweater. "We want to give the six of you the type of life you never got to experience, we want you to be happy. Every living thing on Earth is so special, so unique, and we want you guys to see how magical just being alive is. You're all so very special", She smiled, bright and warm like sunshine and for just a second I wanted to believe her. "There is so much potential locked away in all of you and I hope by the end of everything you'll see that. You're right to feel like I judged you unfairly because it's the truth even if I hate admitting it. I don't know, I guess I was so caught up in imagining the life you all would have after this that I failed to comprehend what was going on in the here and now."

I wanted to accept her apology, pretend none of this ever happened, and let her coddle me like I was a child. Instead I took the more adult approach to things, "Like I said you thought you were doin the right thing. It wasn't the right thing though Rose and because of you and Greg treatin me the way you did I got worse. You guys were dicks, dicks who acted like if I was left alone for even a second I was gonna become violent. It got to the point that I wished I was dead, you don't get to just say sorry for doin that to me. Only way this is gonna get better is both of us puttin in the time and work it'll take to fix it. Respect me, take me seriously and treat me like I'm more than some stupid kid who doesn't know what she's sayin. In exchange I'll do my best to talk about what's goin on so we don't get any more mix ups, deal?" I didn't think my requests were unreasonable nor did I think I wouldn't hold up my end of the bargain. 

I held out my left hand for her to shake and she grasped it with her warm fingers, "It's a deal. Get over here," Before I could stop her Rose pulled me into a massive hug, pressing me hard against her ample chest. A bark of laughter escaped me and I hugged back with as much force as I dared use. We stayed like that for a while letting the weight of everything unsaid between us loom in the air before it sank below the surface again. The hardest lesson I've ever learned isn't accepting the fact that people make mistakes, it's accepting that they make mistakes but understanding that I'm still allowed to feel hurt. Yeah Rose hadn't meant to hurt me but lack of intent isn't an excuse for the results, I'm still allowed to be upset by what she did. Thanks to people like Peridot and Alexandrite I was learning how to better my communication and own up to my part in misunderstandings. I was ready to start new with Rose, maybe even tentatively build a friendship with Malachite. At least she was making an effort to get better; words don't mean shit without action to back them up. Jasper's attitude though was becoming more and more unstable towards Peridot and that worried me. If it came down to a fight I would always throw myself in front of my friend no questions asked.


	26. Growing Pains

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Life's a bitch because if it was a slut it would be easy

Cake, oh man Coach Opal would have a field day if she ever found out I let Steven talk me into a second slice of cake. We were in the living room surrounded by the cheerful voices of my fellow party goers. Steven had positioned himself in my lap wearing a festive pink paper hat and sporting a face that was more chocolate than skin. At his insistence I was wearing my own festive attire, a bright yellow crown and flowing red cape. A regal looking scepter, that Steven assured me was full of birthday magic, sat on the floor beside us. The little boy was being oddly clingy now that he could get away with spending time with me. As soon as Greg had given him the okay he had launched himself at me in a hug that I think broke a few ribs. Little dude even drew me a birthday card featuring all of us hanging out in front of the barn. "I drew the outside", He proudly exclaimed while holding up the folded piece of paper, "Everyone helped with the inside." Inside the card was little snippets written by everyone at the party, regular stuff like "happy birthday" and "have a good day".

A shadow loomed over our seated position on the floor, I glanced away from the little boy in my lap to meet Peridot's gaze, "Steven where are our noses? You can't just go around depicting people without all their body parts", Her green eyes were narrowed. Peridot's own gift sat on the kitchen table, it was an old tape recorder clearly self repaired with epoxy and rubber cement."To help when you feel alone or overwhelmed by your thoughts", She had explained before I had even finished tearing away the paper. "I know it's rather old, I've been using it for a number of years to help me clear my mind." Her gift also came with a really cool drawing of her, Lapis, and I as some kind of super hero trio. Lapis was blue with wings made out of water, Peridot was in a green diamond shaped robot, and I was wielding a flaming javelin. I planned on getting it framed once I scrounged up some extra cash or Greg found an extra frame in that storage unit of his; whatever came first.

"That's just my style these days", Steven replied nonchalantly, "I think noses get in the way of drawing expressive eyes. Lately I've been trying out the Japanese technique of exaggerated features instead of keeping things true to life." I'll be damned if the kid didn't sound like a miniature version of a professional artist. On the occasions that I painted at the kitchen table Steven would often join me with his crayons. He was such a creative little thing; if he wasn't drawing he was writing songs or playing his ukulele. Unable to help myself I reached down to ruffle his dark curls affectionately earning myself a hearty laugh. "Hands though, man they're another story", He went on like he was doing some kind of interview. "Finger proportions are the worst so I usually don't even bother", Suddenly he raised his voice, "Hey Lars how are you and Sadie doing?"

Lars froze in the doorway, glass of soda raised halfway to his lips, red blooming across his cheeks. I was pretty surprised that Amethyst was able to convince him to show up since the two of them weren't exactly friends. They'd probably get along better if she actually used his name instead of calling him Doughnut Boy. Hostility or not I was glad he showed up, dude even brought this purple sweet roll thing he made. "We're not a thing. Stop trying to say we're a thing you little twerp, I'm too much of a man for that stuff. You're lucky I'm so modest or I'd whip out my sweet six pack and show you what a real man looks like." The scrawny dude puffed his chest out proudly only to be shot down by a massive tanned hand slapping his back.

"Too much of a humble guy to show off huh", Jasper scoffed, "So I suppose you struggling to open the can of mixed nuts back there was just for show. Face it bro you're nothing but a weakling, a pathetic runt with a hopeless crush on his best friend. Real men don't put on aprons and bake deserts unless they're some kind of faggot." She puffed her chest out, grinning madly like some kind of predatory animal. The rest of us were silent, too shocked by her out of the blue outburst to really react. Seems her shitty attitude had expanded from trying to bait Peridot to just being a dick. Lars' confident expression was gone now replaced by silent dejection; he hunched his shoulders to his ears.

"Dude not fuckin cool", I snapped up at the bigger girl, "Just because you're swol as fuck doesn't mean you get to push him around. Lars hasn't done shit to you", Angry I shoved Steven out of my lap so I could stand up, "What is your fuckin problem? First you tried rippin into Peridot and now you're goin after my man Lars. Seriously your attitude sucks and you treat people like shit and I'm sick of it! Being strong isn't just about having muscle", I was right in her face now jabbing my finger in her chest. "At least people actually like Lars and wanted him here you just got invited because you live here. There ain't a single person in this room that'd be sad if you were to haul off and leave. Tell me Jasper how many fuckin friends have you made since movin here, like two?"

The air in the room shifted, the lightheartedness giving way to something heavy and sinister, "Oh you wanna fight Wulfie? Fighting is my life, I've been fighting since the day I was born and I'm damn good at it." Jasper's fists were raised, her breathing was heavy, and there was a feral look in her eyes. All the posturing from this morning was gone leaving behind nothing but malice in its wake. A fight was definitely a possibility, in fact this situation had the makings of an all out brawl. Garnet, Pearl, and Amethyst were behind me ready to step in while Lapis and Peridot got Steven out of the room. There were no adults around to get in the way, "Well come and get some runt Rose ain't here to stop yah." It was true, Rose had left shortly after our talk to take Malachite to her therapist. We were practically nose to nose by that point, so close I could feel her hot breath on my face.

"No", I took a step back so I could meet her eyes properly, "I'm not goin to fight you Jasper. Sometimes real strength is not doing somethin even when you can get away with it, Pearl taught me that." I flashed the bean pole of a girl a small grin hoping to finally clear the fucking air between us. Ever since I asked her out and got shot down there had been this fucked up gap that neither of us could bridge. Now seemed like as good a time as any to put things right I mean hell she was willing to stand by my side. "What did you call it again Pearl, somethin about being the right kind of strong or somethin right?" If me backing down from a fight feels out of character it's because it is, it really is. Jasper deserved to get her fucking teeth knocked out for the shit she was trying to pull. Any other time I'd be glad to provide my own brand of dentistry but not in front of Steven. He was so excited about being a part of a high school party and I didn't want to taint that memory for him. 

"Strong in the real way", Pearl replied blushing faintly, "But I can't take credit for it. It was my fencing instructor who first brought up the point that there are multiple ways of being strong. This led to an absolutely fascinating discussion about what makes a person strong and if any type of strength is better than another. Hang on I think I still have the notes somewhere, it was such a good debate about physicality versus willpower." Nimble hands fumbled with the straps of her messenger bag only to be restrained by Amethyst's grasp. Pearl's blush darkened at the display of affection and she wouldn't quite meet my eyes. Realization hit me like a ton of bricks and I wondered how I could go from a street savvy preteen to an oblivious idiot in only a few years. Was she worried I was going to be upset that she and Amethyst were a thing? Peridot had hinted this morning about something to that effect but the implication hadn't registered until then. 

"Sure Pearl sounds great, maybe another time though", I snickered at her flustered expression. "Since Jasper seems dead set on assholing up the place hows about we move this party elsewhere? I don't know about you guys but I think the Stee-man here is dyin for a game of hide and seek." The look Jasper gave me was fucking priceless, it was a weird frown and head tilt combo. Imagine the look on a dog's face when you pretend to throw a ball and they catch you. Still laughing to myself I scooped up the small boy and placed him on my shoulders. His resounding cheers were worth listening to Lars and Peridot loudly complain about the cold. Jasper wasn't in the house when we all trooped in an hour later laughing and shivering. Unsurprisingly Peridot had kicked all of our asses as The Seeker and Steven was probably the best hider.

After Steven was put to bed for the evening Jasper and I shared a cold stare and I nodded towards the front door. Peridot looked up from her spot in Lapis' lap when I stood, "Keep 'em inside Peri. If Rose asks I had to grab somethin from the barn and I'll be back in a little bit." She opened her mouth like she wanted to argue with me; I wasn't in the mood to hear it. Shrugging out of the silly birthday cape I strolled out the front door barely registering the biting cold. Jasper was waiting for me at the end of the driveway far enough away that we wouldn't easily be seen from the house. No words were needed, not after everything that had been building throughout the day. We wouldn't kill each other and we wouldn't leave too many visible bruises for Rose to question. Ten minutes was all we had until I was too worn out to get back out of the snow pile I had been kicked into. Fuck she could hit hard, the bruises along my ribs made every breath pain when my lungs expanded or contracted. Limping I made my way back to the house settling wordlessly on the couch next to Peridot. 

"Alright Wulfenite", Doctor Alexandrite smiled at me from across the desk, "Let's have a look. Last week you and I discussed some of the entries in your journal and why you may have reacted the way you did. Today I'd like to talk about how you feel your art therapy sessions are impacting your daily life. Mrs. Yellowtail has expressed her pleasure at how well you've taken to the process." Ruddy colored hands deftly flipped open the front cover of my watercolor pad. The desired page was painted almost exclusively red and black with a few streaks of blue. Vaguely human shaped figures were rising out of the red looming around a gray pillar. Small bits of brush fibers were mixed into the paint on some of the figures showing how hard I pressed. "Vidalia was particularly struck by this painting here and looking at it I can understand why. I can see that you're having trouble looking at it, would you like to explain?" 

I kept my head steadfastly upward focusing on Alexandrite's eyes instead of the desk. "It's a nightmare that I've been havin ever since Malachite forced herself on me. S'the same thing every time; I'm drownin in an ocean of blood and nasty chunks. The sky's black and I can't see nothin until lightnin flashes; I can feel eyes on me even though I'm by myself. Somethin starts chasin me so I try to run but the blood is so thick I can hardly move. Then the blood and stuff turns into people, first my mom and dad then the people I'm livin with. They start yellin at me sayin I deserved what happened because I wasn't strong enough to fight back. Malachite shows up but it ain't really her its a monster that makes the blood into chains. I usually wake up after she rips my pants off", Without realizing it I had started shaking. My chest felt tight and each breath was getting harder than the one before it. Tense hands gripped the padded arms of my chair so hard my fingers started to ache. 

"Wulfenite I want you to focus on me", Alexandrite's voice was slow and calm, "Can you do that for me? Time your breathing to the ticking of the clock, five ticks in five ticks out." I closed my eyes so I could better concentrate on the sounds of the wall mounted clock. "Listen to me Wulfenite you're safe here, I won't let anything harm you, I promise. Don't try to talk just pay attention to your breathing you're doing great." It took longer than I'd like to get my body back from the edge of hysteria and in that time I felt like shit. I thought the point of the medication and all this fucking therapy was to make this shit stop. The ride home was a tense one with me doing my best not to take out my frustration on Rose. She wasn't doing anything particularly annoying, lashing out was just a knee jerk reaction to me feeling vulnerable. 

Back at the barn Peridot and Lapis were being fifty shades of adorable cuddled together watching their teen drama show. Bothering them because I had a rough afternoon felt selfish so without saying anything I flopped into my bed. "Subtle as a cannon Wulfie", Lapis deadpanned from the bed above mine, "I totally believe you're fine. Get your ass up here you meme loving piece of shit", My response was to groan loudly. I had no desire to move from my bed; maybe if I ignored them they'd go back to pretending I wasn't there. "Looks like we're doing this the hard way c'mon Peri", The mattress creaked above me and I buried my face deeper into my pillow. Bodies pressed on either side of me as Lapis and Peridot crammed themselves into my bed. "Dude you're blankets suck compared to mine", Lapis complained, "How do you even keep warm in this?" 

"Lapis please", I groaned trying to escape without much success, "Can't you let me wallow in my angst for once? This is exactly what I didn't want to happen; you two were up there bein cute and I ruined it by bein a sad sack. Nobody likes a sad sack", Unable to get away from the contact I resorted to pulling my blanket over my head. "Frankly half the time I don't know why you two even put up with my pathetic ass. All I do is drag everyone else down with me", The only respite from my guilt would involve leaving my bed. Bed was my safe haven on shitty days when I didn't have the motivation to write or paint. Despite Alexandrite's constant reassurance that I was healing my panic attacks weren't getting better. I had some breathing exercises she sent me home with that could help get them under control once they started but that was it. 

"We put up with you because we like you", Peridot supplied from the right side of the mattress. "You don't need to talk about what happened if you don't want to but we aren't going anywhere. Friends don't look the other way when someone is unhappy", She pressed herself against my side in a hug. I hissed in pain, my ribs were still splotched with nasty yellow and purple bruises from my fight. "Stupid Jasper", Peridot spat backing as far away from my injuries as the tiny bed would allow. "Why can't that useless clod just accept the fact that you're never going back to her? She's about as dense as Paulette was during the canoe race arc of the mid-season finale." I had no idea what she was on about but Lapis hummed her agreement so it made sense to somebody. 

February bled into March with little changing around the house and barn except maybe the snow. Jasper and Ruby were becoming more and more reclusive, the latter having finally asked out Sapphire the ice queen and the former for reasons I didn't understand. Her unfounded aggression at my birthday party had left a sour taste in my mouth that only intensified when she refused to explain herself. Rose didn't say anything about it when Steven explained why we had all decided to go outside. I was scolded later on though when Steven decided to adopt the term "assholing up the place"; I never claimed to be a role model. It wasn't unreasonable to assume that the lady of the house had some kind of talk with Jasper. That would explain why she came into the barn all pissed off and challenged Amethyst to a fist fight. 

Greg had decided he wanted to expand on his car wash business to help bring in money more consistently. To that end he purchased the empty restaurant next door with the intent of converting it into a mechanic shop. Beach City didn't have much of anything in the way of formal car repair so it was a sound investment. He was even going to let me train up once he got the place running so I could get certified if I wanted. An architect from Empire City named Bismuth was helping him with the design and stuff. The few times I met her she seemed pretty nice albeit super intense about "shattering" the competition. Plus she had shoulder length dreadlocks dyed every color of the rainbow, that earned her badass points in my book. Ruby and I did what we could to help get the old building ready to be renovated, namely tearing it down. Let me tell you, nothing gets rid of pent up stress quite like taking a sledgehammer to some fucking walls.

I really needed that after Higgins showed up to the house one day to announce he was dropping the investigation on Malachite. On paper he stated that the reason he was dropping the case was a lack of evidence. That was total bullshit; a state ordered visit to a lady doctor proved that I had a few internal scars from the encounter. He convinced whoever was overseeing him to not include the exam results because "there is no way to prove you didn't already have those". Testimony from Peridot and Alexandrite wouldn't be considered because they weren't around to witness the crime. She and Jasper were going to get away with it; the only thing that fucker did was make them take a class on assault and consent. I think the worst part was his attitude; he acted like I should have been grateful he investigated at all. 

The Air Force came to our school at the beginning of March to do a presentation about the benefits of enlistment. I was surprised to find myself interested in their pitch about challenging yourself and helping others. Rose's suggestion from Halloween came to mind again about how the military always needed people with an aptitude for mechanics. It didn't hurt that the recruiters were rather silly having introduced themselves as "Biggs" and "Crazy Lacey". Crazy Lacey was an impossibly large Native American woman with feathers braided in her shoulder length red hair. Her voice was soft and flowed through the air like homemade hot coco, thick and rich. On the other hand Bigs was this four and a half foot waif of an Asian woman who had a voice like a cannon. She attacked the microphone with the energy of Willy Hayes making an infomercial about some amazing new product. 

Biggs and I had a really good chat when I went to their table set up during my lunch break. Turns out she used to be part of a high profile gang out in California, which I didn't expect given her less than threatening appearance. Her enlistment in the military happened after she got caught bringing a gun to school and got arrested. The judge, being a veteran himself, gave her the choice between the Air Force and jail. "Twenty years later and here I am offering kids like you a chance to be something more than themselves. Kind of funny how life works", She said with a booming belt of laughter that echoed through the cafeteria. I explained to her about my love of tinkering and that I wasn't sure what to do with myself after high school. She told me that after I went through basic training I could decide to go full time or to reserves. Either way I had access to career training and college if I wanted to continue my education. What struck me most about our conversation was she listened and talked with me like I was an equal. If she cared about my grease covered clothes or lack of personal grooming she didn't say anything about it. 

Her story proved convincing enough that I conceded to sit down at her computer to take a practice version of the ASVAB. For those who don't know what I'm on about the ASVAB is like the military version of the ACT. The higher you score on it the more qualified you are for specific jobs and the more career options you have. Close to an hour later, long after lunch ended, I submitted my electronic exam and received an overall score of 60. My score in the M section, aka anything that had to do with mechanics, was a solid 42. According to Bigs that score was enough to qualify me for basic stuff like maintaining construction equipment and gear. If I wanted access to more advanced stuff I would need to get a score closer to 50. "Wouldn't be hard for you to do if you're willing to study for it", She commented when she printed out my results. "You should pick up the book ASVAB for Dummies, it's one of the best study guides out there. Here I think I've got a coupon somewhere", I was handed a coupon for Barnes & Nobel along with a pass to excuse me being late for class. Good to know I had a chance to make something of myself besides front line cannon fodder. "Take my card, if you have any questions feel free to call my office or shoot me an email."

I ended up having a long talk with Rose about my experience that afternoon on the ride home. Late slip or not I had been sent to the office for missing class and ended up with a detention. Rose was a bit pissed at me for having to stay after school but her tune changed when I confessed my reason for being late. "Oh Wulfenite it's wonderful to hear that you're putting some thought into your future. I wasn't joking last October when I said the armed forces would be a great fit for you. By the looks of it you're right on track for an excellent career, if that's what you're interested in." Ever since our heart to heart on my birthday Rose was being very careful to not railroad me into stuff. Her consideration was going a long way towards repairing our broken relationship. During one of our many late night chats Peridot told me about the Japanese art of Kintsugi. Taking something broken, usually pottery, and sealing the cracks with a lacquer that was mixed with gold or other precious metals. She said it was a way to celebrate the object's history by emphasizing the breaks instead of hiding them. Maybe relationships worked the same way, the best ones survived life's trials and came out more beautiful than before.

April brought with it the demise of the snow thanks to near constant pounding rainstorms. Track and Field tryouts happened on a miserable Friday afternoon on a field that was more mud than grass. Myself and fourteen others shivered at the edge of the asphalt track while Coach Opal sorted us. The team had eight open positions, nearly all of them for long distance runners, so no matter what someone was going to leave disappointed. "Line up", The coach barked after a long blast from her whistle, "Everyone against the wall. We're going to start with some warm ups so you newbies can get a sense of what you'll be doing at practice. Backs against the bricks we're doing Wall Sits", A collective groan came from the twelve established members of the team including Pearl. I felt kind of dumb that I never asked her if she was on any school teams, I figured it wasn't important. Not only was she on the team she was the fucking captain complete with a clipboard and a star on her uniform.

Opal's idea of warm ups turned out to be torture the likes of which would make the Spanish Inquisitors beam with pride. Wall Sits segue into squats, then lunges, then something called Burpies where we did a push-up then had to jump in the air. Thirty minutes into tryouts and three people had already given up, the rest of us were sweaty messes. "Good", Opal beamed when the third person announced their defeat, "Now that we've eliminated the weak the actual tryouts can begin." Internally I couldn't help but be impressed with Opal's idea to weed out the people that weren't serious. I mean what was the point of putting someone on the team if they weren't going to put in the work? With another blast of her whistle we were broken up into groups based around what positions we were trying for. Only two other people besides me were trying to do not running stuff so coach decided to have us go first. "Everburn, Mundi, Simmons grab your sticks you're going to be throwing with Pearl. You get three chances to impress me; Mundi, Everburn once you're done with the sticks grab your disks."

Swarhisa Mundi, or Skinny as she introduced herself, was a tanned girl about Jasper's height. Her hair was golden blonde in color, styled in a way that made it look spiked and windswept. As her nickname suggested she was quite thin rivaling Pearl in build except adding another vertical foot. The most prominent thing about her though was the bright red scar across her forehead. Tempted as I was to ask how it happened now wasn't the time for that considering we were technically competition. Fresh droplets of rain fell lazily from the sky to leave shiny trails down the exposed flat of her stomach. Apparently her idea of workout clothes were a blue top that left her mid drift exposed, an orange bellybutton ring, and black leggings. Her fingers gripped the shaft of the javelin firmly suggesting a confidence with the weapon turned sport. I wondered just how long she had been training or why she wasn't already part of the team if she knew what she was doing.

On my other side stood a squat girl, maybe a few inches taller than Amethyst, with wide shoulders and strong arms. Freckles dotted her light brown skin gathering in heavy clusters on her round cheeks. Her hair was voluminous and black falling over her left eye in a way that reminded me a lot of my barn mate. I had to do a double take when we first met because she was wearing the same red star shirt that Steven had. According to the notes on Coach Opal's clipboard her name was Yolanda Trevera-Simmons but everyone who knew her called her Smoky Quartz. Before the tryouts started she mentioned she was more interested in doing Hammer Throwing than running. No idea why coach was having her throw javelins too but whatever, that wasn't my call. She seemed really nice though; even offered to show me some tricks with her yo-yo.

Good person or not these other two were still my competition and I couldn't let feelings get in the way. I wiped my damp hands on my grey gym shorts, eagerly waiting for the coach's signal whistle. Pearl threw first, her lithe body tensing then releasing in a near textbook perfect arch. Using her landing spot as my target I raised the metal pole to my shoulder, took off, in a short run, and let it fly. My foot slipped out from under me when I tried to stop sending me face first into a puddle of mud. A few people laughed at my clumsiness but the majority of them were clapping and cheering. Confused I looked across the field to see my pole bouncing merrily about a foot further than the one Pearl threw. Pride bloomed in my chest helping to push out the cold misery of being covered in goop. Grinning I took Smoky's offered hand and got to my feet, I didn't even flinch at the hard smack she delivered to my back. Even the painfully stoic Coach Opal had a proud smirk, "Less showmanship next time okay Howling Fury? Falling during an actual meet will cost you points", It didn't take an expert to detect the humor in her tone. "Nevertheless I'd say that throw was enough to earn you a spot, unless you think you can do better", The corner of her mouth quirked up in a challenge.

Forty minutes later I was falling into the back of Greg's van sopping wet, covered in mud, and grinning from ear to ear. My training had paid off I was on the team, I was on the fucking team, I did it! Amethyst threw an over sized beach towel over my head and rubbed furiously to dry me off. Her efforts were more of an excuse to playfully jostle me about than to help with the water. When I got back to the house Steven insisted on celebrating my success with Cookie Cats. It felt good enjoying the cold treat with the happy little boy in my lap, like something sweet and domestic. "Wulfie look it's the secret ending", Steven squealed with delight vigorously pointing at the screen. On the TV the pixelated figure from Steven's golf RPG was striding across an abandoned looking room. Not being aware of any of the game's lore I watched blankly as the character opened some kind of cryogenic tube. By the metaphorical stars in Steven's eyes I was willing to bet something positively Earth shattering was being revealed. "Heck yeah I unlocked new game plus", He cheered spilling the rest of his ice cream down his front.

Overcome by a wave of fondness for the small being in my lap I ruffled his hair and squeezed him."You're a great kid Steven, remember that, no matter how crappy things get you make things better by being you. Now c'mon we better get you cleaned up before your mom comes home and realizes I let you have desert before dinner. Up we go", I stood and flung the laughing miniature human over my shoulder like he was a sack of potatoes. "Considerin how stupid cold it is outside I don't get why you insisted on ice cream." I spun him around a few times before setting him down in front of the bathroom door. He stumbled a few times in a way that was totally exaggerated and funny as hell. While he was cleaning up I gathered a towel and clean clothes for myself; I hadn't changed out of my muddy clothes. Thankfully the floor was made of hardwood so cleaning the mud off it was a piece of cake. 

May found me spending an increasing amount of time with Pearl and Peridot cramming for end of the year exams. Between the two of them they were able to recognize when I was getting off track and correct the problem. June 12th was our last day of school which meant that the tests were coming up fast. Poor Peridot was practically ripping her hair out with stress, I don't know who was pressuring her more the teachers or her mom. Therein lies the downfall of taking courses that were beyond what you were supposed to know. Everyone seemed like they were expecting so much from Peridot and no matter how well she did she never met their goals. One time I had overheard her speaking with her mother over the phone and when the older woman asked Peri who she was and Peri said she was her daughter the lady just said, "Which one?" I mean come on that was fucking brutal, why would you do something like that when you know your kid has low self esteem?

Lapis, Amethyst, and I did what we could to help the neurotic blonde relax whenever she came over to the barn. The blue bombshell was always dragging her off to Greg's storage unit to find materials for their modern art projects, dubbed "meep morp" by the two of them. Amethyst tried teaching her how to wrestle which ended with Peridot getting thrown in the lake with a black eye. Emotions weren't really my thing so when it was just the two of us hanging out I would boot up my copy of Call of Duty. Yelling at racist children anonymously over the Internet proved to be shockingly cathartic for the both of us. Once and a while I would question her or Lapis about the fact that the three of us spent our time together in near constant physical contact. Neither one of them understood why I kept asking about it since I was usually the one to initiate it in the first place. My fucked up experiences with Malachite made me wary of other's feelings and terrified about misunderstandings. Like I said before I know what it's like to feel like you have no say over your body. I wouldn't wish those feelings of helplessness and despair on anyone...okay maybe two people. 

Practice three days a week with the team was wearing me out bringing added sleep and with it nightmares. Gone were the days where I could push my body to the point of exhaustion and slip into peaceful blackness. I still dreamed of the abuse I suffered during childhood, could still feel the sting of my father's hands. Sometimes Malachite was there holding me down in a river of blood while she and Jasper took turns breaking me. I often woke covered in a sheen of cold sweat disoriented and terrified of everything. My appointments with Alexandrite didn't feel like they were doing anything to help my tenuous mental state even if the doctor insisted I was improving. "Mental health takes time Wulfenite", The therapist would insist every time I brought up my frustrations. "If you are so adamant that nothing has changed let me ask you this, when was the last time you lashed out in anger? When was the last time that you were so overwhelmed by the world around you that you mentally shut down? Don't you dare sell yourself short because you are making progress even if it doesn't seem like it."

In the end I had no choice but to trust the doctor, talking things out WAS a hell of a lot better than trying to ignore them. Still there were nights where I was terrified of sleeping in the barn knowing my attackers were there. Rose never asked why I wasn't in bed when she'd get up in the middle of the night and find me in the living room. Sometimes she would even sit on the couch next to me letting me lean against her soft frame until I would doze off. Nights at the house were unbelievably peaceful, the whole place just felt serene like some kind of temple. In that stillness I would ultimately find the strength to face down my nightmares. And if facing them head on didn't work there was always the option of firing up the Playstation or X-Box. Lapis eventually caught on to the fact that I wasn't sleeping well so on Friday night I found myself squished in bed between her and Peridot. My feeble attempts to protest were met with a very stern, "Shut up you clod this is for your own good. Lazuli has expressed concern over your well being due to your nocturnal wandering habits. How do you expect to adequately pass any of your exams without getting the proper amount of sleep? I will not have all those hours I spent tutoring you go to waste because your cloddy body can't accept the fact that it's safe." Peri rolled over so I could meet her green eyes, they glowed almost cat like in the setting sun. Behind me Lapis shifted so her arm was around my waist and wrapped Peridot's fingers in her own. Fuck if these two weren't going to be the death of me, can a person die of cuteness overload? Peridot ended up staying with us all weekend to help with last minute cramming sessions. 

During my follow up with Doctor Mahesawaran I came clean about the fact that I was still having trouble sleeping. No point in hiding it when she could see how exhausted I was from across the room. Alexandrite had been giving her regular updates on our visits so she knew my anxiety was still an issue. Ultimately it was decided that the best course of action was increasing the frequency of my dosing. She bumped my anxiety pill up to twice a day and raised the strength of my sleep aid. I wasn't happy about it but I didn't put up much of a fight, it's not like I could keep this shit up forever. Last study session Pearl and I had I ended up napping against her shoulder while she read. Breaking in the new routine wasn't nearly as rough as the first time around. Sure I was a little groggy and out of it but at least I wasn't drooling all over myself. 

Exam day was a fresh level of hell the likes of which can only be created by the school system. Seriously why do they feel the need to schedule all the tests on the same fucking day? Do they not realize that people's brains can fry under stress making them do way worse than they should? Honestly the question I should be asking myself is are teachers paid enough to give a fuck? At least I got a little bit of reprieve since both automotive and gym were practical exams instead of paper ones. Coach Opal was astounded when I turned out an eight and a half minute mile, it was my best time yet! Predictably the science exam was utter horse shit; it was full of stuff Baxter's decrepit ass never explained to us. Math was almost as bad but thanks to Peridot's drill instructor like tutoring I managed to answer most of the questions within the time limit. Creative Writing involved a two part exam that combined multiple choice questions with written answers. All and all I think I did pretty good on everything even if I ended up leaving class totally fried.

The highlight of my day came at the mandatory after school meeting Coach Opal dragged the team to. Throughout our thirty minutes of warm ups the European woman kept stealing smirking glances at Pearl. When the team captain vanished during laps I started looking around for her to no avail. She reappeared at the end holding a battered looking black tote and wearing the biggest smile I've ever seen. "Team shirts are in", She called in a sing song voice, "Everyone gather 'round after your stretches." I virtually flew through my stretches in order to get over to the bird nerd as quick as I could. "Here you go Wulfenite", She said handing me the sky blue tank top, "I hope you don't mind but we took some liberties with your name." Confused I unfolded the garment, on the front was the logo saying Beach City Sharks. The words "Howling Fury" were printed on the back where my last name should have gone. "Do you like it?", The strawberry blonde girl asked worrying her lip between her teeth, "Opal and I know how you feel about your last name. I wasn't sure on how appropriate it was-"

I cut off her rambling by pulling her into a bone crunching hug, "Dude this is fuckin epic. I can't wait to show everyone, seriously you guys are the best pair of assholes I've ever had the pleasure of meetin." Modesty be damned I threw on my new top relishing the cool cotton against my sweaty skin. I had really done it, I was actually part of a team, the shirt proved I could reach my goals. At that moment I needed something I could use to prove to myself that I was making progress. Feeling like a failure because seeing a therapist hadn't instantly cured me was illogical. I knew that, I really did, but I was so frustrated that things would feel better for a while then boom something bad would happen and I'd be back to square one. This shirt made it clear that even though my mind may be a fucking mess my body still works.


	27. Libraries and Lacerations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wulfenite and Steven have a fun day out

"Books", Steven yelled excitedly when we stepped through the door to the Buddwick Public Library in the heart of Beach City. Beside him his little friend Connie was frantically trying to quiet him down under the stern glare of the elderly librarian. "Sorry ma'am", He whisper shouted at the front desk earning him another disapproving look. "Connie this place is amazing", A starry eyed Steven gushed, "Why didn't you tell me about this place sooner? I've read everything that looked cool that we had in the house; being grounded from TV has been so boring." That's right, believe it or not the ever lovable Steven managed to get himself grounded. Right after school got out for the Summer our little man had the bright idea to ride the bus to Connie's house without asking anyone or telling us where he was going. Alexandrite of all people managed to find him by accident when she was leaving some sort of fancy restaurant. Who knows where he would have ended up if she hadn't spotted him and ran interference until Rose showed up. I'm sure it goes without saying but holy hell was Rose pissed; Steven ended up being grounded from Connie for two weeks and TV for "a thousand years".

The unexpected silver lining out of that fiasco was Steven developing an unquenchable thirst for reading. I even caught him trying to understand my ASVAB study guide which was hilariously adorable. He was actually more excited than Rose had been about my potential military career. Shortly after giving up on my study guide he busted out his new crayon set and drew me working on a jet. When he was allowed to see Connie again the first thing she did was bring over a stack of novels for him. I don't know whether to laugh or groan over the fact that he was halfway through one of them before realizing he had no clue what was going on. Turns out the goofball was reading them in order based on which cover art looked the coolest. I'm pretty sure Connie had a miniature heart attack over the phone when he told her what he was doing. Oh man you should have seen her face when three books in he put on his most innocent smile and asked her, "What's a familiar?"

The completion of the series left Steven itching to get into another long story arc. Lapis had suggested he try out the Song of Fire and Ice books but Greg stopped that idea right quick. Steven wasn't quite old enough yet to appreciate all the boobs, blood, and dragons the series offered. He wanted to try reading the Lord of the Rings trilogy; if he could manage it then more power to him. I only ever managed to get through the first book before giving up, the writing style gave me a headache. Greg decided the best course of action was to take his son to the library before he started getting books that weren't okay for him to read. Being a lover of books myself I asked if I could come along since I didn't have anything better to do. Maybe I'd be able to find a cookbook with a cake recipe that didn't involve a million fucking steps. One way or another I was going to make Peridot a thank you cake I just needed to find something for beginners. 

"Well I already showed you my favorite book series, The Unfamiliar Familiar,", Connie said slowly. "But I'm sure we can find something you'll like I mean it is a library after all." She chuckled quietly at her own joke and adjusted the round glasses she wore. Connie was a dark skinned girl, a bit taller than Steven, with brown eyes and a shy smile. Her dark brown hair fell almost to her knees in a shimmering cloud that could rival Jasper's in thickness. Overall she was a very polite girl though she was very shy, it complemented Steven's rambunctious attitude quite well in my opinion. The first time Steven introduced her to me she seemed completely terrified. Granted I did have a split lip from falling off a ladder and wasn't exactly being friendly. Today she was dressed in a white polo shirt and grey shorts having been dropped off at the house right after tennis practice. "We should look at the fantasy section first it's my favorite", She took Steven's hand in her own and rushed off.

"Mind your manners you two", Greg called after them with a fond smile that died the moment he got his own angry shushing. Truly it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out why family trips to the library weren't really a thing for the Universes. A zest for life doesn't exactly translate to muted conversation or inside voices. "Oh geeze", The big man blushed putting his hand behind his head the way embarrassed cartoon characters always did. "Thanks for coming along Wulfenite", He turned his easy going smile on me, "These two can be quite the handful. Fry bits aren't exactly meant to keep you in shape", His permanently ruddy face flushed a few shades darker. Greg's lack of physical fitness wasn't exactly a secret to anybody that had a pair of functioning eyes. He was clearly overweight and that combined with stress could easily put him in an early grave.

"S'no big deal", I said with an easy shrug laying my calloused hand on the older man's shoulder, "Not like I was doin anything. Speakin of gettin in shape though", I put my arm around his shoulders, "Hows about you join me for a run tonight? Skinny and Pearl are comin by later on and we're gonna jog around Beach City for a bit. Surely a buff stud like yourself can keep up with us frail little highschoolers." His flustered expression was totally worth me having to say the words "buff stud" with a straight face. "We ain't planin on doin anythin too rough tonight so you shouldn't have a hard time." Speaking of Pearl I caught of flash of strawberry blonde hair moving through the aisles towards the front desk. A quick double take confirmed the identity as none other than my esteemed track captain. Baby blue eyes were so focused on whatever she was reading that she didn't even notice when I fell in step beside her. "Fancy running into you here Bird Nerd", I greeted causing her to jump and nearly drop the book she was holding.

Pearl whirled on me falling into a stance I kind of recognized from Steven's Lonely Blade video game. "Gah Wulfenite don't sneak up on me like that", Her shoulders released their tension and she let her stance drop. Dexterous fingers smoothed down the front of her crisp white button down shirt with a practiced ease. Black dress pants clung to her slim hips and sheathed her long legs in a layer of darkness. The choice of attire was odd given the heat of the Summer afternoon but something about it was undoubtedly Pearl. Only she would feel the need to remain prim and proper in a setting as informal as a barely funded public library. Compared to her I felt like a slob in my dark green cargo shorts and black Under the Knife shirt. My ginger hair was speckled with white dust from helping Greg lay down new tile in the kitchen. "Anyway", Pearl said closing her book with a soft thump, "What brings you this far out? Don't tell me the terrifying Howling Fury spends her free time immersed in the pages of teen fiction?" I was graced with a soft burst of Pearl's tittering laughter; lightheartedness was returning slowly now that I was part of the track team. Hard to keep being awkward around someone you see damn near every day, I gotta say it was good. I'd missed having someone to talk to that loved taking stuff apart as much as I did. Sure Peridot was interested in mechanics but her passion was doing stuff with computers that went way over my head.

Without missing a beat I put on my best cocky smirk and replied, "Of course, come on Pearl. Everyone knows I'm a connoisseur of terribly written books about sparklin vampires who save it for marriage." We shared a brief laugh at that before I shook my head and pointed towards the fantasy section. Connie and Steven were standing in front of the brightly colored spines conversing in excited whispers. "Nah I rode along to keep those two out of trouble while the mortar we laid down this mornin dries. Wasn't a hell of a lot to do round the barn so I figured a change in scenery would do me some good. Surprised to see you here though, from the way you talk I figured you'd have a fuck ton of reading material at home. Weren't you just tellin Kiki about some story you were readin about some fancy Southern chick who falls in love with an asshole?" Kiki Pizza, daughter of the family who owned Fish Stew Pizza and twin sister to one of the "cool kids", was our best distance runner. I guess doing all those deliveries on foot was good for keeping her in shape.

Pearl looked in the direction I was pointing and her eyes seemed to light up, "Oh I didn't know you knew Connie!" My attempt at raising my eyebrow must have successfully conveyed my question because she elaborated. "She goes to the same fitness club as my family, we do the same fencing classes. Let me tell you the look on her mother's face when she found out her daughter was learning to use a sword was absolutely priceless. Honestly the woman performs surgeries for a living she shouldn't have any issues with sharp objects." Pearl shook her head disapprovingly for a few seconds before turning back to look at me. "Erm yes I do have a rather extensive literary collection but one can never be too well read." Her face took on a rather adorable frown at my description, "And for your information there is a lot more to Pride & Prejudice than that. It's an excellent tale about coming of age, family responsibilities, love, and not judging people based on first impressions. Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth both learn that their initial reactions to each other were nothing like who they really are, it's a very important life lesson. Remember how disastrous your first conversation with Peridot went at the beginning of the year? Or our own meeting for that matter; initially I had you pegged as some violent hooligan."

"Hello Miss Pearl", Connie's voice piped up slightly though not enough to get told off. The introverted little girl smiled brightly to my bird like companion and even did a little curtsy with her shorts. "Sorry I missed sword training last week, my great aunt Aruna was visiting us all the way from Bangladesh. Mom hasn't seen her since I was born so it wasn't something I was allowed to skip. Not that I wanted to skip out on seeing my family or anything", She blushed and looked down. Her embarrassment left as quickly as it came when she saw me, "I didn't know you two knew each other. Steven, why didn't you tell me sooner that Wulfenite was friends with Pearl? We could have started a conversation instead of sitting awkwardly for the entire ride over here." Her voice was rising with each word until she was nearly shouting, "Wulfenite do you do fencing and dance too?"

I raised my hands in a gesture of surrender hoping to settle her down, "Easy there kiddo you gotta keep it down. Folks are tryin to read in peace", I gestured around the empty building, "Uh in theory at least. You can't go around yellin and stuff, come on even I know that ain't okay. Hows about you guys get your books checked out and we move this party outside before the hag at the desk has a stroke?" Evidently my playful quip in her direction was the proverbial straw the broke the camel's back. The librarian was on her feet shooing us to the door and muttering to herself about "disrespectful brats". When we just blinked at her she grabbed a broom out from behind her desk and literally chased us outside. "Right so I guess I'll see you later on for our run then", I called back to the mortified Pearl. That had to be a new record not even at a place ten minutes before getting thrown out. 

The three of us climbed into the unlocked van while Greg stayed behind to try and smooth things out with the desk crone. Since Greg was trying to prove to Connie's parents that he was a responsible adult I had to sit in an actual seat instead of lounging in the back. I didn't get how me not wearing a seat belt was something her folks could complain about, I mean how would they even know? Nevertheless I did as requested because I'm not a complete and utter dick...most of the time. Greg came out a few minutes later rubbing the back of his neck like he did when he was nervous. "I have some good news and some bad news", He said firing up the van with a swift turn of the key. "The good news is Connie and Steven can come back", Pink tinged his cheeks and he kept his eyes straight ahead, "But Wulfie you're banned. I tried to calm her down but I guess making stroke jokes to someone whose brother just died of one is a major faux pass. Terry is putting your picture up under the do not serve list, the only other person on that list is Onion."

"That's fair", I said with a lazy shrug letting my gaze drift to the scenery passing us by. Beach City was a sleepy little berg, honestly I'm not sure it even had enough people to qualify as a city. Crime wasn't really a thing there except maybe a bit of vandalism towards the mayor's obnoxious car. Ocean Town, less than thirty miles away, was like stepping into a whole other world and not in a good way. Stopped at a red light I watched as two men and a little girl stepped into the crosswalk without a care in the world. Tiny hands held, what I assumed to be, her parental figure's as the little girl giggled happily with them. There was so much love there in that snapshot of domestic life and I wondered about the fate of my own parents. Were they still out there peddling their illicit wares without a thought over what happened to me? "Hey Greg", I forced myself to look away from the happy family before I got too morose, "Can you teach me to drive? 'M 17 now so I should be able to sign up for a permit or something I think, I'm not really sure how this works. Reckon it's a good idea for me to know in case somethin happens to you or Rose."

"Gee Wulfie I don't know", Greg said slowly, "Driver's Education can be hazardous to my health and what's left of my hair. Last time I let an inexperienced driver behind the wheel Vidalia jumped the curb and nearly hit Barb. She wouldn't deliver my mail for weeks", He laughed at the memory before his face took on a more serious expression. "Besides I don't know if you guys are even allowed to drive because of the whole being criminals thing." I couldn't hide the disappointed frown on my face, driving is a rite of passage for every teen after all. "We'll see what your case manager thinks about it and maybe get you into a Driver's Ed course. The school has insurance and stuff in case something happens so it's probably better if you go through them." Great they wanted to give that fucker something else to hold over my head in exchange for "good behavior". I had no doubt that Higgins would happily make up some excuse to not let me learn. Maybe Alexandrite could work her mind doctor magic on Rose and convince her to let me try.

Peridot was at the barn when we got home, elbow deep in some sort of Peri-Plan involving: Lapis, a bottle of sparkling cider, and cheesy music being played through her phone. Social reject as I was even I could spot that they weren't looking for any sort of company. Children in the house meant all M rated games, read all my games, were strictly off limits. Beating kids at Lonely Blade was surprisingly unsatisfying after the first three times. They always went for the super complicated combo attacks and I interrupted that with short jabs. Bored I wandered back outside hissing at the bright sun more for something to do than out of malice. With me being essentially sexiled from the barn, even though Peridot would vehemently deny that's what they were doing, I felt kind of lost. Pearl and Skinny wouldn't be over for a few hours yet, running in full sun was a bad plan. Eventually my wanderings took me back inside finding Connie and Steven gone with Malachite lounging on the couch watching her space rock show.

We didn't talk, there wasn't much to say anyway, what do you even say to someone you hate but don't at the same time? Both of us wanted an understanding but how the fuck we were supposed to get there was anyone's guess. There were little gestures: she'd have a cup of coffee ready for me when I woke up, I'd bring an extra can of soda for her during gaming sessions, things like that. A familiar tingle of fear wormed down my spine when I dropped to the floor in front of her. After the miscommunication we had over Thanksgiving I made damn sure to keep space between us. The fear was instinctual, something I couldn't control, trust was me ignoring it in order to settle my back against the piece of furniture. She reached for the remote, fingertips lightly brushing my bare arm in the process. We both tensed but when I didn't pull away I felt her exhale and I released the breath I hadn't realized I was holding. Her hand didn't linger, it hadn't been something intentional; at least I didn't think it was. Episode after episode passed without sound save for combined laughter or the creaking of the couch as Malachite adjusted herself.

By the time Pearl and Skinny knocked on the door I was all but dozing in my spot on the floor. I got the shock of a lifetime when Greg actually decided to join in; even Steven wanted to come along. The little boy had stars in his eyes and no one could bring themselves to turn him away. "Guess you're mad inspirin Pearl", I teased my flustered captain, "I told Greg about your awesome pep talks and it lit a fire under his ass." Skinny raised one of her perfectly sculpted eyebrows trailing her gaze over his beer gut. "Hope you don't mind I invited him to come with us", It had only just occurred to me that not asking her was kind of rude. "I was gonna ask you about it when I saw you earlier but things didn't go as planned. They went and banned me from settin foot in that place again", I chuckled some at the memory. 

Pearl assured me that everything was fine and we were about to head off when Steven stopped suddenly. "Shoot hang on I forgot something", He rushed inside the house emerging a minute later with bright sweatbands. "Aww yeah now we're talkin", The ever excited ten year old cheered, "Who's ready to get beefy?" Less than half a mile in though his enthusiasm was dimming and by the end of the first mile I was carrying him on my shoulders. His father wasn't faring much better; he was red faced and panting a few feet behind us. "Come on dad you can do it", Steven cheered from his piggyback ride, "I don't wanna see your gut, I wanna see your guts." Don't ask me where the kid got that from but it seemed to be just what Greg needed to hear. We slowed our pace so Greg could have a short breather before he passed out. Poor dude wasn't kidding when he said he was about a decade behind on his workout routine. 

After another mile at a more sedate pace Greg got a frantic call from Rose demanding that we return to the house. We rushed home as fast as we could and I basically fell on my face on the grass. Four miles was a respectable jog even before you factor in that I had been carrying Steven. Greg stayed at the end of the driveway talking on his cellphone, I couldn't hear much but it sounded bad. "Nice job everyone", Pearl beamed; the athletic little bird was barely even sweating. Sweating or not she and Skinny agreed to come inside for some water because holy fuck hydration was important. Amethyst and Ruby were arm wrestling at the table, a slice of pizza off to the side. Lapis was moodily tapping away on her phone looking up every so often to glare at Jasper. There was a small puddle of water under her chair and a damp towel draped over her shoulders. Worryingly there were bruises on her arms that looked suspiciously like very large hand prints. Jasper returned her glare with equal ferocity baring her teeth like a feral beast. Blood was trickling down her nose from a small cut along the prominent bridge and she sported a black eye. Sensing the tension in the air Pearl and Skinny left with the promise of returning tomorrow night.

I looked between Jasper and Lapis, both were wet and looked like they wanted to kill each other, "Uh do I even wanna know what happened?" That question was all it took to break the dam; accusations and insults flew from both sets of lips. From what I could gather Lapis and Peridot had been relaxing by the smaller than average lake when Jasper decided to join them. Playful insults morphed into a heated argument that quickly escalated into full on violence. Neither one had a good explanation for how they ended up waist deep in the smaller than average lake. Jasper claimed that Lapis and Peridot shoved her into the water, Lapis said Jasper dragged Peridot in. How they wound up in there was irrelevant but the fight got worse and they dragged each other damn near to the bottom. Fuck man the shit you miss when you decide to go for a jog, it's unreal. Like I knew things weren't good between Lapis and Jasper but I never thought they'd actually try to hurt each other. Hell half the time Jasper seemed too scared of Lapis to even go near her; this was completely out of nowhere. 

"I heard the yells an got Rose", A weary voice drew my attention toward the hallway where Malachite had just emerged from the bathroom. "The two of us had to wade in there and pull these assholes apart before they killed each other." Steam billowed behind her from the open door and I caught the scent of tropical shampoo. She must have been showering; considering her personal hygiene routine was even worse than mine that was something of a rarity. Her bushy white hair was laying flat on her head framing her weirdly angular face. With a jolt I realized that the dark scar she had on her eyes looked a lot like Skinny's. "Don't think I've ever seen her so pissed before", Mal shook her head like she was trying to erase the memory. "Higgins is comin out here in the mornin an I'm not sure what's gonna happen. Might be nothin, might be lock up, or anythin in between", She laughed but there was no humor in it.

"Aw man lighten up you two", Amethyst drawled in between bites of pizza, "Nothin bad is gonna happen. Peridork is fine, the cops weren't called, and nobody's dead", She shrugged taking another bite. "I don't know why she bothered calling O Burro s'not like he's gonna do much besides yell. Relaxar, seriously he's nothing but talk I mean look what happened when Jas and Wulfie got into it. All the asshole did was say don't do it again", Now normally I can appreciate Amethyst's easy going demeanor but tonight it just pissed me off. Did she not understand how ridiculously serious this fucking was or did she not care? This wasn't me breaking someone's nose or a nasty yelling match, someone could have died! Moreover there was a witness this time, a witness with an overprotective mom who had money. There was no way Higgins was going to get away with sweeping this under the rug.

I opened my mouth to say that but Ruby beat me to the punch, "Are you fucking serious right now? Eu não posso acreditar em você, I can't fucking believe you", Red faced the short girl threw her hands in the air. Unable to contain her frustration she started to pace fingers digging into the curls of her dark hair. "Higgins is gonna show up with policia and throw us all back in prisão faster than you can say fusion. They can't take me away from Sapphire, they just can't, it'll shatter us", A slipper wearing foot hit the wall. Dissatisfied with the impact she brought her leg back to kick the wall harder. Considering that slippers offer almost no actual protection no one was surprised when she started hopping up and down swearing. "How can all of you assholes just sit here and pretend like nothing is happening?"

"Can it runt", Jasper snapped furiously, "Or I swear I will beat you into the fucking ground. You and that bitch are nothing but weaklings and I've had enough of your shameless display." She fixed her gaze on Lapis, eyes narrowed and calculating, "And you, I may be a brute but you're a monster. You do nothing but mimic the feelings of others so you can pretend like you're one of them. Tell me brat, do you even like that little nerd you're with or do you just not want to be alone? Or do you just like the fact that she'll let you do whatever you want to her without fighting back? Wasn't it enough that you turned Wulfenite from a warrior to your little fucking lap dog?" Jasper all but spat those words in Lapis' face and by the end my blue haired friend was shaking. Obviously there was some kind of fucked up history between the two of them that I knew little about. Lapis had mentioned that the two of them were cellmates and lovers for a while but from what I picked up it was way more than that. Muscle twitched along Jasper's tanned arms stretching her striped scars and making them seem like something alive. Standing at her full height she easily dwarfed everyone in the room except Malachite.

Lapis surged to her bare feet so fast it knocked over the chair she was sitting on. "Leave Peridot out of this, things with her are nothing like they were with you. I was terrible to you, I liked taking everything out on you", She looked up at Jasper with tears in her eyes. "What we had wasn't healthy Jasper for fuck's sake I hated you but loved the rush I got from fighting you. It was fucking sick", Her shoulders shook and I shifted closer trying to offer some support. Malachite moved from her spot in the hallway so she could stand next to her cousin, mirroring what I was doing with Lapis. Amethyst and Ruby hung off to the side, uncertainty written in the lines of their faces. Delicately I reached out to wrap my hand around Lapis's raised fist hoping she'd let me lower it. Her body tensed for a second at the intial contact but she didn't fight me, she only had eyes for Jasper. "I never want to feel how I did with you again, why can't you fucking understand that? Why do you keep trying to pretend that what went on between us was a good thing? Move on Jasper, I moved on a while ago, go find someone else to push around."

Keeping my hand wrapped loosely around Lapis' fist I stepped between her and Jasper effectively shielding her. I was so fucking angry: at Jasper, at myself for not looking deeper into the history between them, at the fact that I was being called a lap dog. Mostly though I was frustrated, frustrated and tired because things were finally starting to look up before this. My body ached from my evening run and I could feel a headache forming behind my eyes. A soft sigh rolled from between my lips, "It's probably best if the two of you stay away from each other. Higgins is comin tomorrow whether we want him to or not and I don't think hurtin each other will help. C'mon Lapis", Still being careful to remain gentle I turned the both of us to face the living room. With my back turned I had no time to brace myself when something hard made contact with my head. I hit the ground hard landing on broken pieces of what was once a plastic folding chair. Noise erupted from everywhere; people were yelling, bodies were moving, it was all too much.

A raspy voice came from my right speaking quickly, "Jesus fuck Jasper what the fuck were you thinkin?! Get outta here an get Greg, she's bleedin like crazy", Thudding footsteps were drowned out by the sound of breaking furniture. High pitched sounds, like a mix between growling and yelling, came from the direction of the breaking noises. Shakily I reached up to touch the back of my head; my hand was instantly coated in something hot and wet. Blackness pulsed on the edge of my vision and my stomach heaved sending up a mixture of water and bile. "Oh man, oh shit", Next to me Mal swore under her breath, "Wulfenite don't try to move okay? Your head's split open bad", Cold hands squeezed my shoulder for a second before she stood up. "Mother fuckin hell Jas you gotta settle down", Try as I might I couldn't stay focused on what was happening around me. There was too much noise; something else hit me in the back and I groaned in pain. More nastiness spewed from my mouth splattering off the floor and speckling my face. The blackness was everywhere now, I went limp unconsciousness taking me before I could fight it.


	28. Vertigo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of Jasper's rampage

"Fer the last fuckin time Wulfenite didn't do shit, she was tryin to get everyone to settle down then Jasper lost it. Get that through yer fuckin skull you sack of shit", Arguing voices were the first thing my conscious brain recognized. Someone with a growling tone was trying to win against another person who sounded like a whining child. Once I registered I was awake I became aware of just how much my head and back ached. A pained groan pushed its way through the sandpaper factory that was my throat. The voices stopped their heated debate and I felt someone leaning over me, "Hey you awake over there? You gotta get up an explain to this stupid fuck what happened", Slowly I put two and two together recognizing the speaker as Malachite. Damn I was tired I just wanted to go back to sleep so the pain would go away. Feebly I reached for my blanket only to find that my left hand wasn't moving the way it was supposed to. 

"Miss Barrows for the last time you WILL NOT use that language around me", The male voice was getting louder. Once again I tried rolling away from the noise but my stupid hand wouldn't move very far. "You do not seem to understand how serious this situation is, none of you do. This little stunt of Miss Everburn's may very well be the final nail in the coffin for this rehabilitation attempt. Wulfenite's patterns of violence are well documented as is her apparent obsession with alleged crimes committed by you and your cousin. Taking these factors into account if it came to light that she was the one who started this the rest of you would likely be able to keep your freedom. Now I will ask you again Miss Barrows to explain to myself and the police officer outside what happened." 

Sharp pain shot through the back of my head and my neck when I tried to sit up. There was no fucking way I was going to let this mother fucker pin Jasper's bullshit on me. Bright white light flooded my cracked eyelids blinding me until I could fully adjust. The room I was in was completely unfamiliar except for that weird chemical cleaner smell that universally screamed hospital. My Under the Knife shirt and faded jeans were gone, replaced by one of those backless dress things. Silver handcuffs were locked around my left wrist with one side connected to the metal railing of the bed effectively restraining me. Under the metal band there was a plastic one, bright orange, full of neatly typed patient information. Following the line from the handcuffs I found Malachite hovering over the side of my bed looking worried. There was a nasty split running through her bottom lip, her right eye was black, and her nose was packed with gauze. Unlike me she wasn't in a hospital gown but the bright orange band on her wrist showed she had been a patient recently. Behind her stood Higgins; red faced, sallow cheeked, and sweaty in his mussed up suit. Gradually memories started trickling past the haze of whatever medication I had been given and I glared at the man, "The fuck's this?" I jerked my cuffed hand angrily, "Some crazy bitch hits me over the head with a chair and you lock me up?"

Higgins' brown eyes locked onto mine and I could see he was losing the fight to keep his composure. "The restraints are a necessary precaution given your previous history Miss Everburn. Now I want you to explain to me why you assaulted Miss Barrows a second time. I thought I had made myself quite clear that should your actions cause the police to be called I would have no choice but to return you to Ocean Town Juvenile Correctional Facility. Did you know that now that you've reached age seventeen I can transfer you to Delmarva State Prison with only a phone call? Do you ingrates have any idea how hard I've worked to keep this project open?" His voice rose in pitch the longer he spoke until he was shouting the last few words. He was pacing around my room passing between the heart monitor and the door like he couldn't sit still. "A police officer is just down the hall waiting to take your statement about what happened. As your case manager it is my right to make decisions on your behalf since you are clearly incompetent."

"Fuck you", I spat, "I didn't do shit to Jasper except try to get Lapis the fuck outta there so they wouldn't fight. Bring the cop in here I wanna talk to 'em cause I'm fuckin pressin charges for this shit. S-s-suck my d-d-dick asshole", The normally slow cadence of my speech pattern was lost to anger. He seriously had the nerve to say me getting knocked out was my fault, hell no, there was no way I was allowing that. Fuming I turned back to the girl by my bed, "Mal c-c-can you d-do me a s-s-solid an go get the c-cop?" Wearing a serious expression for the first time since I've known her Malachite nodded and walked out leaving the door open behind her. I took a few deep breaths, hoping to ease my headache a little, before turning back to my case manager. "Ruby, Lapis, Malachite, and Amethyst were all in the room when Jasper went after me. Swarhisa Mundi, Pearl Collins, Greg, and Steven were with me until just a minute or so before then. How do you plan on making this look like it was my fault that Jasper went psycho? This wasn't some stupid fight, first she tries killin Lapis and her girlfriend then she paints the walls with my blood."

I stopped speaking as soon as Malachite returned with a uniformed police officer in tow. Last thing I needed was for Higgins to try to say that I was threatening him or some shit. The officer was gigantic, easily going over the seven foot mark, with a wild tangle of black hair. Everything about this woman was large: large breasts, sculpted arms, wide smile with just a hint of danger to it, legs that could crush a skull, and a polished pair of shades to finish off the look. Part of me, and I blame this wholly on the medication, couldn't help but wonder where Beach City got all these giant women from. Her skin was deep brown bordering on an almost purple color and her voice reverberated like a bass drum. "Hello there", Her head tilted and I assumed she was reading my chart, "Wulfenite. I'm Officer Sugilite", Sugilite extended one of her plate sized hands for me to shake. I gripped the heated skin awkwardly with my right hand since my left was still cuffed down. Her grip was strong but not overpowering though the potential was there, "Do you know where you are right now?"

Mindful of my aching head I nodded and answered, "Yeah I think so 'm in the hospital, right?" Malachite took up her previous post next to the railing on the left side of my bed. Styrofoam cups dotted the little stand thing between the bed and the heart monitor. Assuming those cups belonged to Mal I couldn't help but wonder how long she had been sitting with me. If she was the only one in here with me then where was everyone else hiding? Surely Rose wouldn't have just left us here alone for fuck knows how long. She knew what Malachite did to me and even if the girl was getting better I still didn't want to be alone with her. 

This earned me a rumbling chuckle from the officer, "Yep you're in the hospital. According to my watch you've been here around 12 hours give or take;they had to stitch you up. Don't suppose you'd like to tell me how that cut ended up on your head do you? Either way I'm gonna find out so it's best if we're all honest with each other here okay?" Higgins opened his mouth like he wanted to interrupt and all at once Sugilite's easy going demeanor shifted. "You WILL wait until I address you to speak, I am not questioning you I'm questioning her. I've spent the last few hours listening to what you think happened but you weren't there. Unless you'd like to be hauled in for obstructing an investigation", She flexed her shoulders grinning broadly. "Please tell me that's what you want I've been sooo bored sitting here getting statements from these kids." Higgins' eyes bulged and he shook his head so fast I was worried it was going to come off.

Next to me Malachite gave a wheezing chuckle then winced when the motion caused the stuff around her nose to move. I tried to sit up only managing an inch or so before my head started swimming and I had to stop. "Greg, Steven, and I were out runnin around Beach City with a couple friends of mine. Two miles in he gets a call from Rose sayin we gotta hurry up and come home so we ran back. My friends left and I went inside; everyone was sittin around the table talkin. Found out that Lapis and Jasper had been fightin and they were about to go at it again so i tried calmin them down. Jasper broke a chair on me when I turned away from her, things get kinda fuzzy after that. There was a lot of yellin, I think Malachite sent someone to go get Greg from outside." As I spoke Sugilite drew a small notebook from her front pocket and started furiously writing everything down. "Dunno what happened after that", I attempted to reach up in order to move my hair away from my face. The handcuffs banged loudly against the rails and Sugilite paused her writing, "Um why am I locked up?"

"'Cause Jasper ran off", Malachite's words were clipped her tone doing nothing to conceal how pissed she was. "After you went down she started trashin the place sayin she was gonna finish you off. Crazy bitch tried takin a busted chair leg ta yer skull", She shook her head, "Never saw her lose it like that. She beat the fuck outta Amethyst then ran when she heard the sirens, it was a choice a makin sure you didn't bleed out or chasin her down. Figured you'd wanna keep yer blood where it was", She shrugged attempting to look casual but I could see the tightness around her eyes. "Rose an Greg are over in Amethyst's room but I didn't think you'd wanna wake up alone with this fuck", Her thumb pointed at Higgins. "He's been tryin to get us all ta say it was yer fault the fight started sayin if we did only you'd get in trouble. Ain't a lawyer or nothin officer but I think you oughta let somebody know what he's doin." 

Sugilite's neutral expression shifted to one of anger and she rounded on Higgins, "Oh really?" The shorter man stood his ground defiant as ever even under her withering stare. "I'll go ahead and put that in your statement if you want but you need to be honest with me. If we investigate your claim and it turns out you're lying that's grounds for being put under arrest." Malachite nodded and I gave my own agreement in the form of a thumbs up since nodding doesn't work with a fucked up head. Hopefully the officer would take us seriously and actually look into his manipulative patterns. He was already being investigated in his own office at some point; no idea if that was still going on. 

It was a lot to take in all at once but nobody disputed anything that was said, "She's gonna be okay right? Amethyst I mean, please tell me she'll be alright", I looked between all three of their solemn faces. Fucking hell Jasper had a lot of blood to answer for once they found her ass. Fuck my vow to be a better person, that shit went out the window the moment she attacked. Cold bony fingers gripped my left arm reassuringly and Malachite gave me a small nod. I offered her a ghost of a smile in return then turned back to the police officer at the end of my bed. "Any chance you could unlock me or at least switch which hand you pin down? They probably didn't tell you I'm left handed so not bein able to use my good hand is fuckin with me. Scout's honor that I'm too worn down to cause any trouble", The big woman let out another rumbling laugh.

"Officer", Higgins spoke slowly back to his "reasonable adult" voice, "I would not advise that. Injured or not these girls are still criminals with an extensive history of violent crimes. Miss Everburn here was convicted of assaulting a police officer with a deadly weapon. It is in the best interest of everyone at this facility that she remain restrained while she is here." He spoke about me like I was a child or something less than human that couldn't understand what he was saying. It was demeaning as hell and told me clear as day that he wasn't worried about being under scrutiny. Cocky fucker probably thought that telling Sugilite that I hurt a cop was guaranteed to put her on his side. Tiny hands smoothed down the front of his wrinkled suit and straightened his black tie. "I do not think it is wise to risk another suspect fleeing", He looked like he was going to say more but a loud yell stopped him.

"Mom, Dad, Wulfie's awake", A blur of pink ran down the hall excitedly, "Hurry up you guys. Steven bomb", Steven sped past Higgins and flung himself into my bed with his signature battle cry. All the air was forced from my chest with a soft "oompf", not like the little boy minded. Shit that hurt, my stomach rolled unhappily and I needed to bite my lip to keep from throwing up. He was clinging to me like I was a treasured stuffed animal that had been missing. Warm tears dripped down his chubby cheeks soaking into the fabric of my hospital gown. "You were bleeding so bad I didn't think you were gonna wake up again", He sniffed. "The doctors had to sew your head up and Amethyst's arm is all messed up and no one will tell me what happened." His sobs increased just as Rose and Greg walked into the already crowded room. "You can't take her away police lady, you just can't, she didn't hurt anybody."

"Hey hey Stu-Ball you can't be so rough with hurt people", Greg gave me an apologetic look. "Give her a little space", He made an attempt to pry his son off me but Steven only clung tighter. For such a small kid he had one hell of a grip it was like he was trying to fuse us into one person. Jostling me around was not helping the pounding in my head or the waves of nausea. Seeing that removing his son was a lost cause he turned to Sugilite, "Sorry about that officer. We tried explaining that Wulfenite was going to be fine but he wouldn't believe it until he came in. Is it alright if he stays in here while you finish asking your questions? I uhh don't think he's going to willingly move", Steven wrapped his legs around me in visible defiance.

"Wasn't planing on taking her away little man so relax and take a nice deep breath for me." Sugilite kept her voice low and calm in a way that kind of reminded me of Garnet for some reason. "I only bring down the wrecking ball on the bad guys", She rolled up the sleeve of her uniform to show off a tattoo. It was a chain that wrapped around her wrist, went up her arm, and ended in a spiked fist on her bicep. Steven giggled at the sight generating another smile from the gruff looking cop, "You like that little man? Sometimes I forget how great it feels being me", She laughed heartily at her own joke further calming Steven. "As for you", She turned back to me tone businesslike once more, "What's your history with Jasper Barrows? Your case manager here mentioned that the two of you have been in fights before."

I explained my not so peaceful relationship with Jasper, initially planning on skipping over the rape for Steven's sake. Teaching him about the bad shit that people do to each other was not something I wanted to be a part of. I didn't want to talk about the slaughtered cow or how she held me down so Malachite could have her way with me. Me breaking her nose was on record so there was no point glossing over that. Nor was there any reason for me to leave out the not so subtle threats she would drop or how she acted at my birthday. Unfortunately I did need to say it so I asked Steven to go grab me a glass of water with his dad. Sugilite made note of everything; Higgins tried interrupting a couple times but she ignored him. Talking eventually became too much work and my coherence lost the fight to the pounding in my skull. When my eyes started to slip close Rose ordered everyone out of the room so I could get some more rest. Malachite was the last to stand up and I clung to her hand for a second, "Thanks Mal. Don't know if I'd still be here if it wasn't for you; keep them in line for me until I get back okay?" If she replied I was too fuzzy to hear it I did feel her squeeze my arm before she left.

When I woke up again Rose was next to my bed deep in conversation with Officer Sugilite. "Good morning dear", Rose said with a cheerfulness that sounded forced, "Or should I say good afternoon. You've been asleep for quite a while", She reached down to brush some hair out of my face. That act made me look down to my own dominant hand still secured to the rail of my bed. "Lapis and Peridot are here to visit you", Rose drew my attention away from my restrained hand and back to her. "They're just over saying hello to Amethyst since they didn't want to wake you up. She's only a few rooms down, once you get the okay from the doctor you can see her if you like." Rose looked like she wanted to say more but fell silent instead looking at Sugilite. The mountain of a woman had been leaning against the wall by the door letting us have a little privacy. 

Noticing that we were both looking at her Officer Sugilite pushed away from the wall and walked over to us. "Hey kid, you're looking a lot more lively than the last time I was in here. I won't keep you from your friends long I just wanted to let you know that the Department of Child Welfare has opened an investigation into Daniel Higgins. Currently he has been suspended and is not allowed to contact your household under any circumstances. Should he attempt to contact you you are to notify the Beach City police department immediately." She lowered her sunglasses to fix me with a serious look that I didn't understand. "As I told you and the girl who was in here last night the state of Delmarva takes abuses of power seriously. Take care of yourself kid, we haven't had any luck locating Jasper Barrows but we believe she's in the area. Same deal as Daniel Higgins if you see her call the police", And with that she bent down to unlock the cuffs. 

"'Preciate the warnin officer", I said rubbing my sore wrist, "I'll be sure to do that. Might seem hard to believe but I'm gettin kinda sick of endin up in the damn hospital. Suppose this is what I get for turnin my back on her knowin she was pissed off. Reckon I owe two people thank you cakes now", I looked over as the door burst open. Lapis bounded over to my bed carrying a bottle of Mountain Dew and wearing a guilty smile. Behind her Peridot had some kind of fruit cup thing with the hospital logo on it. Both presented their gifts without a word looking at me expectantly, "Uhh hello to you two. Umm thanks for the stuff", Confused I reached for the bottle of soda still feeling parched from the last time I woke up. The drink was sweet, cold, refreshing, and everything I needed to perk back up. 

"Ha told you Peridot soda beats fruit", Lapis grinned at her scowling girlfriend. I let them bicker back and forth while I ate my gifted fruit cup and drank my soda. Rose and Sugilite went out into the hall, probably to discuss more shit about Higgins or Jasper. Truthfully I didn't want to think about that shit; I was tired, aching, and a bit burned out. Too much had happened in too short a space of time and it was all hitting me at once. My two visitors kept the banter lighthearted while still giving me updates about home. The police were doing a lot of patrolling in and around Beach City looking for Jasper. Amethyst had a broken arm and some bruised ribs but was expected to make a full recovery. 

Two weeks had passed without any sign of Jasper and I think the police were getting ready to give up their search. Beach City was a small town with maybe a dozen uniformed officers on the payroll. Keeping up an active search prevented the force from being around in case there was an emergency, not to mention how much the overtime was hurting the budget. Sugilite told us that their chief, a tyrant of a woman who went by the name Holly Blue, had informed Delmarva Highway Patrol that Jasper was on the run. All of us were home from the hospital at that point, with Amethyst sporting a purple cast on her right arm. I was back to not sleeping very much, I mean how the fuck could I sleep when there was someone out there who wanted to hurt me and my friends? Dad taught me a lot of shitty lessons growing up but one I actually took to heart is that a warrior defends what is theirs. Everyone living in the barn was under my protection even if they didn't know it. Lapis, Amethyst, and Malachite didn't seem to be faring well in the sleep department either. In an attempt to ease our distress Greg installed a heavy duty lock on the inside of the barn door.

Evening runs with Pearl and Skinny were one of the few consistent ways I could blow off steam. Greg was joining us almost every time now, unless he had to stay late at the car wash or had a meeting with Bismuth. Which meant Steven was there to cheer us on from his perch on my shoulders. Pearl, Skinny, and I would take turns letting him ride on our shoulders when his little legs couldn't keep going. It was nice to be able to shut my mind off for a while and focus on my breathing and the way my feet slapped the pavement. After the first mile the world melted away leaving me with only the pounding of my heart and the blood flowing in my veins. An unexpected side effect to my daily dose of athleticism was an increased frequency in my showering habits. Turns out that my tolerance for being sticky and smelling bad only lasts to a point. Nagging on behalf of a certain Bird Nerd who liked hanging out at the barn may have also played a factor.

On the nights when even running couldn't calm me down I found a surprising amount of comfort watching TV with Malachite. There was a strange peace in the darkened living room where the only sounds were the voices of the show. I had graduated from sitting on the floor to the far end of the couch instead. I figure if she was going to try and hurt me again she wouldn't have bothered keeping Jasper from braining me. Some nights I would bring my paints over to the house and fiddle around with the watercolors while the cartoons hummed in the background. My most recent work was a picture of Jasper mottled and twisted as the monster within her came to the surface. Well that's what it looked like to me anyways, if you asked Lapis it was a bulky orange blob splattered with blue and pink.

It was late afternoon on a Thursday and I was in the locker room grabbing a quick shower after practice. Coach Opal was being utterly ruthless with all of us since the season was going to start like a week after school was back in session. Beach City was going through a nasty heat wave at the time with humidity well into the 80's. I was way too hot and sweaty after stretches to ignore showering until I got home. My shoulders and back ached in that satisfying way that can only come from working your ass off. Overall I was feeling pretty damn good about how much my distance and accuracy were improving. The poles I was practicing with were actually heavier than the regulation ones. Theoretically if I could throw those well then I should be a boss with the lighter ones come time to compete. Water shut off in the stalls on either side of me and the sounds of footsteps echoed briefly.

"Ugh, can you believe Coach Opal actually let that red haired psycho on the fucking team with us? Pearl should have put her foot down and told her no, it's not like she hasn't before." A female voice spoke from somewhere further in the room, probably near the mirrors if I had to guess. Several voices, the voices of my teammates, murmured their agreement to her words. The tiled room around us distorted things too much for me to pick out exactly who was talking. Not that it mattered though, these were the same people I saw three days a week. I couldn't help but wonder if they knew I was in the room with them or if they would have cared.

"I know! There's no way it's going to last though, when my mom found out she threatened to pull me from the team. She called up all the other parents so they can complain to the school board. It's bad enough that the board agreed to even let them come here in the first place. They're fucking criminals for Christ's sake, the police are looking for one of them because she fucking ran. Rumor has it they all live in this run down, termite ridden, old barn Miss Quartz owns. I heard they dyke it out in a big ass pile with that nerdy blonde girl from our physics class." Navy, one of the girls who runs triathlon, joined in on the conversation. In the year that I had been enrolled at Beach City High I had spoken to her maybe twice, she was in my Creative Writing class. Her actual name was Gina and I had no idea why everyone called her Navy, probably because she always wore belly shirts. As far as I knew I hadn't given any of them a reason to talk about me like that; I didn't even fucking know them outside of practice. 

Worse than hurting me though, as far as I was concerned, was the fact that the bitch brought up Peridot. Asshole or not Peri was the best fucking friend I think I've ever had and there was no fucking way I was gonna let someone talk shit about her. I stood under the pounding cascade of the shower head for another minute to get the last of the shampoo out of my hair before throwing open the curtain. Hard to look like a badass when you're covered in fizzy white suds; four girls standing in front of the lockers froze. Naked and dripping I strode over to them feeling the fury of my ancestors pulsing in my veins. "Thirty seconds", I growled through gritted teeth, "You have thirty fuckin seconds to tell me which of you were talkin shit. Come on, you sure as fuck had lots to say a few minutes ago", I slammed my fist into the wall.

Pearl chose that exact moment to waltz her way into the locker room, clipboard in one hand and phone in the other. Swear to Tyr that girl has some kind of crazy fucking spidery sense when it comes to fights. There were times when that shit was crazy useful but damn if it wasn't inconvenient today. A thin finger pressed the end call button on the phone with more force than was necessary and she fixed us all with a hard stare. "That was Miss Diamond, apparently a group of "concerned parents" don't like this year's team roster. Some are even calling for my resignation as captain", Her eyes swept over the girls in front of me. "Every person on this team is here because they have earned it, if any of you have issues with my decisions then you talk to ME. Team disputes are handled between Coach Opal and myself not in front of some sniveling committee. We are not nor have we ever been a democracy and those of you who think we are are in for a rude awakening."

"Save the speech Pearl", I turned my back on the five of them to grab my abandoned towel. "You can tell all the worried mommies and daddies that their precious babies won't have anythin to worry about. Contrary to what you bitches might think I'm not stupid, I can tell when I'm not welcome. I fuckin quit", Towel firmly in place I stalked back to the group so I was towering over Navy. She was about Ruby's size and honestly looked enough like her that I swear they could be related. They had the same dark colored hair, though instead of an afro Navy's was more like a wavy bowl cut. Their skin was the exact same tone and their eyes were the same warm shade of brown. "I ever hear you talkin shit about me or Peridot again I will fucking SHOW you what a criminal can do. Where I'm from talkin shit like you is a sure fire way to end up someone's bitch."

Navy's wide brown eyes looked past me to find Pearl's, "Are you going to sit there while she threatens me? You're the team captain and this criminal is here because YOU didn't say anything. Get off me you fucking freak", I let her try to shove past me so she could join her friends by the exit. Her push barely staggered me and I snarled at her as she was forced to walk around. Still visibly seething I stalked to my locker letting my towel drop along the way. Pearl let out one of her bird like squeaks and immediately put her hands over her eyes. You'd think being is so many group activities she'd be used to being in changing rooms with other people.

"Wulfenite don't do this", Pearl spoke from behind me voice softer than it had been a moment ago. "We want you on the team, if we didn't then Opal wouldn't have encouraged you to try out." Her light footsteps were almost silent as she moved across the white and grey tiles. I couldn't bring myself to look at her, couldn't let her see the bitter tears that were forming. I unzipped my duffel bag and pulled out my grey tartan pattered boxers, shoving my legs into the holes. Dressing would hopefully buy me a little time to get my emotions back under control. Next came the undershirt because let's face it when you're rockin barely more than an A cup what's the point of a bra? Yeah I had a sports bra for when I was actually doing stuff; friction burns on the nipples are a bad time. At home though or even during the regular school day it was just a somewhat tight undershirt and whatever shirt i was wearing. 

"Let's face it Pearl no matter how good I act or how hard I try it's never gonna matter to them. It was stupid of me to think things would change", I hated how my voice cracked at the end. "Here", I tossed my blue team shirt on the tiled floor between us, "Tell the PTA that everythin's fine. Me bein here ain't worth you gettin shit for lettin me join in the first place." My Sun's Out Puns Out shirt was jammed over my head scraping some of the tears that were sliding down my cheek. A series of obnoxiously loud beeps from my bag signaled that Rose was here to pick me up. I shouldered my duffel with my right hand and pulled Pearl into a hug with the other. "Thanks for seein somethin in me other than a freak it really means a lot", I bumped my head against her shoulder like I was an over sized cat then walked out before she could argue.

"Hello dear", Rose greeted me warmly from the driver's seat of Greg's van, "Ready to go?" I nodded throwing my stuff in the back of the cargo area before climbing in after it. Outside the sun was starting to dip down with just enough breeze coming off the ocean to cut some of the humidity. It felt wrong to be this upset when the weather was so perfect; I huddled against the seats trying to pretend I wasn't crying. Rose knew though, she always knew, "I take it you found out about Sunday's PTA meeting. Oh honey don't let a few ignorant fools bother you, you haven't done anything to warrant them kicking you off the team. Opal is already planning on giving them a piece of her mind about even suggesting it. You'll be fine", She was trying to be comforting and I think that was the worst part. Having Rose around was the closest thing I had to a supportive family environment.

"I ain't gonna fight em Rose", I used the bottom of my shirt to furiously scrub away my tears. "S'not worth Pearl an Opal gettin screamed at by a bunch of prissy little shits who don't wanna get to know me. Let's be real here they don't care that I'm gettin better and tryin to be a good person. They don't care that my throws today were less than an inch away from breakin the school record. Only thing they see when they look at me is some freak who's so fucked up she don't even have a real family. Ain't no point in arguin with 'em", No matter how hard I wiped I just continued to cry. Getting rejected when you're doing your best and working your ass off sucks no matter what it is. Rose didn't argue with me other than making sure I knew she didn't think I was a freak.

Head down I walked into the main house intent on grabbing myself something filling for lunch. Nothing more stereotypical than a sad teenager attempting to eat their problems away. The living room was a symphony of conflicting noises all of them obnoxiously loud. Abandoning my plans for lunch I scooped up a cold soda from the fridge and went to investigate. Amethyst and Peridot were having an intense game of Smash Bros while Lapis and Steven cheered. Peridot was sitting ramrod straight on the couch with Lapis draped across her lap like a well fed house cat. "Well if it isn't my second favorite clod", The short blonde greeted glancing briefly away from her match. That quick glance must've been enough for her to register my red rimmed eyes because next thing I knew I was being pulled down onto the couch. "Talk to me Wulfenite", Her words were their usual even timbre even as she pulled off an awesome combo against Amethyst. Lapis re-situated herself so her head was on the arm of the couch and she was laying on Peri and I.

"S'nothing", I mumbled feeling uncomfortable with all the attention, "Just quit runnin track. A bunch of people weren't happy with me bein on the team so their parents bitched to the school. They were gonna have some fuckin meetin about it on Sunday with the PTA so I said fuck it and gave em my jersey. We all know I wasn't gonna win so what's the point of tryin to fight the inevitable? Just pisses me off how easy it is for assholes to judge me without ever gettin to know me." I kept my eyes focused on the TV screen as I spoke unable to face Lapis' sympathetic stare. She had gone through something like this when she tried joining the swim team. Lucky for her she was so fucking fast in the water that the PTA told the parents to stuff it. By her own admission her record was also much softer than mine dealing mostly with theft, truancy, and fighting. 

"Yes I had heard a rumor that such a meeting would occur", Peridot said, "My mother is quite irritated. She is being made to miss a very important social gathering at her company because of this. Quitting was a rather wise move on your part those helicopter parents can get nasty when someone challenges the way they do things. I would hate to witness them focusing their efforts on removing not only you but Pearl and maybe Coach Opal as well. Still I am sorry you are upset", She bumped her shoulder against mine affectionately. Her hands were too busy flying across the controller for her to attempt any kind of hug. "Could I perhaps elevate your mood by crushing your hopes and dreams in a Nintendo based fight to the death? Amethyst has yet to provide me anything close to a challenge", I chuckled headbutting her chest in my own brand of affection.

"Shit is seriously bullshit", Amethyst yelled from her spot on the floor, "Where do they get off doing this shit?" Her fingers flew across the buttons struggling to keep up with Peridot's viscous assault. "Dot is probably right though about those people havin too much time on their hands. Me Madre was on the PTA and raised hell when they wanted to change the color of the tickets they sold for events. It's all bullshit", She groaned as her character was thrown from the map by a flurry of kicks. "Whelp I'm out, see you losers later" The controller was tossed to me so I could take on my frustrations using pixels. Peridot decided to sleep over that night so I got to enjoy an evening of being mushed between her and Lapis. I didn't complain though, honestly it was nice having people I could lean on figuratively and literally.


	29. Morning with Martha

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sugilite makes good on her word

Rose got a call the next morning letting her know that Mr. Higgins had been removed from his position. I guess after Sugilite started digging into what he was doing all of his cover ups came to light. The fact that it only took them a couple weeks to make the decision told me that he was up to some seriously sketchy shit. Normally government employees take forever to sack; during my first year behind bars there was a guard who would repeatedly grab girl's asses. It took the state almost a year to look into it even after repeated complaints from both inmates and guards. Not that I take pleasure out of others being in pain but damn he fucking deserved it. Malachite and I were both floored when we found out Sugilite kept her word and actually investigated his bullshit. She could have easily brushed off our allegations as a couple of punks giving their case manager attitude. Never in my life did I think I would feel gratitude and affection towards a police officer but damn if I didn't want to hug that woman. 

According to Rose our new case manager wanted to meet with all of us one on one and together as a group. Contrary to Higgins whose office had been about an hour's drive from us this new person lived right in town. The plan was for her to come to the barn and talk with all of us then we were going to grab dinner as a family. Predictably Lapis was a nervous wreck having been taught an inherent fear of change. Ordinarily I would be in that same boat however I was still bummed with leaving the team so apathy shielded me from the nerves. I did concede to a haircut since I hadn't had one since midwinter so I was a shaggy mess. Cutting my hair also meant that I needed to take a thorough shower to remove any strands that the stylist may have missed. Freshly scrubbed and smelling like the fruity shampoo that Rose liked to buy I padded into the kitchen. Amethyst and Ruby were hovering near the stove arguing heatedly in Portuguese. They broke away from their angry staring contest when I came in and Ruby beckoned me closer. 

"Wulfenite tell this idiota that hamburgers need to be cooked to medium or else you're gonna get sick. This cadela louca is trying to pull them when they're still cold in the middle." Ruby gestured to the pan where four reasonably large burgers were happily sizzling away. One of them had a slice in it revealing its bright pink interior, it looked like it was barely cooked. "Just look at that bruto shit man", She shook her head, "Guarantee if you eat that you'll be in the banheiro for a week." Buns sat on a plate next to the stove loaded down with all the usual toppings. Two of them were also sporting sauerkraut, leftover crab Rangoon, and a heavy pinch of fire salt. Amethyst's stomach was like the twelfth wonder of the world or something, she could eat just about anything. If I were to even attempt to digest the combination of things on that bun my insides would be doing their damnedest to be on the outside.

Shrugging I stepped over to the fridge to scrounge up my own dinner, "Last time I tried tellin her what to eat she downed a dozen doughnuts out of spite. You ain't gonna win that fight", I grabbed a couple of peaches out of the bottom drawer. Fruit in hand I meandered to the living room where Lapis was watching The Little Mermaid with Steven. Disney movies, especially ones that involved the ocean in some way, were her go to source of comfort. "Here Laz you ain't ate nothin today", I flopped into the cushion next to her and handed her a peach. "We're gonna be just fine tomorrow, you got nothin to worry about; outta all of us you're the best one at actin normal." Steven squirmed until he was sitting across both of our laps at the same time. "Hey there little man, I was wonderin if I was gonna see you today you been gone a while." Careful not to make too much of a mess I bit into my fruit contentedly, "Where you been hidin?" Lapis followed my lead and took a bite of the peach not looking away from the screen. The two of us stayed close the rest of the night even after Steven was called to bed. 

"Good morning Wulfenite I'm Mrs. Barriga you can call me Martha", The older woman standing in the barn's doorway held out her hand. She wasn't very tall compared to the giant women Beach City seems to have at its disposal. In fact if it weren't for her poofy brown hair she'd actually be a few inches shorter than me. Her eyes and skin were also brown with the former being a couple of shades darker than the latter. Instead of anything formal Martha was wearing a bright blue dress with yellow flowers on it. At Rose's insistence I was wearing a forest green short sleeve button down shirt and tan shorts. My freshly cut hair was shaved down on the back and sides with a long part in front. Martha smiled warmly at me, "Well come on in and let's get to know each other." Just like when Higgins visited over the summer our usual bean bags were set off to the side to make room for a pair of folding chairs. The older woman took one and I took the other feeling stiff and awkward, "So tell me a little about yourself.

"Uhh well my name's Wulfenite but since that's a damn mouth full most folks call me Wulfie for short. I like tinkerin with machines and stuff especially anythin that has wheels and an engine. Ain't too sure what exactly you wanna know I mean I'm sure you got a copy of all my criminal stuff. Reckon Higgins added his own notes to everythin so you probably got them too. Don't take too much readin to figure out I've done some messed up stuff in my life." I tugged absentmindedly on the collar of my shirt to alleviate some of the pressure on my neck. Martha watched me calmly offering a smile when she saw I was starting to fidget. There was something warm in that smile mixed with a bit of a smirk that I swear I've seen before. "Wait a minute", I slapped my hand against my thigh, "You said your last name was Barriga right?" When she nodded I let out a bark of laughter, "That must mean you're related to Lars." 

Martha's smile widened, "Yes I'm Laramie's mother; you must be that girl he used to work nights with. What a small world; the way he talks about you it never even crossed my mind that you had a record. Gem names are so common around these parts", She laughed heartily; I was still shocked at Lars' real name. "Yes I do have your file and its corresponding notes from my predecessor, they are far from flattering. From the way Daniel wrote it I was expecting a group of bloodthirsty savages. Far be it for me to speak ill of a coworker but all five of you seem like you're doing just fine. Nevertheless I prefer to go into these things with an empty slate; you're not a file you're a person. The first thing your guardian said to me was that she trusted you to do the right thing." She reached out and patted my knee affectionately, her movement slow enough that I was able to suppress the flinch. "I've also reached out to both of your therapists and they agree that you've made wonderful progress." 

"Suppose the doctors know better than me on that one", I said with a shrug doing my best to act casual. This woman was a complete 180 from Higgins and for some reason my instinct screamed at me to be wary. Experience has taught me that when something seems too good to be true it probably is. I wasn't fool enough to think I'd get some extra leeway just because I knew her son. Still we had a nice enough chat about how I felt the program was going and what I thought of my fellow participants. She took the time to meet with all of us before we piled into Greg's van to get dinner. All things considered we behaved pretty well out in public even if Amethyst and Ruby ended the night in a mock sword fight over cake. Martha didn't seem like she was going to shake our world up much other than visiting more frequently. Visits I could deal with if it meant I was allowed to continue living my life with the Universes. 

"Well Wulfenite I have to say you've shown quite a lot of improvement since the last time we spoke. There does not appear to be any long term damage from the concussion you suffered. In fact I dare say you're in perfect health", Doctor Maheswaran said with a rare smile. "Your blood pressure is a touch higher than I would like it to be but it's still within normal range. If you wanted we could set up physical therapy for your knee but honestly I think it's unnecessary. Its function has already made improvements thanks to you keeping active, therapy wouldn't help all that much. Your fingers have retained an excellent range of motion despite their earlier injuries." With school getting ready to start again Rose thought it was a good idea to get us all in for a check up. Malachite's nose was finally healed up and Amethyst was set to have her cast off in a few days. Jasper still being MIA despite it getting to be the middle of July was still making it hard for me to sleep. I still worried about her breaking into the barn when we were all unable to defend ourselves. 

"Good to hear Doc", I replied as I hopped off the exam table in search of my discarded pants. "Quick question for you though", Carefully I pulled the tattered jeans up my legs and fastened them. "Dunno if Rose mentioned or not but it's lookin like I'm gonna be tryin out for the Air Force after graduation. Biggs, the recruiter who got me into the idea, says I've definitely got it as far as the written goes it's the other stuff I'm worried about. Do you think I'm in good enough or close to good enough shape that I'll be able to make it through basic? Also uh is there any chance of tryin to ease me off the meds you've got me takin? Talkin with Doctor Alexandrite and workin with my art therapist Vidalia has really helped me with the anger and stuff I've been dealin with. I'm not askin you to take the whole thing away or anythin but I'd like to give standin on my own two feet another shot." Pants firmly in place I grabbed my blue tank top off the floor and threw that on. One of the unfortunate side effects of being a sexually mature female was that my yearly physicals almost always involved an internal exam. Taking off my pants in front of the doctor was getting easier but it still wasn't something I enjoyed. 

"I'll need to speak to Doctor Fowler before making any adjustments to your current medications", Doctor Maheswaran said slowly. My face fell into a frown at her response, "What would you rather I said no? I'm not the only person responsible for your mental well being Wulfenite. It would be unethical of me to make that kind of major decision without peer review." You gotta hand it to the doc she doesn't beat around he bush when she has something to say. On the surface she was blunt and stern almost to the point of seeming like she didn't care. Once you got past her professional appearance however, you can see how caring she really is. Then again this is the same woman who told me I was an idiot for not telling her I was raped sooner then pulled me into the tightest hug I've ever felt.

"As for your other concern", Doctor Maheswaran said authoritatively, "I cannot see anything here that would hinder your career choice. Like I said your blood pressure is a little higher than I like but I'm willing to bet stress is playing a factor there. Congratulations on finding a path, many your age have no sense of direction and are left scrambling their final year. Doug, my husband, was in the military before our daughter was born", She smiled fondly. "We only met because he ended up getting lost during one of their survival drills and catching hypothermia. Anyways", She continued after giving her head a little shake, "You're free to go unless you have any further questions. I'll have my assistant call Doctor Fowler to discuss weening you off the medication. Expect to hear from me within the next few days", Her hand made its way to my shoulder and she gave it a squeeze. Her ungloved hand was pleasingly cool on my bare shoulder and I let it linger. 

"'Preciate that Doc", I grinned while I tied the laces of my boots; Rose wouldn't let me come barefoot. "See ya 'round I guess", Waving farewell I left the examination room and found my way to the exit. Rose was sitting in the waiting room reading a magazine with Lapis and Amethyst sitting on either side of her. "Nothin outta the ordinary to report", I told my pink haired caretaker, "Mind if I explore for a bit? I think Vidalia said the pet store was hirin so I reckon I can go throw in an application. The guy at The Big Doughnut said they only have third shift spots open right now. Unless you're willin to let me start doin that again", There was a note of pleading in my voice. Third shifts with Lars were fucking awesome even if they did leave me dead tired on school nights. Blasting shitty music through the store sound system while we binged on coffee was one hell of a bonding experience. More than that though I loved the sense of responsibility that came with holding down a job. Sitting around on my ass all day long made me feel like I was a waste of resources. 

Rose lowered her magazine to meet my eyes with her own much darker ones, "I suppose we can give it another chance, under some conditions." Her voice was stern making it clear that she was serious; I nodded for her to continue. "Grades come first so if you start slipping again you're gong to have to walk away. Junior year is typically when students should start focusing on their futures so because of that classes are going to become more difficult. Peridot's tutoring only works if you can actually stay awake for it", She put her hand over her mouth giggling softly. I was really happy that the two of us were on much better terms than we had been the last time we talked about work. If I'm being honest I missed having her as someone I could talk to and confide in. Lapis and Peridot are great, don't get me wrong, but it was nice to have someone weigh in who had already experienced some of what I was going through. Rose didn't laugh at me when I told her it felt weird for me to wear girl's underwear; she just bought me some boxers the next time she was out. Without warning I was overwhelmed by a feeling of affection for the pink haired woman who set aside her life to take in a bunch of hopeless strays.

Misty eyed I wrapped my arms around Rose's shoulders and buried my face in the crook of her neck. Devoid of hesitation her soft arms returned the embrace, "What's this for dear? I would have expected you to argue with me putting restrictions on you", Thick fingers ran through my recently cut hair scratching lightly behind my ears. "Not that I mind of course, it's not often affectionate Wulfenite comes out to play." A warm pressure spread across my back and I looked up to see a swath of blue hair on my cheek. Lapis must have felt left our or something; her deceptively strong arms snaked around my hips pulling me flush against her. I shifted in place a little to adjust where her cheek pressed into my back. Once I was comfortable I went back to snuggling against Rose's soft neck. "My my I get Wulfenite and Lapis hugs", Rose tittered in my ear, "To what do I owe the pleasure girls?"

"'Cuz you're awesome", Amethyst supplied adding herself to the growing hug pile, "And hugs are great." Other people in the waiting room were starting to stare so I pulled myself out of the hug. Try as I might to pretend that I don't care what other people think I'm only human. Too many pairs of eyes on me made my skin crawl and had me feeling like I was being judged. Amethyst and Lapis held on for a few more seconds before they too drifted back to their seats. I grabbed a seat on the floor in front of my favorite blue haired girl and pulled out my phone. One five minute phone call to Gordon later and I was once again a proud slave to our Capitalist economy. The work was still under the table but honestly I preferred it that way; fuck paying taxes. If orange skinned billionaire blowhards don't have to pay taxes then why should I give the feds a cut of my hard earned cash? In the short time it took me to place my call Ruby and Malachite had finished up their own exams and were hovering near us. Guess I wouldn't get to go for a wander tonight, not unless I wanted to walk home.

Then again a good run would probably help me clear my head, "Hey Rose I'm gonna go explore for a bit if that's okay. Barn's gettin to be a bit stiflin this time of year even with the AC you guys put in." Sadly Rose shook her head saying something about us all needing to clean the house for Steven's birthday party. I didn't mind having to clean but I'd by lying if I said I wasn't annoyed that I had to go straight home on the one free day I'd have for a while. Gordon wanted me back to work ASAP which meant tomorrow night; would've been today but there's no way I'd be able to stay up. Redbull can only work so many miracles before it makes you feel like you're going to explode. Mood dampened I climbed into my usual spot in the cargo area with Lapis right next to me. Things had been better between her and Malachite but she still didn't like sitting next to her if it could be avoided. When the van started up Lapis settled herself into my side with a huge yawn that made me chuckle. "Maybe missing a run wasn't so bad", I thought as I let my eyes slide closed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys I know this chapter is kind of short but I couldn't think of anything that would add. If you'll allow me a bit of shameless self promotion I started another work called The Scrap Book that tells one shots set in the same universe as this one.


	30. So Many Birthdays

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For Wulfenite and the gang summer seems to fly by

"Happy birthday Stu-Ball", Greg cheered carrying a large chocolate frosted cake into the dining room. Steven was placed at the head of the table wearing his festive birthday cape and crown. His scepter was on the table next to him easily within reach if he needed to make any royal proclamations. "Blow out the candles", The cake was placed in front of the little boy with two lit 1 candles forming the number eleven. There was no denying that the little man was growing up; hell he was already more mature than I was. He puffed out his chubby cheeks and blew the candles out with all his might while we cheered. Sadly I couldn't stick around for all of the festivities since I needed to sleep. I was able to join in a heated volleyball game with Steven riding on my shoulders against Ruby and Lapis. Connie showed up about halfway through the game so I tagged her in so Steven could play with his best friend. 

"Hey asshole long time no see", Lars greeted me with a high five, "I knew you'd come crawlin back. Women like you can't resist charms of a real man", He dug around in the pocket of his skinny jeans. It was almost ten at night and I had been waiting in the side alley near the dumpster. "Heard about that bullshit with you and the track team, that's rough man", As he spoke he pulled out a familiar worn key and shoved it into the lock. With a flick of the wrist the backdoor to The Big Doughnut creaked open. The customary scent of old grease, chemical cleaner, and trace amounts of pot filled my nose like they had so many times before. In the sterile lights of the back room the flickering of Lars' gauges caught my attention. They were deep purple with different colored hearts that blended into each other; I couldn't help but laugh. Those things screamed Martha from miles away, "Shut up man my mom wouldn't get off my back until I wore them at least once. One of her friends makes jewelry and stuff and she made them for my birthday." Pink was spreading across his face like a wildfire fueling my mirth until tears slid down my cheeks.

"Aww Laramie that's just about the cutest thing I've ever heard of", I said in a cooing baby voice. "Real talk though I like your mom, even if all that granola has kind of fried her brain. 'Sides the gauges look good on you", I shrugged on one of the disposable aprons, "They compliment your hair. So tell me Mr. "Real Man" is Sadie still unscrewing jar lids for you so you don't starve?" He let out an indignant squawk that could rival Pearl and gripped the sides of his face. "Point to me then", I said innocently adding in a few eyelash bats for good measure. Lars just huffed in response and crossed his skinny arms like a sulking toddler. "Come on these delicious pieces of heart attack fuel ain't gonna make themselves", Chuckling to myself I grabbed the night's to do list. Gordon traditionally left a list taped to the side of the stand mixers of everything he wanted made in a night. "Dude he wants like triple the usual stuff", I read through the checklist again just to make sure my eyes were working, "What the fuck for?"

"Probably wants us to be ready for Beach-A-Palooza", Lars said with a shrug, "Last year we got swamped. Sold all of our chocolate jellies out in under an hour", His face took on a look of glee. "It was nuts man, people were about to riot, Mayor Dewy bought the last one so people flipped his van. People'll be pouring into the city from all over for the shows, it's all a bunch of bullshit if you ask me. Just another stupid tourist trap to bring in extra money and make my life difficult." Vaguely I remembered Steven saying something about some kind of beach event at his birthday party. I had been pretty zoned out at the party so I didn't catch most of the details. There was something about locals getting on a stage to do acts, some kind of charity raffle, and fireworks. Didn't really sound like my cup of tea so I just nodded along and let the little boy talk himself out. "Not like we get to go anyways", Lars scoffed dumping grounds into one of the industrial sized coffee makers. "Well I mean it starts at like 7 so I guess we could go but it'd suck going right to work after."

"Yep", I replied with a tone that said I wasn't paying attention anymore; I started measuring out the flour. Forget normal measuring cups, with the output we were expected to produce we measured by the bag. Most of the doughnuts were made using the same plain dough base and frosted with different stuff. While my hands worked my mind drifted back to bitter memories about quitting track. Coach Opal had called me the day after I quit ranting about all the potential I was wasting. She expressed nothing but disgust for the parents who were protesting and scoffed that the PTA had no grounds to stop me. Might have been my imagination but she was acting like me being influenced by others was somehow insulting to her. Pearl had also called trying to convince me to change my mind; it would have been more convincing if I hadn't heard others in the background telling me to stay gone. Perhaps my time with Steven was getting to me but I couldn't understand why they wanted me gone so badly.

My dour thoughts must have shown on my face because next thing I knew there was a hand on my shoulder. "People fucking suck", Lars said like he was a sage imparting the world's greatest secret. "One on one they're pretty cool but get 'em in a group and they'll treat everyone else like shit. Easiest thing to do is to stop giving a fuck about those assholes and find a few assholes you like. Now come on cum dumpster your coffee's ready", The hand that was on my shoulder shoved me playfully towards the machine. You know, even though he's a selfish prick Lars can give some pretty good advice when he wanted to. It's hard sometimes to remember that under all the posturing and sarcasm that he's a real person. I can see how hard he tries to fit in with the people he admires and how much he hurts when they don't notice him. More than that I can see how much he wants to join social activities and how fear of rejection holds him back. They say that like recognizes like and I could definitely see Lars was struggling to find his place in the world same as I was. 

"Fuck you faggot", I said pulling him into the mother of all bear hugs, "Since when do you know how feelings work? Better cut that shit out or else I might confuse you for a person", He struggled and I clung harder. I changed my grip so I could dig my left fist into his mostly shaved head. The noogie made him screech and fight harder until I was so worn out from laughing that I let him go. Still chuckling under my breath I poured myself a long draw of the steaming caffeinated brew. All of the mixers were going full tilt making the dough so it was going to be a while before we needed to do anything. Lars hooked his phone up to the store's sound system and brought up his Pandora station. Technically I think we were supposed to use that time for cleaning, and we did. Well I mean we did if by cleaning you meant slathering the floor in dish soap while headbanging then pouring hot as fuck water all over it. Both activities involved the use of a mop, soap, and water so as far as I'm concerned they're totally the same thing. Either way it got all the excess flour off the floor and down the drain in a nasty sludge mix.

July was over far too soon for my liking and August was set to fly by in a similar blur. Things were finally coordinated between Alexandrite and Dr. Maheshwaren regarding my medication. I would have been able to start scaling down my dosage sooner but they wanted to wait for my prescription to run out. Amethyst, Lapis, and I spent the 14th of August at Peridot's house celebrating her 16th birthday. Much as I hate to admit it I spent most of the night fighting off the urge to throw up. Turns out after being on brain altering meds for a while when you try to ease up or quit you basically go through withdrawals. Three days at half my normal dose had left me with a pounding headache and an inability to keep food down for long. Rose had tried to convince me to skip out on the party until I felt better but I'm nothing if not stubborn. I forced myself to power through a slice of cake because the little blonde nerd had made it herself and she was so fucking proud. When Lapis presented her with a two foot high alien plushie wearing a bowtie and top hat I thought she was going to cry. Never one to be subtle I got the nerd a wooden kit that lets you build a working miniature trebuchet. "I will use a system of counterweights to rain stony death upon my enemies myhehehe", Was her ever so articulate response.

"I'm fairly certain it's meant for marshmallows", An ever stoic Garnet helpfully replied from behind her shades. My stomach heaved at the mention of food and I tried to cover it up by exaggerating my laughter. Garnet, in typical fashion, seemed to sense that I wasn't doing well and convinced Peridot to forego her idea of a video game tournament. She and Pearl had been keeping an eye on me since Rose dropped us off; not sure if I should be pleased or creeped out. The both of them kept hovering around me making sure I was drinking lots of water. Instead of gaming we all piled a bunch of pillows and blankets into the living room for a movie marathon. Amethyst loudly declared that we should watch all four of The Cloven movies; a splat stick gorefest about a satyr high schooler who goes on a killing spree. Supposedly they were the greatest example of practical special effects since that movie where the teddy bear bit some hobo's leg off. A movie marathon sounded nice, something mindless that I didn't need to focus on. 

Lapis and Peridot curled up together in Peri's faded green beanbag chair leaving the rest of us to situate ourselves. By the gods those two were so fucking cute together, I couldn't bring myself to join them. Intruding on their special couple time because I was feeling sick and clingy just didn't seem right. Amethyst and Pearl were stretched across the couch with the shorter girl laying on the other's chest. Aching loneliness pulsed through me; it's not even that I wanted to be in a relationship I just didn't want to feel alone anymore. Shaking my head I found a seat near the wall a bit further back from the TV than the others were. I leaned back pulling my hood over my head to block out most of the flickering light. Cloth rustled softly on my left a second before a warm weight lightly brushed my shoulder, "Are you alright? You're very pale", Garnet's smooth voice was barely above a whisper when she addressed me. I glanced up to find her shades gone and was given my first real look at her heterochromatic eyes; one was blue the other was brown like a husky's.

"I'll be okay, just breakin in my new dosage", Even to me my voice sounded raspy. "Should've probably stayed home but I didn't wanna miss Peri's face when she saw my gift. Fuckin nerd", I chuckled weakly and took a sip of water from the little plastic cup I was holding. "Thanks for gettin her to change her mind about the whole gamin tournament. Don't think I'm up to doin much that involves thinkin and hand eye coordination." The world tilted itself a few degrees for a second and I swayed where I was sitting. Garnet put a steadying arm around my shoulder; holy fuck she was so fucking warm. "Hey don't get weirded out or anythin but is it cool if I like use you as a pillow? I know it's a weird thing to ask but it's freezin in here", Wordlessly she pulled me down so I was laying between her legs with my cheek on her hip. The blanket she had been carrying was draped around me like a fluffy yellow cocoon. Through the sense of comfort there was a tinge of shame that threatened to ruin the moment. Some piece of me was still convinced that seeking comfort is a pathetic sign of weakness. That piece had grown smaller thanks to the continued efforts of Steven, Rose, and my therapists.

"Yes Peridot has certainly come into her own over the past year or so", Garnet's calloused palm brushed some sweat from my forehead. Her slow voice was working wonders towards lulling my sick ass into something resembling sleep. I felt really shitty; it wasn't even nine and here I was passing out at my best friend's party. She had changed her plans for me and I couldn't even be grateful enough to stay alert for her. Grumbling I tried to make myself sit up only to have the pressure increase on my shoulder. "Relax wet one no one here thinks any less of you for getting help when you needed it. Peridot will understand", Garnet spoke like she could read every negative thought that was going through my head. I looked up at her meeting her eyes, she smiled back down at me running her fingers through my damp hair. The weird blonde boy from my gym class confronted Garnet accusing her of having the power to see the future. She never outright denied it but she did shut him down by saying, "I can see options and trajectories. Time is like a river that splits into creeks, or pools into lakes, or careens down waterfalls. I have the map, and I steer the ship; now get the camera out of my face before I break it." Future vision wasn't a real thing, I mean come on, but sometimes it did seem like Garnet knew everything about anything that was going on.

"Okay square mom whatever you say", I mumbled through a massive yawn and shifted so I was in a better position. Garnet was so damn comfortable even my stubborn ass couldn't hold out forever. It's weird, before that moment I have never considered physical affection between Garnet and I to be a thing. I had seen her do it with other people; a ruffle of Peridot's hair, a punch to Amethyst's shoulder, an arm around Pearl. Affection was definitely a thing she did but I was shy around her: she was damn intimidating. Looking back from my position of using her as a giant pillow it seemed silly to ever be afraid of her. Hmmm maybe other people thought of me the same way I had thought of Garnet before getting to know her. It was something to contemplate another day though, right now staying awake was too hard. A huge yawn escaped my lips earning me another of Garnet's rumbling chuckles.

"Fire nyhehehe", Peridot's voice interrupted the dream I was having about rampaging watermelon people. Something soft bounced off my nose with a dry thump; laughter erupted around me. "Launching secondary projectile", Another thing hit me in the face and I rolled over with a groan. "Wake up you clod your ride is here and I've ran out of marshmallows to propel in your direction." Painfully slow I lifted my head to see everyone standing around staring at me. Marshmallows were scattered on the floor at weird intervals having been bounced off my head. Garnet's leg was still acting as my impromptu pillow and I was reluctant to leave its warmth. I didn't have much choice though seeing as Rose was watching me from the back of the group. 

Summer came to an end blindingly fast with work eating up ninety percent of my time. Facing Coach Opal after the summer's bullshit was about as much fun as it sounds which is to say not very. Last year the plan had been to take the one fitness class the state required and be done with it. A combination of realizing how much I enjoyed a challenge and my desire for a military career were good reasons for me to rethink that mindset. So instead of taking Advanced Engine Repair first semester I swapped into Endurance Training. I was still signed up to do engine repair second semester so it's not like I was missing out. Blue fire burns hotter than any other color, bearing the brunt of Opal's ice colored glare drove that point squarely home. "Lunges across the gym", She barked without preamble, "Half of you go vertical the other go horizontal. When you reach the end switch directions", Her whistle screamed the song of its people sending us into motion. First day back or not the coach was determined to show us in no uncertain terms who was boss. 

"Real shame you didn't stick with us Everburn", Coach's long legs easily kept pace at my side. Three lunges in and sweat was beading along my hairline, "I ended up tossing that little shit Navy onto the bench. Girl was acting a might big for her britches deciding she can set my lineup better than I can. She was a damn fine runner but I can't tolerate that level of disrespect especially from a teenager. No discipline in kids these days", She shakes her head almost sadly, "No respect for their elders. When I was a little girl in Berlin I would be sent to stand in line for my family's weekly bread ration. On a good day I would be there two hours, now I see teenagers who whine when they're told to wait five minutes. If I tried complaining even half as much as some of the freshmen I deal with my mamma would have tossed me in a well. Dewy, glasses off and pick up the pace", The sudden yell right next to my ear made me flinch and lose my rhythm.

Using Opal's distraction to my advantage I fell back into line before she looked back at me. "Fuckin hate that name Coach", I panted, "Thought you and I had an accord about usin it?" Reaching the end of the wall I adjusted myself to begin the horizontal part of my ordered workout. "Bullshittin aside we both know I'd never been good enough for the squeaky clean members of the PTA. I ain't Lapis or Amethyst, I can't pass for normal", Lactic acid burned in my knees. Stupid body decided that it can't get enough air to work and switched over to anaerobic respiration. Lunges are fucking brutal on the joints if you aren't ready for them, "Eventually I'd piss someone off and I'd be out. Better for me to quit before I wreck your reputation", I finally reached the wall that housed the folded up bleachers. People with longer legs stood to the side having finished before their stumpy limbed counterparts.

"Launguage Howling Fury", The coach chastised as the last students finished up their lunges. Twenty burpies", Opal blasted her whistle again while pulling a lever to release the first bleacher step. A few people further down the row groaned in complaint, "Alright I get it twenty isn't enough." Gods damn it I was going to kill whatever stupid freshman decided to test their boundaries. " Make it thirty then, unless you'd like to keep complaining", They wisely kept their mouths shut. Talking wasn't really possible when you're gasping for air so I had little choice but to listen while Opal spoke. "Listen to me Wulfenite, if you're striving for normal then you are selling yourself short. Normal may be the standard but so called normal people never do anything interesting with their lives. Do you want to end up in some boring 9-5 job that you hate or do you want to be something extraordinary? Think about it", She moved further down the line of students correcting positions as needed. I blinked trying to figure out when exactly my hard ass of a gym teacher got replaced with a philosopher.

By Iduna's benevolence Opal let us go a few minutes early so we had sufficient time to shower. Gym was my last class of the day so right after the rinse off I had to rush to the bus on aching legs. Peridot was still my assigned seat partner so she was at least used to me not smelling the best. Nevertheless her pointed little nose wrinkled when I came upwind, "By the stars Wulfenite you smell like roadkill." I leaned down to give myself a cursory sniff and immediately recoiled; note to self use fucking soap. Wrestling with the window for a minute gave Peridot some time to adjust to my funk well enough to speak. "Ahem", She cleared her throat and steepled her fingers, "Am I correct in assuming we will be resuming our weekly tutoring sessions? Thanks to my vastly superior intellect I am not required to take any mathematics courses for the rest of the year. Apparently this cloddy school system doesn't offer lessons beyond basic trigonometry. No wonder Delmarva is falling behind in national test scores", She scoffed, "It's disgraceful."

"Chill P-Dot", Amethyst chided from the seat behind ours, "Not everyone is a brain lord like you. If the school expected everyone to be as smart as you me an Forest Gump over here'd be fucked." Her arm draped over the top of the seat to to pat my shoulder, "Ain't that right Wulfie?" Time spent out in the summer sun had darkened Amethyst's skin a few shades making it stand in stark contrast to my light green shirt. I got the shirt on a whim when we were out school shopping with Rose, the pattern of blue symbols running in lines up and down made me think of alien computer code. Of course as soon as Peridot saw it she immediately gave me her seal of approval. I'm still amazed by the fact that her being happy can make me feel all kinds of warm and fuzzy. Working meant I didn't get to hang out with her and Lapis as much as I wanted to. Free time of any sort had been in short supply thanks to being trapped on third shifts. If I wasn't actually at work I was sleeping or doing some of the stress reducing techniques Alexandrite wanted me to try. I wondered how they felt about that, did they miss me as much as I missed them or were they happy for some alone time?

Shaking my head to clear away the maelstrom of negativity that was trying to kill my after workout buzz I turned around. "I ain't a retard Amethyst and I don't much appreciate you comparin me to one, I got enough of that shit in lock up. Teachers there figured I wasn't smart enough to understand when they were talkin shit about me." Something unhappy flashed across Peridot's face, "But yeah no way in hell I'd pass if I needed to be as smart as Peri. Reckon my brain would overheat within the first hour of tryin to be a genius." I glanced over at my seat partner hoping the complement would reset her good mood. Amethyst pulled her arm off me and I took the opportunity to lightly bump Peri's shoulder, "What's up? You look like you ate a lemon", She was frowning and it looked like a weird lowercase m.

"I do not enjoy the use of the word retard and would prefer if you would refrain from using it. People with mental disabilities deserve as much respect as those who do not. For many years I needed to be placed in a special education class because of my sensory issues.That word makes me feel small", Peridot looked out the window still frowning. Her short arms clutched her messenger bag tightly to her chest in the way a kid would hold a stuffed toy. "Words like that are created to label something as defective, worthy of being thrown away. Life on this planet is worth protecting, all of it, no matter how insignificant it may seem." Nervous hands played with the buttons on the front of her bag but there was determination in her eyes. "If you are unable to recognize that then perhaps it would be best if we no longer associate."

"Shit Peridot I'm sorry", I reached out to touch her shoulder but hesitated, "I won't say it anymore. You're like my best friend and the smartest person I've ever met I didn't mean to make you feel bad. Ain't no way I'm gonna lose you over a stupid fuckin word, you're stuck with me." Peridot looked away from the widow to offer me a small smile that I couldn't not return. "There's my angry little slice of pie, you wanna come over and decimate asshole kids over the Internet? Amethyst and I have been playin the shit outta Overwatch", Said girl let out a loud whoop behind me. Between myself, Amethyst, and Steven we had managed to persuade Rose to let us buy the popular online game. It was a lot less violent than the newest Call of Duty so it's not like she put up much of a fight. When Steven played we needed to turn microphone access off because of the anonymous swearing. Nothing sours up a gaming community more than people acting like complete dick bags on the mics. 

"Why would I leave the comfort of my home when we could simply converge in an online room? The days of cooperative split screen are long gone", Peridot bumped her shoulder into mine showing I was forgiven. "Perhaps another evening though, my mother is going to be home tonight and has requested that I keep my schedule free. She will be leaving for California on Monday and will not return until sometime after Thanksgiving." Despite her expression remaining in its usual resting bitch face I could pick up the sadness in Peri's voice. I could relate to what she was going through, yearning for the love and approval of someone who seemed to barely notice you existed. Wanting to convey that sense of kinship I put my arm around my friend's shoulders and gave her a squeeze. She wrinkled her nose at the fact that my shirt was still damp with sweat but she didn't pull away. Our eyes met briefly but I didn't hold the contact for long; it was starting to feel like a moment in a cheesy romance movie.

"Aw man Peri we gotta play soon, my JunkRat game is on fucking fleek", Amethyst interjected on our tender moment. "Ste-Man is gettin damn good with Lucio even after they nerfed him", She continued to ramble on about stats. For an utter slacker Amethyst was obsessed with video game rankings especially on things like shooter games. Girl couldn't give two fucks about failing a science quiz but the world was ending if she went down a rank. Peridot listened with polite attentiveness but I let myself zone out so I could just reflect on the moment. Things here felt so right, so domestic and normal, that I could barely believe that just over a year ago I was living in my own mental hell. Prolonged therapy combined with my lower medication dosage had me in a pretty good spot emotionally. Here I was with a pretty awesome set of friends, a job, and a home that didn't expect me to hurt anyone. I had a coach who wanted me to challenge the closed minded assholes who refused to accept that I was more than my past. Sighing contentedly to myself I rubbed my cheek against Peridot's shoulder affectionately.

"Clod", Peridot muttered under her breath although her tone was full of fondness, "What will Lapis think? Neither of us have seen cuddly Wulfenite since I found you sleeping in Garnet's lap. We wouldn't want to face the wrath of the Water Witch when she finds out she missed this." She scratched her sharp little nails down through the thick mass of hair on the top of my head. This encouraged me to rub my face harder against her until my cheek was almost raw. Were I a cat you bet your ass I would be purring like some kind of high powered engine. I gave her a short headbutt goodbye when it was time for my stop and exited the bus. Lapis lingered behind so she could give her nerdy girlfriend a quick kiss on the nose. Watching them being all cute and coupley didn't provoke pangs of anger and jealousy like it had in months prior; this was good. Progress wasn't always earth shaking breakthroughs that left you reeling in your seat. Sometimes it was something simple like being able to feel joy where before there was anger. 

On our walk back to the barn I scooped Lapis up in a hug from behind, "You're fuckin awesome. I don't tell you that as often as I should", I squeezed her again before letting her go. Wide blue eyes stared at me a moment before my friend burst into laughter. Humor being the infectious thing that it is I couldn't resist the urge to join in. Arms linked we hurried to catch up with the others who had continued walking during our little hug fest. Grinning like the Cheshire Cat himself I tackled Amethyst sending us sprawling into the grass. Lapis had the good sense to let go of my arm as I flung myself toward Amethyst so she was spared the fall. Amethyst and I wrestled around on the ground for a few minutes before I declared myself the winner.


	31. The Return

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> That which was lost comes back

Turns out Opal could be damn fucking persuasive when she put her mind to something. Less than two weeks into the new school year and there I was doing an impromptu tryout. Coach was dead set on following team rules to the letter because we both knew people were going to bitch. By making me complete the trial it looked less like blatant favoritism that Opal was sure they would accuse her of. At least this time it was warm and sunny out as I busted my ass along side my former teammates. Both Skinny and Smoky gave me high fives when I showed up at practice, a majority of the team seemed indifferent at best. Pearl did her best to act all aloof and captain like but more than once she caught my eye and smiled. All throughout practice I could feel Navy and her crew glaring daggers into my back. In the end I was still considered enough of an asset to the team that I was allowed back on. 

Friday afternoon after the tryout found me standing awkwardly in the bathroom with Peridot while the short blonde looped a tie around my neck. True to their word as soon as they found out Coach Opal let me back on the team a group of concerned parents decided to call a PTA meeting. So now instead of getting to pal around with Lars at the Big Doughnut I had to dress myself up and defend my right to be treated like every other student. Not owning any formal type clothes meant I had to either get some on loan from Greg or buy it. Meaning no offense to Greg or anything but the last time he loaned me clothes I felt like I was swimming in fabric. Given that I had to look nice for this stupid thing I opted to shell out the cash for a stiff white button down shirt, black dress pants, and a nice belt. Peridot insisted on having me wear the tie and even roped Amethyst in to try and tame the unexplored tangle I called my hair. "Success", Peridot cheered tightening the complex looking knot until it rested at the base of my throat. "Those meddling clods won't be able to resist the deadly combination that is your charming demeanor and my persuasion tactics. They'll be begging you to run around in a circle or whatever it is you're expected to do."

"Hopin so Peri otherwise you're chokin the life outta me for no reason", I reached up a little to adjust the knot. "Still don't know why these folks are tryin to make a big stink over me throwin. Ain't like this is some kind of gladiator thing where we gotta fight to the death. All I'm doing in runnin a yard or so then chuckin a stick as far as I can get it." My voice was rising with frustration that I had been repressing since I first found out this was happening. "Now I gotta go pleadin like I'm in fuckin court because how dare I wanna play with their precious babies." Peridot opened her mouth like she wanted to argue but I raised my hand to silence her. "Don't you even pretend that we ain't doin that and that your mom won't be sittin in her big ass throne chair. Woman is damn scary at the best of times an now she's bein dragged away from her fancy ass work party. Suppose I should be grateful her business trip got pushed off till the beginnin of next month. I don't wanna imagine what her temper would be like if they tried makin her fly back early." Truthfully Miss Diamond angry was terrifying, it felt like each word was disintegrating you. 

I shook my head or at least I tried to but Amethyst's firm hand on my shoulder corrected the behavior. "Chill it dude I'm tryin to create over here", She dragged the comb through the top of my head. "Santo inferno it's like the more I brush it the more hair shows up, this is loucura." Copious amounts of gel served to glue the red mass down until it sat almost flat. It felt like my hair was made out of plastic because it was so damn stiff, "There finished. Damn Wulfie you clean up nice, bet ole Lappy'll be kickin herself for hooking up with Brain Lord over here." Her howl of laughter nearly drowned out Peridot's shriek of embarrassed fury, almost. Flailing limbs let loose a barrage of open handed slaps that I think were meant to hurt. Problem was I had about eight inches of height on Amethyst so it wasn't hard for her to hide behind me. "Deus meu Peridork chill I'm only kidding, if you were any easier I'd be calling you minha mãe." 

"Relax Peri I ain't after your girl", I patted her shoulder, "Lapis is head over heels for you. Nothin short of buyin her her own ocean could convince her to ditch you for a clod like me. An even then she'd only be with me for the ocean and prolly seein you on the side." At Amethyst's urging I raised my eyes to study my reflection in the mirror over the sink. "Holy smokes", I breathed, "I look charmin as fuck", I let out a whoop of joy. "Prince Charmin better watch himself because Howling Fury is on the prowl tonight." Their combined efforts left me looking, dare I say, dapper with nicely slicked hair, pressed clothes, and even the hint of a smile. For the first time since the meeting was announced I was feeling confident. Maybe I could finally pull off the disarming persona that I had been trying to carry myself with. All those fuzzy good feelings went out the window when a terrified scream echoed through the house.

"That sounded like Lazuli", Peridot gasped in horror, "What are you clods waiting for? We have to help her", She shoved her way past Amethyst and I to get the bathroom door open. The three of us rushed out of the bathroom towards the now muffled sounds of distress. The kitchen and dining areas were completely empty; Rose was picking up Steven from his friend Connie's house. Malachite had been in the barn last I saw her so I had to assume she was still there. Ruby had stayed after school with Sapphire; the proverbial fire and ice duo were at a student council meeting. Only place left to look was the living room so that's where I went next following behind Peridot. First thing I noticed was the kicked in front door before movement drew my attention to the couch. Jasper had Lapis pinned to the cushions, one hand in her hair and the other gripping a knife. Lapis was thrashing underneath the brute punching and kicking anything she could reach.

"Lapis please just listen to me, you have to give me another chance, I've changed." I couldn't see Jasper's face but I could hear the desperate pleading in her voice. The once well groomed teen was a mess from living in hiding these past few months. Drying sand clung to her exposed skin like old war paint standing in contrast to her skin's natural stripes. "We were so strong together Lapis, it's like we could fly", She continued to beg like Peri, Amethyst, and I weren't there. "That nerd you're with won't be able to handle it when the real you comes out. She'll run away like all the others because she's just as weak and pathetic as they were. I'm the only one able to take it when you lash out; I'm the only one who's embraced you at your worst. Come on Lapis just say yes", The way her voice dropped on that last statement made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. There was no way I was going to sit idly by while Jasper did the equivalent of mental rape to my friend.

The leadership skills that Opal had been drilling into my thick skull kicked into action. "Peridot call 9-1-1, Amethyst get the door", I ordered feeling this weird wave of calm coming over me. Yellow hazel eyes met my own in a challenge; Jasper looked like she had gone through hell. Twigs and leaves were sticking out of her unwashed hair, dark circles were under her eyes, and dirt covered her from head to toe. "Get off her Jasper", I took a step forward doing my best to keep the knife in my peripheral vision. "I'm not lookin for anyone to get hurt here", Another step closer; her eyes were darting around the room. Yelling was the last thing this situation needed so I kept my voice slow and calm. Essentially I was trying to imitate the way Rose acted when she needed to talk me down. "Put the knife down Jasper so we can talk about this like civil folk; we've all been wonderin where you went." Lapis used our distraction to slam her head hard into her attacker's nose bursting it like an overripe melon.

"Fucking brat", Jasper roared jerking the hand that wasn't holding the knife up to cover her bleeding face. "Treacherous little skank I'll-", Her sentence was cut off when Lapis punched her hard in the stomach. I rushed in hoping to get the knife out of her hands before she had a chance to use it. Damn it so much for deescalating the situation, shit just hit the fan in the worst way possible. Just as I reached for her wrist Jasper brought the blade down, it slid into the flesh of my arm with no resistance. "Stay the fuck out of this", She jerked the knife back out and I swear I felt it scrape bone. Red bloomed in an abstract puddle all over the sleeve of my new white shirt, something about it was kind of beautiful. Red on white, a single red bloom of passion in a sea of docile fluffy clouds. It didn't hurt even though all logic told me it should; even when she brought the weapon down in another arc and it sank into my collar bone I didn't feel it. Adrenaline is funny like that; it has the ability to make you tune out everything that wasn't survival. 

Thunder roared in my ears and red hot lightning shot across my vision; the rage was coming over me. I let the siren song of fury, the insatiable blood lust that drove my ancestors to conquer, wash over me. My field of vision narrowed until all I could see was Jasper and the blade she loosely held. Fear gleamed in her eyes; "Shit I didn't mean", She spluttered getting to her feet, "Why did you make me do that? Fuck every time I try to talk shit out with you Lapis you make me hurt people." Snarling I gripped her wrist in my left hand twisting her arm as hard as I could while yanking her forward. Already unbalanced by the position she was in she hit the ground with a thick wet pop. Not fully aware of what I was doing I watched the scene unfold from somewhere above my body. My gouged left arm gripped the kitchen knife that was in my chest, ripped it out, and drove it hard into Jasper's chest. She let out a gasping squeak and started fighting back twisting in my hold in an attempt to get free. I pulled the knife out and drove it home three more times until all she could do was twitch. 

Wetness made my hold on her weak and she slipped away before I could press the advantage. Vengeance demanded that I attack again but the world was spinning and things were getting blurry. To quote Futurama, "The spirit is willing but the flesh is spongy and bruised". Suppose in my case you could replace spongy with numb and really fucking cold. Staying upright was taking more effort than it should have and I wasn't able to keep it up. Voices were shouting from what sounded like miles away, I think they were saying my name but I couldn't tell. Everything was getting cold; blue eyes were in front of me, "Get sommer safe Laz. Help'll b'ere soon", My tongue felt way too big for my mouth and my words slurred together. She looked so fucking afraid, bruises dotted along the edge of her jaw in the shape of fingers. Fuck if only I had been faster I might have been able to stop her from getting hurt. 

"Stay with me you clod", A long blink later and Lapis' blue eyes were replaced by vibrant green ones. Something was pressing down hard on where my chest met my throat and I became faintly aware of stinging pain. Rolling my eyes downward I saw a wad of green fabric pressed against the wound and turning red with blood. I'm not a doctor, not by a fucking long shot, but even I knew I was loosing blood fast. It hurt really bad; weakly I tried batting Peridot's hands away from me but she only pressed harder. The fuzzy feelings were getting stronger, like I was stuck in that state between awake and asleep. Everything felt unbelievably heavy; tears were streaming down Peri's angular cheeks. I tried lifting my arm to brush them away but it wouldn't move, slowly my eyelids drooped. "Don't you fucking dare", My ears rung with the force of a slap across my face. "Closing your eyes is the last thing you need to recover right now, understand me?" 

"'M tired", I slurred trying in vain to escape from whatever was holding me down. "Jus lemme 'ave a nap", In the back of my mind I knew there was a reason they were keeping me awake. It had something to do with the puddle of warm wet stuff that I was laying in. Dimly I registered that I've lost a lot of blood, "Love you guys", I fought the unyielding pull of gravity so I could keep looking at the blurry outline of Peridot. Two blobs were moving on either side of her; I assumed they were Lapis and Amethyst. "Take good care of her, take care of each other", Holding my eyes open was too much. Darkness enveloped me and I knew there was a very real chance that I would never see daylight again. Fear was there at the back of my mind, I'm only human after all, trying to keep me fighting. It's funny how you never think about stuff like what your heart feels like or how breathing works. Both of those things had been taken for granted throughout my life; now I could feel them slowing. I had no more energy to fight back so I let unconsciousness take me and prayed to Odin that my friends would be safe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *hides* Please don't hate me


	32. Theoretical Redemption

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How does it feel to teeter on the brink of death

_When I opened my eyes again I was sitting on a sagging blue couch that reeked of: spent tobacco, cheap beer, and other poisons. Dingy gray carpet was stretched across the room, lifting from the floor in some areas and wore down to almost nothing in others. An old television sat in front of the couch on a cheap plywood stand held together by duct tape. Off to one side, near the dinged up front door, was a small kitchen area whose sink was overflowing with dishes. Years of smoke had stained the eggshell white walls a sort of pissy yellow color. Each inhale felt like I was breathing in particles of crushed up fiberglass. My blood ran cold; I knew this place even if I hadn't seen it since I was twelve. "N-no there's no fuckin way", I tried to get up but my body was held down by invisible chains. "Th-there's n-no way I sh-should be back here after all this time; this building doesn't even exist anymore."_

_"Been looking for you for a while now Siff", The figure of my nightmares strode in from the hallway. Voice deep and menecing like someone speaking into an empty metal barrel. Barefoot, he stood at just under 6'7 taller than average even among the Nordic bloodline he prided. Hair the color of fire stuck out from his head in all directions like it did on windy nights. Eyes as blue as robin's eggs looked down on me with nothing short of absolute contempt. He drew the pipe he was smoking away from his neatly braided beard with exaggerated slowness. The familiar fruity scent of his favored cherry tobacco sent my stomach heaving. How many times had I felt the overheated glass sizzle against the sensitive flesh of my inner arms? "Well, what do you have to say for yourself that might justify the amount of shame you have brought to this family? I raised you to be strong not to sing foolish melodies and cuddle with dykes! You make me sick", He was at my side then jamming the white hot section of his pipe into the crook of my left elbow._

_Small wisps of smoke rose from my damaged skin; the flesh was already beginning to blister. The acrid stench of burning hair replaced the artificial cherry one I had been gagging on. Now normally this would be when I fell to my knees begging for forgiveness and swearing I would do better. That was what I had been conditioned to do; I had been trained to believe my father was an unbeatable monster. When I was little he took great pride in beating me until I could no longer stand just to show me I was nothing compared to him. However I was no longer a child who knew nothing of the world outside of what I had been told. I had tasted the freedom of fresh air on a warm summer night and felt what it was like to rest contentedly with people who cared for me. I had felt the bitter pain of rejection, basked in the sweetness of friendship, and I had grown from these experiences. Both the ordeal of my four year confinement and the harrowing experiences of my freedom had ensured that I was no longer the same scared little girl he had so easily bullied._

_Instead of fear I felt only a surge of defiance as I raised my voice to my former tormentor. "Fuck off you druggie piece of shit, you have no fuckin right callin me the disappointment! You say you been lookin for me, well why the fuck weren't you at my trial then? I was chained to the wall of a damn cell for four hours while the cops tried callin you guys. Figured you guys woulda at least showed up to mock me but no you ran like bitches. Four years I had to put up with not havin any say in my life just cause you couldn't take a little competition. The folks I'm livin with now have been better parents to me in a year than you and mom were in twelve. Hit me all you want you limp dicked mother fucker but you ain't better than me and I've got nothin to prove to you." His shocked expression was so good I didn't even flinch when he grabbed me by the throat. Never in my life had I dared go against his wishes, I hadn't been strong enough._

**(Heads up there are going to be a few P.O.V shifts in this chapter as like a stylistic choice of mine. Hopefully it won't be too jarring.)**

**"Damn it I missed the vein again someone restrain this arm", The harried voice of the doctor echoed around the operating theater. This was a bad one; the patient had lost a lot of blood and would die without an immediate transfusion. Two bags of blood were prepped on the metal tray next to the bed, already warmed to body temperature. A violent attack in Beach City was practically unheard of in this day and age. Straps were secured around the flailing patient's arms pinning them to her sides. **"Get her further under we can't have her moving when I go in to stitch this thing up."** **

****"Doctor her oxygen levels are dropping we need to intubate before we can continue further. If we wait any longer we risk permanent organ failure due to lack of oxygen." A young male nurse in training spoke from his position overseeing all of the patient's vitals. Barely a week into his residential and here he was assisting in a life or death operation. His peers told him Seaside County's hospital would be a breeze that's why his chose it over a busier one. He was expecting typical stuff like broken bones, surfing accidents, and the like. Textbooks hadn't prepared him for the site of someone his sister's age bleeding out in front of him.** **

******"Don't talk about it James just do it if it's that critical"** , The doctor snapped back. **Talking wastes time"** , As she spoke she was feeding the plastic tube down the teen's throat. She always hated doing this unless it was a last resort due to the laundry list of possible complications. With a blood oxygen level of 70% and dropping there wasn't much choice unless they wanted damage. **"James get the transfusion PIC line going while I finish setting this up, those clamps won't hold forever. Stop crying boy you can break down after the patient is stable right now we literally don't have time for you to lose it."** ** **

****Rose Quartz anxiously paced back and forth in the small waiting area the hospital had put her in. Her eyes were red from what felt like an endless stream of stinging tears. Her day wasn't supposed to go like this; she looked up at the clock 7:30. By now the PTA meeting would have been going for a half hour, Wulfenite and Peridot should have been there presenting their case. Instead Wulfenite was having emergency surgery to repair a damaged artery in her neck and Peridot was slumped over in one of the chairs in the waiting room. Amethyst and Lapis were on either side of the blood soaked girl offering murmured words of comfort. Time and time again they reminded her that quickly putting pressure on the wound the way she did prevented her friend from bleeding out. Greg was at home with the others getting the house back in order and dealing with the police; Rose had ridden in the ambulance.** **

****Officers were already on scene when the pink haired head of household had pulled into the driveway. Lapis, Amethyst, and Malachite had all left her voicemail messages so she thought she knew what to expect. Their calls hadn't prepared her for the sight of two of her charges soaked in blood. Blood covered the walls, floor, and couch in the living room and in sticky footprints to the door. Sugilite and her superior Captain Blue were questioning the four distraught teens. Greg had been wise enough to keep Steven in the car so he wouldn't have to see the carnage. Rose gave a quick statement promising that she would give a longer one at the hospital. Captain Blue tried to argue with her for a few seconds but gave in when it was clear Rose wasn't yielding. The officers followed them to the hospital to collect the rest of their statements.** **

****The tiny vehicle was horribly cramped with herself, one of the paramedics, and Jasper. Wulfenite had been loaded onto a stretcher and shoved into another ambulance. Somehow the runaway Jasper was still holding on in spite of having a ruptured paricardial sac. According to the paramedics she should have bled out before they even got there. Rose couldn't bring herself to look when the beeping of Jasper's heart monitor started to slow shortly after they left the house. Nor could she watch when the girl coded and the EMT started working on her. All she could do was hold her face and sob when they declared Jasper gone and she was zipped into a body bag. There was a reason she had given up her career at the largest hospital in Empire City in order to work at a school. Each time one of her patients passed she felt like a failure even if she and the team had done everything they possibly could. "Senseless", was all she could think, "A senseless act of violence that could have been prevented". Guilt turned the iced tea in her stomach to bile, had she missed some vital clue that could have prevented all of this?** **

****Against her will her mind drifted back to that warm afternoon in the barn when a tearful Wulfenite had tried telling her about Malachite. Back then she had brushed it off as a misunderstanding and time had proven her very wrong. Would the cycle repeat itself? Was there something she had waved off that she should have reported? Nothing major came to mind only a few things that seemed so insignificant on their own. Jasper's general antisocial behavior, the way she'd egg Malachite on to escalate a situation, heated looks in Lapis' direction. Hindsight being 20/20 she knew she should have paid closer attention to Jasper and Lapis' interactions. Mr. Higgins had warned her of Jasper and Lapis' history but like a fool she thought they were over it. He had been so wrong about the other girls that it had been easy to shrug off his advice. Self deprecating thoughts chased each other back and forth mimicking the restless path she was on.** **

****"Peridot dear you should call your mother", Rose spoke in a voice she could barely recognize as her own. It sounded hollow and void of emotion nothing like her usual welcoming tones. The girls had been dropped off by Greg an hour or so after Rose herself had gotten to the hospital. Four hours had passed since then with very little word other than confirmation that Wulfenite was still in surgery. "There's nothing more you girls can do tonight, you should get some rest", She stopped pacing and stood in front of the chairs. Peridot's arms and parts of her chest were stained red with blood that had gone cold hours ago. Shaking hands clung to the wadded up mess that used to be a bright green hoodie. It was the very article of clothing she used to compress Wulfie's injuries until help arrived. Speaking from experience the matron of the Universe household knew that much blood would never come out. If the teenager decided to hang on to it, which seemed to be the case, she'd forever carry the stains of what she saw.** **

****"I have already informed my mother of my location, she will be joining me here once the PTA meeting is finished. Ending early would look bad", Peridot gave a bitter laugh that turned into a quiet sob. This was not the first time Giallo Diamond had put appearances above her daughter's well being. Sometimes it was hard for the overly logical teenager to convince herself that her adoptive mother even cared. Lapis put an arm around her girlfriend's shoulder and pulled the smaller girl into her lap with little effort."Ugh I just don't understand", She released her hoodie to grip her hair staining it with sticky fluid. "Jasper's behavior was completely illogical, she had no reason to attack us. It doesn't make any sense; the look in her eyes, it's like she wasn't even there." Lapis had to gently pry the girl's fists from her own hair to stop her from hurting herself.** **

****(Back to first person for a bit)** **

****_"Pathetic little shit", Dad roared slamming me hard into the already dented refrigerator. "You should've stayed down when you had the chance", I ducked under his swinging fist. Both of our bodies bore evidence of our brawl though we were far from fatigued. The left side of my neck still throbbed where his fingers had dug in and my left forearm hurt from blocking punches. Bracing my heel against the back of the fridge I lunged forward going for his already strained knees. Fun fact, the knees and ankles are the body's load bearing joints and suffer the worst when you are out of shape. Dad was a big man both in height and in girth; yeah his arms were toned but he had one hell of a beer gut. My right shoulder connected with the floating disks of cartilage and tendons. We hit the tiled floor with a loud crack with me on top of him holding him by the middle._ ** **

****_"I may be pathetic but I'm twice the fuckin viking you'll ever be", I drove my fist into his groin. "Odin was all about makin sure everyone under his protection was takin care of." His high pitched scream sounded nice so I decided to punch him again in the same spot. Figure if this was some kind of puragtory thing I'd be stuck in before going to hell I could at least have fun. "The only thing you ever cared about was makin people scared of you, well guess what I ain't scared anymore. The shit I see in my own head every fuckin day is a thousand times scarier than you. Ain't nothin you can do to scare me anymore", I jerked a knife from my chest that hadn't been there a moment ago. "Be seein you in hell asshole", Snarling I drove the knife home again and again until I was too tired to move._ ** **

****(Aaaand we're back to third person)** **

****There was a brief series of knocks before the door at the front of the room opened. Clad in rumpled scrubs Doctor Maheswaran regarded the huddled group with a tired but pleased expression. Her long gray streaked hair was pulled back from her face and into a long ponytail. "Wulfenite is resting from her surgery and likely will not be awake until at least tomorrow. The serrated edge of the weapon managed to tear a hold in the left Subclavian artery. She's very lucky, a few centimeters higher and the blade would have pierced the arch of the Aorta." Her deep brown eyes roved over the room hovering on the bloody hoodie in Peridot's hand, "Are you the one who held the wound?" Not trusting herself to speak Peridot nodded earning herself a smile from the doctor. "Your quick thinking saved her life, she had lost four pints of blood by the time we wheeled her back. Her blood pressure was down well below the 30% threshold required for a transfusion."** **

****"You hear that Per-Bear, you're a hero", Amethyst cheered, "So you can stop beating yourself up. This ain't about us it's about the fact that our friend is gonna make it comprendo?" Her manic grin faltered for a moment when she looked over at the doctor, "She is gonna make it right? I'm no doctor but I'm like 90% sure you aren't supposed to let sharp things near your neck. Stupid Jasper if that bitch were here I'd", Rose's quiet sob smothered the anger in her chest. In all the terror of waiting she had forgotten that the other teen hadn't survived the ambulance ride. The whole thing was so fresh that she hadn't had enough time to emotionally process it. On the one hand she was completely furious that Jasper could do something like this. That she could beat the shit out of them, run away for months, then come back with a knife. She wanted to tell herself that the other girl deserved what she got but she didn't believe that. Part of her wanted desperately to believe her friend hadn't gone in with the intent of hurting anyone.** **

****"It will take time but yes, barring any complications, Wulfenite should make a full recovery" Doctor Maheswaran broke the heavy silence threatening to consume the room's occupants. "I know you all are eager to see her but I must insist you leave her to rest. We had to put her under deep sedation for the procedure so even if she does wake up it is unlikely she'll be up to talking. One of our on call nurses will notify you tomorrow when she wakes up so you can visit. No arguments Miss Diamond", Her voice once again became stern when she saw Peridot opening her mouth. As if on cue the door to their little waiting area was filled with the looming, angry presence that was Giallo Diamond. Her hazel eyes were little more than angry slits and her mouth was set in a firm line. "I'll leave you alone it's clear you have some things to discuss", The doctor left closing the door behind her. On her way down the hall she beckoned two of the hospital's on call security staff to stay nearby in case anything happened.** **

****Hazel eyes roved the occupied seats before locking on to Peridot still seated in Lapis' lap. Her expression softened slightly in a way that wouldn't have been noticeable unless you were looking hard. "Would anyone care to explain why my daughter is covered up to her elbows in blood? It was my understanding that there were measures in place to assure these delinquents were safe." Perfectly manicured fingers smoothed down the front of her impeccable yellow blouse. Lapis had to fight to keep from laughing when she realized where Peridot got her ticks from. In her girlfriend's lap said tiny blonde squirmed uncomfortably unable to meet anyone's eyes. When Giallo opened one of her large arms Peridot slid off Lapis' lap to embrace her. Quietly, so no one but the girl in her arms could hear it, she whispered, "I was so worried about you."** **

****

****Guilt made Lapis' mouth dry and she had to clear her throat before she could talk. "Peri saved our friend's life", She couldn't bring herself to look at the accusation on Giallo's face. "Jasper broke into the house while we were getting ready for the meeting thing tonight. She had a knife and I was trapped in the room with her", Without realizing it Lapis had begun to shake. Amethyst put her arm around the bluenett's shoulder squeezing gently, "Peridot heard me scream. They, Amethyst and Peridot I mean, were in the bathroom helping Wulfie get ready for tonight. Jasper had me pinned down talking nonsense", Tears pricked the corners of her eyes. Telling the story to Peridot's mom felt a lot harder than it had been giving her statement to the police. The police didn't have an emotional stake in what had happened, they were able to listen with detachment. Not so for Giallo who could have lost her daughter if things had played out differently. "Wulfenite tried getting Jasper to settle down but she just went crazy and stabbed her. It's all my fault", She buried her face in her hands sobbing, "Everyone who gets close to me ends up messed up. Jasper's dead, Wulfenite almost died, if you stay with me you'll end up hurt too", She directed her last statement to Peridot.** **

****Rose Quartz rose from her seat, towering over the hunched teens, her expression resolute. "Enough Lapis, the only ones to blame for what happened are Jasper and myself. The safety and well being of everyone involved was my responsibility and I let you all down. I should have recognized sooner that Jasper needed help then perhaps this whole thing could have been prevented." Hot tears were dripping down her cheeks again and she made no effort to hide them. From an early age she believed that tears had an almost healing quality to them. A good hard cry was like a balm that could soothe the chips and cracks of a broken heart. Many people in this day and age repressed their emotions until they became dead inside. She had seen it in several of her students as well as with their parents at conferences. The girls had been like that when they first came to the barn; guarded, afraid to let anyone in.** **

****"Passing blame only serves to make someone feel worse, it solves nothing", Giallo snapped at Rose. "Stop looking back to what could have happened and start thinking about what you're going to do moving forward. To put it in somewhat crass terms you need to act as a leader and form a plan of attack. These children are looking to you for guidance, you can't afford to break down and feel sorry for yourself. You are the closest thing these kids have to a parent and parents must be seen as a bastion of stability." Her gaze softened again, more noticeably this time and when she spoke it was in a much more conversational tone. "Come along Peridot let's get you cleaned up, we can come back later to tell your friend that she won her case. There was no evidence provided as to why your friend should not be allowed to participate in school activities. The only thing the parents could say was they "had a bad feeling" HA what's the point of feelings in the face of logic?"** **

****Amethyst gave a halfhearted "Woo" but it did nothing to lift the malaise surrounding them when they climbed into Giallo's black jeep. Greg had dropped Lapis and Amethyst off at the hospital earlier but he didn't stay. He wanted to be there for Malachite and the others; No one could blame him for that. The vehicle they rode in was spotlessly cleaned and lacked anything resembling a personal touch. Ruby called on their way home to inform Rose that she was sleeping over at Sapphire's. Peridot gave Lapis a kiss on the cheek goodbye and got hugs from both Rose and Amethyst. It hadn't taken the police long to collect evidence pertaining to the case so the house wasn't taped off. Nevertheless they wouldn't be staying there until the front door could be replaced. The police had cut away part of the outer edge where Jasper's boot had left an impression. The blood stained couch was outside along with pieces of what used to be the coffee table. Malachite was sitting on the ground by the ruined couch with her head in her hand and her knees drawn up to her chest. Resting in her lap was the orange pillow from Jasper's bed; it had wet patches.** **

****Rather than having them all camp out in the barn for the night it was decided that they would rent a couple hotel rooms. Beach City was too full of potential rumors for Greg's liking so they picked a reputable looking establishment along the highway. Two rooms were split between the six of them with the adults in one and the kids in the one connected. Steven insisted on keeping the connecting door to their rooms open and a nightlight on. The little boy was perceptive enough to know that some very bad shit had gone down. He had seen Malachite fall to her knees howling when Greg got the call about Jasper's passing. Malachite didn't speak a word to anyone that night not even to complain when Steven climbed into bed with her. Silently she pulled him to her chest like he was a stuffed animal and hugged tightly. Neither of them acknowledged when teardrops began to soak into the side of his hairline. Nor did they say anything when quiet sobs started from the bed next door to theirs. Over time the four of them ended up in the same bed holding each other and expressing their grief.** **

****(Last P.O.V switch I swear)** **

****Soft female voices drifted through my barely awake mind, "Are you sure we need to keep her locked up officer? Poor thing is already going to be disoriented when she wakes up, we shouldn't add to it." Someone was touching my face brushing a gelled clump of hair off my forehead with warm hands. The smells of burnt coffee and disinfectant drifted down from the body above me. Opening my eyes was still too much work as was trying to move away from the contact. Through the haze my mind kept returning to Jasper, I needed to get up so she couldn't hurt anyone. Lapis' terrified face was burned into the forefront of my memory; I'd never seen her so scared. Weakly I attempted to move only to find that I could do little more than tremble. My throat felt scratchy and raw and something weird was pressed against my nose. Fabric scratched the bare flesh of my back, not painfully but noticeably enough to be annoying.** **

****"'Fraid so ma'am, from what the doc told me she's been going into violent fits since she came in. Last thing we want is for her to tear them nice stitches trying to move before she's fully awake. I hate seeing kids cuffed too but it's not worth compromising the safety of everyone here." The officer's voice was familiar but for the life of me I couldn't place it. Vague memories or screaming and the smell of disinfectant swam through my mind but focusing on them was like holding water in your cupped hands. The more I tried to hold everything in the faster it slipped back into the foggy state I was stuck in. Thinking too hard like this was making me aware of just how much my body hurt. Every muscle I had ached like I had gone through the workout from hell after being hit by a truck. There was a weird tightness around my neck and something was squeezing my left arm. Mostly though I was exhausted, the silence was lulling me back to blissful unconsciousness until the first woman spoke again.** **

****"Are you going to be the one telling her that the other girl didn't make it here in time? Killing someone that young, even in self defense, I can't imagine what she must be feeling. The medication in her IV should discourage nightmares; thank heaven for small miracles." There was a tired sounding sigh from above me and the hand lifted away from my head. Shame, I was enjoying the warmth that was coming from it, it was comforting. "I'll be making another round in an hour call if you need anything before then." There was a quiet scraping of shoes on tile and then everything was quiet again. Lead filled the pit of my stomach; I had killed Jasper, I was a fucking murderer. The words chased each other around in my head accompanied by images from our last encounter. Her crazed face, the knife in her hand, Lapis yelling for help; I hadn't wanted it to end like this. If Rose were there she would have been able to talk her into surrendering peacefully. Gods fucking damn it I had just wanted to stop my friend from getting hurt but I wasn't good enough!** **

****Of the numerous times I fantasized about being the one to end Jasper I always imagined I'd feel elated. Me standing triumphantly over her prone body like a hunter taking down her prey. Instead of feeling proud or strong I just felt sick, because of me another human being would never wake up. Contrary to what my father wanted me to believe taking a life doesn't make you an adult. Adulthood comes when you understand what you are taking away when you kill and deciding it wasn't worth it. Like Rose said back at the start of this little journey every life on Earth is precious and unique. Our futures hold all sorts of possibilities, more than anyone can possibly imagine. Jasper could have done so many amazing things with her life but now she would do nothing except rot. I think in that confusing darkness between wakefulness and medically induced sleep I understood what it was to be redeemed. Redemption doesn't rid you of the bad things you've done, it isn't some magic potion that makes everything better again. Things will only get better when you make an effort to improve your lot in life. Jasper's death by my hands made me want to never hurt another person for as long as I lived.** **


	33. A year in a blink

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The more Wulfenite begs for time to stop so she can collect herself the faster it seems to go

Waking up to the sound of an angry police woman arguing with my doctor was not how I envisioned starting my day. I was too groggy to pay attention to what was being yelled about but I imagine it was something to do with me. They were in my room after all with the doctor standing next to the left side of my bed. Standing at the foot of my bed was a uniformed woman that I had never seen before. She stood about 5'6", slightly pudgy around the middle, with graying hair tied in two buns at the top of her head. Her round face was turned up in a sneer that only deepened when she noticed I was looking at her. "No matter doctor it appears she is already awake", Dark blue eyes regarded me like I was something less than human. I tried slowly sitting up hissing in pain when pressure was put on my injured chest. Doctor Maheswaran adjusted the bed so I was able to lean back on a part of it sort of like a chair. She gave me a reassuring smile that faded as soon as the other woman resumed speaking. "Wulfenite Everburn I am Captain Holly Blue of the Beach City police department. You are currently under investigation regarding the death of Jasper Barrows, do you understand me?" I nodded and she got angry, "Verbal responses Miss Everburn I am not a mind reader." 

"Yeah Captain I understand", My throat felt raw and I could taste old blood as I swallowed. "When you're done checkin whatever you're checkin over there doc can I get somethin to drink?" Once again I found myself in one of those shitty backless dress things hospitals liked so much. Bandages covered my left forearm heavily taped near my wrist to stop the handcuffs from ripping them. On impulse I moved my arm back and forth testing my limited range of motion. Holly made an irritated sound in the back of her throat when the metal clanged. Tempting as it was to keep banging the metal around I figured pissing off the police captain wasn't going to help my case. Jasper broke into the house and attacked; it was self defense, "How do you wanna do this? You want me to just start tellin my side of things or do you only want me answerin questions? Talkin hurts like a son of a bitch right now", I clumsily lifted the paper cup of water I was handed to my lips. The small cup was drained after a few swallows leaving behind ice chips that I happily chewed on. 

"Refrain from using foul language Miss Everburn, such talk is unbecoming of a young lady." Holly sniffed sounding like one of those stuck up teachers in old kids books like Matilda. I couldn't help but laugh when she used my name and the word ladylike in the same sentence. Laughing quickly turned into a coughing fit that left me spitting blood into a handful of tissues. Doctor Maheswaran explained that they needed to put a tube down my throat during surgery to help me breathe. The soreness and small amounts of blood were a side effect of the plastic scraping when it was pulled out. "Charming", Was the captain's sarcastic response before she actually answered my question. "Tell me your version of the events that took place; I will ask for further details as needed. I have already taken statements from the other witnesses as well as a statement from your guardian." So I told her what happened as best as I could remember, which was surprisingly well. Everything was so vivid; it was burned into my head and I don't think it'll ever go away. Lapis' screams of terror still echoed in my ears as I spoke and I had to stop a few times to fight down a panic attack. Nothing I said was detailed enough for Captain Blue she just kept pushing me for more until I broke down into sobs. 

Seeing Malachite for the first time after what happened with Jasper was not something I had prepared for. I had been awake for about four hours by the time Captain Blue was done questioning me. Malachite looked horrible with deep bags under her red rimmed eyes; her hair was unwashed sticking up in every direction. It was a complete 180 twist from the beast that still sometimes haunted me. Millions of thoughts fluttered around jumbling together without forming anything coherent. Words expressing how sorry I was felt hollow and meaningless in the face of her grief. No matter how many pretty words I could string together they wouldn't undo what happened. Once again I was struck with the reality of what went down; I was not some noble knight who slew a dragon I was just a fucked kid who killed someone's family. I was simultaneously grateful and terrified when Rose herded everyone else out of my room so Mal and I could talk. A heavy silence hung in the air that neither of us seemed willing to break; fuck I was a coward.

Steeling my courage to the sticking place I met those acid colored eyes, "You can um have a seat if you want." With my uninjured arm I gestured to the stiff backed chair near the wall, at the same time I slid over a little so there was space on my bed. She took the offered spot next to me on the mattress eyes firmly fixed on the floor. Unable to bear the guilt anymore I started speaking before I could get my thoughts together. "Say somethin man yell, scream, do somethin, I feel like shit for what I did. I didn't mean to do it, everythin just happened so fast and there was so much blood. Fuck just fuck", My voice cracked and fresh tears raced down my cheeks, "You have every right to hate me. I think I hate me", I tried in vain to scrub away the moisture from my face but for every tear I pushed away more would replace it. Holly's intense questioning had left me raw and exposed, every detail horrifyingly fresh in my mind. Hiccuping sobs slipped out of my abused throat adding physical pain to the emotional one. I drew my knees up to my chest not giving a fuck if I ended up flashing the room. 

"Sorry won't bring her back", Malachite's green eyes met my own her voice was laced with venom. "Jas was like a fucking sister to me, her folks took me in after I ran away from home. Everything was gonna be just fine until that little blue bitch came along and started puttin ideas in her head. She made Jasper dependent on her for self worth", Tightly balled fists slammed into the bed we were sitting on. The whole frame shook with the force of the blow; Malachite snarled and struck again. "I want to hate you, honestly I want to beat the living fuck outta you maybe even kill you. Can't do it though, Jasper shoulda known comin after you guys with a knife was a bad idea. Hating you won't bring her back anyway", She trailed off staring back at the floor. Cautiously I put my arm around Malachite's shoulder doing what I could to comfort her. Scarred arms wrapped around me in something close to a death grip while their distraught owner sobbed into my gown clad shoulder. In a weird way it was like our relationship was coming full circle, from antagonistic to something almost like solidarity. We weren't friends, too much had happened between us for that to ever happen, but in that moment I'd like to think we came to an understanding.

It was only when Rose and I were alone that I found out just how close I had came to meeting my end. "You had to be given almost a half gallon of blood before your body could stabilize. If Peridot hadn't kept pressure on the cut we would have lost you", The closest thing I had to a mother fought back a sob. Her big hand wrapped around the one I had free squeezing tightly, "We were so worried about you. Martha has been asking everyone if they want to continue with this experiment or not. I can understand if you wanted to leave after everything that's happened to you. No one was supposed to get hurt", Fat tears rolled down her cheeks in wide lines. So much had already been said today yet I had barely scratched the surface of my grief. Instead of talking I buried myself against my guardian and let myself cry until I fell asleep. Ultimately it was decided that the remaining five of us were going to stay with the Universes. We were promised freedom after graduation, there was no way we were willingly giving that up. 

I ended up having to stay a few weeks in the hospital just to make sure I was recovering right. During that time the police concluded their investigation into Jasper's death. There was enough evidence to prove self defense that they didn't bother taking me to trial over it. Thanks to nerve damage in my forearm I wasn't able to throw discus anymore, thankfully I could still do javelin. Ended up setting a couple of school records towards the end of my junior year. Track was just about the only thing I actually liked about school anymore. The only thing anyone wanted to talk about when I got back from the hospital was what happened with Jasper. People I didn't even know were coming up to me asking what it felt like to take a life. They spoke with awe in their voice, like I had done something amazing instead of sickening. It was disgusting and beyond disrespectful; I tended to shy away from people after that. At least Lars had the good sense to ask me how I was holding up, he and Peridot were the only ones who asked.

Then again Lapis didn't really need to ask, sleeping on the bunk above mine gave her a prime view of my nightmares. My subconscious was a never ending loop of my desperate fight for survival and Jasper's final moments. Home was a constant reminder that Jasper was never coming back; I avoided it if I could. Greg ended up having to replace the flooring in the house along with the couch and coffee table. The living room walls were repainted a warm shade of dusky orange that I think was supposed to be a memorial. After a sit down with my case manager Martha I increased my therapy sessions to four days a week. I was too much of a coward to go to Jasper's funeral, Martha had managed to contact her folks and I couldn't bring myself to face them. When they came to the barn to collect what was left of her stuff I hid at Peridot's house. I was told they wanted to sue the shit out of me for killing their daughter but Martha talked them out of it. 

Of course all the issues I was having at school were nothing compared to what Malachite was enduring. Assholes wouldn't stop harassing her for details about what happened even after countless warnings. This one neck scarf wearing douche named Kevin was egging the questioners on and spreading rumors. I confronted him in the hall about everything and ended up breaking his fucking nose. Fucking bastard had the nerve to say, "calm down killer", to me when I politely asked him to cut the shit. Miss Goldie suspended me for starting a fight, school policy and all that, but agreed he deserved it. Rose didn't even scold me when she had to drive me home during her lunch break and you know shit is bad when Rose is okay with violence. Spilling blood again made my stomach roll unhappily; I kept it together though. After that the harassment eased up so I guess it was worth me feeling like total shit. 

Nights were still spent slaving away with Lars at The Big Doughnut Monday through Friday. Gordon actually bumped my pay up to two hundred and fifty dollars a week; he never told me why. Lars was good about giving me space when I needed it and stepping in when I was getting lost in my own head. He didn't have any experiences similar enough to relate to mine but he knew what it was like having mental illness choking the life out of you. Some nights neither of us were strong enough to keep our demons in check other nights we held each other up. When we had down time he would bust out this notebook he had of old family desert recipes. That boy taught me how to bake a cake way better than any instruction book ever could. Thanks to him I was able to present Peridot with a bright green cake shaped like an alien head. He even showed me how to make custom frosting so everything was done from scratch. 

My first week back into overnights I stumbled into the house early Saturday morning to find Malachite in the living room. She was stretched across the length of the couch facing the T.V with her head resting on her arm. I hesitated in the dining room not sure if I should just go out to the barn and force myself to sleep. Green eyes met mine for a few seconds before she spoke, "You comin in or you gonna stand there like a creep?" Nervously I padded into the living room taking my usual spot in front of the couch. Getting my boots off proved to be a pain in the dick and by the time I managed to do it Mal was sitting up watching me. I placed the offending footwear to the side after stuffing each one with a sock. "Been meaning to ask why you always sit on the floor, at first I thought it was just me but you do it with other people too." 

"Got into the habit after my dad took to shovin me outta chairs whenever he walked by. Can't get thrown down if you're already on the ground", I chuckled weakly at my unintentional rhyme. "Might be nice to sit on the couch though provided you're okay with me doin it I mean. If you want me to stay down I get it", I hadn't even finished my sentence before she shifted over. The new couch was a warm chocolate brown built out of the same memory foam stuff they use in mattresses. I let out a little groan of pleasure as I sank into the back rest part, "Damn this is nice." Malachite nodded and leaned back herself close enough that our arms were touching. We sat in silence for a while watching some dude try and survive being dropped off in the middle of nowhere. 

"I don't hate you", Malachite spoke as the episode credits started to roll, "I tried to but I can't. Me, you, and Jasper didn't get along but you still tried getting her to calm down without fighting. Even after the fucked up shit we did to you, you still tried reasoning with her. I can't wrap my head around it; I can't figure out why she couldn't let Lazuli go. If she could have she'd still be here", Tears glimmered in the flickering glow of the T.V. Large hands furiously scrubbed them away but they continued to flow against her will. Without hesitation I pulled her into me letting her cry all over my bare shoulder. I was wearing an old gray tank top so it wasn't like she was going to ruin anything important. "God damn it I know she's gone but some mornings I still expect her to wake me up for school. I thought this bullshit was supposed to get easier", Lanky arms wrapped around me from the side. I'm not sure when exactly I started shedding my own tears, not sure it really matters. 

Somehow I managed to pass all my classes that year thanks in no small part to Pearl and Peridot. School policy required all athletes to maintain at least a C in every class in order to participate. Since track was just about the only thing keeping me together I leaned hard on my friends for help. It's not that I'm dumb, okay it might be but I don't think I am, it's just hard for me to fight against apathy. Pearl and Peridot weren't doing my homework for me or anything they were just keeping me on task. There were days when Pearl would stand behind me with Peridot's marshmallow launcher and hit me when I got distracted. Opal helped in her own way by forcing me to keep moving forward when she saw I was slumping in her class. Even Garnet offered support letting me lean on her when things got to be too much in crowds. I felt like shit for needing so much help; it was further proof of how pathetic I was. 

That summer was the hardest, without school stuff to provide an easy distraction I was alone with my feelings. Peridot was away at some high end engineering camp learning how to build robots. Pearl's ultra conservative parents dragged her away to some church retreat thing. Despite my best efforts to stay as distracted as possible I was still plagued by guilt. More often than not if I was in the barn I'd find myself staring at Jasper's empty bed and thinking that it should have been me. I didn't have any family who wanted me, Jasper did and because of me they'd never see her again. Yes she attacked me but I couldn't help but think that if I tried harder we could have solved that whole thing without violence. Then I'd realize I was being a sad sack and feel worse because this shit wasn't just about me. Malachite was hurting way worse then I was, I had no right to be down on myself when I was the reason she was in pain. Reds, grays, and blacks dominated the color pallet of my paintings so much so that Vidalia didn't bother bringing me any other colors.

With Beach City being such a small town it wasn't long before word of my moping about got back to Coach Opal. The intimidating woman showed up out of nowhere one morning and literally dragged me out of bed. "Wulfenite get out of bed, you smell worse than my uncle Gustav the pig farmer! Shower now", A pale hand grabbed me by the ankle and pulled me from my blanket cocoon. I was too disoriented to defend myself or even understand what was happening. The floor met the side of my head with a thunk that was more noise than it was pain. My flailing ass was dragged along the ground for a few feet while the coach continued to grumble under her breath. "Let you out of my sight for a few weeks and you let yourself get to this state, disgraceful. You're lucky I'm kinder than my mother she would have woken you with the hose." Opal stopped by the open door, "You can either walk on your own two feet or I can continue to drag you. Choose quickly before I get impatient", Part of me wanted to be an ass and make her drag me but gravel fucking hurts. A hint of a smile curved her lips when I stood up, "Had I known you were nude I would have let you keep the blanket."

Should by some miracle I live to old age I still will not understand why people only show up for me when I'm in my underwear. No one visits me for the entirety of June but the one night I get too hot to sleep clothed my fucking teacher shows up. It didn't help that my boxers had a rip along my inner right thigh from getting caught on a nail. Suppose I should be thankful she didn't seem to be making a big deal out of it. Guess one doesn't spend years coaching sports without getting used to female anatomy. Blushing when you're naked is the absolute worst because it shows up everywhere, "Why are you even here? Ain't no practice until August when Pearl gets back", I fished around in my clothes pile for some shorts. Apathy had me in her steely claws once more explaining both my lack of personal hygiene and the obscenely large pile of dirty laundry next to my bed. Eventually I found something to wear that didn't completely smell like death and hurriedly changed. "Does you being here mean that I need to put on shoes because if it does tell me now so I can grab them."

"Grab your boots not the tennis shoes", Opal instructed from the doorway, "You'll want the extra protection." I did as I was told collecting my boots from under my bed; I hadn't put footwear on since school let out. Barefoot I followed my coach out into the blisteringly bright summer sunshine. Her long hair was tied back in its signature ponytail gleaming in the sun to the point that it looked white. She was wearing a faded pair of blue jeans, baby blue short sleeved shirt, and brown boots. Side by side we started on the travel worn path to the house, "Homes for the homeless is beginning a new construction project this afternoon. A mother and her young child are fleeing a domestic abuse situation, HFH is fixing up a place for them. Rumor has it that you know your way around a toolbox so I've taken the liberty of signing us up as volunteers. Starting today we will meet here and I will drive you to the construction site." There was a gleam in her pale eyes that I didn't really understand; it was like she was the designer of some complicated scheme.

Steven, who had been playing catch with Rose in the yard, ran over to Opal and I gasping up at her. "Giant woman", The words were whispered with such reverence they could have been a prayer. "Mom come quick there's a giant lady here for Wulfie", His eyes never left the coach's face. Opal firmly pushed me in the direction of the house indicating that she still wanted me to clean myself. Disgusting as it sounds I had no idea when I had last showered; since summer vacation started I only left my bed to work. My hair was several different lengths thanks to matting and generally not giving a fuck about it. Twenty minutes later and I was stepping out of the scalding spray and into my mostly clean clothes. Faded gray camouflage shorts fell down past my knees clashing horribly with my orange pun shirt. Pulling something like this when I was half awake was a rather shrewd move on Opal's part. It all but guaranteed that we'd be well on the way to our destination before my brain caught up enough to question what was going on.

With apathy making me more sluggish than usual it wasn't until the gym teacher and I were seated in the front of her faded blue pickup truck that I caught up. "Pardon my French coach but what in the fuck makes you think I wanna build someone a fuckin house? Dunno if I told you this before or not but I work third shift every fuckin night. What in Loki's name has you thinkin you can drag me out the house on not just a weekend but a weekend durin the summer? I ain't even had any coffee yet", I grumbled that last part under my breath like a petulant child. My miniature tantrum seemed to amuse the large woman behind the wheel because she took a sharp turn into the Big Doughnut's parking lot. She found a free space near the front entrance and killed the engine with a flick of her wrist. 

"Hardship builds character Everburn, no one ever learns anything when their life is going well. It becomes all too easy for people to see the world through a narrative where their wants, needs, and struggles are the only ones going on. Stepping outside of that bubble from time to time is essential otherwise we lose our ability to empathize, understand?" Opal's glacial eyes were studying me with something in them that I couldn't place; perhaps it was understanding. She gave a slight nod in the direction of the door, "Come on let's get you some coffee. Can't have you being a safety risk from under caffeination", A wry smile lifted the corner of her full lips. Her hand came to rest on the top of my shoulder, fingertips mere inches from my latest scar, squeezing lightly. I leaned into the touch butting the top of my head against her arm playfully. Side by side we walked into the small town doughnut shop enjoying a sense of quiet comradery. For those dozen or so steps we were more than just teacher and student, we were equals fighting to understand our place in the world.

"It ain't fair that I get to keep goin when Jasper didn't make it", I mumbled into my cup. Instead of my usual burning cup of black I was trying one of their new frozen blended drinks. Coffee lover as I am even I have to step back from the hot stuff when the outside temp is pushing ninety. Opal had offered to buy me a breakfast sandwich as well but I wasn't interested in food. "Everyone's so tore up about her bein gone that it feels like things shoulda gone the other way. I don't think I deserve to be happy after all the pain I caused", I stared out the window as I spoke. Why I was admitting my insecurities to my coach and not my therapist was beyond me. Everything just sort of tumbled out; maybe I was too tired to keep holding it in. Alexandrite and Vidalia were doing everything they could to help me cope with my guilt. "Ain't like the world'd be losin much if I wasn't here other than havin to waste time lookin after me." 

Opal slammed on the brakes hard enough that I jerked forward in my seat and was only saved from kissing the dash because I was wearing my belt. "Let me make one thing perfectly fucking clear", Fire burned in her eyes as she pulled off the road. "If I didn't think you had something to offer I wouldn't be wasting my time with you. I only expend effort on people who are worth my time I'm not a charity service. It's been years since I taught a student with as much latent potential as you posses. With all the shit you've been dealing with it's no wonder you can't see value in yourself. We'll get you there though don't you worry about that", One of her calloused hands patted my knee. Skin on skin contact felt weird after months of me avoiding it like the plague. Even after Opal moved her hand away to start driving again I could still feel tingles where she touched. 

Hours later I sat in the front seat of Opal's truck watching the sun dip below the horizon. Tearing out the rotten plaster and moldy drywall took up a large chunk of the day. Coach hadn't been kidding when she said the house needed all the help it could get. The place had been abandoned for decades after it flooded and basically needed to be rebuilt from the ground up. I had been nervous about my presence being rejected after all the bullshit that happened at school. None of the dozen people volunteering batted an eye at me being there in fact they thanked me for my help. People I didn't even know were patting me on the back when I did something right. Harold Smiley, the fella who ran the arcade and amusement park on the boardwalk, brought everyone drinks. Damned if that whistle crazy bitch sitting next to me didn't know exactly what I needed to hear. When we stopped by the boardwalk to grab a quick bite to eat on the way home I found myself overcome with the urge to hug the older woman. She returned the gesture with enough gusto that I feared for the safety of my ribs. "You can't go giving up Wulfenite, doing that just disgraces the person's memory." 

That night I took the time to gather up all my dirty clothes and throw them in the washer. Rose was sitting in the living room, a sleepy Steven in her lap, sipping a cup of flowery smelling tea while she watched the home gardening network. Mutely I joined her on the couch leaning against her side and rubbing my cheek against her shoulder. Steven slid over onto my lap tucking his head securely under my chin while I put my arms around him. I never asked if Rose was the reason Opal decided to intervene on my moping. The knowing smile she gave me when the coach herded me out of the barn was enough of an answer. After returning from putting my clothes in the dryer I found the couch occupied by Lapis and Amethyst. Smiling I took my customary seat on the floor between Lapis' legs, cheek resting against her thigh. Together the five of us enjoyed a respite from the turmoil of the past few months. It was nice to just sit and be for a while instead of being hung up on all the what ifs the future would bring. 

I still had a lot to think about especially involving my potential enlistment after graduation. Killing people wasn't something I was interested in, it never had been really. Having experienced the guilt of taking a life once I didn't think I'd be able to survive doing it again. No matter what anyone promised me there was always a chance for violence no matter where I went. The military was going to train me to fight even if that wasn't going to be my primary role. As much as that thought scared me I knew I'd find a career with the Air Force more rewarding than any desk job. Enlisting would give me the chance to travel the world, teach me discipline, and give me the chance to help people. Biggs was always talking about how awesome it felt going into places suffering from natural disasters and helping people. In a fucked up way I kind of felt like I owed it to Jasper to go through with it. Her goal after High School was to be a Marine; I couldn't do that but I could be an Airman. Yeah it was a bad reason to do something that life changing and it wasn't my main one so best not to think about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only a few more chapters left guys, thank you for sticking with me


	34. Senior Year

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wulfenite and the others start their final year of high school

True to her word Opal came to the barn every morning to get me out of bed and helping people. On days when HFH had enough people working on the housing project that I wasn't needed we found other things to do. During those hours rebuilding that messed up old house I came to learn a lot about my coach. It turned out that she too knew what it was like to wrestle with the guilt of having blood on your hands. Growing up in Germany before the wall went down forced her to do a lot of things no child should have to do including defending the family home from intruders. Late one evening robbers broke into her house while her father was at work and attempted to rob it. Opal, who was no older than 12, beat one of the men's head in with a bat to protect her crippled mother. "Do not think that my lack of pity is from not understanding, I do understand the pain. However you must understand that pity will not lessen the burden you now carry only time will lighten the load. What you're doing now, wallowing in self hatred as you are, solves nothing in the long term."

"Sometimes it's hard rememberin what it feels like to be happy coach", I confessed one evening after a particularly hard day. I had been working with three other volunteers tearing up the yard so new sod could be laid down. The sun was brutally hot that day and combining heat with how hard the job was made tempers short. For some reason one of the older guys I was working with decided he didn't like the way I was ripping up the old grass. He started ranting about how worthless my efforts were and how I would never amount to anything. It got so bad that I needed to leave or else I was going to end up hitting him. I suppose it was useful that the guy was yelling loud enough that Opal could hear him from inside. We ended up leaving the job site after that since the guy wouldn't calm down. Aimless driving brought us to a secluded stretch of beach underneath a giant stone cliff. "Arguin with people who say I'm worthless gets so damn tirin after a while. It's easier to go along with what their sayin and accept that I'm nothin but shit. You can't hear the same thing over and over again for years without startin to think it might be true." 

"Treating yourself kindly takes effort Wulfenite; laziness has no place in a healthy mindset. I'm sure your therapist has told you something similar", I nodded remembering the first conversation Alexandrite and I had. By the gods it felt like I had lived decades within the two year span I had been with the Universes. People like Rose, Peridot, Vidalia, and Alexandrite felt like they had always been in my life. In the grand scheme of things they were practically strangers but I couldn't imagine my world without them. Opal had earned herself a place in that category as well despite our rocky start. If Rose was the my mother figure then Opal was my no nonsense aunt who wasn't afraid to call me on my bullshit. More than once it was Opal who provided the kick in the ass I needed to get things done. "Now come on I think a certain dangerous hooligan has earned herself some ice cream before she goes home." She hopped off the lowered tailgate that we had been sitting on and walked around to the driver's side door. 

"Yeah, she said I can only get better if I was willin to keep tryin even when it felt like nothin was workin. The way she talks kinda reminds me of you if you had green hair and were always sunburned I mean." I followed suit slipping into the passenger seat just as she was turning the engine over. My seat belt slid into place with a firm click and we started back to the access road. Comfortable silence lapped over us until we were almost back on the main road again. One thing I didn't like about going into town during the height of summer was all the tourists. Pedestrians crowded the sidewalks and spilled onto the road making traffic painfully slow. "If I ain't said it already thanks for not givin up on me and all that", I ran a hand through my hair. "Keepin me together ain't exactly your job or anythin and I reckon you probably had plans for the summer." The truck rumbled along at a snail's pace; Opal reached over to put her arm around my shoulder and I leaned into it. Volunteering with Opal was a good distraction; Opal was such an interesting juxtaposition from Rose. Rather than repeatedly assuring me that it was okay to lean on others Opal insisted that I should stand on my own two feet. Asking me which approach was better is like comparing a car to a bike, both get you to the same place just in different ways. I couldn't tell you which one helped me more but I will say that both were better than nothing. 

Peridot and Pearl both came home in the middle of August and though they were both around the barn a lot our interactions were limited. Understandably they wanted to use their free time to reconnect with their significant others which I was not. Pearl in particular came home with some kind of fire in her that could only be quenched by furious make out sessions with Amethyst. While I understood it that didn't lessen the sting of loneliness I felt every time I was asked to step away and give them privacy. Homes for the Homeless finished construction on their latest project the week Peridot came home leaving me without a distraction. More often than not I would find myself taking the thirty or so minute walk into Beach City proper. Sometimes I'd hang out along the boardwalk or bum around Funland but most of the time I hung out on the beach under the same rocky outcropping Opal took me to for our heart to heart. I started bringing my painting stuff and over time the grays and reds gave way to brilliant blue waters and bright colors. 

Malachite and I watching weird cartoons into the wee hours of the morning stayed the same. At first it was stiff, neither of us sure how we should act around the other after everything that happened. Things got easier when we realized that we were both crying ourselves to sleep. We sat side by side now often leaning slightly against each other for support both figuratively and literally. The first time she fell asleep against my shoulder I knew I no longer hated her. I know there are many people out there who would argue that I should go on resenting her for all the hell she put me through. Continuing to rage against her existence would be easier since it would mean going back to not thinking of her as a person. Monsters don't deserve to feel happy, they don't feel pain when bad stuff happens to them. Malachite wasn't a monster though, yeah she was super fucked in the head but so was I. We were both humans; inherently flawed beings driven to carve out a place for ourselves. You could argue that she deserved to be punished for what she did and I'd concede that was your right but to me the loss of the only person she considered family was more punishment than anything I could think of doing. Dozing together with my former enemy on the couch after an evening of doughnut slaving I found peace. 

A big part of growing up is being able to look at situations from more perspectives than your own. Putting aside personal bias is difficult and requires constant attention to avoid slipping. Yeah it would be way easier to stay in my own little bubble of experiences glaring at the outside world. If I did that though I'd never change, I'd stay the same frothing ball of hate I was when I got locked up. I didn't want that; I was tired of living my life like an animal trapped in a cage reacting on instinct. So I made the choice to keep fighting and claw my way out of the black pit of despair I existed in. Of all the choices I've made over the years choosing to change was arguably the hardest. The human brain is wired to follow familiar patterns with little to no deviation. Not every day was progress I mean come on I'm a person not some character in a T.V show. Still with help from the supportive people in my life I was able to reach something close to stable. 

The beginning of September brought with it a flurry of activity including track practice, school shopping, and class scheduling. Towards the end of summer the school sent out a notice saying it was offering Driver's Education to students 17 and older. Rose happily let me sign up when I asked her and even paid for it instead of asking me to. School started up again mid September with Driver's Ed in the mornings and on weekends. All and all it turned out I'm not bad behind the wheel even if my love for speed nearly gave Baxter a heart attack. In the blink of an eye things went from me being bored out of my skull to running around like the rabbit from Alice in Wonderland. Most days I felt like I was a hunk of gum being pulled in a dozen different directions. Stress was at an all time high, I really don't know how I got through it without having a panic attack every few minutes. Somehow I found a rhythm to it; ended up giving up my job because of sheer lack of time. I wouldn't end up needing it if my enlistment went through anyway and I needed that time for homework.

Math was still taking every opportunity to make me its bitch in the worst possible way. Because I was so far behind on my required credits I had to take two classes simultaneously. On days when I didn't have practice after school Peridot practically lived in the barn. Some nights she would show up with her mom and Miss Diamond would join our study sessions. Lapis nearly had a coronary the first time Peridot kissed her in front of her mother. Giallo just laughed and said not to worry about it, "I knew Peridot was gay from the moment I brought her home. I had to hire male tutors because she kept sexually harassing the female ones. Six years old and there she was intentionally dropping things so she could peak up lady's skirts." From what I gathered the workaholic of a woman had a major epiphany when she thought Peridot had been stabbed by Jasper. She wasn't the sentimental type or anything but I noticed she was home a lot more. Even if she tried to hide it under a layer of grump I could tell my friend enjoyed having her mom around. 

Suffice to say between her helping me pass my classes and the whole saving my life thing I owed Peri big time. She really was going above and beyond the call of friendship to make sure I did well. It wasn't even just me, she also helped Lapis and Amethyst when they asked for it. Once I even saw her patently talking a frustrated Malachite through the steps for figuring out electric current strength. Thank you cakes made a frequent appearance during our weekend cram sessions. "Just don't make my efforts in vain clod, go out there and show those pebbles the potential of Howling Fury. If you fail after all of this work I'm going to blast you into space dust", She declared one day while we were unwinding with some Overwatch. The two of us were in the living room, her on the couch and me in my usual spot on the floor. Lapis was wrapped around Peridot from behind like a fart joke obsessed belt. I was leaned against the front of the couch between Peri's spread legs with the back of my head resting on her stomach.

"No intention of failin ya Dot, not after you wrecked your favorite hoodie for me." I rubbed my cheek against the top of her leg because I still didn't have words to express how grateful I was for what she did. Doctor Maheshawaran told me that if it hadn't been for Peri's quick thinking I would have bled out before ever reaching the hospital. Saying thank you after hearing something like that didn't seem even remotely good enough. "Still can't believe you're wearin that thing with all the bloodstains it has. People are gonna think you went Sweeney Todd on somebody", I used my controller to mimic throat slashing. I leaned forward to take a long pull from the glass of iced tea I was enjoying; I had been soda free for almost a month. Biggs had called me a few weeks ago explaining that Air force testing was set to start in February. We had a long chat about everything that was expected to go down once I got to Basic Training including the painful caffeine withdrawals. She was totally understanding when I voiced the doubts I had about my ability to hold it together in the face of violence. I needed to go down to the recruitment office in Ocean Town to take the ASVAB test for real before the end of December. 

"Use your vision spheres clod, that hoodie is a limited edition print from Delmarva Con 2014. Only the first 100 VIP pass holders who registered were given one, there's no way I'm getting rid of it. Furthermore", Peridot leaned forward slightly so she was meeting my eyes, "Throwing it away would imply that I am ashamed of the stains. I know this may come as a shock Wulfenite but I've grown to enjoy having you in my life. No article of clothing is worth more than your friendship", Her sunburned cheeks deepened in color. "These discolorations are irrefutable proof that I value your life more than material goods. I cannot foresee a single instance in the entirety of the multiverse where I would not make the same choice." Nobody seemed to know what to say after a confession like that; even Lapis' smart mouth was shut. How this little nerd had come to mean so fucking much to me in so little time was mind boggling. It's funny how we went from shitty first impressions, to begrudgingly tolerating each other, to this.

Unconcerned that the next match was about to start I put my controller on the floor and turned around. "Fuckin love you asshole", I choked out wrapping my arms around Peridot's waist and pulling her to the floor with me. She let out a loud squeak of surprise that was quickly smothered by my laughter. My lips found her cheek for a brief instance of contact and she returned the gesture. It took me a long time to figure out that there are many different kinds of love in this world. There's love for your family, love for pets, romantic love, and many more that I'm not sure how to articulate right. Without a doubt I knew I loved the people in my life: Peridot, Lapis, Rose, Greg, Steven, Amethyst, Pearl, and even Coach Opal. They've seen me through highs and lows always giving me a reason to keep going even when I wanted nothing more than to give up. "You mean so fuckin much to me", I squeezed Peridot tighter not caring that I was crying a little. "Both of you have been so good to me", The weight in my lap increased as Lapis added herself to the cuddle pile. Leaving them after high school was an uncomfortable thought but I knew they wouldn't want to hold me back.

Competitions with the track team kept me perpetually occupied to the point where I lost any real sense of time. One minute I was in a feelings filled cuddle pile with my two best friend at the beginning of the school year the next it was almost the end of November. With this being the final year for a lot of the team Coach Opal was determined to take us all the way. There were days when I almost hated the woman for being a relentless slave driver. Thanks to most of the team suffering from a mutant stomach bug we barely scraped together enough points to advance past states. Excellent recruiting done by Pearl gave us one hell of a team that year, we were actually in the sectional finals. It was us versus Surf City for the championship; they had somehow knocked out Empire City. Smoky and I each ended up in first place for our respective competitions with me setting a new state record. Skinny's amazing speed and Kiki's killer endurance each earned them top places and cinched our victory. Standing up on that stage getting our medals with Coach holding up the trophy to the crowd felt fucking amazing.

"Wait Wulfenite hold up", A voice I didn't recognize called my name as I was exiting the locker room. Looking up from my phone I was greeted with a person I never thought I would see again. Strawberry blonde hair hung down to her shoulders curling around her rounded chin to frame a pleasingly angular face. Time had lightened the deep bags around her aquamarine eyes and smile lines crinkled along the corners of her mouth. I could tell she had put on weight, even through the casual clothes she was sporting, she no longer looked like a skeleton. Frantically my eyes darted around searching for the bright red hair and beard that never left her side. "He isn't here honey, your father isn't here and never will be again", My mother said softly. "After I found out what he did to you I had enough and ran", She reached out like she was going to hug me. I jerked out of reach violently shaking my head, too overcome with emotion to speak. Her smile fell but she nodded, "I understand if you don't want anything to do with me after everything that happened. I just", She paused to gently tug on a small hand that I hadn't noticed she was holding, "Wanted you to meet someone. Wulfenite this is Christoph", The hand was attached to a boy no older than kindergarten age.

Roan hair, similar to my own but a few shades darker, stuck up at odd angles from his round face. Eyes the color of warm spring skies peered up at me while he shyly waved a small hand. He was the spitting image of the woman in front of me making him my kin without any doubt. "After I left your father I got sober and in the process found out I was pregnant. Seeing him willingly throw you to the wolves gave me a clear picture of the man I married that no amount of drugs could erase. I thought about writing to you but I was too ashamed of everything I did. I know nothing I can say will make up for what happened when you were younger but you have to believe I'm trying. I should have listened when you told me everything Fredrick was making you do. Please Wulfenite I want us to be a family, come live with us, I've got a nice place here in Surf City." She looked up at me with tears in her eyes; damn it was weird being taller than her. Granted it wasn't by much, maybe a couple of inches, but that wasn't the point. When I was a kid she always seemed so much bigger, like a giant in sparkly red heels.

 

Over the years I hadn't been able to stop myself from wondering what became of my parents. Back when I was younger I was almost able to convince myself that they were planning my rescue. Time stripped me of that delusion fairly quickly but I would still ponder what happened. Nothing had prepared me for the reality of seeing my mother after six years of radio silence. Conflicting feelings of joy, confusion, anger, sadness, and relief bombarded my endorphin flooded neurons. My knees shook from overexertion and my heart pounded in my ears far louder than it should have. I could feel the edges of panic trying to take over the emotional overload I was experiencing. Trembling hands gripped the rough cloth strap of my duffel bag as I fought to keep my breathing under control. 

Someone hollered that I had five minutes to get on the bus and I was able to find my voice. "No there ain't no snappin your fingers and makin us into some magical sitcom family." I shook my head slowly feeling my own tears coming along, "It's been way too long for that to work. I ain't the same kid you raised and just lookin at you I can tell you ain't the same either. Thanks to the folks I'm livin with now I've got a life: I'm doin good in school, I have friends, and I'm graduatin this year. No way I can leave all that now", Her face fell considerably and she looked like she was ready to break down into sobs. It was then that an epiphany struck me; I had a choice here, I could say to hell with my past like I always wanted or I could accept Rose's lessons and give my mom another chance. "Look I gotta go 'fore I get left behind but", I dug in my duffel bag for a notebook. "Write your address and phone number down, if you're serious about bein a family we can keep in touch." Mindful of my aching knees I bent down to eye level with the little boy while mom wrote, "It was nice meetin you Christoph." Once the notebook was handed back to me I ran to the bus with my head swimming. 

First thing I did after taking a seat next to Rose, she was along as a chaperone, was tearfully explain everything. Talking gave me a chance to get my jumbled thoughts in order and further quell my panic. "You were very brave to give her another chance", Rose put her arm around me in a warm hug. "Remember, you are an amazing young woman even though you've made some mistakes. It could very well be that your mother is genuine and the two of you could have a loving relationship. Greg and I will support you no matter what happens with her, we love you like one of our own. Now no more tears we need to celebrate the fact that Howling Fury made the record books!" She yelled that last bit loud enough to get the whole team riled up again. The buss ride home was full of cheering, howling, tears, and even a fucking speech courtesy of Coach Opal.

To celebrate our win coach rented out Fish Stew Pizza for the night and we packed the place to capacity. Since Kiki's family owned the place they were more than happy to celebrate with us. Friends and family from everyone on the team were there filling the place with joy. Amethyst and Ruby almost got us kicked out when they were caught trying to cheat the claw machine. Steven insisted on being in my lap the whole time so he could play with the medal I was wearing. I didn't have the heart to tell him it wasn't really made of gold; we were just high school kids after all. Peridot's mad tech skills got the old jukebox in the corner up and running adding killer tunes to the mix. Amethyst dragged me into doing some weird version of the twist that left my hips screaming. All of us partied until way past midnight and I ended up crashing in the back of the van cuddled up to Peridot and Lapis. It was only in that quiet afterglow that my thoughts drifted back to my mother. 

Fingers scratched lazily behind my ear as my impromptu blonde pillow spoke, "You've been subdued this evening. One would think setting a new state record would make you a bit more lively." I shifted against Peridot's stomach being careful to not move too much and wake Lapis. The bluenett was using Peridot's chest as a headrest with her arm flung across her. Said arm was resting over the side of my neck, her hand fisted in the collar of my shirt. Peridot continued to play with the ends of my hair as she spoke, "I mean you don't need to tell me if it's personal." 

"I ran into my mom after the award thing, she was waitin for me outside the locker room. Nothing for six fuckin years then she shows up talkin about how she's sorry and wants us to be a family. Apparently she left my dad and got herself sober so I suppose that's good, lives in Surf City. She had a kid with her too looked just like her", I was getting restless staying in one spot. "My head's all messed up right now", Carefully I extracted my shirt from Lapis' grip so I could sit up. The cool metal side of the van felt nice through the thin cotton of the shirt I was wearing. "I mean I've been dreamin about seein my folks again for so long, I should be thrilled but I'm not." My fingers trailed slowly up and down Lapis' back as a way to keep myself focused. "Part of me is scared this is some kinda trick to rope me back into runnin drugs for them. Another part wants to jump head first into her arms and do everythin a family's supposed to do." 

"Wulfenie I have to say something", Peridot paused for a second, "Things are never boring around you." She gave me her trademark lopsided grin that I couldn't help but mimic due to it being infectious. "If you wanted my advice, and why wouldn't you I'm brilliant, I'd say give her a chance. Take it from someone who was abandoned at preschool one day having parents in your life is something to easily take for granted. Scope the situation out and if things seem amiss cut off contact", I scooted closer. The van pulled up to the barn and I carefully carried Lapis inside as I mulled over the advice I was given.


	35. Testing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Life is full of tests both multiple choice and otherwise

Being the complete coward that I was it took me staring at mom's number for almost a week before I got the courage to dial it. Lapis and Peridot offered to sit with me for support but I turned them down in favor of taking walk. It's not that I didn't appreciate the gesture or anything, I mean it was really sweet, I just needed to do this on my own. Outside the air was pleasantly cool with the bite to the back of it that said winter was on the way. Smiling despite my nerves I found a spot near the smaller than average lake that was still warmed by the sun. Leaves decked out in their Autumn finery rustled underneath me when I plopped down along the shore. Taking a deep breath I punched the numbers into my cell phone hoping this was the right thing to do. The phone rang a couple times before a confused voice answered, "Hello this is Carol." 

"Uh h-h-hi Carol err I mean mom it's me Wulfenite", I took another deep breath and closed my eyes. "Sorry it took me so long for me to call things have been kind of crazy around here." Slowly I tipped backwards so I was laying on my back against the warm ground. "If this is a bad time I can call back I just didn't want you thinkin I forgot or anythin. I can't remember if you said what times you worked", I knew I as rambling but I couldn't stop myself. Silence scared the shit out of me because it gave mom the chance to say something. Over the past week I had played out so many conversations in my head ranging from joyous reunions to her just asking for money. I hadn't realized just how badly I wanted this to work until I actually called her. There aren't words for me to express how much I was worried she was going to have this all be some sick joke. Well I mean I'm sure the words are out there it's just that I don't know how to articulate them. 

"Whoa whoa slow down honey it's fine", Mom interrupted my run on sentences before they got too bad. "I'm glad to hear from you; I know everything happened kind of fast the day I gave you my number. Looking back on it I could have probably done that better but when I saw you again I knew I had to talk to you." Her voice was thick like she was fighting back tears, "Thank you for giving me a chance." I would be a liar if I tried to say I wasn't doing my best not to cry right along with her. We talked for almost a half hour just testing the waters with stupid shit like school or work. I found out that the whole reason she was at the meet in the first place was Christoph's speech tutor was in the hurdle event. My little brother suffered the same issues with stuttering that I did and was getting help through the school. When mom had to get off the phone and get ready for work I found myself looking for an excuse to keep talking. She asked me to call her when I got home from school the next day since she'd be working late. 

On a blustery Monday morning two weeks before Christmas Rose and I took the day off school so I could make my exam in Ocean Town. Biggs had been talking with me daily online since the first of the month helping to ensure I did my best. She wasn't able to tell me exactly what was on the test because they change it every year and that would be cheating. What she could do however was give me tips about how to actually take it correctly. Mom and I had also been talking during that time, not every day but a few times a week. Turns out her job wasn't all that far from the rec center where my test was being done. Rose broached the subject of the three of us meeting up for coffee once the testing was finished. Mom thought it was a great idea and while I was hesitant about the whole thing I agreed in the end. I figured if mom was actually going to become a feature in my life again she would need to pass the Rose test. 

Rose parked the van in the mostly empty parking lot and pulled me in for one of her awesome hugs. "For luck", She explained through a slight titter of laughter, "Not that you really need it." Careful fingers smoothed down my perpetually untidy hair until it sort of looked presentable. In honor of the formal occasion I was wearing a dark green button down shirt tucked into black pants. My boots were polished within an inch of their life and I had even borrowed a black tie from Peridot. Two rows of wooden folding tables lined the center's indoor basketball court. Each seat had a small laptop in front of it with headphones plugged into the side. Uniformed servicemen sat at another table in front of the room flanking an officer in full regalia. Alphabetically the two dozen hopefuls, myself among them, were assigned seats and then told to begin. I'll spare you the details of the actual exam contents, partly because they're tedious and partly because I don't think I'm allowed to share them. Strange how this entire freedom experiment started with a test and was about to end on one.

Coffee with mom somehow felt a thousand times more stressful than filling in bubbles to determine my future. Rose and I met up with her at a tiny corner cafe called The Toast Office after my two hour exam. The place had a warm, homey vibe, with family style seating at long hardwood tables. Mom was already seated sipping from a steaming black mug; she rose when she saw us come in. "Guess you weren't kidding about the pink hair after all", She laughed softly. "At least it makes you easy to spot", Tentatively she opened her arms for a hug. I stepped into it awkwardly and stepped back to Rose's side the moment I was released. Mom didn't seem surprised and the smile never left her face, "Go ahead and order what you like. I already told the girl behind the counter that I'm covering you", Still smiling she sat back down. I hesitated for a moment not sure if I should offer to pay for myself or not but Rose gently pushed me forward. We returned to the table a couple minutes later; me with a large black coffee and a muffin, Rose with a chai tea and danish. "Alright kiddo tell me what's happened since the last time I saw you, you said you're looking to join the army?"

"Air Force", I corrected taking a big bite out of my blueberry filled treat, "I want to be a mechanic for them. Been trainin for nearly two years to get myself in shape for it", Rose patted me on the shoulder proudly. "Oh um this is Rose she's the lady that's lookin after all of us, Rose this is my mom Carol." Mentally I cursed myself for forgetting to introduce them earlier but they just shook hands like it was no big deal. "Today was the day I had to take my ASVAB, it's the test they use to figure out if you got brains enough to enlist and what you'd be good at. I gotta get at least an M-55 to get to work on the top secret stuff they got comin outta R&D." Mom nodded and let me prattle on about what inspired me to join up, what I was doing to prep, and what I wanted to get out of the service. Overall the conversation flowed easily between us giving me hope that we could salvage our broken history.

"She seems lovely", Rose commented once we were on the road home roughly two hours later. Mom had let me talk myself out about anything and everything that crossed my mind. I spent a good amount of time talking about Coach Opal and how she helped me stay together after nearly dying. With it just being Rose and I in the van I was sitting up front instead of in the cargo area. Drawn in by their movement I watched the cars through my window as we drove down the highway. "Of course it isn't about what I think", Rose's voice brought my attention back to her. There was a thoughtful expression on her face, "What did you think about today?" 

"To be honest with you Rose I think today went really good and I wanna do somethin like this again. I felt like mom was listenin to what I was sayin and cared about what was goin on. Truth be told I don't think she's ever done that before, at least not that I can remember." A smile crept across my face, "One coffee visit ain't enough to undo years of neglect but it's a good start. You think next time we can invite her and Christoph over to the barn for dinner? Reckon we can't get a real feel for her until we see if she can put up with Amethyst's table manners." Rose and I shared a laugh that faded into a companionable silence between us. For the rest of the ride I leaned in so my head was resting on her shoulder. 

Fifteen days later, the day after Christmas, an excited Steven dragged my half asleep ass through the three feet of snow to open my letter. I had been up late that night playing Overwatch with Peridot and was none too happy about the intrusion. A heavy white envelope was sitting on the table next to a still steaming mug of black coffee. Everyone was gathered around the table staring at me while my eyes scrambled over the crisp sheets of paper. "Well", Amethyst asked impatiently after a minute, "What does it say Wulfie. Don't leave us in suspense você provoca, read that shit out loud before I have a heart attack." Rose shot her a withering glare, "I mean read that STUFF out loud before I have a heart attack? Sorry Rose I'm just so fodendo excited", She bounced up and down in her seat. No one seemed capable of sitting still, even the unflappable Rose Quartz was vibrating with excitement.

"Fifty eight", I said dumbfounded, "I got an overall fifty eight on the mechanics portion of the test. The recruitment office is recommendin me for a special group currently partnered with NSA units. Provided I pass my physicals in a couple months they wanna fast track me to officer trainin after graduation. I gotta call Biggs you guys, she's gonna blow a gasket, fifty fuckin eight in mechanics." Right on cue the house phone rang and I spent the next half hour loudly gushing with my recruiter. I guess she was told about my score the day the test was graded and not being allowed to tell me had been driving her nuts. Someone, probably Lapis, called Peridot and I was violently tackle-hugged by the half frozen nerd. Shortly after that Opal, Pearl, and most of the track team showed up turning the house into an impromptu party. Word spreads stupid fucking fast around small towns like Beach City; still that shit was a little ridiculous. I was able to find time during all the chaos to let mom know that I passed and she gushed over how proud she was.

Peridot ended up staying the night along with Pearl and Garnet making the barn pretty crowded. I offered to give up my bed so Garnet wouldn't have to sleep on the floor or share. Pearl was sharing a bed with Amethyst, after changing the sheets, and Peridot was crashing with Lapis. There were multiple reasons why I didn't want to be stuck in the barn that night. Not the least of which was the real possibility I'd end up overhearing one or more of my friends getting it on. Malachite seemed to have the same idea because when I managed to slip back into the main house she was in her usual spot on the couch. Wordlessly she sat up so there would be room for me to sit but I shook my head. "Probably gonna end up crashin pretty soon", I stifled a yawn, "Been a hell of a day. Just didn't wanna risk hearin one of them fuckin when I'm tryin to get some sleep." 

"Tell me about it", Malachite grunted, "Why do you think I stayed here in the first place? Hearing that shit once was bad enough; now come on I ain't gonna make you sleep on the floor." A pale hand wrapped around the sleeve of my black hoodie and Malachite tugged me onto the couch. Fear shot through me for a second only to fade when she released her grip so I could settle in. Even after months of the two of us existing peacefully I still had moments where I was scared. Pushing past my initial trepidation I bent over to unlace and take off my boots. Malachite shut off the T.V and we laid back to back on the couch with me on the outside. "Err good job on your test thing by the way, I didn't get a chance to say it earlier."


	36. Graduation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Senior year comes to a close

"Happy birthday kiddo", Mom's voice echoed slightly through the speaker of my phone. "We're just turning off the highway so we might be a little late to the party. You can start without us if you want", In the background I could hear Chris shouting that he didn't want to miss the cake. My relationship with my mother had been growing by leaps and bounds over the past month. She had even come to visit us on New Years Eve though she wasn't able to stay long since she was babysitting for some friends. Once she left dad she stopped drinking so her friends asked her to watch their kids so they could go to the bar. Christoph and I were having a hard time connecting; not sure if it was the age gap or something. He seemed afraid of me whenever we were left alone together and for some reason that hurt. I was at a point in my life where I didn't want people being scared of me anymore. 

"Nah mom it's no worries I don't mind waitin until you guys get here", I brushed off her concerns easily. "Ain't very many people expected so it's not like I got an itinerary or anythin planned. Only thing goin on right now is me kickin my friend's ass in Corpse Hatcher", Next to me Peridot gave an indigent shriek. Unbeknownst to her I had changed the mapping on her controller so none of the buttons were what she was used to. For nearly an hour she had been a screaming ball of frustration every time her character died. Mom must have heard it because she started laughing, "And tell Chris he ain't gonna miss the cake." I hung up the phone so mom could get back to driving and turned my attention to Peridot. "Thanks for helpin me bake that stuff by the way you're a fuckin life saver." I bumped the side of my head against her shoulder affectionately, "Suppose you'll want me to fix your controller now?" The look of betrayal she gave me was fucking priceless, you'd think I stole her laptop. 

Mom showed up just in time to see Lapis holding me down so Peridot could finally win a match. This promptly turned into a Steven Bomb when the little boy leaped over the back of the couch. I managed to catch her smiling at me before my vision was blocked by tufts of curly hair. Steven joined in with Lapis to keep me from moving until the end of the match. When they finally let me up I walked over to mom and grinned, "Hey glad you guys could make it. Greg left a little bit ago to get the pizza; these are my friends Lapis, Peridot, and Steven. Peridot here is the one who saved my life during that incident last year with Jasper." Before I could so much as get a warning out mom was across the room hugging a very confused Peridot. 

Three quarters of the way through February, exactly a week after my nineteenth birthday, Rose and I once again set off for Ocean Town. This time mom met us in front of the rec center so she and Christoph could watch the physical portion of my testing. They sat up in the bleachers with the smattering of other families who came to support their recruits. It wasn't anything terribly demanding actually, hell I think the shit Opal made us do during practice was harder. The folks running the thing had us would be airmen strip down to our undies so they could attach a bunch of sensors. Then we had to do basic shit like: running, lifting, jumping, agility drills, and push ups. Anyone whose blood pressure or other vitals didn't fall within government standards were asked to leave. One dude's blood pressure was too high before any of the actual tests even started. Poor guy had to sit in the bleachers with the civilians and watch the rest of us compete. Thanks to being mentored by a former Commie hard ass I made it through near the top percentile. Biggs was one of the people administering the test and she damn near lifted me off the ground in a bear hug when scores were announced.

Assured that I actually had a future after graduation I spent the rest of the school year making plans. Martha, my case manager, help me retrieve my birth certificate and social security documents from the state. Using those we set me up with a bank account where my military salary could be safely deposited. March and much of April were spent on testing and paperwork from the school, state, and feds. Peridot talked me out of using the couple thousand dollars I had saved up to buy a used motorcycle. "You have no idea how to operate one of those you clod, also did you forget that you will be leaving in less than two months?" Damn her and her logic; I ended up putting my saving in my bank account vowing I would get a bike once I was a civilian again. "I can't believe you're really leaving", Peridot lamented as we walked away from the bank. "This year went by so fast, I wasn't prepared for the reality of graduation to sink in. It feels surreal, like my life is stuck on fast forward and I'm powerless to stop it."

"Reckon part of growin up is always feelin like you're in a rush", I mused out loud. "Seems like just a little while ago I was threatenin to beat your ass for sittin next to me. I was such a damn prick back then, don't know if I ever said sorry for my shitty attitude. No way in hell I would've made it this far without your slave drivin ass teachin me math." I looped my arm with hers and dragged her to the right so we could stop at the ice cream stall. Sure it wasn't healthy but I was facing a month without any kind of junk food soon. Two cones of Peridot's favorite, green mint chip if you hadn't guessed, were paid for and we resumed our walk. "Heard you got into MIT on a full ride, that's damn fuckin impressive nerd. Bet Pearl was pullin her hair out with envy since she only got a partial scholarship." Pearl was planning on getting into astrophysics with a minor in ballet; because those things totally go together. I had to admire her ambition though, she was determined to get into NASA so she could see space. The way those big eyes of her's lit up whenever the subject of the universe came up was mesmerizing. 

"Damn right she was neyhehehe", Peridot laughed through a bite of ice cream, "The clod wouldn't talk to me for a week. It's not my fault the judges found my robot superior to the one she produced. She put over sized wheels on the ends of its gravity connectors for star's sake. I don't know what she was thinking", Another nerdy laugh tumbled from in between her sticky lips. Laughing right along with her I continued devouring my cone while she told the story of how her creation won her the scholarship. There was a lot of technical stuff that went completely over my head but I didn't mind much. With all of us scrambling to prepare for the "real world" having down time like this was rare. Pretty soon we'd all be scattered to the winds and expected to magically be adults. My musings were interrupted by a soft hand on my arm, "As far as your behavior when we first met there is no need to worry. Neither of us were exactly equipped to understand each other at that point in time. In the time we have known each other we have become close enough that I can say with certainty that you are one of my best friends." 

Time in an unstoppable force always flowing inevitably forward even when you'd give everything to keep it still. April rained itself out and one a sunny day at the end of May Peridot, Amethyst, Lapis, Pearl, Garnet, Sapphire, Myself, and the rest of our class were hauled up on stage. Pearl made class valedictorian edging Peridot out by such a thin margin that the shorter girl was demanding a recount. Amethyst got an award for her wrestling record and Lapis got one for her painting. When Miss Diamond called me up to give me my diploma her signature resting bitch face was missing. In it's place was a proud smile not unlike the one Rose wore from her spot in the stands. "Well done Howling Fury", Miss Diamond murmured in my ear; I gave the biggest smile I could when she used my nickname. She shook my hand and froze so photographers and members of the crowd could snap pictures. Before stepping off stage I had to take pictures with Coach Opal and the rest of the track seniors. They had us pose with our medals next to the trophy we won at sectionals so they could put it in the yearbook. Mom was crying after the final speeches and took a ton of pictures with her phone. 

If you had asked me three years ago if I thought I'd ever be able to live a happy life I'd have laughed at you. Hell if you asked two years ago I'd still probably laugh and yet here I was. Here I was up on a stage in the middle of the school's track field accepting a slip of paper saying I survived my education. At the end of June I would be getting on a bus to basic with nothing but determination and a duffel bag. I guess what I'm trying to say here is no matter the sins of one's past redemption can be found if you're willing to work for it. We are all born innocent, full of limitless potential, until life corrupts us with fear and hopelessness. There are many bright souls ground into shards by the evil in the world and there are many who leave the fight shining brighter than when they walked in. No matter where you are there is a way for your situation to change either for better or for worse. 

On the night of graduation when Malachite and I sat watching our usual late night shows I saw a glimmer of her light. She pulled me into a hug thanking me for being there for her after Jasper's death and swearing to never hurt a soul again. Seeing the sincerity in her verdant eyes I believed her and hugged back with all my might. You can go on about nature versus nurture influencing violent actions until you're blue in the face. All I'm going to say on the matter is violence is like an addiction and you can't force people to change. Change will only happen if the person wants it to and they are given proper support. We stayed up late laughing about the few good times we had together and trading war stories about being locked up. I actually fell asleep with my head resting in her lap while we were talking. 

The ride to the bus station at the end of June felt completely surreal; how had two years gone by this fast? I was sitting in the cargo area of the van using my packed duffel bag as a back rest. Steven was on my lap clutching Master of Ceremonies Bear Bear and doing his best to hold back his tears. "Don't worry little man it ain't like I'm gonna be gone forever or anythin it's just a few years. I promise I'll write you whenever I get the chance and I'll do my best to call. Come on man if you start cryin you're gonna get me goin", I said the last part through a sob. The dam broke causing a chain reaction throughout the confines of the crowded van. Lapis pressed her cheek into my shoulder and I hugged her close with one arm and Steven with the other. Up front I could hear Greg sniffling and Rose blowing her nose; we were going to be a mess. 

Peridot met us at the bus depot to say her goodbyes with her mother, Pearl, and Garnet. I was pulled into a hug faster than I could blink and I could hear Peri sniffling. Mom and Christoph weren't far behind; the shy little dude even gave me a hug. All around us two dozen other families were hugging their own children goodbye. By the time the bus pulled in I mostly had myself back under control save for a few free flowing tears. A uniformed woman started reading names off of a checklist; when my name came up I gave everyone one last hug. As we pulled out of the station thirty minutes later all I could do was stare out the window. Senior year had seemed so far away when I first set things in motion to enlist. I was sure I'd be fully prepared to go by the time graduation came around; oh what a fool I had been.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my gods you guys I can't believe this is over. Thank you so much for everything! Every comment, every kudos, every bookmark it means so much to me. Writing this story has gotten me through one of the hardest years of my life and I know I couldn't have done it without you. Stay tuned for the epilogue


	37. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The story of Wulfenite's military career told in correspondences

_Dear Wulfenite,_

_I hope my letter finds you well wherever they have you stationed these days. Normally I would avoid such archaic communication techniques but Miss Quartz mentioned you may not have access to reliable electricity. College is going well, stressful but of course I expected that. I have included pictures of Lapis and I's new apartment as online sources have mentioned that such mementos often bring comfort to those who are deployed. Well I have to go; Lazuli wants dinner and is threatening to put my robotics project in the fish tank if I don't feed her._

_Stay safe you clod_

_Peridot_

**Hey Peri,**

**Sorry if this letter is kind of late we've been putting together some new prototypes so free time is kind of a luxury. I'm doing pretty good right now just crazy busy. The people in charge are talking about giving me my own unit as sort of a test run to see if I'd make a good leader. Rose was right about us not always having electricity where we're stationed so you should probably stick with letters. Can't believe it's been two fucking years since graduation time flies in the real world. Glad to know Lapis hasn't changed, tell her I said she looks awesome with the septum piercing. Your apartment looks great I love the big ass aquarium you have. The place I have on base is a fucking shoe box that I gotta share with two 2nd Lts. I out rank them though so they gotta shut their shit down when it's time for me to sleep. Speaking of sleep I should probably go, it's 0030 here and I gotta get up at 0400 for PT.**

**Kick ass man**

**1st Lt Wulfenite Everburn**

**Dear Malachite,**

**It's pretty fucking late here on base and one of the assholes I'm bunking with snores like a mother fucker. I ain't been sleeping so good these days, guess I'm coming down with a case of nerves. Officer training is going awesome and the people in charge are talking about sending me overseas. Not sure where exactly but they want me learning about some new kind of engine they're designing. As exciting as all that is I miss staying up until 6am watching T.V until I fell asleep in my cereal bowl.**

**Hope you're doing okay**

**1st Lt Wulfenite Everburn**

_Hey Honey,_

_Christoph was asking about you the other day so I promised him we would write you. I can't stop listening to that voicemail you left, I'm so fucking proud of you. Not even four years in and already a Captain ahh I can't stop gushing about it. Your package came in the mail last week. Not that we don't appreciate the gifts but you should be saving your money. Chris loves the model tank kit you sent even if he needed to use Google to translate it out of German. There's so much more I wanted to say when I started writing this but nothing is coming now._

_I love you_

_Mom and Chris_

**Mom and Chris,**

**I gotta keep this short because it's after lights out and I should be sleeping. Been having to do a fuckton of extra training and stuff for my next assignment. Can't talk about the specifics until everything is announced all official like but it's gonna be big. Sorry there wasn't an English side to the instructions the shop guy and I had a bit of a language barrier.**

**Love you. Tell Christoph I said happy birthday**

**Capt Wulfenite Everburn**

**Malachite,**

**It's been over a year since we talked and you haven't been responding when I try to write you. If you have a problem or something with me fucking tell me; I thought you and I were cool. I tried sending you some Cds from a few local bands here but the package came back saying it couldn't be delivered.**

**What the fuck man?**

**Capt Wulfenite Everburn**

**Rose,**

**Damn it I miss all of you, the two weeks I had for Christmas leave just weren't enough. Like I told you when I saw you my contract was coming to an end and expired two days ago. I decided to reenlist for another two years. They offered me $10,000 to sign back up apparently they really need us down here helping the refugees. Four years just wasn't enough time for me to get everything that I wanted out of the force. The bonus came with a fancy new title too, Lieutenant Colonel. I'm in charge of a company of 110 of the most dedicated folks you'll ever meet. Most of them are in the mechanics division like me but some are in Ops. I'm sending you a little something to help with bills and shit and I'm not taking no for an answer. I sent the same amount to mom; I don't need it out here.**

**Africa is fucking amazing I'm going to include lots of pictures in this thing. Yesterday I got up for my morning run and ran into a couple zebra hanging out by base. Sometimes when they have me doing the night watch I can hear things growling out in the dark. When I was helping one of the locals fetch water he showed me some lion prints in the mud. Tell Steven the instrument in here is called an ngoni, it's the African version of a lute. A lot of the local kids play them here to pass the time. I showed them the recording I made of Steven on his ukulele and they laughed at how small it is. Drums are popular here too but I wasn't sure how well one would survive shipping.**

**You might not be able to call me for a while. One of the bolder militant groups out here have been targeting our power lines so I might not be able to charge my phone. We have backup generators but those are only for vital equipment. Don't worry about me though I'll be okay and do me a favor, don't tell Steven. I don't want the poor kid stressing over nothing. Everyone here takes safety very seriously; it's in our top fifteen priorities list.**

**I love you guys**

**Lt Col Wulfenite Everburn**

**Peridot,**

**Fuck dude I'm freaking out and I wish I could call you but my phone has been dead for three days. Gods damned militants cut down all of our power lines for three fucking miles in any direction. Seems like every time we put them back up the fuckers knock them down again. A few of the smaller groups have gathered together under some dude who calls himself a Warlord. Our generators are going nonstop to keep the hospital and electric fences up and running. It sucks having to be calm all the fucking time because I'm the face of leadership. The other Lt Colonials here, there are four of us total, are always out on combat patrols or guarding supply lines so I'm the one working with the civies.**

**I had to kill a guy today Peri, he broke into our camp with a gun and started firing at people. He was yelling in Bantu with just enough English to say he was going to kill if we didn't give up. The site I'm at is nothing but non combatants and this fucker knew that it's why he targeted us. I didn't even hesitate man, I just grabbed the rifle of the Airman next to me and fired. I feel fucking sick, his head caved in like a fucking melon. The bastard shot a little kid Peri; he died in my arms when I was doing CPR. They told me combat was likely out here but I didn't expect it to feel like this. Ever since it happened I can't stop picturing his eyes, they were completely fucking empty. I can't wait to come home.**

**Oh before I forget thanks for the birthday card you guys sent, I have them taped to the wall of my tent. The photos of Lapis and Amethyst eating cake in my honor really felt like home. Lapis' tattoo looks fucking awesome, so does yours; I can't believe she talked you into getting one. I've got a year and a half left of my enlistment then I'm taking a fucking desk job. I don't know how some of the guys out here have been doing this for a decade or more. One of the old timers told me pulling the trigger gets easier every time you do it. Fuck I don't ever want to get to that point, this isn't what I signed up to do.**

**Sorry to unload all this on you**

**Lt Col Wulfenite Everburn**

_Wulfie,_

_Holy fuck dude Peri called me when she got your letter, are you okay? I know sorry doesn't work for somethin like that but sorry. Perogi says you did the right thing so you shouldn't feel bad for very long. Me an her are livin together now don't tell anybody but I'm gonna pop the question on her birthday._

_You better not die you dick  
Amethyst_

_Wulfenite,_

_Oh honey Peridot showed me your last letter, I'm so very sorry you had to go through that. Greg and I weren't going to tell Steven but he saw a news report before we could turn it off. The reports were showing photos of the areas that the militant groups were attacking. Don't worry we still love you and don't think less of you for what happened. You did what you had to do to protect people. Steven loves his instrument, he plays it all the time. While I appreciate the check you really should be saving your money for when you come home. Thank you so much for calling Greg on his birthday it meant so much to get to see you. You look tired honey are you getting enough sleep?_

_We love you and always will_

_Rose, Greg, and Steven_

Six years, after six years it was finally over I was allowed to get on a plane and go back home. Thanks to years of exemplary service I was given a nice little office job to transition into civilian life with. Biggs was moving up to a better post so I was taking over her spot at the recruitment office. I still had 14 years until I could start collecting retirement benefits but I was done with active duty. Those who served under me were sad to see me go, least I think they were; who fucking knows. At 25 I had seen enough to get the thrill of war and glory out of my system for good. Watching units of coked out kids getting mowed down wasn't exactly good for my psyche. Thankfully one of the perks of being a government employee got me some of the best insurance in the country. I signed up to fix cool planes and check out the latest and greatest mechanical tech not for war.

Decked in full regalia, complete with my service medals, I thundered down the highway away from the air base. Over the years my paychecks had been deposited in the bank account Martha helped me set up. Aside of the occasional splurges on gifts I hadn't touched any of it until about a month before I was set to fly home. Deployment took care of things like: food, a place to live, and all that other shit adults need to worry about. There waiting for me at the base when I landed was a brand new Warhog Roadster S-Series. The bike was a piece of art done up in custom red, orange, and yellow tones to match the stone I was named after. She was a thing of beauty and as soon as I strapped my duffel to the back of her I took off. After making sure the road was clear I tilted my head back and howled with unbridled joy.

Two hours later I pulled up in front of a familiar house whose driveway was so packed with cars I had to park on the street. Shouldering my bag I made my way stiffly up the gravel drive wincing when my knee gave a twinge. Years of constant physical activity left the old girl an achy mess if I sat too long. I didn't even make it halfway up the drive before bodies started streaming from the screen door. A blonde blur hit me full in the chest knocking me flat on my ass, "Holy shit clod you're here. We weren't expecting you for another hour", Peridot clung to me like a koala clearly unphased by our fall. Lapis and Amethyst jumped onto the two of us squealing at the tops of their lungs. It was a good thing I didn't have anything breakable in my bag or else I'd be pissed.

"Guys you're gonna suffocate her", A male voice called from further down the path. A pleasing baritone that belonged on the radio or maybe reading the evening news. Someone who looked like a giant version of Steven grinned down at us with his hands on his hips. In the six years that I had been away he grew almost three feet in height and another two in shoulders. Gone was the pudge of his youth replaced by muscle; he even had the beginnings of a mustache. His hair was still a curly fluff ball on the top of his head and his brown eyes retained their inherent joy. "I'm serious if you crush the guest of honor mom won't let us have cake", that was enough to get them moving.

I got to my feet carefully and brushed the debris from my uniform before addressing everyone. "Holy shit you got tall Ste-Man", I actually had to look up at him now since he was over six feet. "Guess you won't be gettin anymore piggyback rides", Uniform clean I slung my duffel over my shoulder. My three friends still looked damn near the same as they did the day they we graduated. Amethyst had slimmed down some and her hair was now white instead of purple and blonde. Peridot's hair was a little bit shorter and the bags under her eyes were big enough to rival mine. Lapis looked exactly the same except she was a little paler from living in the city. "C'mere you fuckers", I threw my arms open wide and all four of them crowded around me. There was hugging, crying, laughing, more hugging, more crying, and a little bit of show and tell. "The red cross looking one is the Legion of Merit award and the blue one is the Good Conduct award."

"Howling Fury getting an award for good conduct", A gravely voice called from behind me, "Who the hell dropped the ball on that one?" Tall, slim, and blonde Malachite walked down the path from the road wearing a warm smile. She wasn't painfully skinny anymore and by the looks of it she wasn't ruining her hair with bleach either. "Sorry I never wrote you back Wulfie", Malachite pulled me into a hug and spoke softly in my ear. "I was messed up for a long time, got into drugs, did a little time, tried to kill myself. By the time I got my life back together I had no idea how to reach you short of callin every base in the country. When Rose said you were comin home I had to be here", I gave her a hearty squeeze when she tried pulling away.

Once all of us made it to the house I was assailed by more people demanding my affections. First were Rose and Greg who had been standing on the porch when I was tackled by the welcome wagon. Next came Mom and Christoph who I welcomed with open arms no longer worried about ulterior motives. Chris squirmed away as soon as he could since it wasn't cool to get hugs from your big sister. Garnet was next with Coach Opal bringing up the rear and slapping me on the back hard enough that I dropped my bag. Pearl was in the dining room cutting into a magnificent chocolate cake that she baked herself. As a group we celebrated late into the night singing songs, telling stories, and fucking living. Life may not have been easy but at that moment I wouldn't have traded my experiences for anything.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and critiques are really appreciated. This is my first time trying to write a long lasting story.


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